Organization XIII Calendar challenge
by Jeshii
Summary: In 2010 I wrote an on average 500 word chapter for every day that the day and month correlated to a pairing in Organization XIII. For instance, January 2nd Xemnas/Xigbar. July 6th Saix/Zexion, ect.
1. Preface

_Preface:_

Hello! I'm aware some people like to read prefaces after they finish the story but as this particular story is just over 100000 words long you should really read this preface first.

While what this is _is _a preface, it's really more like a warning. I'm writing this preface on December 27th 2010. And what this preface is is a history of how this _thing _came to be and what exactly it ended up as.

It all started when I was a naive 15 year old who thought that forcing myself to write fanfiction for pairings I don't support wouldn't cause me to hate writing fanfiction and lose interest in Kingdom Hearts. "I'll be exactly as interested in this series a year from now!" oh how naïve indeed.

Really though I got the idea from another challenge that was very similar. I saw it on Y!Gallery(because I had nothing better to do, I don't think I've been on Y!Gallery since. It's really not as interesting as people make it out to be. It's just like DeviantArt but with slightly more penises, many of which are upside-down or just completely wrong anatomy wise. Mostly because they're either drawn by women that don't know how male anatomy works or by men who don't know how male anatomy looks from the outside so they just look down and draw what they see. ) It was called, just as this is, "Organization XIII Calendar Challenge" except as it was on Y!Gallery it was about drawing porn rather than writing romance.

The rules of that one however were "Draw a pairing every single day, based on the date, So 1/7/08 is Xemnas/Saix/Luxord all having a threesome and such. Skip the female members such as Larxene and Xion because this is Y!Gallery and instead use Sora and Riku. After the 14th just start doing whatever you want." It was much loser and nobody was actually following the rules. They just did it whenever they _liked _the date-pairing. But nonetheless this was what inspired this challenge.

The idea was that I wanted to write and writers need to write righteous amount of written... stuff(such as poorly constructed tongue twisters.) I didn't take into account that I wanted to write because I wanted to tell original complex stories or that saying "I can't I have a writing challenge" causes people to go "Oh! Explain! I want to read it! Please!" and then I have to go "Well... Each month and day correlate to... characters... and I have to write them as a pairing, and if you don't already know the characters then it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. And it's really sort of parody writing... and stuff."

But regardless! On January first I forgot that I had decided to do this writing challenge and ended up writing the first and second chapters at around 12:04am January 2nd 2010. And I made up a stupid excuse so that I wouldn't have failed the challenge on the very first day.

And from that point I began writing it!

**So! What are you about to read?:**

At the beginning I was genuinely trying to write romance stories of a substantial length. Also, I was double-spacing it in the text editor I was using to make it look like I had written more than I really did. Because of this I didn't format anything at all. It took me quite a lot of time to realize that after I posted the chapters there were no paragraphs or anything. And then longer to figure out how to fix it. So the earlier chapters have horrible formatting, which I apologize for.

After a while though I stopped trying to make actual pairings and just tried to get through the chapter at all. If it was two people who would never ever ever ever be together I just turned them into ridiculous parodies that in no way represented how they would actually act.

At some points real life interfered but by the time those came I realized that writing it every day really didn't matter much. And nobody was going to cry "YOU CAN'T STOP WRITING FOR THREE DAYS BECAUSE YOU'LL BE AT A CONVENTION! YOU HAVE TO DO IT NON-STOP! WHAT? YOU'RE GOING CAMPING FOR A WEEK? OH NO YOU AREN'T!" So in those situations I just said I'd write all the skipped chapters on one day. The rushed nature of them would supposedly make up for them being late.

During the Summer I became very apathetic and never wanted to write fanfiction again. I still don't intend to write fanfiction again. The quality of chapters in the Summer decreased quite a lot to the point that many chapters were literally "Character 1 kisses character 2 who kisses back then they do a thing and it's romantic in some way. Then this goes on for 500 words and you all leave reviews that are more like youtube comments." But once school resumed the quality returned as well. I believe some of the best chapters came after I read the book _Nightlight _which inspired the style of writing everything from October onwards.

On multiple occasions I had simply no idea what to write, so I wrote a My Immortal parody which would make the _same jokes _about My Immortal. These were spaced enough apart that I had always forgotten that I'd already written 3 chapters which were My Immortal parodies so hopefully you'll forget by then too.

And that's about it for a preface.

So to recap!:

In 2010 I wrote a KH fanfiction whenever the day and month matched up to a pairing in Organization XIII.

Many of these were horrible.

Some were very good.

You have been warned.

None of the chapters were proofread and it takes until maybe May or April for them to formatted in an easily readable format.

And now

**The guide to reviewing.**

Every single month usually around the 9th of the month, my inbox would be spammed by 100 messages because someone found the challenge and decided to review every single chapter after they finished reading it. Except usually they had nothing to say so the review would just be

"Great."

"lol"

"Haha."

"Neat. Look forward to the next one!"

**169 TIMES.**

So here are the rules to reviewing!

Do not review every single chapter.

Do not review half the chapters per month.

Do not review half the chapters in the year.

Do not review anything older than October unless you have something extremely interesting to say about the chapter. The date of the chapter is in fact when I wrote it, My writing style had changed quite a lot since January 7th 2010.

Do not leave reviews which are merely comments such as you would find on Youtube. Actually review the chapter! "I liked this portion and this portion but thought it was overall dreadful to read and I will now proceed to pour salt into my retinas." Not "haha" not "Cool" not "Will you do a Roxas/Xion chapter? -Anonymous person that can't be replied too."

Don't leave questions as reviews. I won't be answering them.

If you leave an anonymous review, don't expect a response. Anonymous meaning anybody that doesn't post connected to their account.

Please spell your words properly and use readable grammar. I have received many "reviews" that I couldn't even understand.

Make it relevant to the chapter you're reviewing.

Don't feel obligated to leave reviews.

And that's it! For some fun, If you discovered this in December, try reading each chapter on the date in 2011 it corresponds too. All this will do is drag out the experience over the full course of a year and will add nothing substantial to the experience!


	2. January 1st

(Although I forgot to upload this, I assure you it was written on 1/1/10)

Xemnas sat in his chair alone. As usual. He sighed to himself. Nobodys should not feel loneliness...and yet. He pondered and thought and almost even angsted. He had laid out his plan to obtain Kingdom Hearts and now he had nothing to do. And everybody else was out executing his plan. What was an evil heartless mastermind to do. His mind began to wander off, And daydream. Daydreaming about Kingdom Hearts, Daydreaming about Ansem, Daydreaming about "Friendship". Oh yes he thought about many things. He even came up with various inventions and a solution for world hunger. But he's evil and has no interest to share it with anybody. But most importantly he daydreamed about romance and companionship. Somebody to spend time with and make him feel like he had a heart. But alas, he had nobody like that. So he continued to sit in his chair alone. In the quiet castle. Dreaming.

Maybe he would have been less bored if he actually made an attempt to leave his chair once and a while. If he did something himself besides be the mastermind. If he took up a hobby. But he didn't. With all his thinking he never even thought about hobbies or hobbits. In fact, None of the things he thought a bout began with "Hob" at all. The closest he got was thinking about painting the hallways pink for a laugh. But Nobodys aren't supposed to laugh or have a sense of humor. He let out another loud sigh. Then he remember something he could do. He opened a dark corridor and arrived in Ansem's old office. He went down into his secret chamber to talk with his friend. But it could never last long. So it wasn't long before he had to go back to that boring castle. Pure white walls. He cloaked himself and snuck around Hollow Bastion. He spoke to a rather rich duck and purchased a new product. A wide grin came across Xemnas' face. Although you wouldn't have been able to see it. He snuck back into a dark corridor and returned to the castle. He made sure it was still empty. He took off his cloak so his hair could run free. He made sure there was nothing in the way. Oh yes, Xemnas was very excited to have something to do. He placed it on the ground. He put one of his feet on it. The other was on the ground holding his place. He gave a push off the ground and lifted his other foot onto the object. Xemnas was skateboarding down the castle hallways. And the rest of the organization will never know.


	3. January 2nd

January 2nd (You won't believe how hard it is to come up ideas for this pairing)

Xemnas was confident that he would succeed but still a little bit worried. He approached the other man and cleared his throat. "Xigbar, Would you like to go out to a restaurant with me?" Xemnas asked.

Xigbar was startled to say the least. "W-w-w-well.....umm..." This reaction just made Xemnas more worried. Xigbar scratched the back of his neck and tried to look away. "S-sure. Why not." Xigbar finally answered. "Great! I know you don't have anything scheduled this Saturday, how about then?" Spoke Xemnas in a faux composed voice. "Okay...I guess.." Xigbar replied. "Great! I'll pick you up then!" Xemnas replied. He then walked away as quickly as possible to escape the awkward moment.

Xemnas realized he hadn't actually picked a restaurant yet and now he was worried. Where would he take Xigbar? What kind of food does Xigbar like? Would it be funny to take him to a pirate theme restaurant or offensive? Should he pick somewhere casual or formal? "Oh it's so difficult to decide!" he shouted angrily. Nobody heard him. But he did scream. And he also gave up. And picked a place from the yellow pages randomly. "Sexo Hombre " A Mexican restaurant. "Good enough" thought Xemnas. So when Saturday came, Xemnas knocked on Xigbar's door. Xigbar opened the door dressed in an outfit that could only be described as a mix of casual and formal. An outfit where you could never say it wasn't appropriate but never say that it is appropriate either. An appropriate outfit such an occasion. So I guess this is the exception that proves the rule. Xemnas was not dressed up nor down. He was wearing an Organization cloak. "So where are we going?" Asked Xigbar. "Sexo Hombre. The description said it was good for unconventional couples.". Xigbar chuckled at the name. Did he know Spanish? Xemnas opened a dark corridor and they walked inside. They arrived outside the restaurant. It looked nice enough. They went inside and got a table. They stared at each other. And then the ice breaker "Are you aware of what the name of this restaurant means?" Chuckled Xigbar. "No." replied Xemnas. Xigbar whispered it into his ear. Xemnas broke out into laughter. With the ice broken the temperature began to rise and they began to have many conversations. It appears that things would work out for them after all.


	4. January 3rd

January 3rd

"I heard you wanted one of these" Spoke Xemnas in his most charming voice. While presenting a single red rose to Xaldin. "I appreciate the sentiment but you know the difference." Replied Xaldin with a laugh; As he began to head out of the castle. "Come on, You're always at Beast's castle trying to get that rose!" Complained Xemnas. "You're the one who told me to get it in the first place." Scoffed Xaldin. "But that was before we...you know...Before I actually wanted you around more often." retaliated Xemnas. There was a long pause in which nothing happened. "I'm the superior one here and I say you are to RTC one hour earlier today then normal. Unless unexpected circumstances prevent you from doing so." Commanded Xemnas. "I guess I have to then" Replied Xaldin with a grin. While Xaldin was away Xemnas began preparations. He set up a table with a tablecloth in an area decorated with roses. Because Xaldin would be getting back an hour earlier that meant an hour for them to be alone before the rest of the organization members got back. As the hour approached Xemnas made a trail of rose petals leading towards the area he set up. And he watched his clock. "Xaldin should be getting back in about 5 minutes" Xemnas thought to himself, he was dressed up in a tuxedo and had planned out a romantic evening for them. Or at least a romantic hour. Although if he was lucky then nobody would want to talk to him for the rest of the day. But that was not very likely. Time seemed to move extra slowly. 5 minutes remaining.... 4 ½ minutes remaining.... 4 minutes remaining... 3 minutes remaining... 2 minutes remaining.... 1 minute remaining. Xemnas sat down at the table with the food laid out. Now he just needed to wait for Xaldin to follow the rose petals to the door and... 1 minute late... 2 minutes late... 10 minutes late... Xemnas got up and searched the castle. Xaldin wasn't back yet. Xemnas became worried and decided he'd have to bring Xaldin back himself. He opened a dark corridor and off he went to Beast's Castle. Xaldin had been fighting a powerful heartless for hours. He was growing weak and it didn't seem like he would make it. One of the Heartless' tentacles had him wrapped up and he was about to say goodbye to the world... When in a flash of darkness followed by a flash of light, A man in tuxedo with white hair had cut off the tentacle! Xemnas didn't even bother to defeat the heartless. He just grabbed Xaldin and RTC'd. He took Xaldin to the area he set up. "What's all this?" Xaldin asked. Looking around in amazement. "It's exactly what it looks like." replied Xemnas. And even though their dinner was a little cold. The evening was still very warm. And they enjoyed it thouroughly.


	5. January 4th

January 4th

Xemnas held the bottle in his hands. Bright pink with a label reading "Amortentia". The name didn't exactly matter to Xemnas. The point was that it was a love potion. Or at least it claimed to be. It smelt like Kingdom Hearts, Pleather, And Lab equipment. A rather odd scent for a love potion. He expected it to smell like roses or some ridiculous thing like that. But the scent didn't matter. The point was that he was going to spike Vexen's drink with it! Nobody's aren't supposed to have emotions but with Vexen it was ridiculous. Never anything even close to an emotion. There was no way Xemnas could win the affection of a chunk of ice without some assistance. Vexen always had a tall bottle of OrgXIII Squash on his desk. All Xemnas had to do was pour some of the love potion and he'd be all set. Xemnas snuck into the lab. And while Vexen was away he spiked the drink. And then quickly scampered off into a better hiding place. Vexen re-entered the lab and picked up his bottle of OrgXIII Squash, about to take another sip. When he paused and smelled it _"Odd... It smells like... Hollow Bastion....Coffee, And Nothingness..."_ he thought to himself. He also thought about how something could both smell like a place, a thing, and nothing at the same time. But then he heard a noise. He darted his head over towards where Xemnas was hiding. Xemnas panicked and quickly escaped the lab. Unable to see what happened next. The next day Vexen seemed _very_ happy to see Xemnas. And showed this by giving Xemnas a big hug in the morning! Xemnas assumed this meant the love potion worked. "So...Vexen. How would you like to go out to Sexo Hombres with me tonight?" Asked Xemnas. Vexen of course accepted and when enough time passed that it could be considered night, Xemnas and Vexen were off to Sexo Homres! They got a table and ordered their food, and of course they talked. And they ate. And then they left. And then they RTC'd and you could say Xemnas took advantage of Vexen. But you won't be getting any sort of details as to what that means. But in the morning while Xemnas was drinking his morning coffee. Vexen approached the suddenly worried Xemnas. For you see, the love potion was only supposed to last 24 hours. However the first thing that came out of Vexen's mouth was "I never actually drank any of that spiked OrgXIII Squash.".


	6. January 5th

January 5th

Xemnas liked bears; But he didn't want to tell anybody. Xemnas also liked Lexaeus; and also didn't want to tell anybody...But Lexaeus. Xemnas would have liked nothing more then to tell Lexaeus about his feelings and then proceed to live a happy life together with Lexaeus. But he didn't think that would even happen. Xemnas stared into nothingness, lost in thought. Or so everybody thought. Xemnas was looking at Lexaeus across the room. Thinking about all the things he wanted to do with Lexaeus, everything he liked about Lexaeus. He wanted so badly to just tell him. Tell him. But that would never happen. Nobody would respect Xemnas if they found out about his secret. Xemnas was sure of it. So he just stared and waited for an idea to come to mind. "_Maybe I can convince him to keep it a secret?_" Was his best idea. "I'll just kill everybody who disapproves and elope" was his worst. Xemnas went with the best. "Lexaeus, could I talk to you...in private?" Xemnas asked. Before realizing that he was speaking both very quietly and to a wall. Zexion was giving him an odd look so he gave Zexion a terrifying look to scare him away. Xemnas location Lexaeus and made sure this time that he was speaking to Lexaeus and not a wall. "Lexaeus. Could I talk to you in private?" He asked. Lexaeus said nothing. But he followed Xemnas to an empty room. Lexaeus never talked much. After the door closed there was 5 minutes of silence. After the 5 minutes were up Xemnas proceeded with his confession "I enjoy your company.". Lexaeus looked a bit confused. "Let me rephrase that. I _really enjoy_ your company." The smirk on Lexaeus' face showed that he understood. He looked a bit flustered. It seemed that he wasn't sure. Xemnas was very worried about this. But it seemed like Lexaeus had some sort of mind-reading abilities or at least had developed some form of speechless communication that didn't involve any kind of signs or patterns. Because Lexaeus gave his answer to the question that wasn't even asked yet "Sure.". A single word. The only thing to leave Lexaeus' mouth the entire time. But the entire conversation went unspoken. It wasn't as if he was incapable of speaking, but rather that he rendered speech unnecessary. And after passionate kiss it was quiet enough for footsteps to be heard in the hallways. And Xemnas remembered how he wanted to make sure the relationship stayed a secret. But he realized then that Lexaeus would never say anything anyways. And that nobody would even want to make fun of his relationship with Lexaeus as long as Marluxia is alive.


	7. January 6th

January 6th

Zexion was writing Emo poetry again. Most people thought less of him because of his poetry. But Xemnas actually liked Zexion's Poetry.

"_I had an epiphany about a sandwich._

_It was vivid and dreamy._

_Like a Dreamwich._

_I wrote it down in my diary._

_While I sipped a glass of Dairy._

_O woe is me._

_Darkness._

_Soulless._

_Sandwiches._

_Lettuce._

_Tomatoes._

_Ham._

_Cheese._

_The components of such a beautiful thing._

_Perhaps I too am like a sandwich._

_Composed of various things._

_Squished between two slices of bread._

_The bread is my skin._

_The ingredients are my organs._

_The mayo is my blood._

_Yes. That was the epiphany._

_I understand now._

_My blood runs with mayonnaise."_

Is just one of Zexion's many poems that bring him such ridicules. But Xemnas found Zexion's poems deep. "I understand, The mayonnaise is an analogy for self-pity. Saying that your blood, your life force, is gross and disgusting like mayonnaise. How truly sad. The existence of us nobodies. Whose blood runs with mayo.". It's no wonder that Zexion took a liking to Xemnas. Xemnas was eating a sandwich when Zexion approached him with a new poem. Xemnas was delighted to read this new one.

"_Hair as white as silver stone._

_Eyes as colorful as the color of his eyes._

_Beautiful._

_Kind._

_Deep._

_Number one._

_Number one._

_You're my number one._

_Oh how I love you._

_Number one."_

Xemnas picked up the message immediately. "Heh. You're my number one too." was Xemnas' spoken reaction. "I thought you'd figure that one out." replied Zexion, A bit embarrassed. There were many moments of silence. Quiet. Emo love.


	8. January 7th

January 7th (I started writing this on the 7th I swear! But midnight approached before I finished!)

Saix was an odd mix. Girlish yet cold and masculine. All at the same time. He was the best representation of what a nobody is supposed to be. Even if nobody but Xemnas thought so.

Everybody knew that Xemnas liked Saix more then the rest. Of course it's always the case that when everybody knows about such a situation, that only the person who is liked is oblivious. Almost every member of the organization had tried to hook them up. Not even because they thought they would be good together but because the tension between them was annoying everybody. And they also wouldn't have to deal with Xemnas' pathetic attempts to subtlety tell Saix "You know Saix, You're my favorite member of the organization." Xemnas would tell Saix with a wink, And Saix would react "That's good to know." then walk away. Axel even outright told Saix "You know that Xemnas...like...has a thing for you...right?" but Saix either didn't get what Axel meant or didn't believe him because Saix's reaction was a slow nod left to right. "And that was 5 months ago! And they _still_ aren't together!" It was the most popular gossip in the castle. The only members of the organization that hadn't gossiped about Xemnas and Saix were Xemnas and Saix. It was all so ridiculous and Xemnas was getting tired of it. _"If Saix can't pick up the hints I'll have to be as direct as possible!" _Thought Xemnas. And he knew that all the members of the organization wanted to see this fiasco end too. So one day during lunch break, in middle of the room. Xemnas grabbed Saix by the shoulders and declared "I LOVE YOU!". "NOBODIES CAN'T FEEL LOVE!" Saix Shouted back. "I DON'T CARE!" Replied Xemnas, Who then proceeded to give Saix a passionate kiss on the mouth, regardless of whether Saix was consenting. Consent didn't actually matter though, Xemnas was superior! And even if the kiss was sort of rape-y. Xemnas is evil. And could care less. All he cared about was that he loved Saix and wanted to give him a kiss. Although a smidgen was still thinking about Kingdom Hearts. But Xemnas never stops thinking about kingdom Hearts. As they kissed the entire room filled with applause! "WOOO!!! IT'S ABOUT TIME!" screamed Larxene. The kiss finally broke and Saix was gasping for air. "Fine, Nobodies can feel love" Saix spoke in a gasping breath. He was about to collapse but Xemnas caught him. "Thanks"


	9. January 8th

January 8th (I was called an abysmal heathen because of this)

Xemnas didn't have a crush on Axel as much as he just wanted to be with Axel.

The difference is that Xemnas didn't develop some form of love for Axel, but rather he decided that Axel is attractive in both form and personality and that he would like to date him. Axel on the other hand wasn't convinced. It's difficult to seduce people like Axel. They always want to feel like they're the dominant in the relationship, and when you're dating the superior that isn't going to be the case.

"You know, Dating the superior can have it's advantages." spoke Xemnas in a tone that attempted to imply many things. "And it's disadvantages." replied Axel in a tone that sounded very unconvinced, and didn't succeed in implying many things at all. "Besides, You aren't my type. I'm sure you know about my bitches and hoes" continued Axel. The second sentence was spoken while laughing. Xemnas however was determined to make Axel his. What kind of superior can't express his dominance over any member of his pack? But Xemnas wasn't just determined. He was also very lucky. For one night Xemnas was wandering through the halls only to find Axel on the floor with his face leaning into a couch cushion. At closer inspection Xemnas was very surprised to find that Axel was not drunk but...Crying. "Axel?" Xemnas stupidly asked in confusion. "THAT F***ER!" Axel shouted to the couch. "Axel, Are you okay? What happened?" Xemnas spoke as soft as a man trying to comfort somebody named Axel. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT F***ER IS F***ING STRAIGHT! HE WAS JUST USING ME TO GET GIRLS!" Axel continued to shout to the couch; Before letter out a very loud angry scream. And while one can't deny that the couch was probably listening, it probably didn't appreciate having a man scream into it's ear. Xemnas saw an opportunity, and before you start thinking poorly of Xemnas, Remember, He's evil. Xemnas crouched down next to Axel and tried to put his arm over Axel's shoulder. "Whose a f***er?" Xemnas asked. "Oh you know who, the f***ing ex-love of my life." Axel replied, as if he was now more angry at Xemnas then the couch. "Thirteen?" "YES F***ING THIRTEEN! WHO ELSE?! DEMYX!? NO! WE BROKE UP YEARS AGO!" Axel shouted now angrier then ever, Xemnas could see that the area of the couch that Axel previously had his face pressed into was now so wet with tears it looked as if somebody had spilled a glass of water on it. "Well, I don't know if you want revenge or not, but remember, there are advantages to dating the superior" spoke Xemnas, once again in that tone that implies many things. Axel's tears slowed and a grimace came upon his face. "Oh...Oh yes, I think I might have misjudged you before." replied Axel in a devious tone. Axel moved closer into Xemnas and a grimace came upon Xemnas' face as well. Perhaps relationships don't need a definite dominant for them to work out. The next day Axel and Xemnas were laughing with each other during lunch while Roxas was out fighting heartless on overtime. Xemnas made sure all of Roxas' missions would be extra difficult for the next few months. Of course just difficult enough to be a pain in Roxas' thigh but not hard enough to kill him, They still needed _somebody_ to collect hearts, Even if that somebody had abused the superior's new boyfriend.


	10. January 9th

January 9th

Demyx was considered by all very Lazy. And many wondered why Xemnas had yet to turn him into a Dusk. But Xemnas didn't want Demyx to turn into a Dusk. Or do anything to hurt him. Xemnas didn't think it was important to tell people and Demyx was too lazy to tell people. So nobody knew that Xemnas and Demyx had been together since before Larxene was even a member. And they weren't even trying to keep it a secret! So many gay couples put so much effort into keeping their relationships a secret and many of them failed. And Xemnas and Demyx weren't trying at all and succeeding. And they didn't even care. Xemnas always made sure Demyx got the easiest missions and Demyx always made sure Xemnas got the most enjoyable nights. Yes their relationship was very very nice. And very very simple. That is, It was simple until a situation arose in which everybody found out. Xemnas was wandering through the hallways when he suddenly heard a loud screeching noise come from the gray area. He sped up his walking to see what was going on but still remained calm and never got to the point where both his feet were off the ground. When Xemnas arrived at the entrance to the gray area he could see the situation quite clearly. Demyx was sitting on the couch looking rather terrified. And Larxene standing in front of him very angry and looking rather terrifying. And it wasn't long until he figured out what the screeching noise came from. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE DATING XEMNAS! I NEVER HEARD ANYTHING OF THIS! YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING! THERE WAS NO WAY TO KNOW! !!" Larxene began to shout. "It's true! We've always been together! Since before you were even a member of the organization!" Demyx replied in a very terrified tone. Xemnas could tell what happened and where this was going; And he knew how to solve it. He immediately walk over to the couch, sat down next to Demyx, Put his arm over Demyx's shoulder, Pulled Demyx close, and gave Larxene a stern glare that sharply said "He's Mine.". Larxene's mood changed somewhat, from Terrifying and scary to Angry and Crying. Tears rolled from her eyes and she was almost illegible. It was clear that her feelings were true. "FINE! if...if IF YOU EVER BECOME REAL MAN!! SEE IF I'LL TAKE YOU BACK!!" Larxene ran off in tears, shoving Luxord into a wall on her way out. Another loud screech could be heard from far off in the hallway. Everybody else in the room came out from hiding and looked at Xemnas and Demyx with a perplexed look. "So it's true?" Axel asked from across the room "It's always been true." replied Xemnas. Everyone looked at each other and after a few moments they seemed to have gotten over the surprise. Although they were all still quite rattled. While everybody felt bad for Larxene, They knew that approaching her was a sure fire way to get killed, and knowing Larxene, that isn't an exaggeration. And while I could put so many sexist jokes here that wouldn't be very funny. I'll finish this story off by saying that the next week around half the organization went off to Castle oblivion and never came back. Including Larxene.


	11. January 10th

January 10th

Luxord was handsome, Luxord was smart, Luxord also loved gambling. So when Xemnas wanted to ask Luxord out on a date, He knew the best way wasn't by asking but by gambling. Luxord was sitting on a couch in the gray area, And Xemnas decided that it was a good time to approach him. "I want to propose a bet with you." Spoke Xemnas, not realizing how awkward the wording of that sentence sounded. "What kind?" Asked Luxord, His ears perking up at the sound of the word "bet". "I'll flip a coin, if it's heads, You'll have to go on a date with me to Sexo Hombres. And if it's Tails then you'll get to command me to do one thing of your choice.". Explained Xemnas. Luxord couldn't turn down a bet so the coin was flipped up, up, up into the air. And then it very quickly began it's decent. Xemnas caught the coin in his hand and flipped it over on top of his other hand "Heads!" He exclaimed, Excited that he had won the bet. "Alright, I'll go on a date with you, I'm assuming it's tonight?" spoke Luxord, "Why yes, of course" answered Xemnas. Luxord didn't seem like he cared about the date. It didn't seem like he wanted to go, but he didn't sound like he didn't want to go. Xemnas however was giddy, which is odd considering Xemnas typically isn't giddy. He made sure nobody saw his giddiness. When the date arrived, Luxord was dressed in a striped sweater and jeans, Which while not entirely hideous, wasn't exactly fashionable, which surprised Xemnas since he expected a man like Luxord to be more in-tune with Fashion. "Fashion is in itself a Gamble, You pick something to wear and hope that it's in style when you do, if you see that something is in style and you aren't wearing it, then in the time you go and change into that outfit, it will be out of style again and you'll just be a poser." Explained Luxord. Xemnas was wearing a green V-neck shirt, the kind that isn't exactly long sleeves but still covers your elbows. He too was wearing Jeans. "Wearing Jeans is like betting on all the slots in roulette, you can't lose, but your winnings won't be very much." was another of Luxord's analogies that compared things to Gambling. When Luxord saw what Xemnas was wearing he told Xemnas that he appeared to be the winner in the gamble of Fashion, As Xemnas was dressed much more fashionably then Luxord. They sat down at a table and ordered some food, They made small talk and Luxord talked about how when you order something new at a restaurant you're gambling on whether or not you will order something you like, Which is why he never ordered the same dish twice at the same restaurants. This clearly wasn't Luxord's first time at Sexo Hombres as he took quite a while picking out what he wanted to eat, It was as if he would find something he wants, then remember that he already ordered it, and then had to find something else. "What happens when you've had everything on the Menu?" Asked Xemnas. "Then I'll just always order from the daily specials, since those are always changing." replied Luxord. Finally Luxord finished picking out his food. Ordering a dish called "Te quiero x ". Xemnas decided not to gamble with his food. After they were finished eating, Xemnas decided to try his luck again. "Let's make another bet, This time you flip the coin, If it's Heads you get to chose something you want me to do like last time, And if it's Tails then you have to give me a kiss." Xemnas proposed. Luxord still couldn't turn down a bet and put his hand out for the coin. The coin flipped up, up, up into the air. The moonlight from the window shined and reflected off of it. To Xemnas it seemed like the coin was going in super slow motion. Spinning slower and slower, The atmosphere was intense to say the least. And then when it hit the peak of it's height, it began to plummet at seemingly extreme speeds. All though it was really falling at completely normal speeds and it only seemed fast because Xemnas was previously seeing it in slow motion. Luxord caught the coin in his left hand and flipped it over on top of his right, "Heads" he declared. "Grah! No!" Xemnas complained, hitting his fist on the table. Luxord Smirked. "So what do you want?" Asked Xemnas, Ready for the worse. "Give me a kiss." Said Luxord, almost laughing. Xemans got a wide smile on his face and the two quickly began to kiss pationately until the bill came. And they exited the restaurant holding hands.


	12. January 11th

January 11th (Only 3 more left in the month!)(If you play scrabble you might understand what Za is without looking it up)

Marluxia came right up behind Xemnas and put wrapped his arms around his neck. Xemnas was extremely surprised. He quickly turned around, flinging Marluxia a bit before he let go. "SFDGUAIDFAHDUFAOI~~!!!~!1 WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!!" Xemnas had no idea what was going on. "Marluxia! What! Why!? " Xemnas was confused and scared. Marluxia swayed his hips "Oh, You're the hottie with a body! A fabulous rose crimson red! Beautiful as a rainbow after a rainstorm! Strong and masculine! Hotter then the flaming fires of a volcano!" This was Marluxia's way of flirting. Xemnas decided to try and follow his lead "Oh..and...you're,,, quite attractive as well...like...a person..that's... good looking..." and failed. Marluxia didn't seem to care though. Xemnas saw this as a good sign. "So, If it jibes with you, I'm gonna order some za. And I was wondering if you wanted to eat it with me. But you should know that the pizzeria is in the Land of Dragons so we have to pay with Xi. I've mapped out a safe route for it to get delivered. I hope it doesn't roil you that the delivery boy will most likely be a mutt." Was Xemnas' attempt at asking Marluxia out without having to go out. It was also an attempt at being cool. "That's sound great." replied Marluxia, getting very close to Xemnas. Xemnas used his Pokegear to call the Pizzeria and place their order. Marluxia and Xemnas "Fooled around" a bit on the couch while they waited. When they heard a doorbell chime. "Huh? The castle that never was has a doorbell?" Asked Marluxia. "It doesn't, I already told you that I mapped out a special route for the delivery boy. Preventing him from actually finding the castle." Replied Xemnas. Xemnas lead Marluxia to a dark corridor which led to an empty building. At the door was the Za delivery boy. Who was a mutt, just as Xemans predicted. Half-Chinese, Half-Italian. Xemnas gave the boy 20 Xi. They took the Za and went back through the dark corridor and RTC'd. They took the Za into a closed room and had a few slices. "You know, This stuff isn't very healthy, I think we need to..._exercise_ to burn off the extra calories" said Marluxia. Xemnas agreed. A month later Marluxia approached Xemnas. "I'm pregnant." he said. "No you aren't." replied Xemnas. However over the next 8 months Marluxia gained a lot of weight, and eventually gave birth to a small nobody. Xemnas was shocked.


	13. January 12th AKA the breeder chapter

January 12th (Oh no! Not Het!)

Larxene... The only girl in the organization. Xemnas... The only straight guy in the organization. It was a match made in purgatory. And while one could argue that Larxene is not the only girl in the organization, and that Xion is a girl. Whether or not Xion is a girl is in the eye of the beholder. She's a boy to Xigbar and a girl to Roxas. So Xion doesn't count. Anyways, Xemnas went up to Larxene one day to hit on her, As breeders tend to do I hear. "Hey Larxene, Nice attributes of women that are often considered by some to be attractive." Flirted Xemnas in a somewhat sleazy voice. "You're not too far from the kind of guy that I find attractive yourself." Larxene flirted back in a voice a bit sleazier then Xemnas'. "Why don't we go into a closed room and do some, Heterosexual activities?" Xemnas continued to flirt. "Oh, you aren't going to buy me a drink first?" Demanded Larxene. "Buy you a drink?! We're not at a bar! We're in my castle! We don't have to pay for drinks here! Get a drink yourself!" Shouted Xemnas, very roiled. "Oh, Now you're the spitting image of the kind of male that I typically consider attractive, how about we go to that closed room now and do perform those heterosexual activities you were talking about earlier?" Larxene flirted. Immediately changing Xemnas' mood. "Oh, I'd like that" replied Xemnas. However, Just then, Larxene's Stomach growled, just like a heterosexual's would. So the two got some heterosexual chicken wings(100% guaranteed not to be made from Lesbian chickens) from the kitchen before moving to that closed room. After they finished eating, they wiped their mouths with their Heterosexual napkins and washed their hands for less then the required 20 seconds, just like a breeder would. Although it also could have just been because they were anxious to get to that closed room and they don't exactly care about cleanliness, since they _are_ evil. Larxene and Xemnas were both evil _and_ heterosexual, A deadly combination. They quickly rushed to a closed room, and locked the door. The castle was filled with random rooms with lockable doors, they had more rooms then they needed, although they were useful because many members of the organization often wanted to perform Homosexual activities in them. However this particular closed room was reserved for the one day that Xemnas knew he would have some Heterosexual activities with Larxene, And maybe Xion if he every stopped seeing her as a giant muscle man with unusually attractive biceps. Xemnas had even readied the monopoly board. And the football too! Not to mention the cooking utensils. It was a very "exciting" session of various heterosexual activities, and afterward Larxene swore she had never had such great Heterosexual activities since before she became a nobody. Xemnas had to agree. The Heterosexual activities he remembered having with Ansem the wise failed in comparison to this. Xemnas decided that now was as good a time as ever, so he proposed to Larxene! He had the ring ready and everything! Larxene said yes and since hey were evil heterosexual outlaws they didn't even bother getting their marriage officially recognized by any form of government! They just declared themselves married right then and there! Larxene enjoyed he new spot as the queen of the organization. And the rest of the organization sure enjoyed the extra time they didn't have to spend with those nasty breeders.

(AN: I do hope everybody gets the sarcasm.)


	14. January 13th

January 13th

Roxas was the newbie. All the members of the organization how to teach him about things worked there. And by teach him how things worked. I mean tricked him into doing things by telling him it was how things worked at the organization. "Lower numbered members have to get their higher numbered superiors drinks when told to." said Larxene. Roxas complied. "Larxene was lying to you." explained Saix. "You can't turn down a sparring challenge from somebody of a higher number" said Xigbar. "That's not true" explained Saix. But the one that's most noteworthy was when Axel told Roxas "Part of initiation into the organization involves going on a date with Xemnas.". It was supposed to be a prank. It was _supposed_ to be a prank. Xemnas was filing paperwork in his office. And while you may be surprised that Xemnas had paperwork to file, let alone an office. Remember, this is an organization. But anyways, Xemnas was filing paperwork when he heard a knock on his door. "Come in." welcomed Xemnas. Roxas entered the room "Uh-um... S-so Xemnas, Superior, Sir. I was wondering if you wanted to g-go on a date with me to Sexo Hombres?" Asked Roxas. Xemnas was surprised to say the least, Roxas _just_ joined the organization, why was Roxas asking him out on a date? But Xemnas was awfully bored recently... "Sure, why not." replied Xemnas. Arrangement were made and then Roxas ran off as fast as he could. The date arrived and Xemnas took Roxas to Sexo Hombres. They got a table and began an attempt at conversation. Roxas was extremely nervous. But as time went on, he began to calm and the two actually seemed to hit it off. They had similar interests and they had fun and interesting conversations. Roxas found Xemnas fascinating and interesting, And Xemnas found Roxas Fascinatingly adorable. Plus being in a relationship with the keyblade master could only be useful for the organizations goals. They returned to the castle holding each others hand and having lots of PDA. Everybody in the organization was shocked, especially Axel.


	15. January 14th

January 14th (No more chapters after this until Febuary 1st. 1/15-1/31 aren't pairings ;P )

Xion originally had no face and no gender. It had no appearance and no personality. However for some reason after a week or so, it began to look like whatever it's relation to the person looking was. And it's gender changed with it. Although it's personality grew independently, that was something that never changed. And while we all know that Saix saw a puppet and Roxas saw an obnoxious Mary Sue trying to get in the way of his relationship with Axel. And of course that Xigbar saw Ventus. But did you know what Xemnas saw Xion as? Did you even wonder why Xemnas defended Xion when Saix called it useless? It's really quite simple, The moment Xion took off it's hood in front of Xemnas, It was love at first sight. For Xemnas saw a boy with medium length pink hair and the most adorable face. Xemnas knew that he had to win Xion's heart. But Xemnas didn't quite know how. Now you may have been mislead in the past, but Xemnas' is not the brightest when it comes to romance. And when Xemnas wanted to figure out how to make Xion fall for him, he turned to BL Manga. Yes, I'm serious, BL Manga. And Xemnas learned many useful terms, Such as Seme and Uke. And being the insane nobody that he is, couldn't distinguish fiction from "Reality" and decided that what works in BL Manga, must work in a actual Romance as well. So Xemnas decided to try the most commonly used tactic. Most simply described as "Softcore rape" although that isn't entirely accurate. Xemnas waited for the right moment, a moment when Xion was alone in the hallway or gray area. And when the moment finally came, Xemnas executed his master plan to seduce him. Xion was minding his own business when _BAM! _Xemnas pinned Xion to the wall, holding his arm up on the wall right above his head. "Wh-Wh-What are you doing!?" cried Xion, "_Yes! That means it's working!" _thought Xemnas. Xemnas said nothing and began to passionately kiss Xion against his will. Xion blushed, and as Xemnas had learned from his BL manga, that means Xion has successfully fallen for him completely. And while you might be expecting Xemnas' plan to backfire. Like the ukes from BL manga, Xion was artificially created to replicate something. And the plan worked like a charm. "I love you" declared Xemnas "Me too" agreed Xion. The two then ran off into Xemnas' bedroom. Cue shot of somebody without a shirt on then cut away. Just like in the BL manga! That morning Xemnas had woken up a bit earlier then Xion, but decided to stay in bed, he thought about how Xion was meant to replicate Roxas' powers and might be the key to obtaining Kingdom Hearts. Then he heard Xion ruffle for a bit and Xemnas decided to roll over and look at Xion's pretty face..................When Xemnas looked over instead of seeing the Xion he was used to, he saw an organization coat being worn by a person, but their head..... Was not there. Instead of a head there was a moon...shaped like a heart. Xemnas' relation to Xion had become Kingdom Hearts, and that became what he saw. Xemnas was shocked at first but also delighting and decided whether he saw Kingdom Hearts or a boy with a pretty face and medium length pink hair. He loved Xion none the less.


	16. February 1st

February 1st (Hoo-rah! Another month means 14 more consecutive days of writing unusual pairings!)

Xigbar always laughed when people said that Xemnas was the head of the organization. Everybody thought that the chain of command simply went 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14. But that wasn't really case. See, the real chain of command went 2 1 7 3 4 5 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 14. How you may ask? Why, If you know how to seduce the man on top then you can convince him to do anything, And if you can get the man on top to do anything you want, then you're really the one on top. And Xigbar knew very well how to get Xemnas to do what he wants. "Xigbar, Your mission today is to go fight a giant heartless in Halloween town, I'll send Roxas later to deliver the final blow so the heart gets collected." spoke Xemnas in a slow dull voice. "Oh, But, If I'm off fighting heartless, I can't be here...with you.."Replied Xigbar, Who would then proceed to pin Xemnas to the wall inducing the most adorable blush on the "Superior's" face. "Oh..uh..umm..heh..but..uh..I don't think..." Xemnas would always lose his composure like this and begin to stumble. "I think Roxas can handle the heartless by himself." whispered Xigbar into Xemnas' ear, as he proceed to lift Xemnas' leg. Xemas's stumbling soon turned to blabbering gibberish. "" mumbled Xemnas. Now while I have absolutely no idea what that means and I doubt you could understand it either, Xigbar had done this thousands of times and knew exactly what Xemnas meant. "Since it looks like you agree. Let's go to one of those closed rooms and we can have some fun." Spoke Xigbar in a seductive voice. Xemnas didn't say a thing and Xigbar lifted Xemnas up into the air and carried him(Xigbar is _very_ strong) to one of the rooms he managed to convince Xemnas to build in the castle which contained nothing but a bed and a locked door. Now while this might seem like rape to you, keep in mind that Xemnas could easily form his blades out of thin air and fight back, But Xemnas is one messed up guy and he liked it this way. And Xigbar knew this very very well. Now I'm not very interested in telling you what happens next but I can tell you that Roxas had a very difficult time that day fighting the leech grave all by himself.


	17. February 2nd

February 2nd

Xigbar never liked explaining why he had such great aim when he only had one eye. It was very annoying. He always had to go through his entire history of sniper training before they would shut up about it. He would tell them about spending 5 days straight playing darts and getting all bulls-eyes before moving onto getting all 60s. He would tell them about his 25 different mentors and how strict they all were. About when he shot an arrow into the eye of a speeding dragon. However all of those stories were made up. Xigbar designed them to be boring and long while at the same time making him seem amazing. See Xigbar had a huge ego and he liked to maintain it regularly. He liked it when everybody looked up at him, not just because he was the tallest person in the room but because everybody thought so highly of him that they would squat down so that they could look up at him. Xigbar liked it when peoples necks hurt after having a conversation with him because they were craning their necks upwards the entire time. Now while this entire scenario might seem ridiculous. And while you might not remember ever seeing this happen. You aren't a member of the organization and it would be really creepy if you were watching Xigbar's every day life. You stalkers. But anyways, Xigbar was always upset when he had to talk to Xemnas. Xemnas was jerk and made Xigbar crouch down and look up at Xemnas. Xigbar swore one day that he would have Xemnas looking up at _him._ But deep down inside he knew _that_ would never happen. So instead he'd just tell everybody ridiculous stories about how great he is. And come up with amusing nicknames for everybody. Truly, Xigbar had quite the ego. And if you're somehow blind and didn't figure this out. Then here's some more evidence for you. Remember the eye patch? Well Xigbar has two eyes. And that isn't a real eye patch. Xigbar can see through both of his eyes perfectly fine. The fake eye patch just makes it look like he's an even more amazing sniper then he really is. Yes. Xigbar had quite the ego.


	18. February 3rd

February 3rd (I do not suggest drinking alcohol. Remember, The characters portrayed here are evil!)

Xigbar and Xaldin often went out for drinks. "They were drinking buddies" is a common way of putting it. Except that wasn't really the case. At least not to Xigbar. Xigbar liked Xaldin a lot. He liked how Xaldin was strong and silent, He found how manly Xaldin was a bit adorable and he liked how Xaldin had that not to often seen sensitive side. He liked Xaldin's looks and he liked Xaldin's personality. He even still liked Xaldin when he was so drunk he could even use a corridor of darkness properly. Let alone control his lances. And while Xigbar would have loved to have been in a relationship with Xaldin. Xigbar was smart enough to know that if Xaldin was straight then Xigbar telling him about his feelings would ruin their friendship. Plus Xigbar is a manly man! And only wusses talk about their feelings! However Xigbar was determined to get with Xaldin, And if theres one thing Xigbar knows better then Sniping, It's date rape. Just kidding, Xigbar is better at Sniping then date rape. But he's still pretty good at date rape. So Xigbar's plan was that the next time he went out drinking with Xaldin. That he would get Xaldin very very drunk. And also that he would get himself, very very drunk. That way Xigbar would be drunk enough to talk about his feelings for Xaldin. And Xaldin would be drunk enough to not want to beat the crap out of Xigbar for doing so. And so the night came when Xigbar would execute his master plan. "Hey Buddy, wanna have a drinking contest?" Proposed Xigbar. Xaldin laughed a bit and accepted the challenge. The two drunk for hours and got so drunk that Xigbar almost forgot about his master plan entirely. But he still remembered a little bit and was about to attempt to carry it out; When suddenly Xaldin said something first that shocked Xigbar quite a bit! "S-ssss-SSS-ss" began Xaldin, Then Xaldin hiccuped. "S-SO! Like...uh..When are we gonna take this thing...thung..rabbit...RELATIONSHIP to the next level or something?" Slurred Xaldin. "Woah! Woah! What? Like, You like me? Like...ttthat way?" replied Xigbar even more slurred then Xaldin. In fact, Xigbar was probably drunker then Xaldin too. "What? Yeah.. Of course man! Your like...hot...or something" said Xaldin as he almost fell off of his stool. Xigbar hiccuped first before replying "That's fanfanFANTASTIC! I think your likehot too! We should like! Smex or something!"

Xaldin let out a humongous laugh that filled the entire bar, took another drink, then fell forwards onto Xigbar and put his hand on Xigbar's shoulder. Xaldin gave Xigbar a huge grin. Xigbar assumed this mean Xaldin both liked the idea, and after that last drink he was too drunk to keep talking. Xigbar attempted to open a dark corridor back to the castle(It ended up going to Traverse Town) and tried to carry Xaldin into it. The two would live drunkingly ever after. Err... Happily ever after.


	19. February 4th

February 4th (Half-way through writing this I accidentally forgot the date and started writing Saix instead of Vexen., good thing I caught myself.)

Vexen was Xigbar's favorite person to tease. Vexen's reactions to Xigbar's teasing were always the funniest and the cutest amongst all of the organization members. "Hey Ice Queen! You're looking sexy today" Xigbar would say jokingly with a wink. "W-WWHWHAT?! I-I-'M TR-TRYING T-TO WORK HERE!" Vexen would shout as he almost dropped his highly toxic chemicals on the resident OrgXIII cat(It was Zexion's idea.) "Haha! I'm just joke, as usual." Xigbar would say in an attempt to calm Vexen down. However he would normally just make it worse by tousling Vexen's hair as he said this. It would take actions 10x more embarrassing and emasculating to make any other organization member have a reaction such as that. But Vexen wasn't just an Ice queen but a Drama queen. He didn't care about others but when others cared about him he would blush and overreact like crazy! And Xigbar loved that. On Valentines day Xigbar would make jokes about sniping Vexen down with cupids arrow and making him fall in love with him. On Halloween Xigbar would make jokes about Vexen dressing up in one of those "Sexy Kitten" costumes. On Xmas Xigbar would make puns about delivering packages to Vexen. Vexen would always overreact to all of these jokes but it wouldn't take long for him to regain his composure and remember that Xigbar was just making jokes like this to get a reaction out of him. Of course Vexen had no idea that Xigbar was being half-serious with most of these jokes. Which is way Xigbar was very sad one day when he declared "Hello my lovely Ice queen." as he entered the lab and have Vexen not even raise an eyebrow. "Oh, I see you're getting used to my advances, Sexy..." Joked Xigbar, hoping he could keep getting that adorable reaction. And yet, "Hi Xigbar." was all Vexen said, in his usual voice that declared "I don't care about your existence please go away.". Not the voice Xigbar liked to hear which Xigbar liked to think declared "I am flattered by your compliments but embarrassed because I realize you're joking and that because of that you have made me lose my composure.". Xigbar thought maybe some body contact would help. So he threw his arm around Vexen's shoulder and put his hand on Vexen's chest. "Come on, don't be so cold to me. Maybe my body can warm your hard" was the cheesiest line Xigbar could come up with that he could say while doing this. "I'm working with highly toxic chemicals, please leave me alone or I will have to put them to use-" spoke Vexen in that terribly cold and nasty voice. Xigbar was about to lean in even closer until "-On you." finished Vexen. Xigbar could tell that Vexen was serious and decided he should back off a bit. He realized that he couldn't just keep making joking passes at Vexen anymore if he wanted to get close to him. So Xigbar decided now was as good a time as ever. "You know Vexen, I'm not always joking when I hit on you like this. I do find you attractive and adorable." Xigbar attempted to grope Vexen as he said this, but Vexen slapped his hand away. Jumped around, blushed, and almost knocked over his highly toxic chemicals, which Xigbar could now see was actually just high fructose corn syrup. "I-I—I--I-I-I--I--I-I-I--I-I" was Vexen's failed attempt at saying anything legible. Xigbar, feeling extra confident today, planted a kiss on Vexen's lips. He could feel Vexen's brain overheat and Vexen's limbs all went limp. Fortunately Xigbar caught Vexen's body in his arms and Vexen stopped any kind of resistance as he kissed back. "T-To be honest Xigbar...I was always kind of hoping that you weren't joking when you said those things." whispered Vexen. Word by word. Between kisses. It's always great when these things work out.


	20. February 5th

February 5th (UGH! Lexeaus has no personality! I'm going to hate May!)

Xigbar is really the stereotypical man when it comes to who he likes. Xigbar only really cares about the physical aspects of a partner and doesn't care much for personality. Which was why Lexaeus was perfect for him! Lexaeus is very well built, subservient, and has absolutely no personality! The problem of course was that Zexion seemed to have a monopoly on Lexaeus. So if Xigbar wanted a piece of the that Lexy action then he would have to seduce Lexaeus away from Zexion. So Xigbar decided the first step in his plan would be to work out every day. The sexier Xigbar was, The easier it would be to steal Lexaeus. Everybody knows that if you're sexy enough then you can pretty much turn the brain off of anybody you want to seduce. Or at least that's how Xigbar saw things. So after a month or so of extra rigorous body training. Xigbar thought he was ready to try and steal Lexaeus from Zexion, And so Xigbar waited for the rare moment when the two were separate from each other, and then when the time came, Xigbar made his move. "Hey Lexaeus, how ya' doing?" asked Xigbar in only a mildly flirty voice. Lexaeus said nothing as usual, and yet Xigbar could understand his answer. It was an odd thing that Lexaeus could do, some sort of speechless communication. Lexaeus never really said anything but everyone could always tell what he wanted to get across. "So I've been thinking Lexy. You're really my type. I very much like guys like you, and I was thinking maybe sometime after work today we could go out drinking together. Just you and me." Proposed Xigbar. Lexaeus paused for a bit before giving his silent reply. These moments were grueling, Xigbar couldn't tell whether Lexaeus liked the idea or not. Was Lexaeus even gay? Maybe he just jumped to conclusions! But then all of Xigbar's qualms were resolved as Lexaeus gave him a firm nod. Xigbar was very happy and was eager to finish his work that day. He had reconnaissance so there was no real way of knowing when he was exactly "Done" so he just kind of half-assed his work. "The dessert if very very sandy" Xigbar wrote down as he checked the time. Checking the time didn't really matter though since all the worlds were in different timezones. And so when Xigbar declared himself done, he quickly went back to the castle to get into something more comfortable then a black cloak. By the time Lexaeus was ready it had been 3 hours later then when Xigbar was ready, probably because Lexaeus' mission was to help Roxas defeat a giant heartless. The two went to _Sexo hombres_ together and really hit it off. Xigbar could call operation steal Lexaeus a resounding success.


	21. February 6th

February 6th (I feel like this pairing is Pedophilia...What with Zexion being WAY younger then Xigbar)

Xigbar typically never had any sort of self-confidence issues. But when it came to Zexion he did. "What if I'm too old?" "What if my hairs to gray?" "What if I can't understand his poetry?" "What if he's on Team Ninja?" "What if we have nothing in common?" "What if I'm not smart enough?" Xigbar worried to himself. After he finished worrying if he was good enough, he began to debate how happy he should be. "If I'm too happy will he resent me or like me for cheering him up? If I'm too sad will he relate to me, see through me as a poser, Or just outright kill himself!" Now in case you're wondering. The reason Xigbar was debating all this wasn't just because he was bored. Zexion has actually asked Xigbar out on a date the other day, Xigbar had accepted. They were going to some club that Xigbar had never even heard of_Niðurdrepandi enn heimskur. _Xigbar had been practicing all night on how to pronounce the name. Somehow Zexion could pronounce it with ease. "Neeordrehpahndee ehn heymskoor?" "Niouurdrepandi an heemskur?" "Naiordreepayndih in himskar?" The worst part of course was that Xigbar couldn't quite remember how Zexion had pronounced it before so he wouldn't even know if he had it right until he tried to say the name and got it wrong. Finally Xigbar decided that he would just dodge around the pronunciation until he heard Zexion say the name again. It's funny, everybody in the organization lives in the same castle. So when Xigbar was ready to go out to club, he just walked across the hallway and knocked on Zexion's door. Zexion's street clothes didn't look much different from his work clothes. They were made of the same materials and the same colors, but they were much more skin tight, And the book he was carrying didn't exactly look like you could use it as a weapon. Xigbar began to wonder what kind of club they were going to. Zexion grabbed Xigbar by the arm and pulled him through a dark corridor without talking. When they arrived, Xigbar could see the exterior of the club. He only knew it was the exterior of the club because he didn't think Zexion would take him anywhere else. For you see, the exterior of the club looked nothing like a club at all. In fact. It didn't even look like there was anything there. It was designed to look like a brick wall....With a doorknob on it. _Niðurdrepandi enn heimskur _was very lightly carved into the bricks. "Here we are" said Zexion. Xigbar walked with Zexion up to the doorknob. Xigbar felt silly trying to open a brick wall, and he felt sillier when it turned out to be a push door. The club had a very obscure indie band playing when Xigbar and Zexion arrived. The bar served both alcohol...and hot dogs. "I'm scheduled to read some of my poetry tonight." said Zexion. "Do you want anything from the bar?" asked Xigbar, "Shirley Temple." said Zexion. Xigbar kept himself from laughing but when he was going over to the bar he realized that Zexion never turned 21 before he became a Nobody so it's not like he'd ever had alcohol in the first place. Xigbar got himself some hard ale and gave Zexion his Shirley Temple. They sat down together at a table and stayed silent for a while. Xigbar thought for a very long time about anything he could say. He became very worried and right before Zexion left to go read his poetry, Xigbar saw that the book Zexion was carrying was _The Pirates of Penzance_ Libretto. And then all his fears about the date not working out disappeared. It was very obvious that they would get along very well.


	22. February 7th

February 7th (Ah! I almost forgot about this! Sorry if it seems rushed)

Xigbar was never sure how much Saix actually cared about their relationship. The two were "Going out" except Saix never actually wanted to go anywehre with Xigbar. He was always so busy with work "work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK GOD FUCKING DAMNIT WORK AGAIN!?" Xigbar was very upset, this was the 257th time in a row that Saix told him he was to busy to go out that day. It had started to seem like their entire relationship revolved around eating breakfast together. Sure they'd kiss before Saix left to do more work and Xigbar had to work sometimes too, but Xigbar still felt like a lonely housewife sometimes. He enjoyed Saix's company when they were eating breakfast but it just didn't feel like enough. It was only 15 minutes of the day. They never really did anything else. There was only one occasion when Saix even had time to hike the Appalachian trail with Xigbar. Although is a pretty good..."Hike". So one day during breakfast Saix was attempting to get the remainder of the peanut butter out of the jar. You know when because you were scraping the sides of the jar a bunch of peanut butter gets stuck in the middle where it's really hard to get out with the knife, so you just scraped small bits of it at a time to the side and hope you can get it all somewhere easier to reach. Well Saix was doing that. And Xigbar decided to bring up the elephant in the room "You know Saix, you never seem to have any time for me, It's always work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work wor-" "I GET IT!" interrupted Saix. "Listen, It's not my fault, Xemnas is always giving me extra work and it's hard enough to convince him just to let me spend these 15 minutes with you eating breakfast. These Breakfast's are the best part of my. And I love you. So I just try and treasure what time we do have because Xemnas doesn't like it when there are relationships within the workplace so the fact that he even lets us see each other at all is a miracle." Saix explain. Xigbar could see his sincerity and put his hand over Saix's shoulder, getting peanut butter on his Organization coat. "These breakfasts are my favorite part of the day too."


	23. February 8th

February 8th (I apologize in advance for this pairings existence.)

Xigbar was a manly manly man. And Axel was also a manly manly man. But Xigbar wanted to prove that he was the manlier manly manly man. And to him the best way to do that would be to turn Axel into an Uke. The question of course was _how_. Xigbar didn't want to try anything until he could figure it out, a failed attempt would surely raise Axel's defenses and prevent any further attempts at out-manning Axel. Xigbar considered many options, He could strip and flex and his muscles, But Axel would probably just turn Xigbar into the bitch. He could sweep Axel off his feet, But Axel would probably just shout and break away. He could just super mushy, but Axel would probably just make fun of him. It just overall seemed difficult for Xigbar to think of ways that he could express his dominance over Axel and prove himself the manlier manly manly man of all the men in the organization. The only thing that seemed like it could work would be to do what dogs do and express dominance by raping Axel. but Xigbar liked to think that he was above raping people. Now it never even occurred to Xigbar that instead of trying to Ukefy Axel he could just challenge him to a machismo competition. So instead Xigbar decided that he should just improvise. So the next morning while everybody was in the gray area, Xigbar approached Axel who was sitting on the couch. He began by pulling Axel's chin upwards and saying "Look at those sweet lips" In the most macho voice he could muster. Axel almost blushed "W-What?" He replied, a bit hard to understand since his jaw was being pushed upwards. Xigbar then planted a large kiss on Axel's lips. And then pushed him back onto the couch. "What was that?!" Axel shouted back as he stood back up from the couch, his face only a few more blush points away from leveling up to Flustered rank. It's easy to say that the entire room was watching. Xigbar however was also gaining a few experience points in blushing as he hadn't planned how we would explain the kiss "I was..just..uh.. testing your kissing prowess....for later...."was his 100% improvised answer. Xigbar knew he needed to act fast after that ridiculous jumble of words and then proceeded to grope Axel's ass. Axel's face grew redder then his hair after that. See, little did Xigbar know, But Axel's ass was very sensitive and whenever it was touched it was an almost automatic reflex for Axel to blush. All the blood running to Axel's head caused his legs to grow weak and Axel began to lose his balance and fall over. Xigbar saw this opportunity and acted on it super fast! He caught Axel in his arm and kissed him again! The final blow! Axel became thoroughly Uke at that point. Xigbar struck his manliest pose while still holding Axel in his arm. Xigbar had proven himself the manliest manly manly man. And Axel's hips didn't lie either, Xigbar thought that he might just continue this relationship.


	24. February 9th

February 9th (Yay! An Actual pairing for once!)

"Today we're going to an ice cream parlor!" Said Xigbar to Demyx. The two had been in a long term relationship for a reasonable amount of time and Xigbar often took Demyx out on fun dates. "Oh! That sounds fun!" replied Demyx, really quite excited by the idea of having ice cream, he sure could go for some ice cream right about now. Xigbar opened a dark corridor that led them to a ski lodge. "What's this?!" cried Demyx, surprised and expected an ice cream parlor. "Come on! I'll show you!" Said Xigbar as he lead Demyx to a Ski Lift. Demyx was dressed for Ice Cream not Ice. And so he was quite cold, and began to shiver. But then Xigbar kept him warm by holding him in his arms until they got off the ski lift. And once they did – Demyx was surprised to find that at the top of the mountain was an ice cream parlor! "Wow!" Said Demyx, "This is amazing!" he continued. "I couldn't decide between taking you out to ice cream or taking you snowboarding so then when I found out about this place I knew it was perfect!" Said Xigbar. Demyx couldn't wait to get inside the ice cream parlor, and out of the cold. Although he wouldn't have minded having Xigbar's arms around him a little longer. It seemed like it was pretty unknown so he hoped PDA would be okay. The inside of the Ice cream parlor was very colorful and they had all sorts of flavors. Xigbar knew this would be a good place to take Demyx because he knew Demyx loved ice cream. Demyx got strawberry ice cream with chocolate sauce and Xigbar got rum flavored ice cream(It was just flavoring don't worry.). It was surprisingly good ice cream for a parlor that didn't seem like it got much business. Demyx and Xigbar went snowboarding after their ice cream and on more then one occasion they crashed into each other at the end of the slope. By the end of the day Xigbar could say he and Demyx most likely had a very good time together. They could watch the sunset while on the ski lifts as they prepared for their last run down the slopes. They held hands and Xigbar held Demyx to keep him warm. It was then that Xigbar remembered that they were supposed to work that day, but he couldn't care one bit. This date was just so worth it.


	25. February 10th

February 10th (Pirates and Gambling, The perfect pair!)

Xigbar and Luxord were Biffles. BFF's 4 eva. Ect ect. Okay they didn't use those terms buts that's the sort of relationship they had. Everyday they played card games and drank heavy amounts of rum and beer. By the end of the card game they were so drunk they couldn't really tell who won. And one of them would have normally passed out a few minutes later. So the other would have to drag them to a bed. Or a couch. Or somewhere soft. Sometimes they were lucky and they'd actually ended back in their own bed. This time however Xigbar woke up in the morning to find that he had been the one to pass out drunk the night before, and that Luxord had dragged him to back to Luxord's own bed! And that Luxord was sleeping right next to him! Xigbar was pretty surprised, And he immediately got out of the bed. Or...fell out is more accurate. He still had all his clothes on. But he was still starting question whether the night before was the same as all the other nights of cards and rum. He couldn't remember anything that happened the night before, and he had a really bad hangover. He couldn't remember what card game they played even. Was it Poker? What if it was strip poker! Xigbar couldn't remember a thing and his imaginations just went wild when it came to why he was in Luxord's bed. And he was also pretty confused as to why he was against it in the first place. The to were together so often people often joked that they were practically a couple. And they were about as close as a couple too. The only thing they didn't do that a couple would was kiss and make love. But Xigbar often had his arm flung over Luxord's shoulders. And they often went places together. Just Xigbar and Luxord. You could call it a "Bromance" but after about 2 hours of panicking, Xigbar realized that he sort of wanted it to be much more then that. He realized that whether or not nothing did happen between him and Luxord when they were drunk, That he sort of hoped that something did. So when Luxord woke up and walked into the gray area for breakfast, Xigbar became very nervous. He had no idea how drunk Luxord was the night before, Whether Luxord knew that Xigbar slept in his bed. For a moment Xigbar considered that perhaps Luxord had intentionally gotten only Xigbar really drunk and then taken advantage of him. But he knew that Luxord isn't one to cheat or hide cards up his sleeves. So he probably wouldn't do something like date rape either. Xigbar sat in silence eating some cereal while he watched Luxord stumble around with his hand on his head. It looked like Luxord had a hangover too, so they were _both_ drunk the night before. Luxord probably didn't remember why Xigbar was in the same bed as him either then. Xigbar suddenly got an idea. And Xigbar wasn't above cheating or hiding cards up his sleeves. "Hey Luxord, Why was I in your bed this morning?". Asked Xigbar with sly intentions. "I was going to ask you the same thing, I woke up in _your_ bedroom this morning." replied Luxord. Xigbar paused. He wasn't in Luxords bed, Luxord was in _his_ bed. He realized that what probably happened was that Luxord brought him back to Xigbar's bed and then passed out. "Oh...sorry about that, I have a really bad hangover, I got my words jumbled, I meant why were you in my bed this morning." Xigbar tried to cover up his misspoken words. "Well I clearly have no idea." replied Luxord before sitting down across from Xigbar with a bowl of cereal of his own. Although while Xigbar's bowl had Honey Nut cheerio's in it, Luxord's bowl had Lucky charms in it. Xigbar usually joked about how the Organization had such childish cereals in the kitchen although that was hardly what he was thinking about at this point. "Perhaps we finally took it to the next level." spoke Luxord between bites of marshmallow goodness. Xigbar couldn't tell if he was joking but it didn't seem like he would when he's so hungover he's still holding his head while eating. "Would you have liked if that was the case?" Xigbar asked, trying to say in it in a way that could sound both like he was joking and like he was being serious at the same time, he wasn't sure if it came out that way though. "Why not, I've been waiting for you to catch up for a while now." Luxord replied, although it sounded like he was trying to mumble it so Xigbar wouldn't be able to hear it properly. Xigbar almost spilled his cereal when he realized what that sentence implied. But he managed to regain his composure and smiled a smirking smile. "I just caught up this morning." He said. Luxord's face grew a large grin for a moment, before the noise of Roxas leaving his bedroom and stomping down the halls made his head pound worse. Xigbar decided it might be best to be discreet, in order to prevent people from shouting. So he reached his hand under the table and tried to signal Luxord to do the same. Luxord clearly picked up the signal and reached his hand as well. Although once their fingers locked under the table they looked rather silly as they were eating cereal while both of their bodies were hunched forward in order to reach each other. They were no longer Biffles, BFFs 4 eva, or in a Bromance. They were now simply boyfriends in an actual romance. And they both liked it that way.


	26. February 11th

February 11th (Crackity Crackity Crack Crack. I hope you're happy!)

Xigbar was on a mission in Neverland. Apparently he was supposed to rescue some "Damsel in Distress" from a giant heartless. It was odd since Xigbar typically wouldn't have been given such a mission, but he assumed that he was supposed to kidnap and the damsel and collect her heart when he was done. In order to blend in, Xigbar was given some typical pirate gear. Whoever put the package together clearly wasn't thinking straight at the time because in addition to all the other sorts of pirate goodness, there was an eyepatch. Xigbar laughed at the idea of him putting another eyepatch over his other eye in order to look like a pirate. He had temporarily joined a pirate crew that was headed towards the place that this "Damsel" was apparently in distress – Aparador de la Cruz. They sailed for a long period of time and you could say that at some point Xigbar stopped just blending in and started being a full fledged pirate. He had even picked up the pirate accent. When they finally arrived at Aparador de la Cruz all of the other pirates ran off to search for treasure, but Xigbar had explicit instructions on where to find to the damsel in distress. It seemed odd that he would be told to take such a slow mode on transportation if the danger was urgent. His instructions led him to a dark cave towards the center of the island. Inside the cave was many many bats. Xigbar couldn't see a thing and he could only imagine what it would have been like if he had decided to wear both of the eyepatches. After a long while of stumbling through darkness Xigbar managed to find himself at the end of the cave, where there was nothing but a lamp and a treasure chest. While a bit confused, Xigbar's newly found pirate instincts told him to open the chest. When the chest was opened he was surprised to find – Not gold – not silver. But pink! A pink hair woman was lying in the chest. The woman was dressed in a black dress and seemed to be in poor shape. Xigbar was about to attempt to pick the women up before she appeared to notice his presence and immediately swung herself up to sitting position. "Xigbar! You're finally here! I can't believe it took you so long to get here! Love the pirate look by the way." Xigbar was shocked to find that the pink haired woman wasn't a woman at all, but rather Marluxia was waiting in the chest! And the black dress was no dress at all! But simply the organization coat! "Wh-WHAT?! I was told I was going to find a damsel in distress!" exclaimed Xigbar in shock. "Oh you found me." replied Marluxia. Xigbar was still in a state of shock to say the least. He was expecting a beautiful damsel with a pure heart to harvest! Not an at least as beautiful if not more fabulous man with no heart to harvest at all. "So my mission was to rescue you from a box?" groaned Xigbar as he moved his palm towards his face, eventually making contact between the two body parts. "Of course, although it sure took you a long time." complained Marluxia as he attempted to fix his hair. "Why was I required to go undercover as a pirate and take a boat to get here?" asked Xigbar. "Because the pirate look makes you look sexy, and the accent you developed is sexy too." explained Marluxia in a flirtatious tone. Xigbar was starting to get the idea that this wasn't actually an official mission. "How did you even get in the box in the first place!" asked Xigbar in an increasingly angrier tone. "A cruel joke of Larxene's. I was talking to her about pirates while we were on a mission and I guess she got this idea to put me in a box and make you come get me." explained Marluxia with a tone of annoyance, still fixing his hair, it was almost back to his optimal level of fabulousness. "But enough of that! Let's go back to your cabin and make like Pirate and Damsel." Marluxia flirted. Xigbar had been thoroughly converted into a pirate so this idea seemed very appealing. The horny couple began their way back through the damp dark cave, holding hands and dashing at an almost sprinting speed. However along the way Xigbar slipped on the damp cave floor and ended up crashing down on top of Marluxia. Pinning him to the floor. Marluxia blushed and gave a large smirk. And let's just say they didn't make it back to the cabin. And Larxene was very satisfied with her prank's results.


	27. February 12th

February 12th (This is one of those pairings where all the names are ugly. Larxbar. Xigxene.)

Xigbar and Larxene were both assholes. They were real jerks to everybody, including each other. They often called each other names like "Ugly" and "Ugly". Xigbar would compare Larxene to a stray cat and Larxene would compare Xigbar to a hideous rat. They were the bullies of the organization. And Xigbar's favorite person to bully was Larxene herself. Being the only woman in the organization, she was very prone to lots of sexist jokes. Lots and lots of sexist jokes. Although believe it or not. Larxene being an asshole and all that. The only people ever laughing were actually Xigbar and Larxene. However over time, Xigbar realized that yes, Larxene _is the only woman in the organization._

And that unlike the rest of the organization, Xigbar actually wanted to stick his disco-stick into the fanged blood vortex of doom. Hard to believe right? But that's how Xigbar felt, and he realized that if he was even going to do such a thing, he would need to seduce Larxene. That ugly whore. So Xigbar decided that because they were both assholes. The best way to seduce Larxene would be to compliment her in the middle of insults. And hopefully end up having hate sex. And possibly a love-hate relationship. And if he's lucky he can team up with her and make fun of people _together. _He could see it in his head! Him and Larxene calling each other ugly _affectionately_. It's a hard image to swallow, but that's the kind of people that they were. So Xigbar began his advances one day with probably the best pick-up line he could think of. And probably the only pick-up line that should ever be used on a girl.

"You know Larxene, As ugly as you are. You're my kind of ugly. And I kind of like how you look. Even if you aren't good looking in any kind of conventional sense.". And it was perfectly accurate too. And Xigbar was very pleased with Larxene response "Well, you're pretty hideous, but I'm not a lesbian and you're more attractive then any of the other girly pretty fucks in the organization.". Which was probably pretty accurate as well. At least from Larxene's warped point of view. "Since you feel the same way I do, I was thinking we could go on a date. I hear Axel and Roxas are going on a date in Twilight town and I bet it would be fun to ruin it." replied Xigbar. Larxene gave him a high-five. "Sounds like an awesome plan, and if you're lucky, maybe I'll let you stick your dagger into my fanged blood vortex of doom." agreed Larxene. Xigbar was pretty happy, however "Does it really have fangs?" asked Xigbar. "Of course" answered Larxene. "Hawwt" concluded Xigbar.


	28. February 13th

February 13th (Today and Tomorrow's fics would be easier if I could play BBS. VENTUS!!! DX)

Roxas looked just like Ventus. Except while Xigbar had aged 11 years since the last time he saw Ventus. Roxas looked exactly the same as Ventus did back then. It was driving Xigbar nuts! "Why does Roxas look just like my Ex-boyfriend!?" he would wonder to himself. It bugged Xigbar to no end. It brought back such sad memories, memories that while originally happy, now only make Xigbar sad, and therefore are sad memories. Don't question the logic there. Xigbar angsted and emoed around quite a bit. Which is very out of character for Xigbar. But that's the sort of effect that Ventus had on him. Until eventually he realized something very important "If Roxas is Ventus! I can reunite with Ventus! And all I'd have to do is call him Roxas and not Ventus!" Xigbar exclaimed to himself. In the middle of the gray area. With the entire organization watching. Including Roxas. "Whaaaaaaat are you talking about?" asked Roxas as he slowly backed away from Xigbar. Xemnas, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus, And Zexion all sighed and put their palms on their faces. They knew exactly what was going on and were embarrassed to be there while it happened. The rest of the organization was as confused as confused can be. Although there is a possibility that Axel and Saix knew who Ventus was. Except they also might not. It was overall just a very confusing situation. Roxas however was already confused about whether he was Sora or Roxas. And having to worry about being Ventus too? That's too many identities for one emo boy to handle. Xigbar however could sense this and quickly regained his composure. He realized that Roxas was not Ventus. And that Roxas was not Sora. That Roxas was Roxas. Xigbar felt a sudden wave of guilt and pity. He decided he needed to cheer Roxas up. He walked over to Roxas. Messed up his hair. And attempted to speak in a confident voice "Cheer up kid. You're Roxas. I didn't mean to word that sentence the way I did." he then crouched down and gave Roxas a hug. This really just confused Roxas even more and with all the confusion Roxas' brain was overloaded and he just ended up collapsing in Xigbar's arms. Xigbar patted Roxas' back and picked him up in his arms. He carried the fainted Roxas to a couch and laid him down. He finger-combed Roxas' hair and chuckled. "Why, Why does he look exactly the same as Ventus" The laugh was clearly fake, as tears ran down his face, Tears ran over the fakest widest smile you could ever see. Xigbar lost his composure completely and began to sob into the chest of the unconscious Roxas. "Xigbar, Ventus is dead." stated Saix in the coldest voice. "AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW!" shouted Xigbar. Saix left slowly. As well as the rest of the organization. Roxas slowly awoke to find Xigbar sobbing on his chest. "You know, you're not supposed to get water on Leather. It's really bad for it." he said. Xigbar smiled for a bit, Xigbar wasn't even sure himself whether the smile was fake. "You even say things that Ventus would say.". Roxas looked around and put his arm on Xigbar. "I'll be your Ventus for you. At least for now." he spoke. Xigbar knew this was all out of pity, but he put his arm back over Roxas. "Thank you." he replied. 11 years, and Xigbar still wasn't over is ex-boyfriend.


	29. February 14th

February 14th (I don't ship Braig/Ventus at all BTW. See you again March 1st! BTW I just discovered that you can edit documents after uploading them, So Goodbye Formatting issues :D)

Xigbar got along relatively well with Xion. He often saw her as a hooded girl though, but being one of the few people that knew about the secret of her appearance, he didn't mind. He knew it simply meant that he didn't see her as anything yet. However what did worry him was when he started to see her as his Ex-boyfriend Ventus. He knew that it meant he had fallen in love with her. He realized how much he enjoyed her company. How he adored her silly reactions to comments.

How she wasn't even offended when he called her Poppet. Even though it was clearly a crude reference to her true purpose. He realized that he was always defending her from Saix when he called her mean names and spat in her face. How he secretly wanted to keep her away from Roxas, so that he could have her all to himself. Yes he realized all of this when one morning when he went to say hi to Xion instead of seeing the hooded girl and he saw Ventus staring right at him. "Good morning Poppet." greeted Xigbar as he tried to tousle Xion's new blonde spiky hair, only to find that all he could feel was leather. Her appearance was all just an illusion, she was still just the girl in a hood, she just appeared to be Ventus. "Good morning Xigbar" replied Xion.

"Today you and me are going to The Coliseum for reconnaissance." said Xigbar. This was a lie. Xion's actual mission was to go heart collecting with Roxas in Halloween town. But Xigbar was high enough in the chain of power to steal Xion away for a day without getting in trouble. The two went through a dark corridor to The Coliseum and got tickets to see the monster killing show.

They got popcorn and drinks and sat next to each other. "So what are we looking for in the show?" asked Xion. "Anything that looks like it could be a powerful heartless or a person with a super-strong heart." said Xigbar, his excuse for dating Xion on a date.

Xigbar knew he probably couldn't keep this up for long. The show ended and Xion had made a list of the more powerful heartless. Since Hercules didn't use a Keyblade they knew that they would reform again somewhere else. When Xigbar and Xion got back to the castle. They were greeted by an angry Saix. Saix began to ramble on about some stupid rules about missions and stuff. "Listen Saix, I was just taking Xion on a date!" Explained Xigbar as he put his arm around Xion. Xion of course was shocked, she had never heard of this. But afraid of getting in worse standing with Saix then she already was, she agreed "Y-Yeah! Of course I was! Me and Xigbar are in love and stuff."

Saix looked shocked and a bit displeased, he clearly didn't like to ship Xigbar/Xion. But it was standing there right in front of him, clearly canon. "Fine. You lovebirds go somewhere together! I'll be sleeping with Xemnas in the circle room!" Shouted Saix, Xigbar wasn't sure if this was true but he couldn't wait for Saix to be gone. And once Saix was out of the room, Xigbar looked down at Xion "So, You think we're a couple?" he asked with a chuckle. "I-i-i-if you want us to b-be." Xion became very nervous. "Of course I do." replied Xigbar, pulling Xion closer to him. Xigbar gave Xion a peck on the cheek and Xion blushed quite a bit. "So where do you want to go tomorrow?".


	30. March 1st

March 1st (FFFFFFFFFF Sorry if all of this months chapters suck. It's because it's XALDIN month!)

* * *

Xaldin really didn't know what kind of thing Xemnas liked. He didn't know what would impress him or anything. He began to worry sometimes that Xemnas was only dating him for his body. Since Xaldin doesn't have much of a personality to speak of. He picked up an old video game console he found in Hallow Bastion and brought it back to the castle. He hoped maybe he could entertain Xemnas with it. Xaldin opened the door to Xemnas' quarters and held the dusty old thing in the air.

Xaldin's heart beat a little faster then usual as he anticipated Xemnas' reaction. And to Xaldin's delight. Xemnas' eyes lit up when he saw the dusty old console "Is that what I think it is?" asked Xemnas. Now, Xaldin himself wasn't sure if it was what Xemnas thought it was. Xaldin wasn't sure what it was in the first place, let alone what Xemnas thought it was. So he just tried to avoid the question "Why don't you come over and find out?" Xemnas got up, put his book down, and walked over to where Xaldin was standing.

He spent about 5 minutes brushing all the dust off before a wide grin came across his face. "Ooooh man. We're gonna have _so much _fun with this!" Xemnas exclaimed with an unusually giddy glee. They plugged the machine into Xemnas' television and Xemnas handed Xaldin one of the controllers. "This was a huge part of my childhood before I became a nobody....I think....I assume it was." explained Xemnas. Xaldin was a bit confused by the last part of that statement, but he decided that if Xemnas was happy then he should consider himself lucky. The screen flickered and a blocky image began to form. The screen was mostly black, with the exception of two white lines stretching across the top and bottom of the screen, and a white line connecting them in the middle.

On both sides of the line was two white 0's. And on the far left and right sides of the screen was two more small white lines. "BOOOOOOOP" said the TV. And a white square began to move across the screen. "Twist the knob to move" explained Xemnas. The square touched Xaldin's line "BOOOP" and began to move back towards the other side of the screen. Xemnas moved his paddle up and down furriosly "OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN!!!" he cried. "Booop" said the TV. Xaldin wasn't really paying attention, he was too busy appreciating Xemnas's excitement. He could almost call it cute. "beeep" shouted the television. In his distraction, Xaldin had failed to bounce the square back to the other side of the screen. The 0 on Xemnas' side of the screen turned into a 1.

"Come on! You can do better then that!" said Xemnas as he elbowed Xaldin. "Heh. Alright, I'll show you how a real man bounces squares across a black background!" replied Xaldin. Who was starting to get into the mood of the game. "Boop!" "Beep" "Bleeeep" "BOOOOP" "Beop" "boop" The television sang furiously as the square bounced back and forth across the television screen. It was the most epic game of pong the organization had ever seen. The game finally came to an end with the score as Xaldin: 9 and Xemnas: 10. "HA HA HA! YES! I AM THE PONG MASTER!" Shouted Xemnas. Who looked happier then he'd ever been. "Yes you are" agreed Xaldin. Smiling. "You most certainly are."

* * *

(I'm sorry that this was uploaded late. FF was having server issues when I wrote this D: )


	31. March 2nd

March 2nd (Would anybody mind if I go batshit comedy with the Xaldin month?)

Xaldin banged his head against the keyboard. "" Said the keyboard.

Xaldin was trying to write a love letter to his soon to be boyfriend(At least he hoped so) Xigbar. But Xaldin doesn't really have much of a personality or any sort of imagination so he just overall found it hard to write such a mushy type of writing. "If you wore a red and white striped hat, you would still look just as good as you usually do" typed Xaldin, "Oooohhh you aaaaaree !" Typed Xaldin. "Your feet are so pretty, somebody should write some sort of foot, book, about your feet. It would be ". Xaldin was the farthest thing from a poet. At one point Larxene barged into his room asking for hair ties and he paniced.

"OHNONONONONONONONONGOAWAYNOW" He shouted as he covered the screen. "Sorry! I couldn't get any hair ties from Xaldin, He's to busy looking at porn." Xaldin could overheard Larxene shouting back to who knows was in the hallway. "You are like a rose, with..a..hair..tie..around..it?...." This went on for a few hours or so. Really. Xaldin could be romantic, but he couldn't write to save his grandma. Probably because he doesn't have a grandma. And every nobody with a brain knows that all great writers had grandmas. At least all great writers that are also nobodies have grandmas.

"Heh, Grandmas kind of sounds like some sort of Grand Hummus. Grand-mas." Xaldin chuckled to himself as he attempted to write something romantic. "When I look into your eyes I see an ocean blue, or possibly a vibrant green. Or a deep brown. A beautiful Hazel?" After quite a bit of pondering Xaldin decided both that Xigbar's eyes are yellow, And that Xigbar wasn't the kind of guy that would even like cheesy romantic love notes like this. And it was then that Xaldin knew exactly what he should write to win Xigbar's love. "You know Xigbar, You're breaking sweet. And pretty hot too. And when we drink together it's pretty fun. We should totally get together. I can promise I can give you a good time and lots of love. Love Xaldin." he wrote. Xaldin printed the note, put it in an envelope, and wrote "Dear Xigbar" on the front of the envelope.

Then he snuck into Xigbar's room to place the envelope on Xigbar's pillow. Except Xigbar was taking a nap in there. So Xaldin place the envelope on Xigbar's face. Since it was too dark for Xaldin to tell. Xaldin snuck out of the room before Xigbar awoke. Xaldin nibbled on his teeth the rest of the day. The next morning, Xaldin awoke to find an envelope on his face. He opened it only to find a letter inside. Xaldin shouldn't have been surprised by this but he was. The letter read as follows "Yeah...Xaldin. You're pretty sweet too. So let's get together. Love Xigbar." Short and sweet. Xaldin decided the best time to start would e breakfast. And so start at breakfast they did.


	32. March 3rd

March 3rd (What would I do without without ridiculous prompts from friends?)

Xaldin stood in front of his bathroom mirror. His eyes glaring heavily at his lower jaw. He had grown quite a bit more then a stubble on his chin. And he was far past 5:00 shadow. Xaldin did not like this. Xaldin did not like this one bit. If there was one thing Xaldin could pride himself on. It was a clean chin. Every day he would strut down the hallway and as he passed people they would say "Nice chin!" "How clean!" "I wish MY chin was that clean!". And Xaldin also prided himself on his secret. His secret to his beautiful lower jaw, Clean as can be. When he thought about it, He didn't really need to keep it a secret, Since nobody else could pull it off even if the entire world knew.

But Xaldin was very protective of his secret. He didn't want to risk anybody else stealing his amazing lower jaw. Which is why he was so upset that he had let his lower jaw go. All this hair! He was almost forming a full-fledged beard! His upper-lip had a handlebar mustache forming! It was ab-SO-lutely terrible! It was time for Xaldin to initiate his secret to the perfect shave! Xaldin summoned his Lances. They barely fit in the bathroom. He positioned each one at a very carefully picked angle and location. He had to make sure his focus was perfect.

If he made one mistake he would get something much worse then a razor cut on his face. Xemnas always wondered why he heard loud clattering sounds coming from Xaldin's bathroom. But Xaldin would never tell him why. Wind came seemingly out of nowhere and circulated around the bathroom. Knocking things over like crazy. And then he was ready! Xaldin launched all of his lances toward himself, timing them just right as not to collide with each other. As each lance passed his face it cut the hair off his face with perfect precision.

_FSHING! FOOSH! FSHONG! _The lances would've stabbed themselves into the walls and left glaring holes if Xaldin wasn't skilled enough to de-summon them just before they destroyed the architecture of the castle. When all the lances were finished flying towards their master. Xaldin's face was perfectly clean. His chin was shinier then any other organization member(But not too shiny). His upper-lip was hairless, and his side burns looked fabulous. And Xaldin was more then pleased with his success. Even if Xaldin was the most boring member of the organization. At least he could pride himself on his mastery of the art of the shaving.


	33. March 4th

March 4th (#1 and #3 most boring organization members get together...)

Xaldin was goofing around on the internet late on night. Tumbling on Tumblr. Posting Facebook status'. And at one point he thought it would be fun to Google his own name on Google image search to see what came up.

There was the usual random unrelated image results. But it was when Xaldin saw the 15th result that he screamed out loud. "AWWHAWHWHAWHWHAAAAAAAAAAT!? WAH1!?1 " he shouted. Vexen came barging in from the room next door. "What is wrong?!" asked Vexen. " efffiffffff" Xaldin stuttered. I'm sure you would have been this shocked too if you were in his situation. For you see, the 15th result on a Google image search for "Xaldin" with safesearch off is in fact, a photograph. A photograph of Xaldin together with his boyfriend Vexen.

Who had a very similar reaction to Xaldin when _he _saw the picture. They both laid on the ground, huddled together. "'Why? Why is that on the internet?! When was that photo taken?! What's going on?! I'm confused!" cried Vexen. The two held each other tight wondering how the picture became so popular as to become the 15th result on Google image search.

"What if there was a crazy stalker in the castle? " muttered Xaldin. "Oooohh I hope not!" Replied Vexen. Xaldin was slowing starting to calm down. As startling as this revelation was – Xaldin didn't really mind there being one photo of him on the internet. And when he thought about it logically it was probably just a photo from an office party that got uploaded to facebook. He probably didn't know about it because they simply forgot to tag him. And Xaldin isn't a very common name, so it would make sense that that would be in the results. Xaldin could see however that Vexen was not simply startled.

Vexen was genuinely scared that there was a creepy stalker hiding in the castle taking pictures of them and posting them to the internet. Xaldin decided it would be best to calm him down. He put his arms around Vexen and patted his back "It's okay, it's probably just a photo from a party or something. I don't think there's really a creepy stalker in the castle. You're safe." spoke Xaldin in as relaxed a tone as possible. Which was very difficult for Xaldin, since he isn't very used to talking in that sort of tone. However it did seem to work as Vexen's muscles seemed to relax in Xaldin's arms. And the two lied together on the floor just a little while longer.


	34. March 5th

March 5th (#1 most boring organization member and #2 most boring! Yay!)

The organizational arm wrestling championship was in full swing. All 14 members of the organization were required to compete. It was pretty much just for Xemnas' amusement. Roxas beat Xion. Then Xemnas, But OOOOH his arm is almost shattered to pieces by Lexaeus! Xaldin beat Saix, Larxene, and Zexion and was moving on to the finals. Which meant the final arm wrestle would be between Xaldin and Lexaeus. There was a day to rest before the finals, and Xaldin knew that Lexaeus was built like a tank. He didn't think he had much of a chance to beat him at arm wrestling unless he figured something out. And figure something out he did. "If I can seduce my opponent, he won't be able to focus on arm wrestling, and therefore I'll be able to beat him and be the winner!" declared Xaldin, quietly, to himself – His eyes tracing the room to make sure nobody saw him announcing his plans out loud. But even though he had gotten his idea, he still needed to plan out _how _exactly he was going to seduce Lexaeus. He plotted and intrigued for most of the day.

Until finally he had a general idea of what he was going to do. So the next day, during the morning before he and Lexaeus were set to arm wrestle in front of the whole organization. Xaldin walked into the breakfast area wearing biker shorts and a rather tight sleeveless shirt. Needless to say, all eyes were on him. Xaldin got a frying pan and proceeded to fry up some breakfast sausages. Other organization members had been preparing other foodstuff but at the moment Xaldin was the only one actually cooking, as opposed to staring at Xaldin when they _should _be cooking. As a result, by the time people were sitting down at the table, Xaldin's sausages were the only thing that wasn't either burnt, undercooked, or otherwise inedible. Xaldin made sure he sat right across from Lexaeus. "Hey, Lexaeus, don't you want to try my sausages? I bet you'd just _love _to put one of my hot freshly cooked sausages in your move." spoke Xaldin in as sexual a tone as possible. Lexaeus didn't say anything, but his face quickly became redder then Axel's hair as Xaldin continued his advances.

"I mean, I know you'd probably just love nothing more then to just chow down on my delicious sausages." Xaldin was almost constantly raising his eyebrows as he said this. Lexaeus didn't really want to eat Axel's burnt eggs or Saix's pancakes that were more batter then cake – so he eventually caved in and used his fork to transfer a sausage to his plate. Xaldin made insinuative "mmmm" sounds the entire time that Lexaeus was eating his sausages. Everybody else in the organization awkwardly ate the sausages as well. Glad that Xaldin's advances weren't towards them. Xemnas was the only nobody that thought to just get some cereal out of the pantry. Although the only cereal they had left that day was high-fiber cheerios. And most of the organization members would rather eat Xaldin's sausages than high-fiber cheerios.

After breakfast everybody gathered in the gray area for the epic final match of the arm-wrestling tournament. Xaldin put his elbow on the table and lifted his hand up with a wide grin on his face. Lexaeus seemed like he wasn't sure if he actually wanted to make skin contact with Xaldin. But he eventually put his elbow on the table and grabbed hold of Xaldin's hand. "READY! SET! GOOOO!!!" shouted Xemnas. The match was on! Xaldin put all his strength into pushing Lexaeus' hand to the table. Lexaeus was presumably doing the same. But Xaldin had a secret weapon. After about 3 minutes of trying to push Lexaeus' arm to the table, Xaldin brought out the secret weapon he had been preparing that morning. He raised his eyebrows a few times as he made eye contact with Lexaeus, Whose face once again became bright red and seemed to have lost all of his focus.

For you see, Because Xaldin had been raising his eyebrows all that breakfast, Lexaeus had associated the two actions, and when Xaldin raised his eyebrows, it instantly reminded Lexaeus of his amazingly awkward and embarrassing breakfast. And to him, it was as if Xaldin had been making even more advances while they were arm wrestling. Lexaeus' arm weakened, He tried to advert his eyes from Xaldin's but when he lowered his eyes all he could see was Xaldin's skin tight shirt revealing a muscular chest. This really did not help the situation, and lowering his gaze any further would only make it worse, as you may remember that Xaldin was wearing biker shorts. Lexaeus simply couldn't take it anymore, and his arm slammed to the table! Xaldin was the victor of the arm wrestling tournament!

And Xemnas seemed pleased that he had gotten more entertainment out of this arm wrestling tournament then he had originally expected. And that may have been the reason that Xemnas had declared at the end "Xaldin is the winner! His prize is Lexaeus! Whether or not either of them make up lies about not wanting each other.". Xaldin let out a bellowing laugh, and Lexaeous remained completely silent, as he usually does. And the rest of the organization evacuated the room as Xaldin pinned Lexaeus to the floor. And the organization XIII's breakfasts lived awkwardly ever after.


	35. March 6th

March 6th (Halfway through I accidentally started referring to Xaldin as a she. I fixed it though.)

Xaldin was always super duper deep and depressed on the inside. The only person he could ever truly relate to was Zexion. The two often sat in corners together making sobbing noises. A sophisticated hobby deeper then anybody else in the organization could ever understand. "Sobsobsobsobmalbgawdsobsbob" sobbed Xaldin. "" Zexion sobbed back. Xaldin knew that the whole world clearly all very dark and depressing, and that Zexion was his only shining light. What Xaldin didn't know was whether Zexion thought the same. He decided he would need to woo Zexion somehow.

He already knew that Zexion was far superior at writing poetry. So he decided his best option would be black roses. Now you may be thinking "But wait! Black roses don't exist! The only roses I've ever heard of Red roses and White roses!". And while that is true, if you know how, you can make whatever color roses you want. And you don't even need to be magical! Which you might find surprising since almost everything these days involves being magical. The first thing Xaldin would need was a vase. And he knew the best anything is always something you make yourself.

So Xaldin set out to make a vase. He went to a toy store and picked up a "4Realz Babiez" doll. He didn't need the body, So he removed the head and discarded the rest. He got some of his black lipstick out of his makeup drawer and applied it to the baby's lips. He also used it to turn the baby's eyes pitch black. He used his red eyeliner(Only true gothics have red eyeliner) to draw tears of blood on the baby's cheeks. He used his personal sandpaper to flatten the top of the baby's hollow head. His vase was complete! The next thing Xaldin needed was roses. White ones to be exact.

He slapped his face when he realized he could have picked them up while he got the baby head. He went out to the supermarket and picked up some white roses and food coloring. When he returned to the castle he filled the baby head with filtered water and placed it on his desk. The hollow baby head made a beautiful vase when flipped upside down. He used the food coloring he picked up to turn the water black as black can be. Then he cut of the ends of the roses and put them in the baby head. For the next few days he watched as the roses petals slowly blackened.

Until finally they were pitch black. He wrapped them in a bouquet and that night he approached Zexion's door. _Knock knock knock _he knocked. When Zexion opened the door he was surprised to find Xaldin presenting him with a bouquet of black roses. Zexion's face showed absolute indifference, which Xaldin knew meant he succeeded. Zexion took the bouquet and invited Xaldin into the room. They sat on Zexions bad together. "Sobsobsobsob" sobbed Zexion. "" Xaldin sobbed back. This is truly the most romantic they had ever been. You may not understand how this is them being in love. But that's because they're totally gothic.


	36. March 7th

March 7th (Why is it that the second half of the organization is so much more interesting.)

Nobody really knew why. Nobody had time to think about why. But whatever the reason, There was a zombie outbreak. Now you may be wondering "How can there be a Zombie outbreak in the context of Kingdom Hearts? Are they inter-dimensional Zombies?" And my answer to that would be yes. They are inter-dimensional zombies. They can move between worlds at will.

Although they _are _zombies so it's not like they're aware how useful such an ability could be. But that doesn't quite matter at this point. Because our story begins with Xaldin, Axel, Saix, Zexion, and Xion hiding behind a couch from Snow white, Whose skin was about as white as a piece of broccoli right now. "Braaains....Brainnss...." Mumbled Snow white. They all thought they were safe behind the couch, However it was then that a smile slowly seemed to come into existence.

And following it, a rather green Cheshire cat. "Brains." said the zombified Cheshire cat. In a rather sophisticated tone. And while it could have gone after any one of them first, Xion's appearance took on the shape of a tuna fish wrapped in black cloth. So the Cheshire cat ignored her, no longer desiring tuna fish being a zombie. Xion seized this opportunity to slay the cat using her Keyblade – Just before the cat took a big bite out of Zexion. The gang ran off to one of Xemnas' many "Privacy rooms" which were typically empty besides a queen bed. They locked the door and sat in a circle.

"Oh...it's hopeless...I'm sure one of those Zombie's can breath fire or something. We're all going to Un-Die." moped Zexion. "Don't be so emo Zexion! I'm going to light all of these zombies on fire and stop the outbreak! Because there's no way I'm missing Neil Patrick Harrison opening the Oscar's just because of some inter-dimensional zombies!" Shouted Axel as he summoned his chakrams. He unlocked the door and flew through the door, slamming it behind him. Xaldin could hear Axel slicing off Zombie heads left and right. Xaldin has very good hearing. Almost as good as Zexion's sense of smell. "Hmphf! The nerve of him!" Humphed Saix as he got up to re-lock the door. "Ditto" agreed Xaldin. It was a few minutes of silence before a loud banging could be hear on the door. "RRRAAHA LET ME IN!!!" it sounded like Axel, "I WANT BRAINS! GOT IT MEMORIZED?!" It was Axel.

"Oh no! Axel too!?" cried Xion. Axel set fire to the door and kicked it down. "See...I told you." stated Zexion as Axel grabbed him and Xion and ran off. Xaldin and Saix quickly stood up and fought their way to another "Privacy room" before they were corned by Zombies. They quickly locked the door and pushed the queen bed to the door. They sat in the furthest corner together. "Y-y-you know...I'm actually kind of scared." Shuddered Saix. It seemed that a zombie had broken the heating system. For it was very cold. "It's okay." said Xalin in as calming a voice as he could muster. "Hold me..." said Saix in a voice that was practically a whisper. And so Xaldin did. "You know, since we're probably going to Un-die, We might as well be in love and happy for out last remaining moments of intelligent thought." said Xaldin."I agree." replied Saix. And so they kissed. And they used the Queen bed. And then the Zombies broke in. "This....is awkward." said a zombified Alladin. "BRAINS!!!" Shouted Roxas. And then they were no longer Nobodies love. But Inter-dimensional zombies in love.


	37. March 8th

March 8th (Sorry for the chapter spam. I realized I was forgetting to paragraph. And had to re-update)

* * *

Xaldin had been experiencing some pains in his stomach and bum. So he went to Vexen to get check-up. Since Vexen often served as the magical doctor of the organization. It went pretty well, Lift your arm, Lift your shirt, Look here, Look there. Pee on this. Stick out your tongue. Read this while covering your left eye, read this while covering your right eye. But it was the end of the check-up when it took a downhill turn "You're pregnant." said Vexen. Xaldin stared at Vexen in the face. "No seriously, What's wrong." Said Xaldin with a straight face.

"You're pregnant...Axel's the father." Replied Vexen. Still straight faced. "You're serious?" asked Xaldin. "Yes." replied Vexen. ".......WHAAAAAT?! HOW?! THIS DOESN'T! I DON'T! I WASN'T EVEN ON THE BOTTOM!" cried Xaldin in absolute confusion. "I don't know how either, but there is clearly a baby growing inside of you. You're due December 4th." explained Vexen. "Go talk things out with the father. I hear same-sex marriage is legal in Neverland." he continued. Xaldin got very angry at this statement, he didn't like being treated like a teenage girl, he stormed out the lab and slammed the door. And a few moments later, Slammed into Axel's bedroom. "I'M FUCKING PREGNANT BITCH!" He shouted in an angry rage. "....I-I-I'm SORRY?! What?!" replied Axel. Axel stampeded back into the wall, Xaldin held him in place there.

"I don't know HOW but I'm PREGNANT with YOUR BABY!" Shouted Xaldin. "P-please don't hurt me?" whimpered Axel, who was too terrified to even think about how he could have gotten Xaldin pregnant. Xaldin lessened his grip. "I'm sorry, I could never hurt you baby." Xaldin apologized as he calmed down. "But wait...You're the man in this relationship...why are _you_ the one that's pregnant?" Axel wondered out loud. And it was true, Axel's hip didn't lie. He had baby-making hips to be sure. Xaldin thought long and hard about the last time they had sex. And it could be assumed that Axel did the same.

"Waitaminute.... The last time we had sex....Was Opposite day!" exclaimed Xaldin. "Of course! And that's why you, a very manly man, got pregnant! And why even though you were on top, somehow it went backwards and _it_ ended up inside _you." _Said Axel. The two sat in silence for a while. "Will the baby be a nobody too? Or will it have a heart? Will you have to get a C-section? Is it possible to give a man an abortion?" Axel inquired. "We should write these down and ask Vexen." said Xaldin. "Maybe because it was conceived on Opposite day it will be an opposite baby?" Continued Axel. "What the hell is an opposite baby?" asked Xaldin. "I dunno....A full grown adult? Will it take the traits of us nobodies or out somebodies?" Axel was just filled with questions. "Fuck this." exclaimed Xaldin, He took one of his lances, cut his own body open, Pulled the fetus out(He HATES fetus) and pulled the skin back together, he signaled to Axel to use his fire powers to singe the skin shut. "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRHHHH OUCHOUCHOFUCKFUCKFUCK THIS REALY HURTS! WHY AM I DOING THIS!? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF" Shouted Xaldin the whole time

. When they were done with Xaldin's make-shift abortion Xaldin's abs were no more, but he knew that he would have lost them through baby-weight anyways. He also had a long black burn mark where his abs should be. "Plastic surgery can do wonders, I hear Agrabah has some great plastic surgeons." Axel said in an attempt at comforting. "Just one more reason why I want to own that place." replied Xaldin. The two laughed together and the moment went down as just another funny antic of the couple. Oh those two and their crazy antics.

* * *

(OH GAWD I'M SO SORRY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE SERIOUS IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT...AAAAHH....Well...I don't have time to fix it. :D)


	38. March 9th

March 9th (D-D-D-D-Demyx time!)

Xaldin awoke that day the same way he usually would. He broke the alarm clock, He got a new one out from under his bed and set it up. Then he put on his underwear, Then his shirt. But it was when he went to put his pants on that this day became different from all the others. For Xaldin found that not only was his organization cloak missing. But also every single pair of pants that he owned! There was no sign of who could have taken the pants. No ransom notes or fingerprints.

Although it made sense that there were no fingerprints since most people in the organization wear gloves. Xaldin stood in his room. He didn't want to go out wearing nothing but an undershirt and his underwear. He'd rather be wearing some clothes of the over type when he went out. But he also knew that he would probably never find the pants thief if he stayed inside his room.

Xaldin decided that have pants now then dignity later so he barged out his door and into the breakfast hall. "OKAY! WHOSE THE BASTARD THAT STOLE MY PANTS!" He shouted, trying to look as angry as possible as to scare the thief. Nobody was scared but Roxas and Xion, who had taken on the appearance of a shadow wrapped in a cloak. Xaldin assumed this was because to him she was a potential suspect. "It's probably Demyx, He was really giddy and couldn't keep himself from laughing. And he seemed to rush through his cereal." sighed Saix.

Xaldin did notice that Demyx was the only one not at the table eating something or other. "Grrr....DEEMMYYXXXX!!!" Xaldin shouted as he stormed out towards Demyx's room. When Xaldin barged into Demyx's room he found Demyx sitting in a chair facing the door. Demyx immediately burst out laughing "AAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" he shouted. "What did you do with my pants!?" Shouted Xaldin. "I've hidden them." replied Demyx. Who was just barely holding back his giggles as he talked. "Where are they?" Asked Xaldin. "I'm not telling." replied Demyx. Xaldin is a very manly man. And he probably has 3x more testosterone in his body then the manliest man reading this(And let's face it, If you're reading this you aren't very manly).

Which is why the first thing that came to mind when Xaldin thought of ways to get Demyx to give him his pants back was the following. Step one, Pin Demyx to the wall, Step Two, Smirk, Step Three, Move your mouth in very close. Step four, If Demyx doesn't protest, Kiss him. Step Five, Break the kiss and pin Demyx to his bed instead. And while there were more steps after that. Xaldin never got to them. Because when Demyx was pinned to the bed, He cried out "OKAY OKAY! I hid them under my bed!" shouted Demyx. Xaldin got up and began to take his pants and organization coat out from under the bed. He counted them and found that there were two pairs of pants missing. "Demyx...Where are the other two pairs of pants." said Xaldin, glaring at Demyx the whole time. "I'm wearing them, You'll have to strip me down to get them back." replied Demyx with a smirk. "That can be arranged." Xaldin laughed and grinned. Perhaps having all of your pants stolen wasn't too bad after all.


	39. March 10th

March 10th(Today was a deadline for a more important Non-fanfiction story. So I kind of threw this together as fast as I could. Sorry.)

* * *

Xaldin & Luxord were sent on a mission together to Agrabah. They were supposed to scope out the cave of wonders together for anything particularly magical and/or possibly wish-granting. But they had other plans. "I'll show you a cave of wonders" and all that jazz. They arrived at the cave of wonders and Xaldin admired Luxord's eyes, blue like an ocean,or were they brown?

Xaldin wasn't even sure. He was now too distracted by Luxord's beautiful blonde hair. And goatee. Yes, The two were so madly in love. They could care less about the mission, it was just an excuse to be alone together in a cave. The cave was dark, very dark, dark as Halloween town's sky, Dark as Xaldin's hair, Dark as Xemnas' non-existent heart. Luxord's beauty sure shined in the darkness. At least in Xaldin's opinion. He caressed Luxord's face with his gloved hand. Oh how nice it was for them. Xaldin liked everything about Luxord. His Obsession with gambling puns; His accent; His earrings; His Goatee. Everything! T

hey stared each others eyes and conversed with and without speech. They didn't need to speak, because they were in love. Xaldin, Luxord, Xaldin Luxord, Blah blah blah they're in love. They didn't really make an effort to investigate the cave, because they're in love and stuff. However it's hard not to stumble upon something magical when you're in the cave of wonders. I mean, even the name implies that it's wonderful in there. And do you know what that something magical Xaldin and Luxord found? Love. Yes, Love. Even though they were already in love. They found _more_ love inside the cave of wonders. Because they finally had alone time.

And while it was a _gamble _to not to the mission. They believed they had a good hand. And they had some cards up their sleeves. Like the fact that they already knew that there was a magic lamp inside the cave of wonders. They could just play dumb "Oooh... We found some sort of lamp in there, We think maybe you should send Roxas to get it or something.". So instead of being productive. They just screwed around in the cave of wonders. And now while your reading this, you may have been thinking "Wow, this is stupid, there's no story at all, it's just repetitive stuff about how much Xaldin and Luxord love each other." And you'd be right. That's exactly what this is. And you know why it's that way? Because Xaldin and Luxord love each other. Hah!


	40. March 11th

March 11th (What would I do without prompts from friends.)

* * *

Xaldin didn't exactly know why. But for some reason Marluxia seemed to be making a point to stand next to Xaldin as often as possible. Xaldin didn't realize this phenomenon until only a few weeks after it started to happen. Xaldin didn't give much thought as to why until it had gotten to the point that he could barely spend a moment without having Marluxia stand next to him.

And that was normally how much it would take to get Xaldin to give thought to something. And so he began to think, _why would Marluxia be standing next to him so much? _Xaldin doesn't like thinking too much though, so the first theory he had was the one he stuck with. "He probably has a crush on me or something." he decided. And continued to not give thought to Marluxia standing next to him all the time. However, Marluxia's beauty and fabulousness became too much for Xaldin to handle, and Xaldin soon found himself falling head over heels for Marluxia.

He found that he started to look forward to Marluxia standing next to him. And he started to find that he spent more time looking at Marluxia then any other member of the organization. And that he enjoyed doing such. It almost got to the point that Xaldin found himself following Marluxia around, rather then Marluxia following him.

He began to enjoy Marluxia's presence and felt empty when Marluxia wasn't around. And since Xaldin had already established that Marluxia was following him for reasons of love. He decided that he should probably confess to Marluxia so their relationship could advance past following each other around. So one day during breakfast Xaldin decided it was time. "Marluxia.... I love you." said Xaldin, with utmost passion and sincerity. "Oooh...Uhh.... Well...umm..." Marluxia stuttered out. "I'm guessing this happened because I was standing next to you...Let me explain."

Marluxia continued. "See, You're really really ugly Xaldin. And I thought that by standing near you, I would look more beautiful by comparison." Was Marluxia's explanation. The silence that followed was awkward to say the least. And it lasted for probably a full 5 minutes. Until "Although...I must admit, I think I've fallen for you a little too." admitted Marluxia. Xaldin smiled quite a bit "Fantastic!" cried Xaldin. He threw his arm over Marluxia and gave him a kiss. "Now you're mine!" Declared Xaldin. "Are you sure _you_ aren't _mine_?" replied Marluxia. "Positive" said Xaldin. "And that's final." and so it was.


	41. March 12thThe MANLY chapter!

March 12th (I AM GAYTHEIST JESUS!!! :D)

* * *

Xaldin was standing around doing nothing one day when he was approached by Larxene. "Heeey Xaldin. I like super manly men." stated Larxene. "Oh...Oh you do do you?" replied Xaldin. "Oh yes! Yes I do!" replied Larxene. "GRRRRRRRRRRR" growled Xaldin as he flexed his muscles to show off how manly he is. He then ate 12 dozen raw eggs and lifted the couch that Axel, Roxas, & Xion were sitting on.

"OOOOHHH!!! YOOUUU'RREEE SSOOO MMAAANNNLLLYYYY" cried Larxene. Xaldin put the couch down and continued to do manly things. Such as grow a bear using sheer will. Then shaving it using MANLY shaving gel. And also using ALL CAPS for emphasis instead of those FEMININE _italics._ Breaking the fourth wall is manly too. "Oooh Xaaaallldidiiiin ddoooo moorreee maaannlllyyyy thhiiinnngggsss!!!" Scramed Larxene. Xaldin knew what the manliest thing he could do was. He flexed his muscles so hard that his organization coat and undershirt ripped off his body! And revealed his MANLY chest! His chest was very muscular!

His pectoral muscles were especially huge! And his abs were like, a 32-pack! And his chest hair, OH HIS CHEST HAIR! IT WAS EVERYWHERE! "" Wailed Larxene. "Oh yes I am! I am so manly!" replied Xaldin. He continued to flex with his shirt off. And his chest hair grew furiously. "Hey. Roxas, I think you're bed head is bumping into me." said Axel. Before he realized that what he felt was actually XALDIN'S CHEST HAIR TOUCHING THE BACK OF HIS HEAD! This is because Xaldin is manly. He has so much testosterone that his chest hair just grows like 50cm every time he flexes without a shirt. Larxene thrust herself into Xaldin's chest.

"THE MANLINESS! IT IS SO POWERFUL AND OVERWHELMING!" she cried. As she rubbed her face in his chest hair. The smell of testosterone filled the entire gray area. It was even affecting Axel, who while typically manly, started to feel quite effeminate. "I AM THE MANLINESS CHAMPION OF THE ORGANIZATION!" roared Xaldin. And all the other organization members had to submit to his manliness when he did. Then Xaldin took Larxene to a "Privacy room" where he did manlier things, so manly they can't be put into words. Or posted on FF.


	42. March 13th

March 13th (Sorry Roxas.)

Xaldin was determined to be in a relationship with Roxas. He had no idea why. But he just wanted nothing more then to be with Roxas. And he would use brute force if he had to. Xaldin is not the brightest nobody in the organization. Plan A for getting with Roxas was to go up to him and shout "I LOVE YOU!" in his face. When Roxas screamed and ran away Xaldin kept shouting "LOVE ME BACK! LOVE BACK!" As he chased him around the castle. He threw roses at Roxas with the strength of daggers to try and get him to swoon and slow down.

Xaldin tried to sneak up on Roxas. Just when Roxas felt safe, Xaldin jumped out from the corner "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!!!" He shouted. Roxas screamed and ran away again. It became clear that Plan A was a failure. So he had to move on to Plan B. Which he purchased at a pharmacy. He didn't know what it did, all it said on the box was "For when Plan A fails..." which happened to be the case. Roxas was drinking a cup of orange juice with Axel and he happened to leave it unfinished at the table when he left to use the bathroom. Roxas was afraid of Xaldin so he asked Axel to go with him.

While they were away Xaldin opened one of the Plan B pills and mixed the powder into the orange juice. He mixed another pill into the glass just to make sure it worked. Xaldin ran off the hide and waited for Axel and Roxas to get back. When they did, Roxas took a sip of his orange juice. "Huh, this tastes sort of funny." commented Roxas. "It's probably just your imagination." replied Axel. As Roxas continued to drink his orange juice, he began to act differently. "I really think something is wrong with this juice. " repeated Roxas. "Like I said, It's probably just your imagination." repeated Axel.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S JUST MY IMAGINATION?! DO YOU NOT THINK I CAN TELL WHEN ORANGE JUICE TASTES FUNNY?!" Shouted Roxas. "Woah! Where did this come from!" gasped Axel in shock. "Look!" Declared Roxas as he chugged the rest of the drink. "SEE! IT DEFFINATELY TASTES FUNNY!" Shouted Roxas, who was making limp-wristed gestures with his hands. "Roxas? Are you feeling okay?" asked Axel, who seemed to be getting a little scared. "I FEEL FINE!" Shouted Roxas. "I better get Vexen." mumbled Axel as he ran away. Roxas watched Axel run off. And his face began to droop. He then began to cry

"Why...why did Axel leave me here all alone?" Cried Roxas. Tears running down his cheeks. Xaldin left his hiding place and approached Roxas. "It's okay Roxas, I'm here to protect you." Roxas looked up and saw how manly Xaldin was. "Oh...Xaldin..." mumbled Roxas. "Roxas...I love you." declared Xaldin. "Oooohhh Xaaallddiiinn!!!" Cried Roxas! "I love you too!"

Roxas was clearly blushing. He threw himself into Xaldin's arms. Xaldin held him tight. Even if those plan B pills weren't actually meant for this situation. They ended up working after all. And so Xaldin was victorious, for he entered a relationship with Roxas. Axel was very jealous. And by the time the effects of the Plan B pills wore off, it was too late for Roxas to break up with Xaldin. Because Roxas feared that Xaldin would kill him if he tried to leave. And they lived a happy life together forever after.

(Aaah! Sorry! I uploaded the document but forgot to update the chapters!)


	43. March 14th

March 14th (I'm going to Anime Boston April 1st-4th. So The next update will be 5 chapters on April 5th)

One day Xaldin was _very_ hungry. All he wanted was a sandwich. He didn't want anything more then a sandwich. He just had this _huugee_ urge to eat a sandwich. And it just so happened that when Xaldin saw Xion that day, her appearance had taken on the shape of a person in an organization coat, with a sandwich for a head. Before Xaldin tried to eat Xion's head. He checked to make sure there was bread in the kitchen. There wasn't. So Xaldin decided he had to eat Xion if he wanted a sandwich. Xion of course has no idea that she looked like a sandwich to Xaldin. Xaldin had no idea that Xion's head wasn't actually a sandwich. But none of this stopped Xaldin from going up to Xion, turning her towards him. Opening his mouth and moving towards her to take a bite. To anybody but Xaldin, this looked a lot like Xaldin suddenly trying to kiss Xion on the lips. "WHAWWHWAWHWAWHWHWAAAAAT ARE YOU DOING XALDIN!?" Screamed Xion as she back away and tripped. Landing on her bum. "I'm trying to eat a sandwich! Now stay still!" screamed Xaldin. As he pinned Xion to the ground and continued his attempt to plant his lips on hers. "FFFFFF Sandwich?! What?! Xaldin you're crazy!" shouted Xion. "Uugggh, you annoying bitch." cried Xaldin. And at that moment Xion's appearance changed from a sandwich to a female chihuahua. Xaldin quickly backed away. "WAAA?! YOU'RE NOT A SANDWICH!!?" He cried. "No! I was never a sandwich! What's wrong with you!" Cried Xion. It was then that Saix approached Xaldin and Xion and explained to them the nature of Xion's appearance. "Oh...So then...if I want a sandwich. Then if I want Xion. Xion will become a sandwich?" pondered Xaldin out loud. "Yes." Said Saix, who then promptly left. "Well, to be honest, I did kind of have a crush on you." said Xion. "Oh?" Xion's head then morphed back into a sandwich. And the two kissed passionately. "Mmmm" moaned Xaldin. And so Xaldin got his Sandwich. And Xion got her crush. And the two lived sandwichley ever after. The end(Of March)


	44. April 1st

April 1st (I WROTE THESE NEXT 5 CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY!)

Vexen was tired of being shoved around. He was the smartest nobody in the organization! Or at least that's what he liked to think anyways. After all, he was the one that always created ridiculous clones and creatures. Potions with potential to poison pompous pricks. And who knows what else(Well, Vexen knows.) And since _everybody _knew that the Organization was run like a pack of dogs. Vexen knew he had to "Out-Seme" Xemnas and become the Alpha-male in order to be respected by the rest of the members. But Vexen wasn't stupid.

He knew he was no match for Xemnas. So he conjured up a potion containing Lavender, Soy nuts, Tea Tree oil, Shredded Tea Bags, Birth control pills, and vials of pure estrogen. Along with some other secret ingredients that only Vexen really understands the uses of. And so during breakfast the next day, Vexen used his ingenious intelligence and supreme wit to slip the potion into Xemnas' morning cup of liquid that nobody could tell if it was alcohol or watered down coffee(Xemnas called it his "Wake-up juice"). "LOOK! KINGDOM HEARTS!" Shouted Vexen while pointing to across the room. "WHERE!" Shouted Xemnas as he turned around to where Vexen was pointing. Vexen then quickly poured the potion into Xemnas' drink and shouted

"Woops! I mistook Marluxia's hair for Kingdom Hearts, Sorry." And tried to act casual. "In the future, please be more sure of things before you start shouting about them." Grumbled Xemnas, holding back the obvious desire to punch Vexen in the face. "I'm deeply sorry." apologized Vexen for the second time. Xemnas clearly didn't want to punch Vexen in the face _in front of the other members._ But it seemed that Xemnas fully intended to punch Vexen later. At least that was Vexen's theory at the time when Xemnas arranged for them to meet at 9:00pm in Xemnas' room. However Vexen was not worried as Xemnas unknowingly drank the potion which meant Xemnas would be a total Uke by the time they met.

Or at least, Vexen hoped that was the case. He had never used this kind of potion before, so he didn't know how long it take to take effect, or if it even worked. But regardless, Vexen showed up to Xemnas' room at 9:00pm and uncomfortably walked inside. "You know Vexen, I've been paying quite a bit of attention to you recently, and I must say you really are my type." said Xemnas in a rather cocky voice. "Even when you do stupid things like thinking Marluxia's hair is Kingdom Hearts, it still makes me want you even more." He continued. "So I've decided that since I want you, I'm going to make you mine." Xemnas grew a large smug grin on his face as he said this.

And before Vexen could process what this meant, Xemnas stormed towards him and attempt to pin him to the wall. Emphasis on attempt. For when Xemnas tried to push Vexen back towards the wall, He could barely move Vexen's arm, let alone his whole body. Vexen knew his potion had worked when he saw that Xemnas was blushing a bright red "EEEEEEEEEH!!" screamed Xemnas in a rather girly voice. "Umm...I...uhh...I..." mumbled Xemnas as he averted his gaze and twiddled his fingers. It was then that a wide grin grew on Vexen's face. Vexen pinned Xemnas to the wall and....well...I'll let you imagine the rest.


	45. April 2nd

April 2nd (I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!)

"Oh man! Oh man! So so so so so Vexen tots pinned Xigbar to the waaalz and like, they made hot smex. Anad and and then they were in bed togeter and they made fluff 3333333333

!! Then Xigbar was like "Vexne! I luv u!" abd Vexen was like "Xigbar! I love you too! But too mannly for ush! Im not gei1" But Xigbar was like "*Crycrycry* But! I luv u! Who care what sex im am!" So then Vexen was all " fine I luv u 2!" And then they had hut sme again becausz this be yaoi n stuff. Then the next morning Xibgar was meking brekfest 4 vexen and vexen was like "oh I love eggs and hambacon" and xigbar walsiked 'oh I no tats why I maid it 4 u' and ten vehxen wasliek 'nom nom nom yummystuff" and they lived happpily ever afte. Zee and." Read Vexbar from her notebook.

"Daddy! Do you like my story?" she asked. "Of course I do." replied Xigbar. "Although I'm a bit concerned about some of the mature elements." Said Vexen. Vexbar had a confused look on her face. "I'll explain when you're older." said Xigbar.

"Will you explain it on the same day that you explain how I came out of you?" Asked Vexbar while poking Xigbar's belly. "Of course I will sweetie, of course I will.".


	46. April 3rd

April 3rd (And yes, I consider Anime Boston a good excuse to not write for 4 days of the challenge.)

Vexen stared at the unconscious Xaldin on his bed. He had slipped a sleeping love potion in Xaldin's drink earlier that night. The potion was probably the strongest kind of date rape drug. Not only did it leave the victim unconscious. It also made them fall in love with the first person they see when they awaken.

Vexen has invented the potion himself for this very occasion. Although he thought that perhaps after wards he could sell the recipe on the black market. After all, whether or not you want to be in a relationship with the victim, it's still useful to the creep that decides to use it. Just make them see somebody besides you when they wake up, and they're none of your business. Make them see you, and they could care less if you raped them.

And now Vexen stared at his victim. Xaldin was quite pretty, his sideburns made Vexen's heart beat fast and caused hot flashes. As you would expect sideburns to do. Vexen didn't actually want to rape Xaldin though. He wanted to have the option of doing so. But he didn't know whether he wanted to go through with it. So he just lied in the bed holding Xaldin tight. Xaldin smelled like alcohol. Vexen always thought Xaldin looked so adorable with his braids and lances.

Xaldin was probably the most effeminate Organization member, and that's counting Larxene. Vexen always thought it was cute when Xaldin entered a room screaming "Heeeey grrrlss how are all you ladies doing?" in a faaaaaabulous accent. Maybe someday they would move to Atlantis together and sing songs with the living toys and shoot lasers at Titanic survivors from seahorse drawn carriages. Either way he knew that they would live a happy life together when Xaldin woke up.

So Vexen fell asleep in his bed. His arms wrapped tightly around Xaldin. And dreamed dreams of hand puppet dinosaurs doing jazz hands while they breathed fire on hand-drawn humans and turns all the dogs evil.


	47. April 4th

April 4th (I'm still exhausted from the convention and yet here I am, writing 5 Seme!Vexen fics)

Vexen stared at himself across the room. "Wh-what g-g-going ooon?!" Scream Vexen. "I'm not entirely sure." replied Vexen. As he put his hands on his hips and looked tough. Vexen trembled and blushed "B-but! There is two of us! What will we do?!" screamed Vexen. "Hrrmm.. It appears I'm acting more macho then you wimp. So perhaps we were split into two beings, one masculine, and one effeminate." Proposed Vexen. "I-I-I G-Guess that's the case!" replied Vexen.

"Wow, all this testosterone! I feel powerful!" Exclaimed Vexen. He then proceeded to pin himself to the wall. "V-V-Vexen? What are you doing?" whimpered Vexen. "I'm going to have my way with you." replied Vexen. "Would this count as losing our virginity?" asked Vexen. "I don't think it's masturbation when you're literally having sex with yourself. I think at this point it becomes something else entirely." replied Vexen as he started to unzip Vexen's cloak. "M-M-Maybe i-it's incest?" asked Vexen as he struggled to break free. "No...You aren't your own family, that doesn't make sense." replied Vexen as he thought of a way to get Vexen's arms through the sleeves without loosening his grip.

"S-S-Selfcest?" proposed Vexen. "Yes, that term seems accurate." replied Vexen as he twisted Vexen's arm around and through the sleeve. Then quickly pinning him back against the wall. "What if somebody walks in on me?" cried Vexen. "Don't worry, I'm sure they won't care." replied Vexen, who at this point was at that point where he was so turned on he was actually becoming dumber. Which by the way has been scientifically proven to exist. "I think t-this reaches a whole new level of narcissism." said Vexen as he gave in to Vexen's overwhelming dominance.

"Probably" was all Vexen said before he ripped off Vexen's undershirt and used the remaining scraps of fabric to tie Vexen's hands behind his back. "If a rapist rapes himself is it rape?" was Vexen's final question before he lost the capacity to speak. "I don't care." was Vexen's reply as he ripped off his own coat and clothes. And so Vexen had a very enjoyable night. And Vexen's was a bit unpleasant, although nice in the end.


	48. April 5th

April 5th (Vexen....Being a seme...with Lexaeus... FFFFFFFFFFFFF TOO TIRED FOR THIS)

VEXEN WAS MANLY! RAAAAH!!! LEXAEUS FLEXED HIS MUSLCES AND WAS LIKE "I'M MANLIER!!!111" BUT IT WAS FUTILE BECAUSE VEXEN COULDN'T HEAR HIM HIM BCAUSE LEXAEUS DIDN'T ACTUALY SAY ANYTHING EBCAUSE HE WASN'T MANILINESS ENOUGH TO SPEAK TO VEXEN WHO WAS SO MANLY HIS MANLIENSS OVERWHELLMED LEXAEUS AND REVERTED HIM TO A FEMALE STATE FROM BEFROE HE WAS IN THE WOMB, BUT THEN VEXEN WAS LIKE "OH, YOU'RE A GIRL NOW, I DON'T LIKE THOSE THINGS, BE MANLIER!" SO THEN LEXAEUS COMPLIED AND BECAME A PUBESCENT BOY. AND THEN VEXEN WAS LIKE "MUCH BETTER" AND THEN STUFFFFF.....!!!

THEN ROXAS WALKED IN WAND WAS LIKE "WOW11 THATS NOT GOOD I TELL EMNAS" BUT THEN VEEN WAS LIKE "MANLINESS BEAAAAMMM" AND ROXAS FAINTED FROM CAUSE OF SWOONING. AEL FAINTED TOO. CWXEN THEN FUNNED MORE ANDOR RWHATEVER. LEAEUSS WAS receiving MUCH MANILESS FROM VEXEN SO AS THEIR SMELLING SESSION WHEN ON HE SORT OF GREW LARGER AND MANLIER. BUT VEXEN WAS STILL MANILER THEN LEXAEUS AND PINNED HIM TO THE WALL. THEN STUFF HAPPENED END. FUN WHATEVER. SELEEEP. PLEASE.

* * *

(I swear, that second paragraph was written with my eyes closed falling asleep.)


	49. April 6th

April 6th (Sorry for those last 5 chapters. Now, a return to "Normality".)

_My heart is cold as ice._

_Colder than your heart is dark._

_Together our hearts make a cold dark cave._

_Because they're hollow and stuff._

_If only I could freeze time and be with you._

_Forever._

_Because._

_Then._

_Maybe._

_Just._

_Maybe._

_Our combined friction could light a fire._

_That would warm our hearts and bring light to our hearts._

_Exterminate._

_Exterminate._

_Exterminate._

_Anything that stands in our way._

_That would prevent us from loving each other._

_Loving each other with our terrible nasty_

_ugly hollow black dark_

_deep_

_frozen_

_stupid_

_beautiful_

_hearts._

Vexen wrote his poem on a slip of paper he put in Zexion's spare underpants. He didn't sign it but he hoped that the hints in the poem would help Zexion figure it out.

_My heart is darker and blacker then your heart is cold._

_So there._

_Nanananabooboo._

_My heart is dark and deep and black AND cold._

_So that's like, even better._

_Now go make me a sandwich, women._

Vexen found this in his sandwich the next day during lunch. Somebody must have slipped it in when he wasn't looking. It was gross and covered in mustard. Vexen smirked. "Oh it's on." he said to himself.

_I'm the man in this relationship._

_I wear the pants._

_You are weaker then a girly sailor on a ship._

_You don't have the right to rants._

_I will dominate you and freeze you._

_And you make you love me whether you like it or not._

_And I'm not talking about rape, I can just use a love pot._

Vexen slipped this into Zexion's makeup drawer. Wrapped around the eye liner.

_Oh, Oh my._

_I guess I will be making the sandwiches._

_After all, your poem even rhymes!_

_How can I compete with that?!_

_Your poetry skills are superior, therefore you must be too._

_I concede._

Vexen found this poem in his own underwear drawer. Written on a pair of Zexion's underpants.

Vexen smiled and enjoyed his victory. The next day he ambush kissed Zexion and they ran off to Vexen's bedroom.


	50. April 7th

April 7th (Can't write a romance scene? Don't worry, it's yaoi, just have them get pinned to a wall.)

Vexen was approached by Saix that morning for his mission statement. "Vexen, You're mission is to go to Castle Oblivion along with half of the organization." Saix stated as emotionless as he could. "But! If I go to castle oblivion! If I go!...then..then..." stuttered Vexen before being interrupted by a "You're repeating yourself." from Saix.

"Let me try again. If I go to Castle Oblivion then how can we spend time together?!" exclaimed Vexen. Saix was about to say "You're acting is terrible." but he was cut off at _is_ by Vexen pinning him to a wall. "Well Baby, If we're going to be separated, we'll have to make the most of the time we've got." spoke Vexen in a ridiculously deep voice he may or may not have thought was sexy. "Honestly Vexen we've only been dating for a-" began Saix before he lost the ability to speak.

The cause of which was of course Vexen kissing him. The kiss broke a couple of minutes later. "Vexen, As nice as that was, I have to remind you that you aren't going away forever and I'll still be here when you come back. Now please, prepare for your trip." spoke Saix in a stale tone of voice. "I'm going to write you letters every week." said Vexen. "That's nice." replied Saix. "Oooh, look at meee, I'm Saaaixx, I doon't have emotions. Blah blah blah I don't love my boyfriend because I don't have a heart to love with oooOOOooo." Vexen began to mock in a tone that while obviously mocking, was somehow devoid of all emotions.

"Hey! You know it's not easy to be emotionless all the time! You try it! For the next month don't express any emotions!" screamed Saix. "If you can pull that off then we can be together again when you get back!" Saix continued. "Fine. I will do so." said Vexen in a voice devoid of emotion. And so Vexen went off to Castle Oblivion. And never came back.

Saix soon realized he loved Vexen, but it was too late. Later, Saix had to fight a certain keyblade wielder, and lost miserably because he was too busy crying about Vexen. When the final battle came, Saix saw his death, as he shed a single tear for Vexen. "Vexen, I'll be with you again soon." were his final words. But they were too quiet for anybody to hear. This is all tots canon BTW.


	51. April 8th

April 8th (I think I'm getting writers fatigue. I'm running out of ideas! The 14th can't come sooner.)

"Hey Ice Queen!" Shouted Axel as he entered Vexen's lab. "The keyblade wielder's taken out everybody in the castle. Now it's just you. And me." Flirted Axel as he slowly moved towards Vexen. Vexen was a bit startled at first. He thought it was odd that Axel gave him affectionate nicknames but he never thought Axel actually had affection for him.

Vexen honestly could care less. He _was _the ice queen after all. But if they were the only ones in Castle oblivion then he thought he might as well have some fun. "Now if you'll excuse me I'll be pinning you to the wall now." Chuckled Axel as he reached for Vexen's arm. "I think you've forgotten." declared Vexen as he took a step away from Axel. "Forgotten what?" asked Axel. "You've forgotten that you're in _my_ laboratory." State Vexen in a plain and simple tone of voice. Vexen snatched one of his potions that was on the table next to him and threw it at Axel. Well, Vexen was smarter then that. He didn't throw it at Axel as much as he threw it at the ground around Axel's feet.

Vexen knew better then to throw a glass container at a person's(Or a nobody's for that matter) face. The glass shards would damage them terribly. No good if you want to have fun with somebody. No good at all. "Whatidja do that for?" Asked Axel, scratching his head. "Fun." explained Vexen. Axel made loud sniffing noises as the fumes from the potion reached his nose. "What is this?" asked Axel, flaring his nostrils. "I'm not sure. I didn't check before I threw it." replied Vexen. "What if it was poison! Or acid!" exclaimed Axel. "That still would have been fun." replied Vexen. The two stood still for a few moments while the potion began to take effect. Axel had already inhaled the fumes so even if he moved he would still be affected. And Vexen wanted to observe and try to figure out which potion it was. Axel's jawline started to become more fine, and his minor amounts of facial hair fell off. He was starting to move his hips more when Vexen figured it out.

"Aha! You've inhaled the fumes of my prettiness potion!" Declared Vexen. Upon hearing this Axel blushed, then shouted "Gah! Why am I blushing!?" Of course to which Vexen replied "That's the prettiness potion." Vexen began to make sniffing noises as well. As he smelled the air he realized that Axel was letting off a strong pheromone. Vexen attempted to hold himself back but it wasn't long before he found himself pinning Axel to the wall and kissing him deeply. When Axel asked "What are you doing?" in his now more effeminate and gentle voice. Vexen replied "It's the prettiness potion!"


	52. April 9th

April 9th ("When performing CPR, it is almost 100% likely the subject will throw up.")

"You shouldn't be so far out to sea." Shouted Vexen from the beach. "Oh come on, I'm not _that_ far out, I can still hear you can't I? Besides, I _control water_ how am I going to drown?" Demyx lazily shouted back. Lazily because while it may have technically been shouting he wasn't exactly easy to hear. As he wasn't even making the effort to make himself audible. Vexen was worried nonetheless. He was assigned lifeguard duty at the time for the Organization's annual beach party.

They had hourly shifts for the full 13 ½ hours of the party(Xion and Roxas each only got 30 minutes of duty because they were so tiny, and by the time they would be on duty most people wouldn't be swimming anyways.) As it was the 4th hour of the party, It was Vexen's turn to be a lifeguard. Seeing as how he could freeze the ocean if he needed too, he was probably one of the more reliable lifeguards. As opposed to say, Axel, who couldn't even swim. Or Zexion, who believed it would be better if he didn't save anybody because saving them would prevent them from experiencing "the sweet release of death". Vexen sat on his Lifeguard tower and stared at Demyx.

Who was now even farther out to sea. He folded his arms over his chest and sighed. He then shook his head a bit too. He was making sure that anybody that looked at him would know he was disappoint. Or more accurately, being snooty and looking down on Demyx. Or any other word you could use to describe somebody expressing those mannerisms. I don't have time remember what the right word is because it was then that lots of splashing could be seen around where Demyx was supposed to be. Screams of "DANCE WATER DANCE! DANCE WATER DANCE! DANCE WATER DANCE!" could be heard faintly.

Vexen sighed to himself "Stupid idiot, if he's drowning he should keep his mouth shut and keep the water off." he mumbled. He quickly stripped his shirt off and blew his whistle. Everyone knew to get out of the way as Vexen stormed out into the water. And he began to swim as fast as he could to catch up to Demyx. And while you may have thought "Why doesn't he just freeze the ocean?" well to be fair, it takes quite a bit of energy to freeze the ocean and Vexen didn't think it was worth it for somebody as useless as Demyx. Vexen quickly caught up to Demyx and used his classic red lifeguard float to carry him back to the shore. However Demyx was still in danger of course, all that shouting had filled his lungs with water.

Or whatever it is that happens when people need CPR. Vexen first pressed his palms into Demyx's chest a bunch. Demyx's abs were rock hard. Now Vexen probably shouldn't have been feeling Demyx up at a time like this but if he was going to perform mouth to mouth he felt like he needed motivation. Vexen performed some mouth to mouth and more chest pressing. Until finally Demyx regained consciousness. Which all people who know CPR also know, means that Demyx immediately began to vomit and shit himself.

Vexen turned Demyx onto his side and once all the vomit was out, he moved Demyx away from it and towards a bathroom. Vexen ordered Lexaeus to get him the appropriate supplies to clean the vomit. Even if it was in sand, vomit contains various acids and you wouldn't want small children such as Roxas or Xion stepping in it. And if anybody inhaled it while making a sand castle or something, then they would most likely die. After cleaning Demyx's vomit. Vexen decided to go see how Demyx himself was doing. Lexaeus had taken over as Lifeguard so he had the time. Demyx was lying on a towel eating a sandwich. "If you choke on that I'm not performing the Heimlich maneuver." Greeted Vexen. "Vexen! You saved my life!" Replied Demyx, completely ignoring Vexen's cruel comments. "Yes I did." replied Vexen.

Demyx stood up and planted a kiss on Vexen's lips. "THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Shouted Demyx. Vexen was in a bit of a shock from the kiss, but he quickly regained his composure. "How exactly were you drowning anyways?" Asked Vexen. "I was too lazy to bother swimming." Replied Demyx. "And besides, I wanted _you_ to save me." Flirted Demyx. Vexen knew this wasn't true at all. Unless Demyx was actually more stupid then he thought. However, As effeminate and coldhearted Vexen was. He was still a man, with a sex drive. And he knew a good opportunity when he saw one. So he decided he would use Demyx. The two entered a relationship soon after.

With Demyx loving Vexen. And Vexen loving to use Demyx for... personal needs. And Vexen eventually fell for Demyx too. And even broke his promise of not helping Demyx if he choked on any sandwiches.


	53. April 10th

April 10th (I finally unpacked my bags from AB! Maybe I can get some ideas from bad $4 Yaoi manga. Also in case you can't tell, I've been watching too much Doctor Who. A British guy that controls time?! It must be him!)

If there was one thing everybody knew Luxord was good at, it was gambling. And if there was one thing everybody knew Vexen was good at, it was anything that required intelligence. Most of the rest of the organization was too stupid to think of what exactly he's good at besides "Smart stuff.". In the beginning, Vexen died a little inside every time one of the members of the organization got frustrated and broke the computer monitor, and was convinced they had broken the entire computer. However by the time Roxas joined it became a typical occurrence and Vexen became desensitized. Luxord was one of the few members that was actually considered intelligent by Vexen's standards. Sometimes Vexen wondered if Luxord knew more then he was letting on. After all, Luxord could apparently control time.

And Vexen had heard a rumor that Luxord's somebody was a Doctor of some sort. But those were just rumors. Vexen respected and was fond of Luxord, as he was glad that somebody else in the organization knew the difference between computer and monitor. But he was still worried that Luxord may have been smarter then him. And it was those worries that lead Vexen to challenge Luxord to a game of Roulette. Vexen's plan was to use his (hopefully) superior knowledge of physics and math to work out the chances of which slot the ball would land in each time. Luxord owned his own personal Roulette table that Vexen inspected first before they started playing. They took turns on who would spin the roulette and who would throw the ball in. They spun it 12 times to decide who would be the winner.

If neither of them had gotten a single spin correct by then they would keep going until one of them did. In which that person would be the winner. For the purpose of scoring, getting the exact color and number right on one round is worth more then getting the color right on two rounds. Rather then bet money, they simply made a guess each round and if they were right they marked it down on paper. And so the game began. The game was relaxed, while at the same time extremely intense. The air was electrified and thick enough to cut with a keyblade. But the two were acting as if it was just a casual game of cards. It came to be round 12. Vexen and Luxord were tied. And Vexen's calculations showed a 97% chance of the ball landing in Red 7, and Vexen was the one starting the roulette that round so he didn't even have to take into account how fast Luxord would spin the roulette or what angle he would throw the ball in. Vexen had a 97% chance of winning this round if he just picked Red 7. And he was about to do so, when he found himself pause.

If there was one thing everybody knew Luxord was good at, it was gambling. Vexen almost never gambled, And if he beat Luxord at gambling, then that would ruin Luxord's reputation forever. And Vexen found himself not being himself. He truly had grown fond of Luxord, and he didn't know whether he was willing to ruin this man's entire reputation just to keep himself from being self-conscious about whether Luxord could secretly possibly be smarter then him. Vexen decided he amazingly wasn't, so he decided instead to go for Red 9. Luxord picked 27 Black. Vexen started the roulette spinning and threw the ball in.

Around and around it went. The ball began to slow. And slow. And then it stopped. And Vexen couldn't tell whether or not he was very lucky or very unlucky. Because when there was only a 3% chance of it happening, the ball landed on Red 9. And Vexen won the Roulette challenge. Luxord was absolutely baffled and blushing. "H-How?! How did I lose at gambling!?" Luxord stuttered out in shock. Vexen was panicking too. He cared for Luxord and didn't want to hurt him. He wanted to help but he didn't know what to do. So Vexen did something almost never did and acted upon a gut instinct. Now there's a reason Vexen didn't typically go on gut instincts, and that's because Vexen's gut instincts tended to be selfish and what they told him to do was typically completely irrelevant. And that applied here too because what Vexen did was give Luxord a big kiss on the lips. A sort of rapey french kiss. How this was supposed to make Luxord feel better, Vexen had no idea. But it sure made Vexen feel better. The kiss lasted for about 30 seconds(Give or take 29 seconds.) before Vexen pulled away.

Luxord's face was red as a Vocci. And his legs grew weak as well. But Vexen held him up. Vexen could hear Luxord's heart beat very fast. _Ba-dump, Ba-dump, Ba-dump._ Then Vexen dropped Luxord. "YOU HAVE A HEART?!" screamed Vexen. "Well, I used to have two." mumbled Luxord, whose head wasn't working properly and so he wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. "HUH!?! WHAT?! HUH?!HOW?!?" Vexen lost his balance and fell on top of Luxord while screaming this. Luxord however seemed to be feeding off of Vexen's confusion and seemed to be regaining confidence "I also own a blue box that's bigger on the inside." Chuckled Luxord. Vexen's ears perked and managed to regain composure "Oh? How interesting." Stated Luxord. "Could I see this box of yours?" He asked. Luxord took Vexen to one of the castle's hallways where a large blue box with the words "POLICE" were displayed on the top. "How did I not notice this before?" asked Vexen. "Perception filter." replied Luxord. Vexen was loving this, all of this new technology was a major turn-on. He pinned Luxord to the box and kissed him some more. "I'm guessing Luxord isn't even an anagram of your real name?" Asked Vexen. "Let's talk about this inside." Replied Luxord. They entered the box and it then prominently faded out of existence. Luxord explained that when he first joined the organization and Xemnas asked for his name that he was about to say "Doctor" but realized he shouldn't and stopped. Resulting in him saying his name was "Dorlu". And so the two went off exploring time and space and stuff. But then Sora caught them making out in Timeless river and killed them with the keyblade. Luxord's last words were "Damnit! If only I could still regenerate!"


	54. April 11th

April 11th (This is a favorite pairing of many. Except usually Marluxia's the Seme...)

Vexen was tired of being commanded around by Marluxia. Marluxia was a huge fruit parfait and Vexen was a much manlier queen then Marluxia could ever be. Sure he may have been the "Ice Queen" but at least he didn't dye his hair pink. And yes, that isn't Marluxia's natural hair color. Normally it's brown. And since Vexen couldn't slip Marluxia estrogen in order top top him, Xemnas knows Marluxia already has plenty of estrogen already.

He decided he would have to resort to a cat-fight. "But I thought if it was two men it was a dog fight" No, These are the queens of the organization, it's a cat fight. And so Marluxia entered Vexen's lab. "Grrrl You bettah have my cosmetics ready! I must be beautiful when I overthrow the organization!" Exclaimed Marluxia. "Not today bitch!" Screamed Vexen as he threw black hair dye at Marluxia. The hair dye splattered all over Marluxia's hair and outfit(Which was a bit pointless since his organization coat was black anyways, although it did ruin the leather.)

It was a special kind of hair dye invented by Vexen that settled quickly. So once it was on your hair the deed was done. "YOU BITCH! I LOOK MALL GOTH NOW! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!" Screamed Marluxia. "Don't worry! Next I'm gonna rip that ugly rag off your skull!" Exclaimed Vexen as he dashed towards Marluxia with a pair of scissors. Marluxia dashed towards Vexen as well and the two grabbed each others hair as they grinded their teeth making growling noises. This went on for quite a while. Switching between hair pulling and bitch slapping frequently.

Until finally in a move reminiscent of Brokeback mountain. Vexen pinned Marluxia to the wall and began to kiss him. A passionate embrace. And nobody knows what happened next, as they both blacked out and don't remember anything of what happened. Vexen awoke in the same bed as Marluxia. "I'm still going to kill you for ruining my hair" cussed Marluxia. "As long as I'm in charge." said Vexen with a smirk.


	55. April 12th

April 12th (Gasp! Vexen's a Lesbian?!)

Vexen was madly in love with Larxene. Don't even ask how he could fall in love with somebody as hideous as Larxene because he did and it will go down in history as one of the worlds greatest mysteries as how he did. Which is why he was almost heartbroken when rumors started going around that Larxene was a lesbian.

But Vexen's resolve was quick and may or may not have been simple "IF LARXENE IS A LESBIAN! THEN I TOO SHALL BE A LESBIAN!" He loudly declared to himself inside his head. Axel did always call him the Ice Queen, and now that statement would become true. After all, What do you call a straight drag queen? A Lesbian. Vexen took a quick visit to the department store in twilight town and bought lots of fabrics and ice cubes. Fabrics to make his outfit, Ice cubes because when he was finished he was going to be hot grrrl. His dress looked like something Lady Gaga would make. Full with ice themes and everything. And of course he stuffed his bra. His hair was already long and feminine. So he just had to apply makeup. Which didn't take long with his specially made cosmetics.

And so his drag was complete. He ran out into the gray area to show off how fabulous he looked. When Larxene saw this her reaction was as follows. Facepalm, Groan, "Am I the ONLY straight person in the entire organization?!" Be annoyed by Axel replying "Yes". When Vexen saw this he almost immediately tore off his dress and washed his makeup. He was wearing his organization coat underneath, filled with icecubes(I told you he was going to be hot) He then began to act like nothing had ever happened. "Vexen, we all saw that, you can't exactly deny it." said Larxene as she walked up to Vexen and pulled on his collar. "Why exactly did you just run in here dressed in full drag?" Asked Larxene. "I heard you were a Lesbian so I thought you would love me if I was a girl." Squeemed* Vexen. "Wait, then you're straight?!" Exclaimed Larxene. "Yes" replied Vexen. "OOOHHH TTAAAKEE MEEE NOOWWW" Cried Larxene. Vexen grabbed Larxene's arm and pulled her into a bedroom. And the two lived heterosexually ever after. The end(Because Sora killed them).

*It's like a Squeamish Scream.


	56. April 13th

April 13th (This one was fun to write.)

Vexen was many things, but he was not a pedophile. And even if technically none of the nobodies were older then 3. He still felt weird creepin' on Roxas. So he decided to develop a super duper aging potion. To make Roxas look less prepubescent and more college student. He didn't need any Ienzo flashbacks if he were to end up with Roxas.

He used Puppy-dog tails, Regular Dog tails, Pubic hair, the saliva of somebody undergoing puberty, testosterone, some sweat, A few inches of tallness, Some muscles, And some hormones as ingredients. He also used a martini and some Menergy as the drinks needed for the "Potion" aspect. The brewing took a few weeks. This was of course intentional, the potion needed to age before it could have an aging effect. It would be really hypocritical if a newly born potion was trying to tell you get older. That's like Larxene telling somebody to be more effeminate.

But regardless, After the potion was done going through puberty, Vexen bottled it up and began preparations on how he would get Roxas to ingest it. He thought of many ways. Slipping it into his drink. Ambush chugging contest. Until he figured out the perfect plan. Vexen approached Roxas in the hallway and handed him the potion "Drink this." he said. "Okay!" Replied Roxas as he immediately began to drink the potion. "I feel funny." said Roxas as he finished the potion, his voice cracking in the middle of his sentence. His legs were visibly growing longer, And by effect his shorts were visibly growing shorter. Becoming short shorts(It was casual Friday anyways). Roxas grew a bit of a stubble and his legs(Which were now prominently on display) grew hairier. He overall grew in age and right when it looked like Roxas had reached the age of 21. A tail sprouted out of his lower back. It was....A puppy dog tail.

"Gah! No! Too many canine tails!" Cried Vexen as Roxas grew a second pair of ears on top of his head. Now resembling some sort of blonde Inuyasha. Roxas let out a short bark. "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF" Screamed Vexen. He wanted grown boy Roxas! Not dog Roxas! Roxas began to run around Vexen "Hey! Hey! Look how tough I am! Look! I'm an adult now! Bark bark! I'm tough!" Babbled Roxas in his now much deeper voice in an attempt to express dominance over Vexen. Vexen facepalmed and looked at Roxas. "Oh well, He's still cute I guess. And he _is_ an adult now." Vexen mumbled to himself. He grabbed Roxas by the shirt collar and tugged him into his bedroom. And then Vexen expressed his dominance over Roxas the way dogs do.


	57. April 14th

April 14th (This is kind of creepy, Since Vexen is sort of Xion's parent.)

It was a bit weird being in love with something that you yourself created. It's weirder when that thing looks like a small girl in an organization coat except for instead of a head is a what looks like some sort of potion. Most likely because Xion was one of Vexen's creations and Vexen typically created two things, Clones and potions.

Sometimes he made other things but not as often as clones and potions. If Vexen ever opened a shop of some kind that would be the name. "Come to Clones & Potions! The best place for all your cloning and potion making needs!". Vexen loved making potions, and he also loved Xion. So that was also a good reason as to why she looked like a girl with a potion for a head. But no matter the reason. Vexen was in love with somebody who appeared to have a potion for a head. They often had tea together in the afternoons and discussed the social-political situation in Agrabah. Which you may have missed in 358/2 days, You just have to read the secret reports extra carefully to find that part.

Vexen very much enjoyed these meetings and looked forward to them each day. And day he almost dropped his cup of tea on his lap. Which would have done permanent damage to his Organization coat, and possibly other things. And he wouldn't be able to get a new coat because Mickey mouse and Riku stole all the spares. _The bastards. _But regardless, The reason _why_ he almost dropped his coat was because when he looked up at Xion expecting the typical potionface. Instead what he saw was a what appeared to be security camera footage of all the times he had tea with Xion. "What's wrong Vexen?" Asked Xion "You're face is wrong." replied Vexen. "Really, A your face joke? Because I get enough of those as is." replied Xion, who was clearly not amused.

"Nononono, You're face, it doesn't look the same as it usually does. It is in fact not a face, but rather a moving image." Replied Vexen. "When I look in the mirror, it looks weird, like I'm looking at somebody I don't know. Whoever it is it certainly isn't me, and certainly isn't what people say I look like." Mentioned Xion. "Roxas says I look like a girl, but Axel says I look like 'an obnoxious now go away' And Saix says my skin is made of wood. What do you see Vexen?" Asked Xion. "Your face looks like security camera footage of all the times we've met here to drink tea." Replied Vexen. Xion looked perplexed. "I've always loved these moments, there what I look forward too." Said Vexen. "Does that mean you love me too?" Asked Xion. "Yes." Replied Vexen.

And then Xion's face warped into a large Less-than sign next to a three. Pasted on top of a bald human head. Vexen knew exactly what decided Xion's appearance and he understood it better then anybody. So he managed to change his perceptions and get it so Xion looked like a girl with black hair and ":3" for a face. Which he found very amusing. He chuckled to himself before he found himself going in to kiss Xion. With Xion doing the same. Closer and Closer and Closer. And then _smooooooch_ They kissed.


	58. May 1st

May 1st (Lexaeus doesn't talk. My main character for the month DOESN'T TALK. DX )

Lexaeus knew Xemnas' day was always busy and loud. He often watched Xemnas struggle to put up acts of confidence and attempt to be intimidating while constantly being barraged with questions and demands. Being in charge of a criminal organization attempting to take over the multi-verse through manipulation of not only your own organization members but also the fabled hero wielding the legendary weapon is so difficult describing what you're even doing becomes quite the run on sentence. So it made perfect sense to him when one day after the rush hour of demands had just ended. And the only people left in the hallway was Xemnas and Lexaeus. That Xemnas collapsed into Lexaeus' arms.

Followed by a few minutes of absolute silence. Lexaeus wasn't going to go drop his superior any time soon. But he damn well was going to point out the awkward situation by talking. But that didn't stop Xemnas from making himself fall on his own. "What am I doing." Said Xemnas. And no, that isn't grammatically incorrect, because Xemnas was not actually asking Lexaeus what he was doing. Asking Lexaeus a question is a very silly thing to do. Thus no need for a question mark. Xemnas rolled out of Lexaeus' arms and fell to the ground. "This is so exhausting." he mumbled. "There's so much noise. All the time. The shouting and the complaining and blahblahheartlessblahblahsorablahblaaaaaaaaaa."

Xemas was clearly falling asleep. Lexaeus didn't know where Xemnas' slept, So he decided to carry him back to his own bed. Lexaeus is the "Strong and Silent type" in the literal sense. He was strong enough to carry a grown man a few floors of the castle to his bed room. And he never ever says a word. He set Xemnas down in his bed and stood over looking at the man. His superior was lying in his bed asleep. And Lexaeus couldn't go all night without sleep just because Xemnas was in his bed. But the bed couldn't fit them both unless they cuddled _reaaallly _closely.

After all, Lexaeus barely fit in that bed by himself. Let alone with Xemnas lying there. Plus it would get really hot if Xemnas was wearing all that leather underneath the covers. And Lexaeus was very good at convincing himself to do things he probably shouldn't. And Lexaeus was _not_ sleeping in his sweaty organization coat. So he slowly unzipped Xemnas' coat. The zipper was very long so it took quite a bit of time. Lexaeus was hoping Xemnas wasn't going _"natural"_ because that would increase the awkwardness by even more then he expected. But Lexaeus was not a very lucky man. He was especially unlucky because he himself _was_ going "natural" that day. And being a closeted laundry fanatic he was _not_ going to dirty his back-up pair of underwear while he waited for the rest to get back from the cleaners.

Vexen's custom made laundry machines may be able to clean Leather without damaging it, but it also took a lot longer for the clothes to get back. And so Lexaeus had to snuggle up really close in his bed with Xemnas, with both of them naked. And Xemnas not having memories of why. Lexaeus knew that with this level of awkwardness he would surely be killed in the morning. So he decided to also handcuff Xemnass to the bedpost to prevent that. Knowing full well that while it may make the situation even harder to explain. It would still be safer. And no matter what it would be hard to explain since he didn't like to talk. Although best case scenario Xemnas liked Lexaeus as much as Lexaeus liked him.


	59. May 2nd

May 2nd (UGH! WHY IS IT SO HOT! I wish I lived somewhere that never went higher then 25C!)

"Kampow!" Lexaes heard from across the room, just before a foam dart hit his head. "Yes! You just got sniped by the greatest one eyes sniper in the world!" Exclaimed the voice. Which Lexaeus could easily tell was Xigbar. It was cute, but it was annoying. Lexaeus stood up and walked towards Xigbar. Xigbar seemed to panic and quickly gravity flipped away.(In that rather then run, he changed his gravity so he fell away. Which is much faster then running.)

Lexaeus dealt with this pretty often. He was pretty sure Xigbar had some sort of school-ground crush on him or something. There didn't seem to be any other reason why Xigbar shot foam darts at him on a daily basis. Here decided the best thing to do would be to test the theory. He would have to find a way to flirt with Xigbar. But there was no way he was going to talk. Lexaeus' relationship with his vocal cords is worse then the USA's relationship with Cuba. And there weren't illegals immigrating from Lexaeus' vocal cords either. There are even stories of investigative journalists getting kidnapped while studying the totalitarian dictatorship that the citizens of Lexaeus' vocal cords have to live in. So Lexaeus' banned imports from his vocal cords. Which includes words and speaking.

He even cracked down on illegal voice trafficking that attempted to make him speak. But regardless, Lexaeus was hard at work thinking of ways to flirt with Xigbar. So the next day at 3:07pm exactly Lexaeus caught the foam dart before it hit his head. And he approached Xigbar. Except today the door was closed and Xigbar couldn't just fall out of the room. When Lexaeus caught up to Xigbar he grabbed the back of Xigbar's head and before Xigbar could cry "WHATAREYOUDOING!?" Lexaeus got all "SSHHH" and kissed him on the lips.

Xigbar then promptly fainted upwards. The confusion from the kiss having messed with his gravity control. Lexaeus managed to catch him(It's easy when he's falling up) And made a weird arch with his arms that held Xigbar in place. Annoyingly Lexaeus still didn't have an answer because of Xigbar's recent unconsciousness. But he could wait. Because he at least knew _he_ liked Xigbar. And that was enough for him.


	60. May 3rd

May 3rd (Just FYI Anonymous reviews can't be replied to. So I can't answer anonymous questions.)

Lexaeus and Xaldin were probably considered the two most manly men in all of mandom. And were most definitely considered the most manly men in the organization. They also happened to have a sort of "Bromance" going on. Especially after Lexaeus recently **bro**ke up with Zexion. You could say he was Man-dating Xaldin on re**bro**und from Zexion. This is especially why Lexaeus was so worried when Xaldin started carrying around a man-purse. Or as Lexaeus liked to put it, A purse. Lexaeus had two option as he saw it. Bitch-slap Xaldin across the face for carrying around such an effeminate piece of leather. Or get really compassionate and hold Xaldin's hands and try to silently send the message across that the purse looked really tacky.

Lexaeus decided the latter was the safer option since the former was likely to activate Xaldin's limit break. The plan was initiated with only minor resistance from Xaldin. However the silently sending the message part was more difficult then Lexaeus expected. He spent a good 15 minutes passionately holding Xaldin's hands in his without anything else happening. Until finally Xaldin spoke up "Is this about the purse? Because I'll totally get rid of it if that's what you want bro. Bro's before whoreish purses right man?". Lexaeus was surprised how specific he managed to send the message across. However despite this he still found himself holding Xaldin's hands. And the intimacy levels were rising, which would definitely change the intended message.

"Or...Is this about something else?" said Xaldin with an increasingly anxious look on his face. Consciously Lexaus was screaming "ABORT! ABORT!" but he found that he couldn't get his hands to separate from Xaldin's. "Do...do you want to take this Bromance to the next level or something?" The situation was becoming increasingly dire. Lexaeus was sure no amount of "No-Homos" would solve the situation. Especially since Lexaeus hated talking with a burning passion. And Xaldin was a nice guy. Lexaeus would rather end up in a romantic relationship with Xaldin then talk. Which the more Lexaeus thought about it. Wasn't that bad a prospect.

And typically if you'd rather not talk then end up in a relationship in somebody then you probably actually want to be in a relationship with that person quite a bit. And Lexaeus realized he must have been making this new revelation quite obvious because he could faintly hear in the background noise behind his thoughts a voice like Xaldin's saying "Because you know, I've been thinking. And I'd kind of enjoy that. Taking this to the next level I mean."

And while Lexaeus thought it might have just been Axel playing a mean joke. He chose to believe that it wasn't. And Xaldin put his free hand on top of Lexaeus' and together they changed the position slowly from Lexaeus holding Xaldin's hands to them holding each other's hands. And on their way out of the room, Xaldin threw out his purse.


	61. May 4th

March 4th (This is one of the most impossible pairings ever.)

Lexaeus had been set up on a blind date by Zexion. Except it wasn't exactly a blind date as much as it was a deaf date. Sure, Lexaeus knew who Vexen _was_, He'd probably passed by him a few times in the hallways. But the two had never said a single word to each other, ever.(Which admittedly isn't too difficult when Lexaeus is involved.)

Zexion tugged on Lexaeus and pulled him to a seat in some strange indie cafe he'd never heard of. Lexaeus didn't really need to be tugged on by Zexion since if Lexaeus wasn't cooperating already then Zexion would just be standing in place trying like crazy cakes to get Lexaeus to move. Lexaeus sat down in his tiny little chair that creaked with every movement. At first he thought he was too big for the chair but when it got quiet enough he could hear that every chair in the cafe did that. It was apparently some sort of artsy expression that the cafe is known for. Lexaeus deduced this by overhearing people with pencil-mustaches and ears gauged past their chins exclaiming "THIS IS SO COOL! I LOVE HOW THE CHAIRS SQUEAK!" before being interrupted by their friends reminding them that it isn't cool to be excited about things. Zexion returned pulling a Vexen towards the chair across from Lexaeus. The Vexen had a disinterested expression on it's face. Like it was being just as force into this date thing as Lexaeus was. Lexaeus then realized at this point that he was referring to Vexen as a thing in his head.

He decided objectifying Vexen was not a good way to start off a date. The two sat in silence for a bit, "Come on! Become a couple already!" complained Zexion who was apparently spying on their date. Lexaeus shot him a terrifying glare and scared him away. "Nice glare." complimented Vexen. The first thing Vexen had ever said to Lexaeus. Lexaeus gave Vexen a smile. It's hard to go into detail on what happened during the debate because to the observer it would look like nothing happened at all. Like Vexen had his hands on the table and Lexaeus held them halfway through the date and neither of them said a thing. Maybe their facial expressions would change slightly but other then that nothing observable seemed to happen. However to Lexaeus and Vexen everything happened. Lexaeus was known for having a way to communicate without talking. He rarely spoke a word. Okay, that's a lie,

Lexaeus did actually speak, he just didn't like too. That's why every time he spoke he ended up bitch-slapping people and activating their limit breaks. Zexion was baffled yet pleased to see Lexaeus and Vexen walk out of the cafe holding hands. Even if he had no idea how or why they were suddenly in love. It was like Lexaeus used from telepathic love voodoo to make Vexen love him. But otherwise his plan was a success.


	62. May 5th

May 5th (Do you hate dialog and all forms of speech? Well do I have a chapter for you.)

Lexeaus woke up at 6:30am. He got out of bed, dressed in his Organization robes. Strapped on his boots. And left his room. He walked down the hallway to the kitchen and ate a bowl of "Agrabah Market Basket Generic Brand Sugary colored circles!". The box had the mascot "Timmy the Toucan" on the front with an expression of way more excitement then any toucan should express.

The Organization's kitchen was maintained by Vexen who refused for financial reasons to get larger spoons. Lexaeus thought he looked ridiculous eating his bowl of cereal with a tiny spoon smaller then his index finger. After he finished his cereal he rinsed out the bowl and put it in the dish-washer. Along with the obnoxiously tiny spoon. Lexaeus then moved on to The Gray Area to find out what mission he was to do that day.

His mission was the typical "Just go see what Zexion needs you for." that he tended to receive, Despite the fact that he outranked Zexion. Maybe the fact that he just let himself get pushed around and never objected is why this sort of thing always happened. He ended up doing the paperwork for the purchase of Castle Oblivion. Insurance contracts ect. Apparently Zexion didn't rank high enough for his signature to be valid. Lexaeus found this amusing but didn't say anything(Of course).

After the paperwork was done he returned to the Kitchen and ate some miniature microwave pizzas. Probably 3 times as many as most people would eat but Lexaeus had such a fast metabolism that it took such huge portions to fill his stomach and satisfy his huge muscly body. He remembered back when he was a Somebody that people passing by would make remarks about him looking like male model, that they wanted to rub up all over him and cover him in oil. Back then he was flattered. Now he'd probably just stand there and wait for them to get bored and go away. Apparently once Castle Oblivion was set up and The Keyblade wielder was done chasing "Ansem" around, they would lure him into the Castle and torment and mindfuck him for fun.

Lexaeus wasn't stupid though and could guess he'd still probably just end up in the basement taking orders from Zexion and his _amaaazzing_ sense of smell. It was definitely something committed to memory, Zexion's sense of smell. One day Zexion walked by and said "PEEW! Lexaeus! You smell like you haven't showered in 2 Days, 7 hours, and 45 minutes!" which was absolutely true. Because Lexaeus _was on his way to the shower_ when Zexion said that. Lexaeus finished his pizzas and went to his room. He stripped naked and got in his bed. Then he fell asleep. Woke up the next day. Repeated this for another 30 days before being sent to Castle Oblivion.


	63. May 6th

May 6th (Finally! A real paring!)

It may seem strange that Lexaeus follows Zexion's orders all the time despite outranking him, but he has a very good reason for that. For you see, deep down inside, Lexaeus finds Zexion absolutely irresistibly adorable. Imagine the cutest thing you've ever seen, Lexaeus probably finds Zeixon cuter then that. Whenever he saw Zexion he always had to hold back a blush or a sequel. He was so distracted that he didn't even both resisting commands.

But that doesn't mean Zexion was ever in charge. Lexaeus was constantly holding back the need to pounce. Like some sort of Cougar. Although he doesn't exactly live in a town, so at least it isn't a _cougar town. _But regardless, At any moment Lexaeus wanted he could tackle Zexion and pin him to the wall. But Lexaeus didn't because he was nice. But everyday Lexaeus found it harder and harder to resist the urges. Lexaeus and Zexion were eating breakfast together, they were both eating cereal. And were across the table from each other. You could've been able to say that they were chatting. Except it was more like Zexion was talking and Lexaeus was listening. Zexion had just told a joke about preps and bananas, but what matters is what happened after he finished the sentence. He smiled. It was a very small smile, but a smile none the less.

To Lexaeus, this was so extremely cute that he just couldn't help himself. He pounded. He jumped across the table, knocking over several bowls of cereal, and tackled Zexion to the floor. If he hadn't gotten splashed by cold milk he would've proceeded to kiss-rape Zexion while pinning him to the floor. Zexion's blue hair sure did contrast his brand new bright red face. Arms flailing and body squirming. Zexion couldn't have escaped Lexaeus no matter how hard her tried. And Lexaeus was still contemplating what he just did. "Lexaeus! Get off me! You smell like 7-day 8-hour 23-minute old milk!" screamed Zexion. A crowd had formed around the situation. Axel and Marluxia were amongst the laughing Organization members. Lexaeus finally came to his senses and quickly stood up and dashed off. Vexen helped Zexion stand up and Zexion stared off in the direction Lexaeus had left in. Lexaeus on the other hand was sitting silently in one of the more obscure hallways of the castle(there are a lot of hallways.) Sitting isn't exactly the right word as much as sprawled is. As anybody trying to walk down the hallway would have to take at least 5 steps on stop of him. Lexaeus couldn't believe what he had down.

Not only had he ruined the table(Xemnas was going to kill him for that) but he knocked Zexion to the floor in front of the entire organization. Lexaeus was not the kind of person to cry. Mostly because he isn't a person and rather a nobody, and nobodies don't have hearts. But if he was somebody like Ienzo, he would be bawling like crazy, and probably cutting himself too. Lexaeus of course couldn't even cut himself if he wanted too. No razor blade could cut through his rock hard muscles. Regardless of whether that even makes sense biologically. Lexaeus wished he could just disappear, which unfortunately for him is nearly impossible. Although to be fair, it's typically impossible for most people anyways.

Lexaeus probably wallowed in misery for a good 2 hours before anything happened to break up the depressing monotony. This event was predictably the arrival of Zexion in the hallway(With the shoes.) Lexaeus wasn't exactly aware of Zexion's presence until Zexion crouched down and poked Lexaeus on the bicep. "I've finally found you." declared Zexion in an exasperated voice. Lexaeus looked up to Zexion to see him panting. "I've been looking all over for you, this hallway doesn't even go anywhere!" complained Zexion, who proceeded to flop onto the wall closest to Lexaeus' head. "So was there a spring in your chair or what?" joked Zexion. Lexaeus stayed quiet. As usual. "Is there something you want to say to me?" Asked Zexion, almost jokingly as he knew Lexaeus wasn't going to answer. However he was quite surprised to hear Lexaeus reply with "Sorry.". It wasn't the only time he'd heard Lexaeus talk. But it was still surprising. "I'd assumed such since you ran all the way out here. Anything else?" Lexaeus however did not talk, but rather tackle-hug-kissed Zexion(In that order.) "I can't move..." mumbled Zexion. Who was acting pretty chipper this day for some unusual reason. But Lexaeus didn't have time to figure out why. Because he was too busy enjoying himself some Zexion.


	64. May 7th

May 7th (Author note here)

Lexaeus entered the Gray area once again this morning. Saix was waiting for him in his usual spot to give him a mission. Lexaeus approached him and gave a sort of "What's my mission today." look that sent across the message of "'What's my mission today." without having to actually say the phrase "What's my mission today.". Saix didn't understand at first that Lexaeus was trying to say "What's my mission today." But after a few more seconds of Lexaeus trying to send the message "What's my mission today." via look alone. Saix finally got the message of "What's my mission today." Thus effectively wasting 4 lines of text. "Your mission today is to help me compete in an armature rock band tournament." said Saix. Lexaeus cocked an eyebrow.

"The reasoning being that the prize could help us complete Kingdom Hearts. You can play Bass. I'll sing. Dusks are going to back us up on Guitar and Drums. " Saix explained further. While Lexaeus didn't exactly understand why Dusks were playing every instrument but Bass, he decided it wasn't worth arguing about. Perhaps he was the only one in the Organization that could play a relevant instrument. It didn't matter. He was just glad he could finally show off his sick Bass skills. And also show off his clever Bass shaped like a Bass. The competition was that night so Lexaeus only had the rest of the day to learn all the chords to their routine. Fortunately for him, he was playing the bass. The night arrived after the sun set(As it usually does) and Saix and Lexaeus were hanging out backstage.

Saix and Lexaeus were both very nervous and fidgeting or tapping something of some degree. All the other Rock bands sounded much better then them. Although to be fair they had never actually heard what they even sounded like themselves. After a band called "Ansy and the Heartless" had finished playing, the MC announced that "The tubular nobodies." were on next. "That's us" explained Saix as he stood up to go on stage. The performance went pretty well, but the time afterward while they waited for the competition to end and the results to be announced. Was the most nerve wracking thing Lexaeus had ever experienced. The only thing that was more nerve wracking happened before he was Lexaeus. After all, being attacked by Heartless is pretty nerve-wracking. The time backstage was so nerve-wracking that Lexaeus found himself gripping Saix's Thigh.

He meant to grip his own thigh, but he was sitting right next to Saix, and was now gripping Saix's thigh very tightly."Umm... Lexaeus" said Saix quite nervously. Lexaeus however was so nervous he just found himself gripping Saix's thigh tighter. Saix poked Lexaeus and pointed at the hot thigh-gripping action that was goin' on. Lexaeys blushed a bit but when he tried to remove his hand from Saix's thigh. What resulted was his hand flying up in the air, and landing on Saix's left shoulder. With Lexaeus sitting to the right of Saix, this was even more awkward. As stated by Saix "This doesn't exactly help the situation." stated Saix. But there was no time to fix things as the MC had just shouted loudly "Would all the participants please return to the stage? ".

When Lexaes and his arm rest went out onto the stage. Lots of "Awww"s and "How cute!"s could be heard from the audience. And then the drum roll came. "And the winner is....." Lexaeus got even closer as the intensity of the situation rose to extreme height. "SARAH JANE SMITH AND THE PUSSY CATS!" Lexaeus was crushed. They didn't even come in second place! Saix on the other hand could care less. He snapped his fingers and Nobodies swarmed the concert hall. The entire audience either died or fled the facilities. And a dusk gleefully handed Saix the prize. A big glass encased heart. Glowing bright red, and just begging to be added to Kingdom Hearts.

Lexaeus was so amused by the Nobodies and the prize and everything that he gave Saix a big kiss on the mouth. Saix laughed and kissed him back. A dark corridor opened and the two took the heart back to The castle that never was. And every mission from then on was extra fun.


	65. May 8th

May 8th (Last chapter's Author Note was not actually supposed to be a lame joke. I just forgot to fix it.)

Lexaeus wasn't exactly in the best mood. He had just finished watching the Season 4 finale of Doctor Who(Revived) and it left him in a very sad mood. So he was extra irritated when Axel went up to him and started making fun of him. Lexaeus was one of Axel's favorite people to torment because Lexaeus never complained. Typically Lexaeus didn't care too much about being picked on by Axel but he just wasn't in the mood. Donna had such low self-esteem and when she finally felt better about herself she had to forget all of her adventures or else her brain would burn-out! That's quite the sad ending! It's no wonder Lexaeus was upset. Axel's will to torment Lexaeus slowly died out as Lexaeus wasn't even reacting physically. "Oiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!!!!"

Axel was obviously getting desperate with ways to annoy Lexaeus. Lexaeus wondered why Axel was so set to annoy him so much. Sure the lack of consequences was one reason but when Axel was forced to just make gibberish noises it seemed like there was another reason. Lexaeus was getting quite annoyed by Axel at this point, "GGOGORBAABAIDHKJLBFADFLIUSABFDOAISUDB HEY! HEY! LEXYLEXYLEXYKYEXLKEYFASIFASFBSADFIUSDFFJNKDFGLA" Axel was just screaming into his ear. Lexaeus decided he needed pay back. And what better way to get back at Axel then to _**INSULT HIS MANHOOD. **_

Lexaeus grabbed Axel by the cheeks and planted a big wet kiss on Axel's lips for as long as he could. Axel's arm flailed for a bit before dropping limply to his sides. As if Axel's mind decided to stop resisting and just accept Lexaeus as the Alpha male in charge of the situation. Lexaeus found that he needed to breath for whatever reason(Bah! Breathing, who needs it when you have beefcake?!) so he pulled away from Axel. Axel continued to make gibberish noises but for a different reason this time.

"ButwaawbwhahwbtwhwyandtheksisissandmasculinBUTI'MNTObutbubttbutbtandwhydidsdifbsdksisiskssiandnderecretioneeandwhywhwhwyhdssfad" Babbled Axel. Lexaeus dusted his hands off in a sort of "Another job well done." sort of manner. He then put his fists on his hips and basked in the glory. Until he was curious to find that Axel had ceased making gibberish noises. When he looked to see what had happened, He was ambushed by a big 'ole Axel kiss!

Eyebrows were raised upon Lexaeus' face to find such a positive response from Axel. The kiss probably continued for a bit longer then the last one since Lexaeus wasn't rebelling against the idea. In fact, he was loving it, he rammed forwards and pinned Axel to a wall in order to prevent Axel from deciding to stop. It sure as hell got Lexaeus cheered up. He sure as hell didn't care about Donna Noble anymore after this.


	66. May 9th

May 9th (Sorry if it sucks today, It's hard to write on Mother's Day. Cultural expectations and all that.)

There really wasn't much to it. Lexaeus was standing completely still. And Demux wouldn't stop rubbing himself all over Lexaeus. It got annoying. And then Lexaeus bitch-slapped Demyx and he flew across the room. Then Demyx began to cry and ran out of the room. And Lexaeus sat on the couch and read a book.

Nothing else happened that night. But it was the precedent to what happened the next morning. Lexaeus was eating some Jam and Toasted English Muffins. While reading the morning newspaper. When Demyx stormed into the room with a black eye and shouted "I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING!" clearly both upset and insinuating that he was in some form of relationship with Lexaeus.

Which if they did, it consisted of Lexaeus standing still and Demyx rubbing all over him making moaning noises and being an overall pest. Demyx was blabbering on and on about how special he thought his place was in Lexaeus' heart and how Lexaeus broke his heart when he was bitch-slapped. It was making it very hard to read the paper. So Lexaeus stood up, walked over to Demyx, And Bitch-slapped him so hard he flew out of the room with the resulting wind slamming the door shut. Lexaeus then sat back down and continued to read the paper. The rest of the room was in complete silent awe of what had just played out before them.

A good 15 seconds passed before Lexaeus was once again prevented from eating his breakfast in peace. The door slammed back open and Demyx began to further rant about how all he ever wanted was Lexaeus' love and blah blah blah blah. Lexaeus decided that if Demyx wanted his love then he should be able to shut him up by giving him some lovin'. He wrote "11:00pm." on a piece of scrap paper and walked towards Demyx. He kissed Demyx on the lips and handed him the paper. Lexaeus didn't see much of a reason not too.

And if it would shut Demyx up then it would be worth it. And if he liked Demyx after wards then there was no reason not to continue it. And maybe Demyx would figure out that rubbing all over somebody wasn't a good way to show appreciation. Demyx blushed and got very giddy, and then got dizzy and fell backwards out of the room again. And Lexaeus got to read the newspaper and eat his Jam on English Muffins in peace.


	67. May 10th

May 10th (Just letting you all know ahead of time. June 7-11 I won't have internet access. Thus June 12th will have 6 chapters at once. And June 14th I'll only have 1 hour of free time to write. So June is going to be a terrible month for legitimately good writing.)

Lexaeus and Luxord were always good friends. They trusted each other quite a bit. When Luxord first joined the organization he hadn't yet pierced his ears. And he had quickly formed a bond with Lexaeus over how both of their names started with L and had the 3rd letter X. You know you'll form a good friendship with somebody if you share the same first and third letters in your name. Unless the third letter repeats itself in one of the names and not both. Then things won't turn out quite as good. But regardless, the X does not repeat itself in either of their names so we don't have to worry about that now do we.

Luxord had lots of piercings back when he was a Somebody, but the _nobodifacation_ closed all the piercing holes. He had decided not to re-pierce his Cheek, Lower lip, lower Fraenum, Tongue, Labret, Ankle, Brooch, Earl, Eyebrow, Nape, neck, Third Eye, Apadravya, Dydoe, Fraenulun, Kuno, Lorum, Palang, Price Albert, Pubic, Reverse PA, Hafada, Nostil, Septum, Or nipple(He especially regretted getting the Apadravya, Dydoe, Fraenulun, Kuno, Lorum, Palang, Price Albert, Pubic, Reverse PA, and Hafada Pierced.) And that since he had a new start of the piercing front he'd keep it simple with two Helix piercings on each ear and a lobe piercing on his right ear.

Being part of a criminal organization, he couldn't just walk into any old piercing shop. He needed somebody he could trust within the organization to do it. And who could he trust more then the man that shared the same first and third letters of his name?

Now despite all of this being about Luxord. This story is supposed to be told from Lexaeus' point of view. So just sort forget all that exposition. ….Forgot it yet? Good. **Ahem. **Lexaeus had made good friends with the new member. It had been a few weeks of playing cards with Luxord before the true test of friendship came up. Luxord approached Lexaeus and asked if Lexaeus would use a piercing gun to pierce his ears for him. Lexaeus wasn't the kind of person to say no(He wasn't the kind of person to say, period.) So he nodded his head in agreement. Luxord said he wanted "Two Helix piercings on each ear, And _this_ lobe pierced." On _this_ he pointed at the Earlobe on Lexaeus' left.

So Lexaeus noted to himself that it was Two Helix piercings on each ear and the left earlobe. Luxord tossed him the Piercing gun and sat down on a white wooden stool in the shape of the Organization logo. It was a very odd shape for a stool. It was long enough for two people to sit on(Or at least, two people that weren't Lexaeus.). Lexaeus got another stool and used it to sit behind Luxord. He started with the Helixs on the right ear. _Snap_ "GRAAH! BLOODY 'ELL!" cursed Lexaeus. "No matter how many bloody times I got through this it never stops hurting." he mumbled. _Snap._ "FFFFFFFFFFFFFF" screamed Luxord with his mouth closed. It sounded rather funny that way. Lexaeus moved on to the Left ear. _Snap_ "KRRRRRRRGLGRGLRGL" more closed mouth screaming. It seemed to be getting more high pitched. _Snap_ "GRAH!" Lexaeus wasn't sure why Luxord wanted 4 piercings if he knew they would be so painful. Perhaps he was a masochist. Lexaeus then moved on to the Left lobe. _Snap._ Luxord didn't scream or complain. He stayed silent.

Lexaeus assumed lobes just didn't hurt as much to pierce but. "Was that my _left _ear?" asked Luxord. Lexaeus gave Luxord a Thumbs up. Luxord quickly stood up and "WHY'D YOU GO AND PIERCE MY _LEFT_ EAR?! NOW EVERYBODIES GONNA THINK I'M A BLOODY BREEDA'!" Screamed Luxord. Before losing his balanced and falling on top of Lexaeus. Ears are very important for balancing. And when they're in a lot of pain you could imagine how _easy_ it would be to _lose your __balance_ and falling into the arms of a big buff macho man like Lexaeus.

Especially if you aren't a "Bloody Breeda'". Lexaeus had no idea what which ear meant what and why. It must have been some custom they only used in Lexaeus' original world. He remembered Luxord mentioning it as _Eee-Arth. _Or something like that. Lexaeus put an un-gloved hand on Luxord's forehead and found that it was very warm. Luxord was either blushing like crazy or had a really bad fever. Or maybe he was drunk. Lexaeus couldn't tell. "I'll just have to make sure people I'm not a breeder through more orthodox means." Mumbled Luxord as he started to crawl up onto Lexaeus.

Who in turn fell backwards off the stools. Luxord tried to give Lexaeus a bunch of kisses but missed all but one of them. Maybe giving somebody 5 piercings at once isn't exactly the best of ideas. Especially when the piercer is an amateur. Lexaeus had no objections to the kisses. He had been wanting a new _boytoy_ for a while. And Luxord was a slim flamboyant British man. That played lots of card games. And Lexaeus could think of a few ways to make those card games more fun.


	68. May 11th

May 11th ("Andrea Yates! You're supposed to be dead!")

Lexaeus was laying around in the basement of castle oblivion doing nothing. There wasn't anything to do in Castle Oblivion. There wouldn't be any until the Keyblade wielder arrived. And even then, Team "Let's mope around in the basement" wouldn't get to have any fun with him. So Lexaeus was very delighted when Marluxia pranced into the basement with sing-songs of "Axel and Larxene are being meeeeeeeean to meeeeeeeeeeeee." Lexaeus chuckled bit since he knew Marluxia was partially joking. "OH BEEFCAKE! HELP ME WITH YOUR BIG STRONG AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRMSSSSSSSS" Cried Marluxia as he threw himself at Lexaeus.

Lexaeus Caught Marluxia and gracefully stood him back up within the same movement. "Oh you're no fun." complained Marluxia. "You know, I need somebody BEAUTIFUL. Somebody almost as BEAUTIFUL as BEAUTIFUL me. Axel nor Larxene meet that requirement. And Zexion's eyeliner skills show that he can't even utilize his own natural BEAUTY." Marluxia went on and on with some Rant about how beautiful he considered himself. As if he was going to get a point eventually but wasn't sure when to do it. Lexaeus almost fell asleep before Marluxia finally got to his point.

"AND SO! IN ALL MY BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENCE! I THOUGHT!" Marluxia screamed before suddenly putting his finger in front of his mouth and switching to a hushed whisper "Who...Is the second most beautiful person in Castle Oblivion? And I came to the conclusion, that it would be for the betterment of the world if" Back to the screaming again "YOU! YES YOU LEXAEUS! WOULD BECOME MY BEAUTIFUL LOVER! WHO I COULD STAND BY FOR ALL ETERNITY!" Lexaeus had to cover his ears for that last sentence. "So, what do you think?" Asked Lexaeus. And before Lexaeus could even give a proper answer, Marluxia gave him one.

"YOU SAY YES?! I knew you would see things my way!". Lexaeus was so bored that he decided he might as well go along with it. And with Marluxia he now had something to do. And assuming we're objectifying Marluxia. Since Nobodies aren't people. Then that phrase can be taken in many different ways. And most of them are all what was intended.


	69. May 12th

May 12th (This should be fun.)

Lexaeus and Larxene often shot each other vague glances while they passed in the hallway. It was hard to tell whether they were flirting or showing disgust. They were very vague. But it was clear that the glances were there. Lexaeus himself wasn't even sure what they meant. It was like a white wall with a big red circle on it. With the phrase "This circle is not here for artistic purposes." in the middle. It clearly isn't there for artistic purposes, it says so. So why is it there? You can't deny that it's there. But you just can't understand it. Lexaeus also knew how terrible an analogy that was. And it certainty didn't help him figure out what the looks were all about.

So in the end it was just a waste of space and time. Which The Doctor would've probably had an objection to. But that doesn't matter at all to this story. Really, this was mostly just to get the word count up. Flibbity, Flobbity, ect, ect, ect, ect. Lexaeus was reading a book one night. It was probably around 35:67pm. The Castle That Never Was has 44 hour days, 70 minute hours, and 40 second minutes. It's extremely confusing, You don't typically sleep only once a day. And since it never actually gets brighter or darker, there's no reason to even care about what time it is. Which is probably why there weren't many clocks in the castle.

A knock was made on Lexaeu's bedroom door. He opened it up to find Larxene in a rather upset mood. She pushed herself into the room and shut the door and began an angry rant. "Okay listen Lexy! Contrary to popular belief, I am not a lesbian. And I already have pussy, I don't need another one. And all the other members are more womanly then me! So I've decided that you're going to be my boyfriend." Lexaeus didn't really care to object. Regardless of whether or not he was secretly a Female to Male transbody(Female Somebody, Male Nobody. I'm not saying he is. What I'm saying is that if he was it didn't matter in whether or not Lexaeus objected.)

They...kissed. And as gross as it may seem to most people. Nobodies aren't people. So they kissed passionately. And Lexaeus was all "OMNOMNOMNOMNOM". Except he wasn't actually saying anything. And then they fell onto Lexaeus' bed. And quite frankly I'm feeling too sick to keep writing this. Regardless of whether I'm joking about feeling sick or not.


	70. May 13th

May 13th (I've been waiting so long for this day. Also, Screw Canon for the purpose of today.)

May 13th was a very special day for Lexaeus. For many, many, MANY reasons. For one, it was his Heartless Day. It's sort of like a Nobody's birthday. The day you were consumed by Heartless and became a Nobody. Except unlike birthdays it typically is celebrated as a good thing. It's actually kind of funny how Lexaeus became a Nobody. His Birthday is of course May 5th, But all of his friends were busy or away. And his party got delayed to May 13th. So his Birthday party one year, became his Heartless day. Another reason why May 13th was important to Lexaeus: It was Roxas and his anniversary!

Their 1 year anniversary to exact. It's pretty amazing that they managed to stay together for a full year considering their age difference and the way the relationship started in the first place. It was still Roxas' 2nd week being alive. And Lexaeus was supposed to train help train him. Which of course forced him to _talk_. Needless to say, Lexaeus was rather angry. So he took his anger out on Roxas as soon as they got to Twilight town. "I'm going to teach you Limit breaks." Lexaeus said. "What's that?" Asked Roxas. Lexaeus then planted a huge Bitch-slap on Roxas' face. Roxas went flying across the room. "Now you're badly hurt. Use your limit break." Explained Lexaeus. The Tutorial went well to say the least. But Roxas' limit break didn't only break the limits of power. It broke his emotional limits too. Kinda ridiculous I know right? But Roxas was just really crazy emotional and everything Lexaeus did seemed really romantic.

They ended up going on a date instead of killing heartless. It went well, even if Roxas was swooning over every muscle twitch. The next day they laughed about it. Got along. And actually ended up in a romantic relationship proper. And now here they were. 1 year later. Not too much has changed besides how much closer they've gotten. Also Lexaeus' ranking in the Organization is higher. It was sort of a miracle. Roxas and Lexaeus were both terribly heart-broken when Lexaeus had to go away to Castle Oblivion. Everybody in the Castle that never was said everybody on the mission would die. Boy were they surprised when Lexaeus and Zexion came back as the sole survivors.

Having rooted out a conspiracy within the organization and killing off the traitorous members. But not only that, Lexaeus also defeated some guy named Riku that was apparently causing trouble. As well as some intruders, some guy wrapped in red bandages and a mouse. And to top it all off he encased Sora in a sleep chamber indefinitely to allow Roxas to keep on collecting hearts. It was a humongous victory for the Organization. Zexion didn't actually do anything, he only survived because he wasn't in on the conspiracy. Lexaeus however was promoted heavily. The reunion of Roxas and Lexaeus was epic. They literally ran towards each other in slow motion, Lexaeus from the path leading up to The Castle. Roxas from the Castle steps. When to got close enough they jumped towards each other landed in a romantic embrace.

Being motivated by love, Roxas collected _way _more hearts then Xion. And thus she was deactivated and Roxas got to spend the rest of his days with Lexaeus in their posh two-person bedroom with Luxuries only they could get. After all, The Hero of the Organization, And the only Nobody that could collect Hearts for Kingdom hearts. They deserved all that they got. And their one-year anniversary was going to be very romantic. Lexaeus got up before Roxas. So he waited above the sleeping Roxas. And when Roxas got up. He was greeted by Lexaeus Bitch-slapping him back onto the bed. Followed by a big bear glomp from Lexaeus. Roxas was confused at first.

Until he realized it was their anniversary. At which point this behavior made absolutely perfect sense. Kingdom Hearts was nearing completion, It was their anniversary. Nothing could stop the Organization. Things couldn't get any better for Roxas and Lexaeus. And they didn't.

Because that night Donald Duck raided the castle and killed everybody. "THIS IS FOR THE KING!" Donald attempted to scream(Although nobody could understand him) as he pierced Xemnas through the chest cavity with a Keyblade. He next broke into Lexaeus and Roxas' room, the last two members of the Organization. Donald normally would have reacted to the things Lexaeus and Roxas were doing in their bed. But he was so filled with unstoppable duck rage he didn't even notice. _Slash! _Lexaeus and Roxas died in each others arms that night. And they couldn't even understand what their murder had said. And Donald Duck became the champion of the world.


	71. May 14th

May 14th (Zexion month is going to be sort of crazy hectic. Sorry if this chapter is romantic enough.)

Lexaeus was supposed to escort the new member to their room. He had yet to meet them. But he was looking forward to meeting more fresh meat. It was a euphemism that tended to make him hungry thinking about it. As soon as he was done with the newbie he was going to go eat like, 15 ham sandwiches.

He was supposed to pick up the new recruit outside that abandoned house in Twilight town. The one surrounded by trees. He knew something was suspicious when they were already wearing an organization coat when he picked them up. He _really_ knew something was up when the recruit took their hood off and was revealed to be literally made of _fresh meat_. Lexaeus was just outside the dark corridor when the reveal took place and he wasn't sure what to think. How the heck was a nobody _made of meat_. He didn't understand. He was also really really hungry.

He took the new recruits _meaty_ hand and RTC'd. There was some hold up in the hallway. Xemnas wanted there to be a big special entrance ceremony for the new recruit. Who was apparently named Xion. Lexaeus didn't ask about the whole meat thing since that would require talking. Instead he just waited in the hallway. Standing across from Xion. Hungry. And looking at the fresh meat. Stomach rumbling. Fresh meat, looking so juicy. Mouth watering. Nothing to do. Hungry. Staring at fresh meat. Lexaeus couldn't take it any more. He got closer to Xion. He knew nobodies weren't fully aware of their surroundings during their first week alive. And besides, this wasn't a nobody, this was meat. He opened his mouth. And went in to the meat to take a big bite.

It was of course at this time that Xemnas got back. "LEXAEUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Shouted Xemnas. Separating the two at once. Lexaeus didn't even get to eat any of the meat. He was picked up and thrown(Xemnas is _strong_) into the circle room and told to get on his chair immediately. He did such. And Xion was introduced to the organization. But this time Xion no longer looked like fresh meat. Instead she looked liked a girl with a hood on. And Lexaeus decided that he was going to eat so much food when this meeting was over.


	72. June 1st

June 1st (It's crappy poetry and pedophilia month! Although GLBT Pride month is better.)

You may not know it. But Organization XIII has a gossip board. Not an online thing. It's a literal board of wood hidden the castle. Members gossip about each other anonymously via post-it notes. Even though it's hidden, pretty much everybody in the organization knew about it. Everyone but Xemnas. And because he was also the leader of the organization. Xemnas was the most popular gossiping topic. Zexion frequented the gossip board a lot. And was intrigued when he saw the latest rumor "i herd xemnas is a pedo and he pedod roxis wen he 1t joynd" Many people purposely wrote with terrible handwriting, spelling, grammar, ect. In order to further hide their identity.

Vexen had once used handwriting analysis to figure out that Axel was the one that claimed Vexen was secretly a hermaphrodite. Axel got quite the bitch-slapping after that. Anyways, The rumor that Xemnas was a pedophile intrigued Zexion to the point that he was tempted to try and test this theory. To find out whether or not Xemnas was into little boys. Zexion dressed in his old Ienzo street clothes and prepared to act cute. He looked up the kinds of traits pedophile victims tended to have on his laptop. But then his computer crashed and he got so upset he didn't bother and decided to wing it. He made his way to Xemnas' office.

He prepared his puppy dog eyes. And he knocked on the door. "Hello?" Asked Xemnas as he opened the door. Keep in mind, this is not the circle room, this is Xemnas' office. It's where he deals with all the paperwork and such. He's much less ominous when he's in his office. "Hi Xemnas" answered Zexion. Zexion wasn't as good at acting as he was at smelling things. He barely changed his voice from how he would normally talk. "Hi Zexion?" replied Xemnas. Zexion entered Xemnas' office and closed _and locked_ the door. The non-existent shades were pulled down. Nobody could see into the room. Anything that happened in there would remain a secret.

As stated by Zexion when he said "We're all alone in your office, anything that happens in here would be a complete secret." Xemnas however wasn't getting the message. Nor was he getting a massage. Zexion just sort of stood in what he thought was a seductive pose for about 15 minutes. Until finally "OOOH! You want to have sex! How did I not get that? Okay, let's do it. I mean, technically we're the same age..." And so the rumors turned out not to be true. But just on a technicality. After all, All Nobodies are younger than 3 years old. Since the heartless have only been released for 3 years. And there can't be nobodies before heartless.


	73. June 2nd

June 2nd (I just remembered that because it's Zexion I can just write bad poetry..)

A poem left for Xigbar on his nightstand.

_You have shot my heart with an arrow._

_An arrow from your crossbow of love._

_Like a bow and arrow through an apple._

_Except the apple is my heart._

_And the bow is a crossbow._

_I do not actually have a heart._

_But if I did_

_it would have an_

_arrow_

_in it._

_An arrow from your crossbow_

_of love._

_Did I mention your crossbow of love yet?_

_It has shot an arrow through my heart._

_Which is a_

_metaphor_

_for_

_me being_

_in_

_love_

_with you._

_Your sexy cologne has seduce me._

_My sense of smell is keener then most_

_so I am even more seduced then most._

_My love is greater then the amount of paragraphs in this_

_poem_

_A poem for_

_you._

_And how lovely_

_you_

_are. Because I'm in love with you._

_And I hope that you can love somebody like me_

_someone as useless as me_

_As stupid as me_

_as dark and depressing as me_

_;_;_

_because if you can_

_love_

_me then I know we will be together forever_

_and maybe we might even be_

_happy(?) together_

_The feelings you give me are the closest thing to what I think happiness might possibly maybe feel like._

_I say it that way because I don't know what happiness feels like_

_because I'm always sad. And dark._

_And you are the shining black-light in my eternal darkness._

_An eternity I might spend with you_

_~Zexion_

The paper was stained with tears. Xigbar ripped it to shreds before going to bed. The next morning Zexion was greeted by pat on the back from Xigbar. "_I_'d _love_ to try'ta' cheer _you_ up so you'll stop writing such bad poetry." said Xigbar. Italicized and everything. "I knew that macho act was an act." said Zexion. Who picked up on the hidden message. Which was not a hidden massage. But it might become a non-hidden massage that night. And Zexion sure did love massages.


	74. June 3rd

June 3rd (No really, I am going to write bad bad poetry for every chapter.)

Wrapped around one of Xaldin's lances:

_Wind blowing through my hair._

_Romantic fingers stroking my head._

_Could they not be the same thing?_

_You are so lovely and cool and stuff_

_I could totally see you doing that._

_Anyways_

_I'm all dark and depressed._

_And maybe you could help that_

_your heart seem as dark and depressed as mine maybe_

_two negative make a positive_

_that sort of thing_

_so I decided to write you_

_a poem_

_of poetic_

_verse_

_for the purpose of seducing you with my words_

_then I could be happier slightly maybe_

_maybe_

_maybe_

_just maybe_

_like one to 1000th of a chance._

_Which still may be worth_

_pursuing._

_Pursuing your love may be a great idea._

_At least as something to break the monotonous boredom of depression and_

_darkness_

_I've been feeling lately._

_Like a boring sandwich._

_A sandwich with nothing but butter in it._

_Some sort of..._

_Butter sandwich._

_That's how boring and depressing everything is without you._

_X to the A to the L to the D to the I to the N._

_ily_

_~Zexion_

Unfortunately, this was the night before Zexion went to castle oblivion and died. Xaldin cried himself to sleep.


	75. June 4th

June 4th (They're actually sort of the perfect match.)

Encoded in the Genome sequence of a newly created synthetic organism inside Vexen's lab.

_They say in nature that opposites attract._

_Except that only actually applies to magnets._

_That must be the case because you are very attractive to me. _

_And we are very very similar. Clearly not opposites._

_Yes_

_similar_

_similar_

_as in_

_we're in love_

_that's totally the definition_

_I would know_

_I carry a lexcion around with me_

_yes_

_a lexcion._

_So while I see how dark and depressed you are._

_And also how dark and depressed I am._

_I become attracted to you._

_And attractive to you._

_Like magnets._

_That is how magnets work._

_And it's a miracle that we've met._

_Two perfect matches happening to become apprentices to the same scientist._

_And being eaten by heartless._

_And forming the same organization of people that shouldn't exist._

_It's like destiny itself has paired us together._

_A destiny that doesn't exist._

_Like happiness and joy._

_And puppies._

_So all you can do is being attracted to me back._

_And then we'll be pulled together by magnet force._

_And stuck together._

_You and I._

_Stuck._

_Frozen._

_Like ice._

_Like cold frozen hearts._

_Ice queens and ice kings._

_Ruling a kingdom without a sun._

_Dark and frozen._

_And uninhabitable._

_Nobody to oppose our rule because they don't exist._

_At least, they shouldn't exist._

_Since there would be no sun._

_But we shouldn't exist._

_And here we are._

_In love._

_~Zexion_

However, this wasn't actually in the genome sequence of a synthetic lifeform but rather copy-pasted into the .txt file that included a genome of a synthetic lifeform. But Vexen wasn't working on that project at the time that it was added. And he was killed by Axel before he could get a chance to read it. Zexion died before he could find out too. What such cruel and terrible people their killers were.


	76. June 5th

June 5th (Oh hay, It's everyone's favorite pairing that isn't AkuRoku or XigDem.)

Hand delivered to Lexaeus himself

_Lexaeus._

_You are most certainly tall._

_Tall then I am_

_at least._

_You are higher then me in both height and rank._

_And yet I act as your superior and order you around._

_I never realized why this would be until quite recently._

_But I feel that now that I know._

_I am too nervous to say it._

_So I have written this_

_po_

_em_

_._

_To tell you hypothesis._

_Perhaps you are in love with me._

_If you were in love with me, then that would explain your behavior._

_And it would also answer the question of whether I can smell love._

_So I think that just maybe_

_I could call you baby._

_Shit_

_shit_

_shit_

_That rhymed._

_And was soooo preppy._

_Oh god._

_I can't believe I just wrote that._

_And this is written in dip pen! Argh! _

_{There were some vague red marks on the page here. Covering some of the text}_

_-rkness death and heartlessness might be-{More red marks}_

_-nd I realize that I might actually love you too._

_I'm not sure though._

_I'm told love is supposed to be connected to happiness._

_And I don't know what happiness or joy feel like._

_Nor do I know what love feels like specifically._

_But hopefully what I feel for you is love._

_And I can look in your scratched out Maroon, Crimson, Sapphire, Ruby, Scarlet /scratched out Silver eyes and feel a tiny amount of good._

_Which would probably be the most good I'd ever feel._

_Which means it's probably love._

_Love_

_lvooe_

_Stupid dip pens._

_Anyways, I love you like the dark blood moon and hope I was right about my hypothesis._

_Since after all. _

_We are scientists._

_~Zexion_

Lexaeus of course said nothing. That would be terribly out of character if he said anything about the poem when he finished reading it. But after wards when Zexion said "So? Eclipses..." Lexaeus surprisingly replied with "I love you." And the two lived close to happily ever after until they were killed by Riku and Repliku.


	77. June 6th

June 6th (Just a reminder. The next update will be the 12th. As I will be camping from 7th-11th)

Zexion's diary, Entry 666

_My heart is frozen in muddy black ice._

_I feel no joy nor love._

_The only thing that prevents me from committing suicide_

_Is my livejournal._

_And even then, that is also terribly depressing._

_I smell the rotten stench of this world._

_Like 5 week expired milk poured on top of a tuna sandwich._

_The other only thing preventing me from committing suicide_

_Is because I have no heart._

_And would go_

_nowhere_

_when I die._

_Also_

_because I don't have a heart_

_It's technically not frozen in muddy black ice._

_But the empty cavity where my heart should be_

_Is pretty freaking cold._

_When I don't have missions I keep myself from murdering people_

_by going to hot topic_

_It is a beautiful place._

_The stench of leather overpowering the stench of the world._

_Smearing eyeliners on my face and wearing lots of chains._

_I would never be able to do that if not for_

_hot topic_

_When I get back from hot topic_

_I cut myself_

_it's fun_

_it kills the boredom of living._

_And it lets me check to make sure I can still feel pain._

_Sometimes I use steaks to cut myself._

_While in bathtubs._

_You may wonder how that works._

_But that's because your preppy brain can not comprehend how it works._

_For my mind is deep_

_depressing_

_and intelligent enough to see the truth._

_That this world is plagued by preps._

_And if we kill the preps._

_Then we can all join slytherin and be goffik._

_Hoo-Rah!_


	78. June 7th

June 7th (I'm back from the school camping trip :D! It was super-duper fun. Enjoy the super-update)

"Your mission today is to blah blah blah blah blah" is what Zexion heard Saix say that morning. Instead he sat in his room and wrote the following

_why dont you understand me_

_why do you just blab on_

_your fucking hot why dont you just stand their and look pretty_

_i hate pretty things_

_so dont do that_

_stand there and look sexy_

_yes_

_mmm_

_yum yum yum_

_blood_

_cutting_

_darkness_

_eyeliner_

_deep_

_i am so deep_

_can you succeed at understanding my poetry?_

_i think not_

_god saix_

_why dont you understand me_

_ugh..._

He taped the paper to Saix's clipboard the next day. Not even bothering to check the grammar or spelling. To capitalize the I's or use there/their/they're and your/you're properly. That's how dark and deep and depressed he was. He considered himself above the rules of spelling and grammar.

The day after, Saix walked into the gray area wearing black eyeliner and newly dyed black hair. When Zexion approached him for information on missions. Saix broke into a goffik version of 50 cent song. "Why'd you do that?" Asked Zexion. "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" cried Saix.

Then they locked arms and skipped down the castle hallways, out of the castle. And lived goffikly ever after.

They also become vampires.


	79. June 8th

June 8th (Every time we took a school bus, We turned the bus number into a pairing. Then wrote it.)

Zexion secretly replaced Axel's shampoo, conditioner, hair gel, ect, With materials to dye Axel's hair black. When Axel realized what had happened, he was understandably furious.

"ZEXION! GOD DAMNIT THIS WAS YOU WASN'T IT GOD DAMNIT FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF RERRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAH GRH RGHR AHG ARHG ARHG ARH !1!11!" Echoed throughout the entire castle.

Zexion was writing poetry at the time

_Black and dark_

_focile and ficle_

_if you don't recognize those words._

_It's because they are beyond your scope of _

"**ZEXION GOD DAMNIT!"**

Axel stormed into Zexion's room(Still naked from the shower) and pulled him up off the bed. Holding him by his collar. "Axel! Your hair is beautiful!" exclaimed Zexion. Axel tightened his grip on Zexion's collar. "No seriously! Look in the mirror!" reiterated Zexion. Who didn't care if reiterate was the right word for what he was doing. And nobody would argue, Zexion caries a lexicon around. They just assume he knows everything.

Axel glanced in the mirror, at least it was intended for it to be a glance. He found himself staring at his reflection in awe. He dropped Zexion as he moved his hands into his hair. Moving it around. "You're right." he said. "I feel like my whole world has just been opened up to a realm of deep meanings and depressing truths."

Zexion bore a smug face at his victory. He closed and locked the door. Zexion was much shorter then Axel. But Axel's mind was changing. His black hair changed his normally fiery personality. Axel was becoming more sensitive. And his knees were buckling. Zexion stood up on his tip-toes and managed to wrap his arms around Axel's back from behind.

Zexion theorized that seeing bright crimson red hair everyday was what gave Axel his fiery personality. So he decided to test theory by dying Axel's hair black. If his theory was right, then the black hair would cause Axel to be become sensitive and dark. Somebody even Zexion could dominate.

And right now he was testing his theory. Right now he had Axel right under his control. Submissive and ready for Zexion to do as he wished with him.

Zexion topped Axel.

Axel was his.

And they were doing exactly what Zexion wanted. With Axel, naked, in Zexion's locked bedroom.

They spent the entire night writing poetry.


	80. June 9th

June 9th (I had to write Xemnas/Saix/Demyx because the bus was #179. It was fun.)

Zexion and Demyx sat on a couch in the gray area together. Zexion was reading a book of poetry. Demyx wasn't doing anything. Demyx is rather lazy. That's how most people see him. But it wasn't how Zexion saw him. Zexion believed Demyx was actually a nihilist. And like Zexion said on his Livejournal recently: "Nihilism is hot".

Zexion was madly attracted to Demyx. He thought Demyx's supposedly nihilist ways were deep and meaningful and super-sexy. Demyx thought nothing of this. He didn't even care if he nihilist or not. And that's exactly why Zexion was so attracted to him.

_Oh Demyx you probably don't even care that I've written_

_52063 poems about you._

_This one is the 52064th _

_Your crimson blue eyes_

_and magenta-blonde hair_

_the way you manipulate water_

_and refuse to do any actual work_

_I would make you 1000 sandwiches._

_Probably more._

_And you'd probably be perfectly passive in bed too._

_To lazy to top._

_Oooh how sexxxyy._

Considering how creeptasticalicious that poem was. You could understand why Zexion hadn't shown nor intended to show any of them to Demyx. Finally though, he decided to at least start the relationship.

"Demyx your hot." He said. "Uh..kay." replied Demyx. "I want to make you 1000 sandwiches and live/love with you in some sort of house." continued Zexion. "I want have to do anything? Sure, why not." replied Demyx.

And they lived 1000 sandwichesly ever after.

Because that makes perfect sense.


	81. June 10th

June 10th (These bus stories were hand-written though. And my hand-writing is so terrible.)

Zexion and Luxord were playing a card game of some sort. Normally if Luxord was playing any kind of card game, they would be using his _glorious magnificent deck of luck and wonder. _But he left it in his coat when it went through the wash. So they were playing with Zexion's _Gothic boiz _deck(The red cards are blood themed. The black ones are darkness themed. The queen of spades is a pretty boy with black hair in a black frilly lolita dress cutting himself.)

Zexion however, was finding this card game of some sort a bit bland. Which was clear when he said "I'm finding this card game of some sort kind of bland. Why don't we spice it up and play strip-card game of some sort?"

"We're wearing one-piece leather coats with possibly 1 layer of underwear underneath." Replied Luxord.

"Exactly." said Zexion with a wink. Luxord had a terrible hand. Zexion had a great hand. And Luxord was british. And in very good shape. And had blonde hair. And an super-cool goatee. And some really girly earrings. And refused to turn down a challenge. Everything was in Zexion's favor.

Luxord played a 3 of hearts, which meant something or other. Zexion played an Ace. Which was presumably better then Luxord's 3 of hearts. Luxord unzipped his coat and took it off. Now in nothing but some Heart/Diamond/Spade/Club pattern boxers. Predictably.

Zexion liked what he saw. Luxord played a 7 of spades. Zexion played an 8 of hearts. Luxord stripped off the rest. Luxord played a 5 of clubs. Zexion intentionally played a lower card, and removed his coat. Luxord played a 3 of diamonds. Zexion played a 2 of hearts. And removed the rest.

Zexion collected the cards and shuffled the deck. "Why don't I play a game of solitaire on your back?" proposed Zexion. "I bet you I can do it while simultaneously XXXXX. You can do whatever you want with me if not a single card falls off your back while I'm XXXXXXXXXXX you. It could be like high-stakes bucking-bronto." And Luxord could never turn down a challenge.


	82. June 11th

June 11th (At one point during the trip, We went to Provincetown. Where I got Gay Tarot cards.)

Larxene was _waaaay_ to manly for Zexion. Zexion liked girly things. Whether or not they were girls.

Zexion liked blood and darkness and blades and poetry and long hair and death and _scythes. _You know, girly things.

Zexion liked Marluxia. Even if Marluxia had bright pink hair. Zexion liked every other aspect of him. So Zexion did the simple thing and dyed Marluxia's hair black via secret methods. Marluxia didn't seem to mind. Which meant he was now perfect for Zexion.

Zexion smelled Marluxia's perfume and pinned him to the wall. "Oooh, Zexion, you are quite beautiful today." said Marluxia. "As are you." said Zexion.

Zexion recited poetry to Marluxia as they made love.

_Your hair_

_your scythe_

_your face_

_you_

_you_

_your are so beautiful_

_I love how you have a dark side_

_I love how you reap death._

_I love how you rape death._

_**Moan**_

_This room is dark._

_Our love is dark._

_Our love is strong._

_And you are quite the sexy beast._

There really isn't even much story to tell. It was a fine relationship. But it lasted only a day before they were both killed. Which was still something Zexion kind of liked.


	83. June 12th

June 12th (Seriously, Visiting Provincetown and climbing the Pilgrim Monument is something you need to do at least once)

Zexion kissed every boy in Castle Oblivion for the purpose of seducing Larxene. He told her he was bisexual. He wasn't. But he was willing to play the role in order to get Larxene.

Yes, Zexion was quite the man-whore. It was a terrible thing he did. He lied and created negative associations for actual bisexuals to have to deal with in the future. But he did it for Larxene.

Zexion played the role of sensitive and dark. All because he wanted to get laid. With a girl. Something none of the other members of the organization had ever done. Something none of the other members of the organization ever wanted to do.

Zexion hit puberty at about the same time as he became a nobody. And god dammit he wanted Larxene. And he was going to do anything for her.

He read he diary, and discovered her type. So he made himself her type. And it worked.

And then, just as they were about to do it for the first time. The same day as the night they had planned to do it. Sora happened. And Axel happened. And Repliku happened. And you know what never happened? Zexion and Larxene having sex.

You know what also happened. Me running out of time to finish this story before it's technically tomorrow.


	84. June 13th

June 13th (We now return to regular updating schedules.)

Zexion and Roxas had lots of things in common. Their only real difference was their hair and whether or not they got along with Axel. Other then that they got along pretty well. They were best of friends for the week or two that they actually knew each other before Zexion was shipped off to Castle Oblivion and died.

Zexion was the more dominant one in the friendship. They tended to do the things Zexion wanted to do. And Roxas, still being a newly formed non-person. Didn't have the will to resist yet. And passively went along with whatever Zexion wanted.

Axel had tried to do the same thing. But he wasn't mopey or emo enough to win Roxas over to his side. This was partly Axel's motivation to kill Zexion later. It was perfectly logical. If you liked somebody and somebody else liked them too and was beating you. Using a clone of the best friend of the original form of the person like to kill the other person that likes them is the next logical step.

Zexion twirled Roxas' hair around his finger as they wrote a collaborative poem.

__

_thecoldness of our empty chest cavities_

_the darkness where our hearts should be_

_still and cold and_

_stab_

_no cutting. Cutting, not stabbing._

_Oh sorry._

_No! We should talk out loud instead of writing where the poem should be!_

_Sorry._

_Roxas!_

They were alternating each line. They were quite the power-couple for a week. But you already know that Zexion died. So there isn't much else to say.


	85. June 14th

June 14th (I literally have exactly 1 hour of spare time to write this today.)

Zexion always knew what Xion was. Hes seen her as a corpse, an empty skeleton, and a hollow mannequin. One time he actually saw her as just an empty cloak floating around. It was eery and creepy and Zexion loved it. Or, her.

Really, It was an it. The gender was something people only saw when Roxas starting calling it a she. But it's really an it. Zexion didn't like she's. He liked It's. So he referred to it as an it.

Xion hadn't developed a personality yet. Nor had it developed will. Zexion loved to molest newly formed nobodies that couldn't fight back yet. Saix, Axel, Demyx, Luxord, Marluxia, and Roxas were all molested by Zexion during their first week. They don't even remember it too. It's like the ultimate date rape.

And now Zexion was going to do with Xion.

He found it sitting quietly in the kitchen. He picked it up by the hand and led it to his room. It didn't fight back. It was then molestered.

Zexion saw it as a used condom to be thrown out. He threw it out(Or more specifically, at Roxas).

And so ended his love affair with Xion.

He was then killed at castle oblivion.

Karma's a bitch.

And so is time.


	86. July 1st

July 1st (My schedule is kind of crazy this month, I'll try not to be late but I don't have too much time for writing this month.)

Saix as you know is the 7th member of the organization. Normally this would put him at 7th in command. However as you may have noticed, he seems to act as second in command. It's not exactly a secret that Saix is the more dominant one in his relationship with Xemnas. It's like a form of sexual bribery that gets him to such a high position of power.

Xemnas still calls the shots in the long run. But it's Saix that decides where the members go missions and what they do there. So if say...Demyx got him mad, Saix could send him on a mission to work in a hard labor camp to earn money for the organization. This happens frequently.

Tonight, Saix was taking Xemnas to a fancy restaurant using the money that Demyx earned him in a "Study on how badly people get burnt by hot wax." Xemnas rarely had the chance to drop his tough guy act, when he was on a date with Saix was one of those chances.

In fact, to most people he would seem completely out of character as he blushed and stuttered around Saix like a school girl. "Th-th-thanks f-for taking me h-here S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-saix." Xemnas mumbled while twiddling his fingers together. Saix could see that Xemnas was filled with chagrin. Saix was almost filled with chagrin seeing Xemnas be filled with chagrin. The chagrin of the situation was so thick with chagrin you could cut it with a knife that is also filled with chagrin. This _was_ the fanciest restaurant Saix had ever taken Xemnas too.

It was hardly a real love relationship. More like an abusive relationship Saix used to get more power. The kind of power he could use to send Axel to the cold winter mountains of "The Land of Dragons"(*CoughcoughChinacoughcough*) out of jealousy. But Saix enjoyed these dates with Xemnas too.

The name of the restaurant was _"__Rydych chi fwyta bwyd ofnadwy bod costau ffordd i lawer o arian yn dda i fusnes allan." _Nobody bothered to even try to pronounce the name let alone find out what it means. They all just called it "That fancy place, Riditch something or other." and that was good enough for them.

The night was romantic. Blah blah blah, you know the rest. Then they made love when they got back to the castle or something. It would end the same regardless of whoever the couple was. The point was that it got Saix into a position of power. And that's what he liked best.


	87. July 2nd

July 2nd (I'm starting to really dislike this challenge. I'm going to finish it. But writing fanfiction is nowhere near as fun as writing original work.)

Saix and Xigbar had an odd relationship. They were both second in command. And they were dating. Together they ruled the second in command position of the organization with a fist made of iron, or possible aluminum. Maybe copper. Nobody really cared about the specific materials that went into making their fists anyways. The point was it was a very shiny, hard, and efficient fist. In that order.

Sometimes some overly-masculine self-obsessed jerk like Axel or Larxene will tease them about it. Then Xigbar will shoot lasers in their face they'll shut up.

If they don't shut up, Saix sends them to mine for coal in _Mickey's Magical Child-labor Charged Coal Mine._(Which despite the name does not _only_ contain child-labor. There are plenty of adult slaves working there as well.)

It's a very efficient relationship. They the romance done effectively in a timely manor. Xigbar would normally then gets Saix very effectively drunk and things start to work more on Xigbar's terms. When Saix get's drunk he becomes a _power top_ which is what you would call a rapist that only rapes people they're in a long-term relationship with. Which is how Xigbar usually likes it.

"Yourrrmissssion izz to **bend over** whillle I havv mai way wiff you." Saix slurred drunkenly.

"I wulld, but the laasst time I did the bartenda kicked us oouut." replied Xigbar in an equally drunk manor.

In fact, they were perfectly equal in their levels of drunkenness. The most egalitarian drunks in the pub. If the organization succeeded then their levels of drunkenness would probably be the egalitarian thing in Xemnas' new world. At least that's what you would think if you liked to hang out with _**Micky Mouse.**___For all you know the world Xemnas wanted to create might have actually been better. But we'll never know now. Because Mickey and his army of murderers killed everybody in the organization.

And that was the end to Xigbar and Saix's relationship.


	88. July 3rd

July 3rd (Nearly forgot about this one. If I was allowed to do AU's I'd make it viking themed :3. Also I don't like making these Author notes any longer than a line. So don't expect me to use them to reply to anonymous reviews. )

Saix and Xaldin liked to roleplay as vikings all the time

It was Saix's fetish or something,

But because they weren't really vikings

it ripped a hole in the fabric of space and time

and caused this to _appear_ to be uploaded after the deadline

but really it wasn't

at all

and I totally didn't forget to write this until 12:01am

"Arrr! I be viking Forbeschure!" Saix cried as he tackled Xaldin onto the bed.

"This is terrible paragraphing! It probably is just to make it look like more is being written than whats actually on the page" replied Xaldin.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?" Cried Saix. Confused at Xaldin's perfectly illogical statement in the context of the situation.

After all, talking about paragraphs and such while you're in your bedroom roleplaying as vikings with your boyfriend is a very odd thing to do. In terms of out of contextednessness on a scale of 1 to 14 it's be a 10.

Then they kissed. Their thick beards they grew for the occasion scratched each others noses as they stuck each others tongues in each others mouths and moved them around like mad men.

The curly mustache Xaldin grew on a bet poked Saix in the eye. "OOOWWW!1 FFFFUUCCKKK XALLDIN YOU GOT YOUR MUSTACHE IN MY EYE!" cried Saix.

"Don't worry! I have band-aids!" cried Xaldin. Who stuck a band-aid over the eye on the Saix that was poked with the mustache that was on Xaldin. "Oh, good, thanks, I feel much better."

As the blood from the recently deceased band-aid(who had it's back-skin torn off it in order to apply it to Saix's eyeball) squirted all over Xaldin. It really ruined the mood of the situation.

"I'm... Not really up to this anymore" said Xaldin as he tossed his foam hammer of thor behind his back. Smashing a non-existent window. "Me neither" agreed Saix who was worrying about what the cost would be if there really _was _a window there.

And so they pranced off to unicorn land and fornicated there instead.


	89. July 4th

June 4th (Happy independence day!)

Saix often looked at Vexen's face and felt like he was looking in a mirror. And being the narcissistic man he was. This quickly became the basis for romance. And Vexen's total indifference to it meant all it took was Saix to have a big ego to keep the relationship going.

They mimicked each other for fun. And their kisses were in perfect symetry.

But they weren't American enough.

UNCLE SAM

A BALD EAGLE

ANTI-HITLER

REGEAN

GEORGE WASHINGTON

AND 100000 BALD EAGLES

BREATHED FIRE ONTO THEM!

Because they weren't American citizens.

Happy America Day!

Super-short chapter, short on time!


	90. July 5th

July 5th (I had 35 minutes to write this, spent 10 minutes writing, computer crashed, now I have 25 minutes left and have to start over)

Saix had a questionable relationship with Lexaeus. It wasn't questionable about whether Saix was in love. Saix definitely was in love with Lexaeus. But whether Lexaeus was even consensual let alone in love was very hard to tell.

There were three reasons why it was questionable:

Lexaeus never spoke, so you couldn't really tell what his opinion on anything was.

Whenever Lexaeus went on date with Saix, Kissed Saix, Had sex with Said ect. It was counted as a "Mission"

A lot of the times on these "Missions" Lexaeus was made to drink copious amounts of alcohol. Blurring his judgment(As alcohol usually does when drunk in large amounts.)

The majority of Lexaeus' missions between Castle Oblivion and Saix becoming in charge of missions were oriented around Saix himself.

Saix never saw the problems with this until around 2 months before Castle Oblivion. When he suddenly felt a random wave of guilt about everything he ever did. In a specific order starting with the things he should be the least guilty about. And ending in the things he should be the most guilty about. Axel theorizes that he was experiencing Man-PMS.

"OH GOD! WHEN I WAS ISA AND ALSO 5 YEARS OLD! I STOLE A COOKIE! **FROM THE COOKIE JAR!**" Saix cried in his room. There were no missions that day of course. It was a Sunday anyways(Not that they didn't usually have missions on Sundays, it's just that Xemnas could tiptoe around the actual issue by just stating that it's Sunday and they deserve a day off).

"I LIED TO ONE OF LEA'S GIRLFRIENDS TO BREAK THEM UP BECAUSE I **FELT LEFT OUT OF THE FRIENDSHIP! WHY DID I DO THAT!"** Saix shouted into his pillow. Axel overheard this while passing by but considering that Saix had tried the same thing between Axel and Roxas, He wasn't exactly surprised.

And then Saix got to what he was doing with Lexaeus. "I...never even though about whether Lexaeus was okay with it." Saix moped to himself in a much quieter tone. This was a much quieter guilt.

This kind of depression lead Saix to hang out with Zexion, Whom which Saix confided in about the situation. "And it's like... I don't even know if he was enjoying it. Whether he was enjoying the excuse to get off work, or if I'm forcing him to date me. OH GOD! I MIGHT POSSIBLY BE RAPING HIM! AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT! Agguguhhuhguhgubawwww" Saix sobbed in Zexion's dark corner of depressing darkness, A corner of the castle that Zexion painted completely black. With enough room for approximately 3 wooden stools.

"Lexaeus is consensual. I rank _under_ him and yet he's always acted like I was his superior. I think he's just naturally subservient. He probably doesn't care what he's doing as long as he's following orders and it counts as work. He doesn't talk much really just because when he just follows orders he has nothing to say. Not because of any sort of vow of silence." explained Zexion in the cheeriest tone Saix had ever hear him speak in.

"Oh, I feel much better then." said Saix. And so things continued the same way until Lexaeus went off to Castle Oblivion and died.


	91. July 6th

July 6th (It's my birthday today and I'm writing this on a iPod!)

"No! I'm not going to collect hearts from candyland! That's way way way to preppy. " exclaimed Zexion after hearing his mission of the day. "I didn't even pick this mission for you. This mission comes directly from Xemnas himself! I can't help it. You have to do the mission. " Cried Saix, infuriated at Zexion's stubborn refusal to step foot in Candyland.

The fight had been going on for a while now. And Saix was starting to devolve into a primal being. "If I enter Candyland I might as well go ahead and wear a pink organization coat too. Not to mention how sissy 'collecting hearts' sounds" whined Zexion

" OH MY WALT ZEXION! WALT DAMMIT! WOW! Zexion, do you even know what collecting hearts is? It's code for KILLING HEARTLESS! KILLING IS NOT SISSY!" Said shouted back in a fit of rage. So raged Saix was that when Zexion still didn't seem to change his mind, Saix drew back onto his Daley instincts.

Saix pinned Zexion to the wall and began to get all molestery. He stopped himself after a few gropes and a kiss though. "Why did you stop? Keep going!" shouted Zexion. "Do the mission if you want more. " chuckled Saix deviously. "FFFFFFFFFfine!" replied Zexion. Who then left to finish his mission.

This was not the first time Saix solved problems in the organization with rape. And he would use this strategy with Zexion many more times to *ahem* come.


	92. July 7th

July 7th (Writing on this iPod is fun and convenient. I think I might do this more often. )

Saix stared at Axel and Roxas at a distance. His only friend since childhood and somebodyhood had now abandoned him.  
He feared he would now be alone forever.

Saix/Isa had always been pretty lonely. Lea/Axel was the only person/non-person to ever even talk to him about anything besides Isa's parent's constant custody dispute. It got so ridiculous at one point that the court just decided to emancipate Isa and have it be over with.

And after that, not even his ex-parents would talk to him. So really having Axel leave Saix for Roxas in terms of friendship was the worst thing to ever happen from Saix's point of view.

Saix didn't get along to well with any of the other organization members besides Xemnas. And talking to Xemnas was like talking to a political campaign poster. A conversation about anything besides kingdom hearts was never going to happen.

So Saix set in a chair and twiddled his thumbs. Lonely as he was back before Lea, but with an added heartbreak. Not that he was in love Axel, it was more of a bromance. Which Axel broke up so he could bromance with Roxas instead. Essentially, just take however you word it if they were dating and Axel broke up with him to date Roxas, but add bro in front of everything.

"If only Mickey was right. " Saix said to himself. "If only nobodies didn't have emotions. Then I wouldn't feel so terrible about this. I wouldn't feel lonely or sad. I wouldn't need Axel or anybody else to feel good about myself. And I wouldn't be so passive-aggressive towards Roxas or feel guilty about doing so either. " And you might be expecting somebody to come by and cheer Saix up right about now. But nobody does. Saix stays lonely until the day he dies by Sora's hands. The last thing he hears is Sora's cheering and joy at Saix's death. The laughter of Roxas who had regained his heart after stealing Axel. Normally when somebody is dying they realize how they long for the little joys they overlook everyday. But hearing those cheers Saix decided he wanted to die anyways. And disappeared into nothingness.


	93. July 8th

July 8th (Yup, still writing on an iPod)

Roxas had been hogging Axel's attention since he joined.  
Saix did not like this. Saix and Axel had been dating since they were Isa and Lea. But recently it seemed like Axel was having an affair.

So Saix decided to use the ghetto solution. The next he saw Axel and Roxas hanging out, he rang up to Roxas, slapped him hard on the cheek, and exclaimed "BITCH! THIS IS MY MAN! Stay away from him! He's mine" In a sassy ass voice.

Roxas was terrified and confused. He promptly left. "Oh thank you Saix. That Roxas kid was getting all up in me. I said 'Kid I'm trying to go see my man Saix! Go away!" explained Axel.

Which Saix was perfectly willing to take as an excuse.

So the couple was reunited they decided not to be ghetto anymore. Although by the proper definition of ghetto, just living in the castle that never was, was pretty ghetto.

They went out to some grassy field Mickey had yet to develop into a family movie. It was really really empty. And really really green. Saix thought it might be used in a Pixar flick, Axel thought it would be another princess film. The grass was so green it could be either of them.

They played frisbee together, an activity that held romantic sentiment since they were children.

Axel was much better at it than Saix, But this was because Axel would wear himself out early on to win. But Saix would save his energy for... Later. Even at the sacrifice of a frisbee game. So I guess you could say that while Axel dominated at frisbee, Saix would dominate Axel afterwards.

If you've never seen Saix smile, that makes perfect sense. Since you've obviously never met Saix in person. However, If for some reason you met him in person and still wonder why haven't ever seen him smile, That's because he only smiles when he's alone with Axel.

And smile he did.


	94. July 9th

July 9th (Writing on an iPod takes 3x long and results in chapters 200 words less than usual, Not that I'm going to stop completely. But today I'm writing on a keyboard again.)

Demyx was very lazy. You know this. But if you wonder how he manages to pull off not having to do as many missions as everybody else. The answer is as simple as the fact that he's Saix's bitch. And since Saix is the "mission master" in a way. It becomes a sort of trade. If Demyx let's Saix have his way with him. Then Saix won't make Demyx go on as many missions.

It was Saix's idea of course. Demyx is too lazy to propose such a thing. Saix had been a virgin when he lost his heart. Which is sort of like dying a virgin but with a second chance. And since the social stigma against nobodies prevented a somebody from helping Saix lose his V card. He knew it had to be somebody in the organization. And Demyx was known as the castle slut. At least according to the gossip Saix eavesdropped on.

It wasn't exactly that Demyx would throw himself at people. But rather that he was too lazy to turn down a come-on. And if he took the passive position then it was easier than getting a drunkard to leave him alone.

Saix took advantage of Demyx's laziness and made an offer he couldn't refuse. It was simple as that..

I can't and am not going to go in detal about what exactly Saix and Demyx do. But just know that they have sex frequently as part of a corrupt deal that allows Demyx to be lazy.

When Demyx was killed by Sora, Saix was furious. He had grown accustomed to Demyx. So he was pretty angry. Saix was normally calm and collective. Any sort of "Berserking" he did was passive-aggressive at best. He was BESERK when he fought Sora because Sora was the one that killed his casual lover.

There isn't much left after that. Saix died. Nobody goes anywhere after they die. So there's no story left to tell. If Sora hadn't killed Saix or Demyx the story might have continued. Maybe Saix would've tried to make the relationship go past casual sex. Maybe they would've fallen in love. Maybe they would've had long lovely relationship. But they're dead now. None of that can ever happen.

I hope Sora's happy with himself.


	95. July 10th

July 10th (I wish I didn't take this challenge. I will finish it. But I'm regretting starting it.)

Saix woke up next to Luxord in bed again that morning. Ever since he started playing Strip-drink-poker with the organization's card club this seemed to have become a daily occurrence. He wondered why it was always Luxord he ended up next to and not any of the other players. Xigbar, Xaldin, Lexaeus, Marluxia, and Axel were all in the card club in addition to Luxord and Saix. Luxord was the dealer of the card club. While most of the time they played poker. They sometimes played games like Blackjack where there was a designated dealer.

And strip-drink-poker was a very unpredictable game. It followed the normal rules of strip poker, Whoever has the worst hand has to remove an article of clothing. But with additional rules that turn it into a drinking game. Players usually dressed with a ludicrous amount of accessories as well as multi-layered outfits. If you wore your organization coat you would lose very quickly. You've got Coat, Boots, Socks, Underwear. And then you lose. So to give yourself an advantage they would wear things like... For example, Marluxia would get the worst hand, and first take off his flower crown, the next time he would remove his flower bracelet, and then his flower necklace, and his flower earrings, his flower lapel pin, his flower cufflinks, his flower print flannel jacket, his flower tie, his flower belt, you get the idea.

As for the drinking rules, every time you have junk the same round somebody else has a full house, you have to take a drink. Every time you have the same hand as somebody(Or nobody in this case) else, you both take a drink. Every time you win a round, you still take a drink. Every time there is an ace. Everybody takes a drink. Every time there is a 6, everyone takes a drink. Every time there is a King, You take a drink. Every time Luxord forgets to take the jokers out of the deck, Every one takes a drink. Every time a card is played that matches your number in the organization, you take a drink. Every time- You get the idea. They get really drunk. It's good that nobodies don't have livers to fail, or they would've all died of liver failure before they could ever plot against Sora. It's one of those things Mickey left out, Nobodies have no hearts, and also no livers. They don't need livers.

Saix's day was the typical grind. And once again that night there was a strip-drink-poker game. The group gathered in the gray area. And the game began. Saix had played at least 14 games by now. But he never remembered what happened during them. Considering how easy it was to get drunk quickly the way the game went. The first round, Luxord had all the 7's. That was 4 drinks right there. Furthermore, between the players, Every ace was played, another 4 drinks, And all the 6's were played. Another 4 drinks. And of course Saix had the worst hand. _And_ he forgot to change into something with more layers. So in the first round he had already had 12 drinks and was in nothing but his underwear and his boots. The next round, he ended up with all the 10's. And Luxord had the worst hand(Junk). And look! Luxord _also _forgot to wear more layers. Some kings were played too, and Axel had a full house. So by the 3rd round both Saix and Luxord were very drunk, and ¾ naked. Saix was staring at Luxord's chest through his beer goggles. He seemed irresistible. So much that he tackled Luxord(Who was next to him) to the ground. And had to be forced into a closed room by the others.

And the next morning, Saix woke up next to Luxord. Remembering nothing of the night before. And it repeated the next night. This has happened every night since Luxord invited Saix to join the games.


	96. July 11th

July 11th (Seriously, this isn't fun to write anymore. I don't think I'll ever write Fanfiction again after this challenge is done.)

Saix pinned Marluxia to the wall or something. Context be damned. Then Marluxia said something flamboyant and hilarious. Some joke about Marluxia being more feminine than Larxene.

Something to do with Saix and missions. Something about Saix being Grumpy. Some way of insinuating that they have sex without going into details.

Something about a one-night stand developing into romance. Add fluff.

Some storytelling details about Saix and Marluxia's relationship.

Some very very very long sentence that is very good at extending the very much needed word count of the story so it doesn't look like I was too lazy to write a whole chapter today. Repeat the very very very long sentence that is very good at extending the very much needed word count of the story so it doesn't look like I was too lazy to write a whole chapter today.

Saix was terribly sad that Marluxia had to go off to Castle Oblivion. Whether or not it was his idea. He loved Marluxia and couldn't stand to be away from him. Drabble drabble out of characters situations raping canon ect.

Now some stuff about how Sora murdered Marluxia which made Saix very sad.

Saix was sad. Mope mope mope. Yawn cry mope sob.

Saix wanted revenge again Sora. Saix get's killed by Sora. Saix Saix Saix Marluxia Marluxia Marluxia Sora Sora Mickey Mouse.

Nobodies don't get an afterlife. Sad ending. Boohoo. Why did I think this was a good idea.


	97. July 12th

July 12th (Now with more domestic abuse!)

Saix slapped Larxene across the face "BITCH! YOU TALK WHEN I TELL YOU TOO!" Saix was berserk again. Every full moon he became the worst abusive partner you could imagine.

Fortunately, Larxene's menstrual cycle also aligned with the lunar cycle. So she too was quite the bitch on a full moon. "OH NO YOU DIDN'T! I AM THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP! YOU'RE MY BITCH!" Screamed Larxene while smacking Saix across the face.

"Mommy! Daddy! Why are you fighting?" cried Roxas jokingly before being punted out the window. Everybody knew that the full moon was when the power couple of the castle went on their period. Well, It was more like they had had their period and now both Saix and Larxene were PMSing.

There were two kinds of members in the organization: The kind that stayed as far away from the fighting. And the kind that watched from a distance.

"My nicest chair! No!" cried Xemnas as his favorite chair was thrown across the room Larxene in response to being called "The most beautiful whore in the castle." by Saix. "EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT TITLE BELONGS TO DEMYX!" Larxene shouted back. Demyx was the kind that stayed far away, If he was around then he would take a bigger beating than Saix later that night.

"HOW DARE YOU IMPLY THAT I'M WRONG!" Screamed Saix "OH I'LL IMPLY ANYTHING I WANT YOU BASTARD!" Larxene screamed back.

The hate sex they would have that night would be amazing. 


	98. July 13th

July 13th (This month I've only had like an hour each day to write. So that also contributes to the poor quality. August will probably be better)

Saix saw the new recruit in the hallway before it was formally introduced to the rest of the organization. It was very cute, Saix couldn't tell the gender though. Regardless he wanted to try and seduce it.

He thought of many cheesy ways to do so...

"What's my first mission sir?" "You can start right here *points to crotch*" "Oh you're so funny I'm on love now and irresistibly attracted to you" Saix's imagination played out many scenes like that. Saix was smart enough to know that none of those would work.

It would help if he knew the things name and gender. If he waited until the formal introduction there was no doubt that Axel or maybe Luxord or possibly even Marluxia would pounce before Saix could even muster a pick-up line.

Fortunately, Xemnas was "busy" in his bedroom so Saix was told quickly "This is Roxas he's new" before being handed the new recruit.

Nobodies are impressible during their first week. They usually just stand their mindlessly and won't even remember anything they did during the first week. The only reason they accept ridiculous things like "Roxas" and "Zexion" as their names is because they were told it was their name during the first week.

So Saix decided to take advantage of this and told Roxas "I am Saix, As second in command at the organization you must do everything I say. You also find me incredibly sexy and want to be my lover. You don't find anybody as attractive as me Roxas. You love me." Roxas just stood there doing nothing. Quite the Zombie.

Saix didn't want to mess with the poor boy any more than he already did so he didn't do anything else to him besides what they always tell new recruits.

After the first week was done, Roxas' personality was starting to develop. He wasn't much of a zombie and Saix could tell that everybody in the organization was out for a piece of Roxas.

Roxas seemed to blush whenever Saix was around. This was taken as a good sign.

However, that night was a full moon. Saix went berserk! But with nothing to kill, his hormones decided that this was a GREAT time to make Saix incredibly horny.

Saix passed by Roxas in the hallway and immediately pinned him to the wall and engaged in intense kissing. Roxas seemed to be shocked yet enjoying it. Saix pulled Roxas into a nearby "broom closet" and I don't think I'm able to detail what happened next. 


	99. July 14th

July 14th (More abusive relationships :D)

Saix saw Xion as a puppet. He didn't treat her as an equal. Any observer would think they hated each other with a passion. And that was partially true. But they were also totally in love. It wasn't a heterosexual nor a homosexual couple. As Saix didn't recognize Xion as even having a gender.

"WALT DAMNIT Saix! You're such an asshole!" Said Xion, "Yes, but you aren't even people." Saix replied. And then they would probably make-out or snog or whatever you want to call it. Snog would be more accurate since snogging doesn't sound as appealing this was not an appealing make-out session.

"Ooh Xion you're such an ugly whore!" Cried Saix through his passionate smothering of Xion's face. "I'm not ugly you heartless bastard!" Xion replied between gaps of her tongue not being occupied.

It wasn't just hate sex. It was a hate relationship. They went on hate-dates "A table for 1 please. Oh, and also this thing needs a seat too" Saix would tell a waiter at the lousiest restaurant while pointing at Xion during the latter portion of the quote.

Xion would cook Saix breakfast in bed, then spit in it before serving. And when Saix was busy, Xion would say mean things about him to Axel and Roxas.

Obviously this meant Saix did all he could to ruin her friendship with them.

And in the end Xion had the last stab by betraying the organization just before dying. Of course Saix didn't remember her after that anyways. 


	100. August 1st

August 1st (I got stuck in traffic and was worried I wouldn't be able to get this done on time.)

Axel liked to think that he was the cockiest person alive. And when he was killed by heartless, He liked to think he was the cockiest non-person to exist-kinda. So when he met Xemnas he was enraged by Xemnas' cockiness! Xemnas was acting cockier than Axel! He'd have to take some of Xemnas' cock and take it inside himself! Axel realized that thought wasn't exactly what he meant. And not what he wanted the situation to be. Rather he would have to show Xemnas who was cockier by putting some of his cock inside Xemnas therefore removing the cockiness from Xemnas. If that made any sense.

He hoped it made sense, otherwise he'd just come off as a pervert. A cocky pervert, But a pervert none the less. And he didn't want to become known as the pervert of the organization. He wanted to be the sexy stud that got all the ladies! Ladies such as Xemnas. Or Zexion. Or Vexen. There seemed to be a good Women-men ratio in the organization. He'd never met a woman as cocky as Xemnas before. That scenario he mistakenly set up implied that Xemnas had a cock! It made Axel shudder a bit. Not because it implied Xemnas was a cross-dresser. But because it implied that Axel was the kind of guy who took it up the-, He stopped the line of thought before it even got to it's finishing point. A picture says a thousand words and it's hard to think something without also imagining it.

Axel had seduced many a lady back when he was a somebody. He even seduced a few lady-like men such as Saix. Boy did that make their friendship awkward. His best tool for seduction was usually his cockiness...Or his cock. He was never sure which. But he was sure it involved the word cock. And that's exactly what he would use to seduce Xemnas.

When Xemnas was on break that night, Axel approached him carrying a cocky swagger. For dinner that night he had eaten coc- No, He had eaten fried _rooster_. Cock was just a term that could be used to refer to it. Axel almost felt like he had to say "No homo" after finishing the meal. Even though he enjoyed eating the rooster much more than eating chicken. He had to avoid getting distracted thinking about the word cock. Otherwise he might accidentally drop his cocky swagger. The same swagger he used to seduce Tifa, Aerith, Yuffie, Braig, Ansem-... He only had sex with the ones that were his age and female of course. They just all swooned over his cocky swagger.

He could tell that Xemnas was being affected by his presence. It was almost as if Axel released some sort of pheromone that made everyone around him blush and fall at his knees. All it took was a few "Hey Baby"s and "How ya doing?"s and a "Why don't you come back to my room?" to get Xemans to do just that. Axel wondered if sex as a nobody would be any different than when he had a heart. He decided he'd just have to find out. As he stripped Xemnas slowly he noticed how flat-chested Xemnas was. If he wasn't trying to teach her a lesson on being cocky he wouldn't have really gone for the type. I mean, Xemnas was _really _flat chested. You'd think she'd be more self-conscious than cock-

Axel discovered at that point that Xemnas was a man. And had quite a bit of manhood. He also realized how much he thought about the word cock. In his inner monologue he just seemed to cockily insert the word cock in places he didn't need to. He also realized that even though he discovered Xemnas was a man, he didn't stop stripping him down. He didn't stop any of the stuff that can't be detailed in polite company.

And he realized that despite making anybody swoon, he had never actually had sex with anybody besides that one drunken stand with Saix after a party. He had only gotten to first base with the few girls his age. And afterward, as he laid in the bed next to Xemnas, slowly falling asleep. He realized what the right word to describe him was. Although by then he was fast asleep.


	101. August 2nd 100th Chapter!

August 2nd (Ugh, This chapter just makes me want to play BBS already! _Did_ Lea and Braig know each other!)

Axel had lived in the same town as Xigbar before they were nobodies. But they hadn't actually spoken much. However it was a well known fact that Lea had seduced every single living thing in Radiant Garden. And while Axel was a bit different than Lea, And Xigbar was a bit different than Braig. Axel was pretty sure that it wouldn't be to hard to seduce Xigbar if he wanted to.

Axel was pondering about this while walking down the hallway whistling a rather sexy whistle. It was so sexy it began to attract those that had already fallen under his seductive spell. Namely Saix. Who despite being irresistibly attracted to Axel(And who can blame him?) he was still Axel's BFF at the time. It could get awkward, but they got over it. Saix clung to Axel's leg without realizing he was doing it. "Gah! What are you Saix a dog?" Axel shouted as he shook Saix off his leg. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself." apologized Saix as he regained his composure. It was the sort of effect Axel tended to have on everyone.

"Saix. Do you think I've already seduced Xigbar? Or do I still have to get that done?" Axel asked Saix. "I don't think he's still the Braig that blushed when you said his name." Replied Saix, Who blushed when Axel said his name. "But he still has the same memories. I'm sure I've already seduced him like cattle." Replied Axel. Saix became very nervous as he wasn't sure whether he should point out how terrible that analogy was. I'm sure you know how unrequited love is. Even if you know it will never be returned you still want to stay on their good side in case they change their mind. And doing things like calling their analogies stupid don't seem like good ideas.

"Let's make a bet! I bet that I've already seduced Xigbar and don't need to put in any effort if I wanted to sleep with him." Proposed Axel. "Wait a minute! What are we actually betting?" interrupted Saix. There was an awkward pause. It wasn't as if they had any sort of currency they could use that would be of any value. Nobody used Munny in the castle. And "Heart Points" was barely an actual thing that existed. And Axel wasn't the smartest nobody so he just said "Whatever, Whether I win the bet or lose either way I'm getting laid." before walking off. Saix assumed that this meant "If you win, you can chose whatever you want as a prize" even though it wasn't explicitly stated.

Axel barged into Xigbar's bedroom. It was 11:00pm so the chances of Xigbar being up weren't something that Axel could comprehend when he was in _the mood_. Once the door was open Axel found Xigbar lying on his bed reading some book about pirates or Vietnam. Axel couldn't read at that distance without the glasses he refused to wear. Besides, It's not like he still had them after becoming a nobody. Although Saix insisted that Axel could make the glasses very sexy just by wearing them.

Xigbar immediately grew red when he saw Axel was in the room. This obviously meant Axel had won the bet. But he didn't care too much about that. He felt like having sex with Xigbar and he knew that Xigbar agreed... Wait.

Well, It turned out Xigbar was a virgin(_Gasp!)_ and also had a strong connection between sex and love. So when Axel woke up the next morning. Xigbar had started to cling to him. And now they're dating. Although they have enough chemistry that Axel doesn't mind. And Xigbar didn't turn out to care about monogamy anyways.

And Saix was just plain disappointed.


	102. August 3rd

August 3rd (Consistent character personalities in Crack Fanfiction? You have to be crazy to expect_ that_)

Axel was what many people that spent most of their time in shady gay pubs would call a "Twink". Or least, Lea was. And Axel and Lea are sort of the same so you could assume it applied to Axel too.

His hips didn't lie and he partied quite a bit. Getting drunk on butter beer and whoring himself out. Did you know Axel spoke with a lisp when he got drunk? It's true It's true!

Young, skinny, party hard. It was only a matter of time until he found Xaldin in all his manliness drinking at the "Twilight Rainbow". The most popular gay bar/club in Twilight Town. And despite Xemnas' condemnation of office relationships, Axel couldn't resist flirting with Xaldin. Plus they didn't work in an office. And who said this would be a lasting relationship?

"Hey their hottie" Axel whispered into Xaldin's ear. Having snuck up behind him beforehand. Axel was quite Slender, and a man. So a Slenderman, err... A slender man. As mentioned previously, He had some sexy ass hips. And a sexy ass booty. Not to mention a sexy ass six pack. These were his tools in seducing manly men like Xaldin.

Xaldin was a bit startled by the sudden whisper in his ear. Although it also turned his face a bit red. He couldn't recognize from the voice who it was behind him. But he wasn't sure whether he wanted to turn around and find out. Fortunately for him, the decision was made for him when Axel swiveled the chair around and attempted to place a kiss on his lips. Although he missed and almost landed in his crotch. "Nonono Thzaldin. We're thaving that for later. Pluth it will be the other way around...or not.." Axel mumbled drunkingly.

The shade of red on Xaldin's face grew a bit stronger. "A-Axel!-" Xaldin was about to say "What are you doing?" But he was interrupted by Axel declaring "That's my name! Commit to memory! You thsure got it memorized!" with pride. Shooting a fist into the air that almost knocked over someone's Sea Salt Martini.

Axel put his hand on Xaldin's crotch as he tried to stand back up again and go for attempt #2 at kissing Xaldin. Xaldin himself had been drinking quite a bit so his resolve to resist was down quite a bit. Slowly becoming mesmerized by Axel's slowly swaying hips. After drinking the rest of his beer(Not even straddling whores can keep Xaldin from drinking), He didn't even realize the bartender calling over a bouncer. Or the bouncer picking Axel and Xaldin up by the collars and tossing them into the "back room".

After the United Church of Twilight located near the Twilight Rainbow complained about horny drunks wandering inside at night and doing "_Who knows what!". _As well as way to many drunk drivers and related incidents. The Twilight Rainbow opened up a locked room in the back closed off to the outside world to throw drunks in. The criteria for being thrown in the back room was

They are too drunk to drive with nobody that hasn't had any drinks claiming to be with them.

They are clearly too drunk to find their way home.

They are clearly too horny and drunk to find a cheap hotel room.

They're so drunk they're attempting to have sex within the public facilities.

Having met the 4th criteria. Xaldin and Axel found themselves in a dark windowless padded room with a few other drunken bodies on the ground.

Then it got X-rated. And they fell asleep on the floor. The sticky disgusting floor. It wasn't sticky with what you think it's sticky with though. There was a condom dispenser and anybody that goes to gay bars knows to use a freaking condom.

Axel woke up with a terrible hangover. And his arm draped around Xaldin's shoulders. Or at least that's what it seemed like. But Xaldin was really on top of Axel's arm. Preventing him from getting up before Xaldin did. Xaldin himself had one of his hairy arms sprawled over Axel's bare chest. It would be a few hours before the bouncer came in to hand them a bill and some Aspirin. This room was the reason it was Axel's favorite gay bar in Twilight town.


	103. August 4th

August 4th (It's Obama's Birthday! It's also my older brother's birthday! I have the same birthday as George W. Bush too. And my Dad's birthday is the anniversary of _Mein Kampf_ )

Axel shouted to Vexen "_Heeey Ice queen!_" He said it in italics because he knew that Vexen found italics sexy. Vexen was the only person(Or non-person) that Axel had ever heard of who had an _italics_ fetish. Fortunately it wasn't too deeply rooted that he had to speak in italics all the time to get with Vexen.

Back when Axel was Lea he had once dated someone who had a foot fetish so deep he had to do yoga poses so that his feet were always visible. It really got uncomfortable so that didn't last too long. Vexen however stayed spicy. His inventions were always great to keep things fun.

Axel walked up behind Vexen and caressed his hips and whispered into his ear

"_In case you didn't notice, I said that in italics._"

"You can't _speak_ things in italics, only write them. Learn more about Typography! The closest you can get is saying things with emphasis." Vexen retorted back.

"_Bitch _I can say things in whatever **font **_case _I want!" Said Axel putting on his best drag queen impression(Which is super meta because drag queens themselves are female impressionists.) This made Vexen giggle and created a rare smile.

"Oh really? Any font case?" asked Vexen.

"I can even say things underlined." replied Axel.

The two kissed for a short time before Vexen turned around to continue his work. Breaking away from Axel's embrace on his hips. Axel began to enter curious cat mod as he leaned over Vexen's shoulder to see what he was working on.

Vexen appeared to be putting those plastic models of molecules into a pot of boiling water. As if it was some kind of strange pasta.

"What are you doing?" Asked Axel.

"Recycling" replied Vexen.

"Explain in more details!"

"If I do you better commit it to memory. I'm not saying it twice."

"Oh haha."

Vexen playfully elbowed Axel's ribs.

"I'll be sure to get it memorized" replied Axel.

"I no longer have a use for this model, So I'm melting the plastic to use in other experiments" explained Vexen.

"Isn't that dangerous?" asked Axel.

"I'm a Nobody, who cares if it's dangerous."

"I care! I don't want anything to hurt you." Axel pulled Vexen away from the stove and hugged him without consent. Although it didn't matter since Vexen had turned in hug permission forms to the Organization XIII office of hugging consent, which gave Axel permission to hug Vexen without having to go through normal procedures of checking for consent.

"I have the training to melt plastic without getting hurt anyways." Vexen mumbled softly, his voice showing that he wasn't trying to argue but just wanted to leave it with all the information known.

"Doesn't matter, it's time for dinner." said Axel.


	104. August 5th

August 5th (Disclaimer, any names used are completely made up on the spot and are not meant to represent actual people.)

Axel swished and swayed his hips as he entered the gray area "Guesth whose heeree!" He announced in a sing-song voice. The entire organization stared at him as he flailed a limp wrist around. Although the stare was more like a terrible glare. The kind you'd give to an Andrew Ramsey or Stacy Middleton from middle school who does annoying things to get attention. While at first you might have shown interest in any of their antics, you now just find them annoying and glare at them to get them to shut up. This was the kind of glare the organization peers gave to Axel during his entrance.

Although it wasn't that Axel was like Andrew or Stacy. He didn't do annoying things in general. Rather he specifically did _this _annoying thing over and over every day. Lexaeus entered the gray area behind Axel and slapped the back of Axel's head as he passed by.

"What'd you do that for?" Complained Axel in a now much more Axely voice. Lexaeus obviously didn't respond but gave the same icy glare as the rest of the organization had. As a way of conveying that he only did what everybody in the room wanted to do.

Axel was quite the homophobic jerk, his identity was practically defined by his homophobia. He never even considered if anyone in the organization was "A fucking fag" as he put it. He never thought about it at all. He didn't even realize people didn't like his daily stereotype impression until Lexaeus smacked him. And the silence in the room afterward was eerie.

Only 2 minutes passed, but to Axel it felt like years. He stood there expecting somebody to shout at Lexaeus for smacking him. But nothing happened. And while the room became rather loud again after those short 2 minutes had passed. Axel had already run out of the room by then. Far into the darkest hallways of the castle.

His brain had trouble forming complete thoughts, the sudden realization that he was obnoxious, that others didn't approve of his pointless homophobia, destroyed everything he had believed in. He flattened his back against a wall and slid down to the floor. By the time his bum touched the cold stone he could hear footsteps coming down the hall.

It was Lexaeus, who crouched down in front of Axel and said nothing. As was typical Lexaeus behavior. Axel stared at Lexaeus' face for a while and after failing to discern what expression Lexaeus had, he decided to just start thinking out loud.

"You know Lexaeus, I've never even thought about whether there was somebody in the organization that really was a homo. And that I was just making their day a living hell every time I opened my mouth." Axel mumbled or such maybe.

There was another long silence. Unspoken words passed between them. Expressions changed slightly several times before Lexaeus slowly leaned in towards Axel(He had amazing balance and power thighs with fantastic stamina) and planted a very very light kiss on Axel's upper lip. Leaning away afterward.

"You're gay? But you're so manly!" Axel was confused. After this statement though, He began to feel like Lexaeus was staring into his soul. His eyes burnt into his mind until another realization came upon him.

"You'll just have to prove to me that you're gay. In private" Axel said with a bit of a chuckle. He stood up and pulled Lexaeus by the arm into a nearby extra room. And he discovered 2 new things that day.


	105. August 6th

August 6th (So I Jailbroke my iPod and found that all the apps in Cydia are terrible.)

Zexion was a loner. The only person he ever talked to was Lexaeus and since Lexaeus didn't talk balk you could hardly call it socializing. Axel was quite the opposite. And he was determined to not only befriend the loner he had never spoken to before, but seduce and join a long-term relationship with him.

Axel knew nothing about Zexion besides what was on the work-related files,

"Number VI, Weapon: Lexicon, Specialty: Illusions, _The Cloaked Schemer, _Original name: Ienzo, Note: Also has an especially acute sense of smell." And he was planning to win over Zexion using only this information.

He decided that since Zexion had an acute sense of smell, he would try to use pheromones. While there has been no proper scientific proof of pheromones in humans. Vexen discovered, reverse-engineered, and created his own pheromones for the success of the organization's goals. The one they use the most is the mysterio shaiklokio pheromone. Which makes them seem more ominous and mysterious when used. They also have a pheromone with the opposite effect, which lets them walk through urban areas wearing dark cloaks and not be seen as unusual.

However before the mystery and normality based pheromones were made. Vexen had been experimenting with more natural uses for pheromones. Attraction and the such. Axel had been a guinea pig ("I can't be made to fall in love because of some _smell"_) So he knew that they worked well. He stole a particular pheromone from Vexen's lab, "The feeling of a heart" was the name Vexen gave to it. Because when he tested it on Axel, Axel ended up saying "You make me feel like I have a heart when I'm with you." to Vexen.

He sprayed the pheromone lightly on his neck. If it had such an effect on Axel, Imagine how it would affect Zexion. He approached Zexion's corner(Or at least, whatever corner Zexion was in at the time) and froze. He had planned everything up to the point of wearing the pheromones. But hadn't even thought of an ice breaker to start the conversation. How could Zexion confess his love if he wasn't even talking?

Axel could hear Zexion sniff the air. Axel went with the first line he thought of

"Do you smell something?" It wasn't even a good line. If anything it would give away his plan. Zexion stayed silent.

Axel improvised like crazy, Axel came in last place in Radiant Garden High School's improv contest. "Or maybe you just naturally smell so sexy." Axel leaned in really close to Zexion. He pretended to be smelling Zexion but it was really a ploy to get Zexion to smell him. Zexion remained silent but seemed to react. Axel couldn't tell how though because all he could see was Zexion's neck. Although the shoulders seemed to raise a bit.

"I think it's you" Axel tried to be as flattering as possible as he pulled away. Zexion was clearly blushing, and almost seemed to move with Axel for a moment before catching himself and stopping. "No, I think it's _you" _said Zexion. Who startled Axel by jumping forwards and began to kiss Axel like a madman.

Axel pushed Zexion into a broom closet. And Demyx complained to Saix that there was a loud banging noise resonating through the halls.


	106. August 7th

August 7th (People always make the "Fox News/Faux News" pun, but nobody ever points out that it's named after a fox! An animal associated with trickery and deceit in every culture that has foxes.)

Axel could still remember the sounds of the fireworks the last night he spent with Isa before they were eaten by heartless. He remembered the emotions he felt. And the realizations he had. He had planned to confess on the that day when they lose their hearts. And while Nobodies aren't entirely without emotions, it's harder to feel them.

While Lea had been so ready that day to tell Isa. Axel was now a bit unsure. His feelings were once again mixed and confusing and he had to once again figure them out before he planned to make any rash decisions.

He could always tell what Isa was thinking, they had been friends forever and in that time he had learned even the most subtle meanings of the most minor changes in Isa's facial expressions. However now that they were nobodies, Axel had a lot harder time figuring out what Saix was thinking.

Morning, Axel and Saix have breakfast, Axel almost calls Saix _Isa _before remembering their new names. Attempts at conversation are awkward and may possibly be considered a failure, although it doesn't seem that anybody else in the organization is doing much better at the time. They go on separate missions and don't see each other again until

Evening. Axel tries to ask Saix how his mission went, Saix is vague and doesn't give detailed answers. Axel wonders if Saix really doesn't have emotions anymore. If he's some sort of defective nobody that still has feelings. He decides he has to confess to Saix just like he was going to confess to Isa. Because Saix is going through the same thing and doesn't know where Axel still feels the same. And maybe a full on confession would solve everything.

So while the next morning was just as awkward. That evening Axel knew where he had to take Saix. There was a fireworks show that night in London. Using dark corridors they could get on top of Big Ben and watch the fireworks. It would be amazing and since it was still Victorian in Neverland. Nobody would really be able to catch them. Victorian being what it is, they would have to climb the entire clock town to get to the top and by the time they get there, Axel and Saix could have left through a dark corridor.

Axel kept the fireworks a surprise for Saix and just told him "I want to take you somewhere" returning the ambiguity Saix had given him before in terms of answers about _where_ they were going.

Saix seemed a little confused at being on a clock tower. It had grown dark by the time they got there, confusing timezones and all. "So why are we here?" asked Saix, one of the few times Saix had spoken to Axel without prompt since they became nobodies. "Just wait and see." replied Axel. Around 10 minutes passed of silence before slight "hsss" could be heard if you were listening for it. Followed by a _**BOOM! **_That startled Saix so much he lost his balance and fell. Axel reacted fast enough to catch Saix by the hand. And held on like his entire world depended on it. Because to him, that might as well of been true. Leather gloves don't have the most controlled grip and Axel could feel Saix slipping. So he got to work in pulling Saix back up. The fireworks show continued but Axel didn't notice. His number one priority was Saix.

Axel managed to get Saix back up to safety but the momentum of the final tug had thrown Saix on top of him. The grand finale of the fireworks could be heard as Axel decided to kiss Saix. His actions spoke louder than any words he had spent hours thinking about beforehand. And when Saix pulled away to breath. Axel could see a lovely genuine smile. Which he took to mean "I agree".


	107. August 8th

August 8th (I haven't slept since 4:00pm August 7th ! This will be fun!)

Axel had a terrible case on constipation that day. He had pretty much just forgot about eating fiber completely for the past few weeks, and very thoroughly constipated. He spent 2 hours on the toilet and still had no progress. So he gave in and decided "I'm gonna take a laxative."

He had been enduring the pain in his colon for a while so he thought he could endure it a little more. And diarrhea be damned he'd rather diarrhea than constipation. He rustled through the medicine cabinet in his bathroom to see whatever generic pills had been left in there by whoever was in charge of the Organization XIII's healthcare.

He finally found a laxative but couldn't believe what he saw on the label "Guaranteed bowel movement in _6-12 hours! "_ Axel didn't want to wait _6 _hours, let alone _12_! But it seemed to be his only choice, he swallowed the pill using tap water from the sink and the cup he used to rinse his mouth after brushing his teeth each night. And sat back down on the toilet. "6-12 damn hours, What the hell am I going to do until _then?_" Axel mumbled to himself angrily.

He had never been the kind of person who needed to pass time on the toilet. So he didn't have anything that could be considered entertainment lying around in his bathroom. No books, no magazines, nothing. He tried to create entertainment for himself but it didn't seem like he could keep himself entertained for 6 to 12 hours.

He played drums on his thighs. He counted the intersections of tiles on the floor. He turned the faucet on and off for no reason. About an hour passed before he realized that if he knew it would be another 5 hours at least before the laxative kicked in, he had no reason to sit on the toilet the hole time.

He got up, washed his hands, and walked back out of his bathroom and into his connected bedroom. Private bathrooms were one of the very nice perks members of the organization got. It's too bad it wasn't accessibly to Axel 9 hours from when he left, as he had decided a night out clubbing would be fun. And had forgotten about the impending bowel movement 6-12 hours from when he took the pill. And the pain in his colon had faded into the background after having gotten used to it.

And so, while dancing and drinking at _The Twilight Rainbow, _Axel felt a rumbling in his stomach, and was instantly reminded of what it was. He made a mad dash to the public restroom and secured a stall. I'm sure you don't want any details on the _bowel movement,_ save for that it was _effective. _

Finally, Axel had a clean colon. He felt great and eager to wash his hands. Which he washed thoroughly. And he celebrated by buying lots of high-fiber pro-biotic yogurt.


	108. August 9th

August 9th (I started Drivers Ed today. Educational films from every decade since VHS tapes were invented :D!)

It was Axel and Demyx's honeymoon. Well, it was a real honeymoon as much as their marriage was recognized by any form of government or religion(In that it wasn't). But to them it was a honeymoon and Xemnas was recognizing it so that was good enough for them.

Demyx had no idea where they were going for a honeymoon. Axel had kept it a secret from him intentionally. As opposed to keeping it a secret accidentally, which isn't very common. Demyx was blindfolded the whole plane ride, Even though they could have just used a dark corridor. They decided to troll the people on the plane by having somebody in a mysterious cloak escort somebody in a blindfold on a plane.

It was Demyx's idea but he didn't even get to see the faces on all the people. Although he could hear their mumurs pretty clearly. "_should we warn the pilot?" "what if they have a bomb?" "i really think we should tell the pilot" "ehh somebody else will do it before us anyways" _So he still got a kick out of it.

The plane landed, to the passengers relief. And Axel hooked a leash onto Demyx's neck so he could keep track of him without taking the blind fold off. But also so he could creep out everybody in the airport even more.

After an awkward taxi cab to their destination. Demyx could finally remove his blindfold. And to his shock, where they were staying was an **Epic Chocolate Hotel!**

In his excitement Demyx ran ahead to the door, before being caught by the leash that hadn't yet been removed. "Gaghkg" was the noise Demyx made as he fell to ground, being choked by the leash.

Axel removed the leash and Demyx ran ahead. They packed lightly since they could easily just dark corridor back to the castle to get anything they need. But since it was a 5-star epic chocolate hotel, they had all that they needed. And they were booked for the "Luxury honeymoon epic chocolate lovers suite" too.

The lobby of the hotel had a chocolate fountain, and the bathrooms were filled with bulimic people. "?" Axel had no idea what Demyx was screaming through his mouth full of chocolate. They checked in, and were escorted to their suite.

They had chocolate room service and chocolates under the pillows and chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate. There was a lot of chocolate. And when Axel and Demyx kissed, it tasted like chocolate.

And they had terrible terrible nightmares that night because they ate so much chocolate.

And Demyx's splendid figure was probably going to be ruined by all the chocolate.

And instead of coffee, there was hot chocolate.

And if you don't want chocolate by know when reading this then you are quite resistant to chocolate chocolate mmm chocolate.

Demyx was loving his chocolate. And Axel was loving his Demyx.


	109. August 10th

August 10th (Second class and I'm officially at the top of my Driver's Ed class :D! In that I'm the only person to get every answer right in our first test.)

Axel woke up next to Luxord in bed. He couldn't remember anything from the night before. The last thing he could remember was eating lucky charms cereal the previous morning. That was really everything he could remember of the previous day. He couldn't even remember what day it was since his enormous hangover was preventing him from thinking straight.

Axel got out of bed and stumbled over to the kitchen counter. Upon realizing that there was a kitchen counter in the same room as the bed. Axel deduced that he was in a hotel. A rather nice hotel with a small kitchen area. It was made up like a kitchen with a counter, sink, fridge, and microwave. But you couldn't make any actual meals in it. The sink had filtered water though so it didn't seem like a cheap hotel. It was probably bought using all that leftover munny that falls out of heartless when you kill them. That stuff made organization members pretty rich sometimes.

Luxord woke up a few minutes after Axel sat down at the counter. There appeared to be a coffee machine by the microwave. The counter was arranged like bar, so if there was a stove somebody could be on the other side of the counter making pancakes or something. So while Axel was sitting at the counter, he wasn't really _in_ the kitchen area.

"Oy... Hey there... Axel..." Luxord clearly had a hangover of his own. His voice seemed like a loud vibrating bell, his every word resonated inside Axel's head.

"Axelll... Do _you_ remember anything about last night?" Luxord finally managed to ask.

"I don't remember anything after yesterday's breakfast." Axel replied.

"Oh...well.. I remember lunch at least." said Luxord. To Axel it almost seemed like he was gloating. But at least this meant nobody drugged Axel's lucky charms or something.

Luxord held his head with one hand and prepared the coffee machine with the other. Checking the cabinets for filters and coffee grounds. The hotel had not in fact provided coffee grounds or filters, thus rendering the coffee machine useless to them. Neither of them were up for leaving the hotel room to get coffee. So Luxord just sat down on the other side of the counter, across from Axel. And they stared at each other in silence.

Staring at Luxord's face, Axel appreciated the chiseled nature of Luxord's chin. Luxord really was a beautiful man, his ears were quite lovely and he had very nice lips. And his eyes were quite captivating. Axel had shifted from staring at Luxord's face to looking into Luxord's eyes. And as he got lost in Luxord's eyes, he began to recall what had happened the night before.

The lucky charms weren't drugged, but the milk sorta was. When Axel reached to get milk out of the fridge he accidentally took Vexen's "Super-stealth sleeping milk! Perfect for kidnapping Sora! Kids like milk, right?" which had been stored in the fridge. Axel drank all the "Milk" from the bowl since he didn't like to waste food.

He started to feel drowsy but continued on with his day. Even though his eyelids had become very heavy. And ended up falling asleep on the couch in The Gray Area. The day of the week was _Sunday _so he didn't have to work. When he woke up it was 2:00pm. And he didn't really recognize that he had slept for most of the day. And being half-asleep on the way to the couch, He didn't have any good reason to remember having fallen asleep.

Luxord was eating a turkey club sandwich with spaded lettuce and heart shaped tomato. The bread was cut diagonally so it looked like a diamond.

"Did you have a good nap?" asked Luxord. Axel was still waking up and didn't respond. Luxord seemed to finish eating his sandwich at lightning fast speeds. Probably because the still half-asleep Axel was thinking at an astonishingly slow rate. The sleeping milk definitely had side effects.

"HeyAxelwanttogooutdrinking?" Asked Luxord, but time seemed to pass by so quickly and Axel barely noticed as he was picked up by the arm and led to The Twilight Rainbow. A drink of some sort was in front of Axel and he began to drink it. The effects of the milk had worn off but by then the effects of the alcohol started to kick in.

Luxord swung his arm around Axel's shoulders and Axel for no reason he could think of did the same. His cheeks became a bit flushed and his heart bit a little bit faster than it normally did. But he felt happy and decided to give Luxord a kiss on the cheek. He didn't know why. It just seemed like the right thing to do. And he did it.

But he must have gotten really _really_ drunk because Axel still couldn't remember no matter how hard he tried, how they ended up in this semi-swanky hotel room. Or what they did while sharing the bed together.

However Axel could see in Luxord's eyes, which he was still pretty lost in, that Luxord still couldn't remember what had happened the night before. And thinking about it, Axel decided what he wanted to have happened the night before.

"Luxord, I think I remembered what happened last night" said Axel.


	110. August 11th

August 11th (Did you know you can Pre-order KH: Re:Coded before it's release date is even announced?)

Axel and Marluxia were competitors in the "Mister Organization XIII" Beauty pageant. Luxord, Xemnas, and Vexen were the judges. And everybody that wasn't a judge entered the pageant. Except for Xion, who was disqualified since nobody saw her the same. She was however the host.

And yes, Even Larxene entered the Mister Organization XIII pageant. However everybody was eliminated except for Axel and Marluxia. The final two. It came down to the question section. The judges would each ask each contestant 1 question each.(Each each each each) And the contestants would have to answer the questions(obviously). And then they would do a strip tease and the judges would vote.

The previous section had been the bikini section, and they were not given time to change before or after the questions. No, not the _swimsuit_ section, that was earlier. They had just finished the _bikini _section.

Axel was wearing a fabulous red flower print bikini. His hair seemed to glow and was way fluffier than you'd have ever seen it before. Axel was putting on his best obviously fake smile. You didn't get a choice about entering the pageant by the way.

Marluxia was of course wearing a pink flower print bikini. His hair was also glowing and super fluffy. However it was this fluffy when he wasn't in a beauty pageant too. If you didn't know Marluxia's personality, you'd think his smile was genuine.

Axel was up first. He stepped forward and Xion held a microphone up to him as he gave his best pose. Luxord asked his question

"How would you describe the attractiveness of the other contestant and myself?'.

Axel had to hold back a snarky laugh as he gave his answer

"Both you and the other contestant are beautiful sexy men. I would love to lay both of you." Marluxia blushed slightly. Then Xemnas asked his question

"What would you do if you had **KINGDOM HEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTS!**"

"I would give it to you Lord Superior Xemnas."

And then Vexen asked his question.

"Two trains left the city at the same time, traveling in opposite directions. The eastbound train travels for ten hours and the westbound train travels for 5 hours. They are now 1300 km apart. The westbound train's rate is 20 km/hr faster than the eastbound train. How fast is each train going?"

"Uhhh... Fast enough to get 1300km away from each other in the allotted time?"

The judges whispered back and forth to each other and dismissed Axel. Who stepped back and allowed Marluxia to step forward.

Marluxia was asked the questions. In the same order as Axel, his answers were.

"I think the other contestant is rather sexy too. And there would _certainly_ be room for one more"

"I would create a _bbeeaauutifull _world and promptly give up control of it to Lord Master Superior Xemnas."

"That is and such as Atlantica and trains and starving orphans really do need us in such as Agrabah and so to help with the education and such as maybe opposite marriage or actually Hollow Bastion is could be good will to find Kingdom hearts"

And so the strip tease section began as the judges deliberated. Nobody could tell what the judges were saying, but they were quite distracted by what the contestants were doing on stage. Axel slowly unhooked his bikini top and was certainly quite the tease. Marluxia was even more of a tease however.

But what was most relevant is that the contestants soon turned to each other. They weren't allowed to actually get naked so there wasn't much to the strip tease after their bikini tops were off. They instead caressed each others bodies in order to make a more entertaining show.

The Judges finish deliberating but take an extra long amount of time to stop the contestants and give the results. But they get to it eventually and announce the winner.

"And this years Mister Organization XIII isssssssssssssssssss! WE HAVE A TIE!" Gasps all around can be heard! Mixed feelings fly over Axel and Marluxia!

And the prolonged stip tease period caused the show to run over. No award ceremony is held. Everybody leaves to go to bed. And Axel and Marluxia are abruptly left alone in the room. With no proper winner, nobody, not even the judges, were interested in staying around. The lights go out. And the door is locked.

"Wow, that was anticlimactic" said Axel.

"Why don't we just make a better _climax _ourselves then?" proposed Marluxia.

Axel liked this idea.

The Judges probably wished they were around to see what happened next.


	111. August 12th

August 12th (I _was _going to try and write legitimate Axel/Larxene today. But a video in my Driver's Ed class inspired me and I couldn't resist doing this.)

Axel and Larxene were paired up to go on a mission investigating a possible major heartless. The location was an underpopulated foggy city. Surrounded by mild forest. It was winter too, so most of the trees were dead. Or "Hibrating" or whatever Vexen insisted it was called. Neither Axel nor Larxene cared enough to call the trees anything but dead. They creepy enough to be dead, ghostly branches creating unsettling silhouettes in the fog. And of course they were sent to the city in the early evening. Which meant by the time they'd finished mapping out the city. It would be late at night.

The way the city was set up was pretty unusual, it was _"surrounded"_ by mild forest, but the shape of the city was such that you could spend hours trying to get from one side to the other, but always be able to clearly see the individual silhouettes of the trees and could probably enter and exit the forest at any time. slim and squiggly, looking a map you'd have to wonder whatever settlers had founded the city were thinking. Sure it look fine on a boundaries map, the forest counted as the city so you still got a perfect square. But still, Axel couldn't go over how ridiculous the shape of the actual city portions were.

The city itself felt like a ghost town. There were no people to be found and the roads look liked they hadn't been driven on for years. The subway system seemed to be automated since it was still working despite not a single worker being in the subway stations nor a single person riding the trains. They took the subway whenever they backtracked but they had to travel by foot everywhere else. After all, they were supposed to be mapping out the entire city and investigating every suspicious nook and cranny. Although the city itself seemed so suspicious they hardly knew where to start.

There were many times that Axel almost thought he saw something besides a tree standing in the foggy silhouettes of the forest. Or something besides a streetlight standing at the street corner. But he convinced himself it was nothing, getting freaked out like that in a place like this would just be counterproductive for finding whatever heartless was supposed to be in that city.

There was lots of graffiti in the city. But curiously enough, it was all the same tag. Whatever gang with a circle with an X over it as their tag must have either been really good and took over the whole city, or had absolutely no competition. Because that sign was everywhere. You'd expect with such a symbol that it would be on top of something, like "No Smoking!" But it was crossing anything out. And plus, normally no smoking symbols and the such have 1 diagonal line through them. This sign was a full X, the ends of the X didn't even stay within the circle most of the time. Almost as if it was saying "No Circles!"

It was a very foggy dusk when they finally finished inspecting every single area of the city. "We're done! Let's get out of here now! There is nothing here!" Cried Larxene with her typical mix of whining, anger, frustration, and hatred. They stopped walking since their feet were falling off and they had no more reason to walk again. "I don't know, maybe the heartless only comes out at night or something. It might be the reason the city is so empty." said Axel. Who wanted to go home just as much as Larxene. But still had his professional integrity that doesn't exist to live up to.

There was a silence after Axel finished talking, and it was during this silence that Axel hear footsteps. "Do you hear footsteps?" he asked Larxene. "Footsteps?" asked Larxene, who had seemed to have not been listening for them. However she didn't seem to care about footsteps as she was overcome by the most shocked expression Axel had ever seen on her.

"What? Sure, footsteps are kinda creepy but it's not _that_ shocking." Said Axel. "No, I don't think the footsteps matter anymore." said Larxene. Who hadn't turned around to look at Axel very much during the investigations. She was always ahead of him trying to get the job done quickly. With Axel catching up behind.

Axel on the other hand had had a sense that somebody was behind him or watching him at every point since they entered the city. He hadn't paid much attention to it since that sort of thing usually just happens when people get paranoid in a creepy environment. But he hadn't actually checked behind him very much because he was preoccupied with catching up with Larxene. When he did look behind him it was only a quick glance.

However, mostly because Larxene was doing that thing you see in movies all the time where she slowly raises a pointing finger that's shaking so much it ends up doing a very ineffective job of pointing something out. But merely instead signifies that something is behind you. Axel turned around.

Behind Axel was what appeared at first to be a very tall very slender man. However he quickly realized that the man was not only disproportionally as tall as the nearby streetlight(Which was flickering of course). But that the man had no face upon his pale skinned head. The skin was so pale it as almost as if it was a surviving Greek statue in a museum. After all of the original hideous paint has faded away from time and kept a perfectly clean white because the historians realized it looked better that way.

Clothing wise the man was wearing a generic business suit. With generic business shoes and generic business pants. But his head bore no hate and he wasn't holding any sort of briefcase because, well...

The thing that stood out the most, was the arms, they didn't seem like arms at all actually, he couldn't see any hands on the ends. But they stretched out the length of his body or more. And he seemed to have quite a lot more than 2 of them. And not only that, but each "arm" seemed to split up into more arms. Just like a tree branch did. Except unlike a tree branch, these "arms" were squiggly waving streaks of darkness. Like they were tentacles made out of the sleeves of a business suit. Except even the business suit seemed almost unreal. Like it was merely an apparition of a business suit.

Frankly, Axel had absolutely no idea what was standing before him, but he didn't care to find out. And so he quickly grabbed Larxene(Who seemed to have been paralyzed with fear or something) and ran as fast as he could far far away from the horrid creature that seemed to have been stalking them since they entered the city.

They escaped to the ghostly automated subway where they hoped the monster couldn't reach them. The subway doors closed behind them as the train took off. Larxene panted heavily and collapsed on top of Axel, who subsequently fell to the ground of the train. The train made loud screeching noises at every turn, but it's floors were amazingly clean. As if the last people to be on it before them was a team of OCD maids.

"Axel, Are we going to die? I don't know what that is, but I'm sure my knives won't do a thing to it. I've seen enough horror movies to know so." panted Larxene.

"It's way more terrifying than any heartless I've ever seen. I don't know if we'll die. But I'm sure something terrible is going to happen to us." replied Axel.

Whether it was pre-death desperation. Or a sudden last minute of their lives realization. Axel and Larxene realized that they were in love with each other. And began to kiss passively, errr. Passionately.

The kiss however ceased immediately when Axel saw a shadow in his peripheral vision and broke away to see what it was. On the other side of the door separating the train carts, a silhouette of a tall slender man could be seen.

It was then that the train stopped. And Larxene remembered that they had the ability to RTC from any location. She opened a dark corridor and pulled Axel through. He could see the dark figure appear on the other side of the cart door without it opening just as he disappeared through the darkness.

When they returned to the castle, they immediately closed the dark corridor and grasped each other in a tight embrace. The members of the organization who were around where Axel and Larxene appeared were quite shocked. It was quite the explosive entrance. "Life is too short!" shouted Larxene who quickly ran away with Axel to her bedroom. They left before they saw the silhouette outside the Gray area window.


	112. August 13th

August 13th (Happy AkuRoku day! I got my learner's permit today too. :D)

The moment Axel saw Roxas it was love at first sight. He instantaneously developed a deep seated crush on Roxas. He knew he was in love. He could feel it. But he didn't want to make the same mistake thrice(long story) and wasn't going to just ask Roxas out immediately. He knew that 95% of the population was straight or closeted, and that only 0.13% of the population could became a nobody of a high enough class to join Organization XIII. Even less got recruited. And since 6 of the Organization members were gay. Statistically everything was against Axel in terms of odds.

It was most likely that Roxas was another straight pretty boy that would be flattered but very creeped out if Axel asked him out. Probably answering in a polite, charming, yet heartbreaking manner. Clearly uncomfortable but not homophobic. Less "Ew" and more "Sorry."

However, despite this knowledge, and mostly because it's the way crushes usually work. Axel couldn't accept that he wouldn't be able to be with Roxas. He clung to a slim chance that Roxas could also be gay and would _love _to go out with Axel as so many other men would. But the statistical truth managed to prevent him from asking. Plus it was still only Roxas' 2nd week at the organization and couldn't exactly be judged for character yet, especially not through crush tinted glasses.

So instead, Axel waited and moped and tried and failed to build up confidence. Until finally he resorted to his next option. Gossiping about it with Luxord.

"I mean! Statistically! Everything is against me! It would take such _incredible luck _for Roxas to be both gay and interested in me!" said Axel.

"Stop mentioning statistics! Everything is always statistically against you unless you're in a gay bar or musical theater!" Luxord said as he lightly smacking Axel on the shoulder.

"What about GSAs and FLAG sports teams?" retaliated Axel.

"Fine, those too. But still, you need to stop focusing on statistics and more on the actual behavior. Observe how Roxas acts around you compared to others, how he reacts to certain topics. Certain genders. I'm sure that'll tell you a lot more than if you read census reports all day."

Axel accepted Luxord's advice but wasn't entirely convinced. And made it clear with his facial expression and "hrrrmmm" noise. It was then that Zexion chimed in.

"Have you heard of Notepad Clairvoyance?" asked Zexion.

"No..." Axel replied.

"It's all the rage, you write a question in Notepad, copy it to your clipboard, hold Crtl+V for a bit. Press Crtl+A, Then Crtl+C again, and then hold Crtl+V indefinitely. Apparently the answer to your question becomes visible to you in the crazy text chaos waterfall that results." explained Zexion.

The idea sounded quite ridiculous, but it was _all the rage _so there had to be something about it that worked. So Axel decided he'd do it. He left the gray area and headed to the Organization library. And logged onto an Organization XIII computer. He opened Notepad, and typed "Is Roxas Gay?" into Notepad and followed the steps. There wasn't much chaos at all, And Axel couldn't see anything but his original question. So he tried again, "Does Roxas like men?" And it was certainly a lot more chaotic this time. Axel stared into the chaos and saw "men like Roxas" amongst the confusion. Which didn't answer his question.

So he decided to get more specific. "Is Roxas in love with me?" and pasted. He stared into the chaos for a good 5-10 minutes. Looking for an answer. Looking and looking and looking. All he could make out was "Love" and "Roxas" over and over. Occasionally an "I" or two. Eventually he gave up and decided that Notepad Clairvoyance was bullshit. It's premise didn't make much sense in the first place anyways. He didn't know why he tried it in the first place. Actually, he realized why he _did _try it in the first place. It was because he wanted an answer. It was because he wasn't afraid of making a fool out of himself in order to get an answer. And so he decided that making the same mistake thrice wasn't too bad at all. Because if he didn't ask Roxas soon enough he would never know.

And frankly, the agony of wondering is almost as bad as the pain of heartbreak. But at least heartbreak goes away. While the agony of wondering is indefinite. And indefinite pains tend to be much worse than pains of expiring length.

It was Roxas' 18th day at the organization. And Axel decided that this was the day he would tell Roxas. He used guilt and bribery to get Saix to pair Axel with Roxas on a mission. Forcing Demyx to be with Larxene. And after they killed a gazillion heartless. And their mission was over. Axel took Roxas to the top of the train station in Twilight town.

Obviously they got Sea Salt ice cream. Roxas exclaimed for the 4th time

"Wow! It's salty! And Sweet! And sticky!" as he was still early enough in his nobody-hood that he would forget the taste of sea salt ice cream. And then Axel began his attempt.

"Roxas" said Axel

"What?" Replied Roxas.

"What...no.. Do you... Nonono. I-... I think I.. Are you?.." Axel scratched the back of his head as he fumbled his words. He hadn't planned _what _he was going to say yet. And the tension of the situation was starting to get to him. Roxas just waited patiently for Axel to find his words.

Axel took a deep breath

"Roxas I love you do you love me?" Axel spoke quickly and in one breath. Using the get "Get it all out there, clarify later" strategy. Roxas stared at Axel blanky for a moment. Processing the unexpected confession.

"What is love?" asked Roxas.

"Baby, please don't hurt me like this." replied Axel.

"Okay, no more of that then." said Roxas with a giggle of sorts. It was actually less of a giggle and more like a smile, with a "heh" but with the general spirit of a giggle.

There was an awkward silence.

"OhwaitYOUWERESERIOUS?" Exclaimed Roxas in shock.

"I thought we said no more hurting me!" replied Axel.

"Nonono! I thought you weren't serious because you were putting on a cheesy awkward act and pretending we weren't already dating!" explained Roxas.

There was another silence.

"Why else did you think I kept explaining how much I liked the _salty sweet sticky _taste of the ice cream every day?" Roxas flirted. Moving in closer to Axel.

Axel didn't realize that to Roxas, these trips to have ice cream were being counted as dates to him. And he felt rather foolish. A foolishly foolish fool was what Axel foolishly felt about his foolish self.

Roxas was about to lean in for a kiss but Axel backed away "We can't do that here!" said Axel. Roxas looked over the edge and nodded. Axel opened a dark corridor and they went to Axel's bedroom to continue the _conversation. _

And that day would forever go down in history as AkuRoku day. For no specified reason that anybody in the universe understood. As nobody knew what the heck AkuRoku meant or what they were supposed to do to celebrate it. Nor why they were celebrating it in the first place. It just become one of those odd holidays that appears on calendars but nobody pays attention too.


	113. August 14th

August 14th (Sadly, Axel Month has come to an end. See you in September!)

Axel was recently turned down by Roxas. It turned out Roxas was straight. Axel was quite obviously sad about this. And as he moped in the corner he was approached by a certain Xion, Well, not a _certain _Xion as her appearance and personality were certainly never certain to be the same. Since she was both female and had that peculiar face that changed depending on who was looking at her.

When Axel looked at Xion, even though he used to see a black hair girl, All he could think about was Roxas. And thus, she looked like Roxas. She attempted to comfort him. And it worked a little. The voice did not match up with the face though so it was a bit jarring at first. And they ended up spending about 3 hours in a corner together talking and trying to avoid talking about Roxas.

The subjects ranged from gossiping about Disney princesses, to debating whether the 2nd Pokemon opening was better than the first. And only once did the topic become about Roxas, but Axel was slowly getting over his heartbreak thanks to Xion.

And after those 3 hours, whether it was because of the Roxasesque appearance or her commitment to comforting Axel, Axel fell in love with Xion. And he placed a small kiss on her cheek. She blushed. And left. Axel couldn't tell why. He didn't know if she was nervous or running or what. But he did not feel comforted when he tried to sleep that night.

Axel was in an odd situation, It was halfway through wondering whether to tell somebody you love them, and being rejected by them because they didn't love you back. As he didn't know whether she had rejected him or not. And thus would have to someday ask and find out. At which point there were the same options as if he had some crush he was admitting. And could be double rejected possibly.

Axel finally managed to get to sleep at around 12:30AM. Which was actually earlier than he normally got to sleep. But it took him much longer as he had tried to go to sleep at around 9:00pm. Simply because he wanted to avoid bumping into Roxas at any time during the night. And hope he could get up early and be on his mission before seeing him at breakfast. However what happened instead was that he slept until 1:30PM. Which wasn't exactly a problem since there was no day and night in The World That Never Was, Nor was there anything besides Twilight in Twilight Town. So when he did his missions didn't ruin any kind of schedule.

But the fact that he had slept 13 hours showed that he had been quite stressed the night before. And didn't want to wake up in the morning. His mission was unfortunately a menial task, "Do part time volunteer work in order to create a positive association with the organization, That way when we take over and create a new world, there will be less dissenters" So he did the most boring a jobs. Which gave him more time to think about his situations. How Roxas had rejected him. How he had no idea if Xion rejected him.

It was towards the end of Axel's work at a soup kitchen when the solution to his second problem came to him. Well, she was last in line that is. She held up her bowl

"Xion, You have plenty of food, why are you at a soup kitchen." said Axel, trying to hide what he really wanted to say.

"I'm last in line, there's plenty of leftover soup." replied Xion.

"We can serve seconds to the homeless with leftovers" said Axel.

"Fine then, but you have to meet me on top of the train station when you get off then." said Xion, putting her empty bowl back on the counter.

Cheesily enough, the captain of volunteers overheard this exchange, figured out a general idea of what was going on, and put his hand on Axel's shoulder.

"Go ahead!" he said. "I'll take over for ya'." And so Axel said "Thanks" and ran off after Xion. Once he was gone the captain said to another volunteer "Y'know, them organization XIII types aren't so bad. I'd be happy if they ran the world." Although Axel didn't hear this so he couldn't use it to confirm that their plan was working.

Axel caught up to Xion before she reached the train station. Leaving them outside the accessory shop. Despite being called "The Accessory shop" it's name reflected it's products as much as the infamous "Marine specialties" store in Provincetown did. While they sold accessories, they sold much much more. If you asked an employee what they sold there, they would say "Everything, depending on the day."

That day, they had a television in front playing VHS recordings of the "Twilight Town Riverdance Tribute troupe" which were being used to promote local talent. Because of this, the following exchange between Axel and Xion was accompanied by heavy Celtic violin music.

"About Yesterday"

"Yes, about yesterday"

"What did you mean by"

"I wasn't sure why you"

"So is that how you"

"I mean what you did was so confusing"

"So just give me a solid answer"

"I love you"

"Okay"

"Yes"

"Alright"

"So now you need to give me an answer"

"Oh?"

"Yes"

"Right"

"So?"

"I love you too"

"Great"

Then they kissed. Curiously enough, the conversation went in such a way that as long as each line alternated who was saying what. It would make just as much sense if the other one had been saying their lines and they had said the other's lines.

This time the kiss lasted a bit longer, was a bit more public, and was consensual between the two. The cashier at the front of the Accessory shop cheered and threw some confetti they couldn't sell at the new couple. Much to the embarrassment of Xion. And much to the delayed annoyance to Axel, who now had glitter all over him. Which he wouldn't realize was obnoxious until after they had returned to the castle. At which point it would be too late to get back at the cashier.

Xion's face changed to something unique to Axel. It wasn't the black haired girl Roxas saw. It wasn't Roxas or Sora's face either. It was a new face. Axel thought it was beautiful. And it was something only he would ever see.


	114. September 1st

September 1st (It's Demyx Month! I feel like you all have really high standards/expectations for Demyx month. I hope I can meet them!)

"That's it! I've had it! I'm calling the manager!" Shouted Saix, mostly because it was something he always wanted to say when he was working as supervisor at a movie theater in Radiant Garden. But also because Demyx was being too lazy to work _again._ And even though nobody had ever called Xemnas '_The manager_' before. Xemnas was who Saix was referring too.

Saix stormed out of The Gray Area, and returned with Xemnas. Xemnas put a stern look on his and his fists on his hips.

"Demyx I'm very very angry with you. Everybody else does their job! But you don't!" scolded Xemnas.

"Ehhh..." Replied Demyx. Whose misuse of ellipses was sure to anger many.

"Demyx in order for us to build Kingdom Hearts we all have to pull our own weight!" Said Xemnas.

"Eeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" replied Demyx. Whose overuse of the letter h was no better than the misused ellipses.

"Demyx!"

"Eeeehhh"

"DEMYX!"

"uggh... Do I haaave tooooo."

Then there was an awkward pause.

"Demyx, Do I have to take you to Room 101?" Threatened Xemnas.

"Wuhh..." replied Demyx. Xemnas grabbed Demyx's ear and dragged him to Room 101. Which was actually just an empty room.

"Xemnaassss, Do I haaave to worrrkk." Complained Demyx.

"What if I do something for you instead? Like _favor_" Offered Demyx, Who would've pinned Xemnas to the wall while speaking, but he was too lazy.

This was the first time somebody tried to corrupt the system and offer _favors _to get out of work. So Xemnas was a bit surprised. And since the vague threat of Room 101 did absolutely nothing to get Demyx to work. He figured a blowjob was still a job.

"Okay" replied Xemnas, Demyx wasn't expecting this either. Xemnas began to unbutton his clothes.

"Ughh... do I haaave to..." replied Demyx. Xemnas put his palm to his face.

"Demyx, you can either do your job like you're supposed to. Or you can exchange _favors _to get out of work. But you can't be so lazy that you can't do either." groaned Xemnas. Who couldn't believe somebody could be this lazy.

"Fine..." groaned Demyx, Who began to also unbutton his clothes. After his clothes were off he dropped to his knees.

Ugh... I don't really feeeeel like writing the rest of this. Imagine what happens next yourself.


	115. September 2nd

September 2nd (It's just hard to imagine Demyx as a seme because it's hard to imagine him doing anything for himself)

Demyx sat on a couch in The Gray Area strumming on his sitar. He didn't actually play any music, he was too lazy to both. He just picked at the same note over and over again. Occasionally changing notes.

However even this simple display of sub-basic musical knowledge was enough to attract an audience. Everybody says that playing the guitar brings in all the ladies. Well playing the sitar brings in all the Xigbars, regardless of whether you're playing it well.

Xigbar leaned over towards Demyx and sighed "Oohhh, He's and by he I mostly mean his Sitar playing is so drreeaammmyyy" in way that would normally be reserved for a situation in which you are talking to somebody else. But really he was just hoping Demyx would overhear.

Demyx definitely heard Xigbar's loud exclamations, but he was too lazy to act on them. So he just kept play the E# chord over and over again. Then Demyx switched to the A Chord and Xigbar couldn't handle himself anymore. He jumped at Demyx!

Demyx put his Sitar down so it didn't get damaged but other than that was too lazy to resist Xigbar's invasive kisses. Now Demyx did actually enjoy the kisses, although in his experience he had much better. And he did intentionally try to get this to happen. He just didn't try to hard. He was lucky that Xigbar was so easy.

Over in the corner the rest of the organization argued over who would have to move Demyx and Xigbar out of the room. Roxas ended being picked. He dragged them out of the room and threw them into a bathtub. Then quickly washed his hands and ran away crying. Xigbar and Demyx did not detach the entire time. And the entire organization was amazed at Roxas' strength.

Xigbar's kicking leg knocked the bathtub faucet and the bathtub began to fill with water. And the kissing was getting really intense. Demyx and Xigbar's element controlling type powers that are never explained in-game began to go haywire. The water flew around and the bathroom became all sorts of directions!

It's a good thing Roxas shut and locked the door from the outside or else the chaos would have spread to the rest of the castle.

The wet zero-gravity kissing sure was hot and also PG-13 and not smutty. Because nothing else was happening at all. Totally.

But the room began to get too much water in it and Xigbar was too busy kissing to notice. Demyx noticed it but could he overcome his laziness and turn off the faucet? No!

They both drowned! Happy End!(For Mickey Mouse)


	116. September 3rd

September 3rd (I'm so nervous, Hurricane Earl is just barely not hitting my town right now.)

Demyx and Xaldin sat across from each other in the castle's kitchen.

"Demyx! Make me a sandwich!" ordered Xaldin.

"Eh... Why don't _you _make _me _a sandwich!" Demyx ordered back.

The two stared deep into each others eyes. Well, more like they glared deep into each others eyes. Their brows furrowed and it became clear that there would be blood, Because neither of them were good with knifes, And making sandwiches often involved the cutting of food with knives.

"Demyx, **I'm **the man in this relationship! _You_ should make _me _a sandwich" ordered Xaldin.

"But Feminism has risen to the point there are more stay-at-home husbands than stay-at-home wives. If I'm the woman in this relationship than in the modern time that puts _me _in charge. So _you _should make _me _a sandwich." replied Demyx.

And he is right so far, 51% of the workforce is female. So if he's the female in the relationship that would certainly make him the one in power.

Demyx and Xaldin stared at each other some more. If this was some cheesy anime then there would be lightning sparks between their eyes.

"**Make, Me, A, Sandwich!" **Grunted Xaldin in his deepest most commanding manly voice.

"Oh, but I reeally don't want to, why don't you make meeee a sandwich." Replied Demyx in his most seductive voice. He toyed with his zipper and made himself blush

Xaldin did not expect this, he flew backwards as he found himself blushing quite a bit, and found himself preparing a sandwich for Demyx.

Despite wearing leather gloves, Xaldin still managed to prick his finger on the knife when he cut the sandwich in half. He put it on a plate, and served it to Demyx.

"Thanks bitch." said Demyx, as he put his boots up on the table.

"What did you say?" asked Xaldin in a tone that sounded like it was attempting to be angry but was so overcome with defeat it couldn't muster up much anger at all.

"I said you're bitch, oh and thanks." replied Demyx.

Xaldin slumped forwards, as if he was trying to touch his toes, and sighed.

"I guess I am your bitch" in the most defeated tone you could ever imagine.

The sandwich tasted delicious.


	117. September 4th

September 4th (My copy of Birth By Sleep has shipped! Yes!)

Demyx froze up the first time he saw Vexen. The pun was terrible. But he couldn't help it. He stood frozen and gawked at Vexen's beauty. He was immediately filled with burning passion, but was frozen, with passion. He noticed he was frozen after a while and began trying to put energy into thawing himself out. Once he did though he ended up breaking into an elaborate dance routine.

Well, he didn't really, but he did end up flailing his body around and fell right on top of Vexen. And the dance routine was a good excuse to explain what had just happened.

Vexen did not blush, his skin was cold, but his eyes gave this look that would've been perfect if he _was _blushing. But despite his sorta-blushing he managed to muster up the effort to push Demyx off of him and stand up. Demyx stood up too of course.

The silence was awkward, very very awkward. They just sort of stared at each other. Slowly filing through the mix of emotions and rushed poorly thought through writing. It would take them 15 minutes of awkward silence for Vexen to figure out what he thought of the situation, it took Demyx 30 minutes because of his clinical laziness.

Clinical laziness is actually a newly discovered condition found in some nobodies, of which Demyx is Patient Zero. But since the existence of nobodies is supposed to be a secret, nobody has devised any sort of treatment for it yet.

Although they had figured out what they thought for themselve, neither knew what the other thought. So they awkwardly walked away in opposite directions, even though they were originally heading in the same direction.

However Demyx was due for a checkup, and since Vexen acted as the organization's doctor(despite being a scientist) they eventually ended up meeting again. And this time things were sure to get more awkward.

The checkup went fine in the beginning. Tongue depressed properly, ear not crawling with maggots, eyes not riddled with holes, and his blood pressure was a number considered by many to be good, although those radical blood pressure reformists would insist it was not.

But the awkwardness began when Demyx had to strip to his underwear for the rest of the checkup, since the organization coats were a one-piece suit, he couldn't simply take off his top to get his heartbeat checked. The stethoscope was cold on Demyx's chest, just like Vexen was when Demyx fell on him. And Demyx's legs felt chilly as the breeze blew in the room. But the awkwardness would increase when...

"Ahem, uh, Demyx, it seems you're due for a, ah, Prostate exam." explained Vexen.

"Oh, where's the prostate?" asked Vexen because he never learned anatomy.

"It's, well, hard to explain _where_ it is, but you can get closest to it through the, uh, anus, and uh, it's what's stimulated when men engage in uh, anal sex." Vexen attempted to explain. He had caught a case of anduhahcitis so he found it hard to speak in complete sentences at the moment.

However it didn't stay as just an exam afterwards.

Months later when people asked how Demyx and Vexen met and became a couple, they always laughed when they answered

"a prostate exam."


	118. September 5th

September 5th (I'm going to go see _Wicked _tonight! I'm so excited!)

Everybody knew Lexaeus was a big softie on the inside. And Demyx knew is better than anybody. His Puppy Dog Eyes™ has been used to get Lexaeus to make so many sandwiches. As well as do many other things that Demyx was too lazy to do himself.

Demyx had gotten very used to playing cute in order to get Lexaeus to do his bidding, at which point he began to wonder how far he could push it. And while his mind wandered to many many things, he decided the best thing to try was to try and get Lexaeus to talk.

So that night after missions were done, everybody was lounging around in The Gray Area. Exhausted from who knows what they were doing. Some sort of vaguely evil mission most likely. And right in front of everybody Demyx engaged in Puppy Dog mode and asked

"Hey Lexaeus, Could you say something please? For me?" Lexaeus said nothing.

"Come on! Pleaassee! Just one woordd." Demyx turned the cuteness and pleading leveled up a notch, but still Lexaeus resisted.

Demyx turned the pleading and cuteness up 3 more points! Lexaeus was starting to show a visible blush! You could tell he was having trouble continuing to resist. The rest of the organization watched on, hoping Demyx would succeed. Some of them even felt like they wanted to start talking for the purpose of pleasing the almighty puppy dog eyes.

"Pleeeeeaassee Leexxyyyy! For meeee" pleaded Demyx, and finally Lexaeus gave in.

"Fine!" He cried! Before blushing even more. For now the entire organization knew why didn't like to talk. His voice sounded ridiculous.

Well, it wasn't a ridiculous voice, but rather that it wasn't very fitting to the person speaking it. He sounded more like Clay Aiken or Adam Lambert than Hugh Jackman or John Barrowman. He also sounded like the kind of person that would make comparisons to celebrities while writing terrible fanfiction.

Lexaeus turned red and fainted, right on top of Demyx! Lexaeus' arms hung limp from his body, which balanced with Lexaeus' knees on the floor and his head in Demyx's lap! It was probably the worst position for him to faint in for the situation.

"Hah! I guess we'll leave you two alone." said Axel, who was laughing at Lexaeus' voice, he then kept his word and left the room, The rest of the organization followed his lead.

Demyx sat there, blushing himself. And stared at the unconscious Lexaeus. He wasn't sure why but he began to run his fingers through Lexaeus' hair. He worked through some feelings and whispered "I love you" to Lexaeus. Who then whispered back

"I'm not actually unconscious."


	119. September 6th

September 6th (Wicked was super awesome-mazing, and BBS comes out tomorrow! Things are amazing this week!)

Demyx never wrote poetry, it was too much work. And it wasn't something he would strive to do anyways in the first place at all. So when they opposites attract it never had to be total opposites.

Zexion always wrote poetry, he was too busy with his poetry to do much else. And Zexion had a raging crush on Demyx. 38.75% of all of the poetry Zexion wrote was about Demyx.

Demyx of course knew none of this. And Zexion didn't know whether he knew any of it. And neither of knew whether the other knew if they knew or not about them knowing whether or not Demyx knew that Zexion had a crush on him.

Such is the mystery, drama and overall confusion surrounding crushes.

But the day came when it became too much for Zexion to handle, so he wrote his greatest poem of all for Demyx! A true masterpiece depicting his true feelings for Demyx! And he delivered it by hand to Demyx, who was spread out on a couch in The Gray Area.

"Demyx, I wrote you a poem" said Zexion with all his strength.

"Cool, I'll read it later." replied Demyx.

"Can't you read it now?"

"Ehh... I'll read it later"

"It's be really really great if you read it now" insisted Zexion.

"_Fine! _I'll read it!" declared Demyx.

_Demyx_

_My feelings for you are greater than my_

_opinions_

_On the fashionablility of the_

_color_

_bl_

_ack_

_And I feel more for you than I do the feeling of writing poetry itself._

_I like you more than I sympathize with Elphaba._

_In fact._

_I_

_Love_

_You._

_I love you_

_._

_There, it's out there._

_In the open._

_No going back._

_I hope you return my feelings._

_~Zexion_

"Great! Who's it written for?" asked Demyx. Zexion's mouth hung open. He couldn't believe what he just heard. _Did Demyx just read the poem and not see his name at the beginning?_

"Did you actually _read_ it?" asked Zexion.

"I skimmed it" replied Demyx.

Demyx may have been lazy, but he wasn't incredibly stupid. He figured it out. And he was never somebody to turn down a free fuck or too, it took too much effort to go through the drama.

So instead Demyx decided to plant a big kiss on Zexion's lips.

"Oh! You were joking!" declared Zexion afterwards.

"Err.. Yes... Of course I was joking" replied Demyx, attempting to make himself laugh.

And then the story ended a abruptly, as the Disney Police raided the castle after Mickey tipped them off that there may have been illegal substances in the castle. Apparently storing millions of stolen hearts in the form of giant heart shaped moon is illegal.


	120. September 7th

September 7th (So I got BBS today! I had to struggle to break away and write this.)

Demyx clung to Saix's skin.

"Don't get out of bed." Demyx groaned. It was the first cold morning of the season, nobody understood why the world that never was had seasons, but the most logical answer that anybody could come up with was that "They're simply seasons that never were."

So it was cold, and Demyx and Saix had been sleeping in bed together all scantily clad as many men often do.

"Demyx, I have to get up. It's a workday! You should get up too!" Said Saix.

"But it's _cooold_! And you're warm! Stay in bed with me!" Demyx whined while he clung to Saix's body. Demyx hadn't entirely woken up yet, everything he said was rather mumbled.

For while Saix was fully awake. Demyx was in that half-asleep state where it's a cold morning and the bed is warm, and while you're fully aware that you _should_ be getting up, you can't seem to understand why it's more important than staying in bed. And you don't care if there's a fan on you could turn off, or if putting your clothes on will be warmer. You just want to cling to whatever warmth you have and avoid the sting of cold. And Saix was Demyx's warmth at the moment.

"Demyx, We wear heavy leather coats during work. That's a lot warmer than this bed or my body." said Saix as he tried to use logic on somebody who might as well have been asleep.

"Are you saying you don't think you're hot? I think you're hot. You're sexy... Just stay in bed." Demyx mumbled. And what it really sounded like was

"Aryuussyingyoudonthingur hot? I thinkyurhot, yooor sexsy... justsayinbed." so really Saix had no idea what he was saying.

Saix tried pull himself away and toss the covers, but Demyx's grip was too strong. Since Demyx was mostly asleep, all of his strength was going into keeping Saix in bed! However this soon backfired from him, as he ended up putting so much effort into keeping Saix in bed he ended up waking himself up more.

He woke up enough for that blissful warmth went away, the sheets just felt like warm cloth. And as he came to his senses he felt the cold even stronger. And he quickly rolled himself over Saix and fell out of the bed, dragging Saix with him. He then let go and snatched the first article of clothing he found. Which ended up being Saix's Organization coat. Which just happened to be slightly longer than Demyx's.

"Oh! I don't have time anymore! I gotta get to a meeting!" cried Saix as he grabbed Demyx's coat, put it on, and ran out of the room. So while Demyx's day wasn't effected by the coat switch. Saix's ankles were slightly showing the rest of the day.

So pretty much everybody knew that he was wearing the wrong coat, and he looked rather foolish. And when Demyx started to cling to him again during dinner, everybody knew whose coat Saix was wearing. And everybody knew why.


	121. September 8th

September 8th (OHMYGODOHMYGOD! IN BBS GUESS WHAT HAPPENS! _Retracted for spoilers)_

_Demyx was wearing a black leather coat with black leather eyeliner and black leather fishnet stockings with "i luv axul" written in hot pink all over it._

"_OMG Axul! I liek tottally hate pink! Pink is for preps!" Complaned Demix to Axul. Axel was wearing a black leather coat and black leather boots._

"_Oh I know Demyx! Why can't more peeps be goffik like us?" replied Axeul._

"_Becuz then theid be pozers" said Demyx, who was the epitaxy of all intelligence. _

_Demux glared at Roxis, that Peking ravioli prep. Dmyx noticed Demx saw that Roxisx was wearing a black leather cloat too._

"_OMG Axil! Look at dat poser bitch Roxis copying our stiles!" Complanind Dumyx._

"_Uh... Demyx, that's our work uniform." Axel pointed out prepily._

"_OMG U R SUCH A TRAITOR AXEUEAL!" Exclaimed DEMUX! He ran offaaway crying because Axel was a traitor._

_Axel didn't understand why Deumyx was made at me! I did nothing wrong! I chased after him because I love him._

_Demyx sat crying in the hallways, when Axel appraoched. "I'm sorry I traited you Dimyx. I-"_

Axel burst out laughing.

"I can't believe you wrote this!" Axel exclaimed through his laughing.

"What, is it bad?" asked Demyx.

"You called yourself the epitaxy of intelligence, do you even know what epitaxy means?" Axel continued to laugh, it took about 4 minutes for him to say that sentence because each word had about 15 seconds of laughing between it.

"I don't need your flamming!" exclaimed Demyx,

"We can't all be amazing writers!" Demyx continued.

"Please tell me you aren't being serious" said Axel in the most deadpan tone he had ever spoken in his entire life ever seriously his voice was so-deadpan-and-emotionless-you-wouldn't-even-think-it-was-Axel deadpan that it created an effect in which Axel's eyes seemed to burrow into Demyx's very deep dark soul.

And after that Demyx couldn't hold a straight face anymore. He cracked up laughing himself.

"I can't believe... Your voice... OH WOW... No seriously... Did you really..." Demyx couldn't even explain why he wrote such terrible shit because he was laughing too hard.

"Well at least tell me if the stuff about us being a couple is true!" Demanded Axel, who seemed to not be able to distinguish between fiction and reality for some reason. Probably because everybody knows that the closer it gets to midnight the less the sanity of the characters matters and more whether or not a chapter gets uploaded on time.

And in reply to that, Demyx kissed Axel on the nose.

"Okay then, good." said Axel, who went to kiss Demyx's nose back, but missed and hit his lips and or eyelid because of how large his lips apparently are.

Then they burnt the terrible writing in a bonfire. Book-burning is bad and all, but not really if the author is the one doing it and they never intended it to be good in the first place.


	122. September 9th? Huh? wait, wha?

September 9th (Say whatever you want about Disney Town, but Ice Cream Beat is the best the best.)

Demyx was so lazy. That the writing of this chapter didn't even start until 2 and a half hours after the deadline! Amazing! Can you believe how lazy he is?

Not only that! This chapter contains no actual content! Unbelievable! I'm sure no other organization member would ever let such a chapter pass! The entire chapter is only 83 words long! God Demyx! So lazy!


	123. September 10th

September 10th (I'm promise I will never make a chapter like yesterdays ever again, it was just too tempting I couldn't resist.)

Doubting Luxord's predictions was considered foolish. It was one of those things where you could question very obvious aspects of it yet people would still insist you were foolish. Even when Luxord's predictions were being made with a big roulette wheel.

The most popular predictions Luxord made were the predictions about relationships. These predictions were made by the "Wheel of Love." A 3 part roulette, the inner 2 wheel were the same as each other, containing a list of every member of the organization as well as everybody that interacts with the organization. The outer wheel has descriptions of how long the relationship will last, ranging from "literally 2 minutes" to "Practically forever."

Luxord would spin the wheel once a month and whatever the result was, everybody in the organization would assume that it was an absolute. Except for Demyx, who didn't care about it.

So of course the most recent results of the "Wheel of Love" was

"Demyx, Luxord, Until one or the other dies." which of course Demyx didn't care to humor in the first place.

Everybody else however, insisted it was already happening.

"Hey Demyx, How many dates with Luxord have you on so far? How were they?" somebody would ask.

Demyx was too lazy to reply with anything more than

"ughhh... no..."

Luxord would often try to flirt with Demyx, if he didn't end up in a relationship with Demyx it would ruin his integrity!

"Hey Demyx, Wanna come back to my room and..."

"Fuck off." Demyx was too lazy to come up with anything more creative.

Luxord had no other choice, he picked Demyx up, brought him to his room, and played a porno tape really loudly. Demyx didn't bother resisting.

And since Demyx didn't want to deal with drama, he just decided to enter a relationship with Luxord, because it had become easier to do so than to try and resist.

Also they ended up falling in love or something at some point.

Description of kissing.

Humorous cut-away before implied sex scene.

Fourth all breaking comment about how it's almost midnight and that's why the ending is such a cop-out.


	124. September 11th

September 11th (I completed Ventus' story today, Good start, Stupid middle, Great end.)

"OOOoooooOOOooooHHHH DEMYX!" The sound could be heard echoing out through the halls of the castle.

"It's time for a makeover Demyx! You have such beautiful hair but that mullet has _got _to go!" Nobody knew what room it was coming from, but it was loud enough that everybody could hear it. Marluxia was giving Demyx a makeover, and he was exclaiming exactly what he was doing loud enough for the whole castle to hear.

Nobody could see what new haircut was being given, but they could hear that it was not going to be a mullet.

The more cries of "OOOOooooOOooooOOOooooOOOOoo" that echoed through the halls, the more nobodies searched the halls trying to find the room it was coming from. They all wanted to be the first to see a newly made over Demyx. Fashion was priority #1 in Organization XIII and Marluxia was the captain of the fashion square. Everybody was excited to see how much more fabulous Demyx could look.

The room was located when somebody smelt a strong amount of "Lazily aquamarine beautiful" fragrance drifting through the halls. However the noises echoing through the halls began to change and it started to sound like what was going on was more than just a makeover.

"OH! OH! DEMYX! WOW!" the crowds gathered outside the door. Listening in, peaking through the keyhole. But to no avail. They had no idea what was going on anymore.

"Alright I get it! My hair is really nice!" The door suddenly swung open, and standing in the doorway was Marluxia. He expected there to be people waiting outside to see his latest masterpiece.

"Gentlemen and lady! May I present! DEMYX!" Marluxia got out of the way and revealed to the new Demyx.

It was like nothing anybody had ever seen! At least not on Demyx. For the first time in history, Demyx was...

**FASHIONABLE! **

But not only that, he was also...

**FAAABULOUS!**

Everybody cheered at the new fabulous fashionable Demyx! Marluxia threw his arm over Demyx and gave him a kiss. There were gasps!

"Sorry boys, He's already mine!" exclaimed Marluxia. Demyx blushed a bit, he hadn't actually seen a mirror since the makeover started. He didn't know what he looked like, just that it was apparently really good.

He clenched Marluxia's hand tight and accepted the cheers. As nervous as it made him. Until he could get to a mirror. He just had to know what he looked like. But when he finally saw, well, it was impossible to describe. But they say that when he saw his reflection, Demyx exclaimed to himself

"OH MY COD! I'M FABULOUS!" and that Marluxia snuck up behind him and declared

"Yes you are!"


	125. September 12th

September 12th (I start school tomorrow, I'm so excited!)

"Graaah!" Demyx screamed as he ran out of the bathroom in a tile.

"LARXENE! WHY DID YOU PUT A PAIR OF SCISSORS IN MY SHAMPOO BOTTLE!" He screamed.

"I'm terribly sorry but well one was going to use the scissors to cut your haair while you, one's old bean, were asleep. but you, one's old bean, staaarted to wake up soh one put them in your shampoohh. one thought it would make your haair mustah cut by the shampoohh, and one needed to hide the scissors. besides, you, one's old bean, have noh evidence those scissors aaare moyne!" replied Larxene.

"Well besides the fact that you, one's old bean, fie admitted to it, the scissors seay 'property of Laaarxene' written roysh ohn them with shaaarpie." retaliated Demyx.

"I'm terribly sorry but somebody could be framing myself. " said Larxene.

"But you, one's old bean, knew exactly hoh and why the crime was committed! cleaaarly one must have done it! Jolly good show old bean!" declared Demyx.

However before Larxene could explain her reasoning as to why she somehow didn't do it, it became clear that only buying thin cheap white towels for the organization showers was a bad idea. At the towel being used as the only barrier between Demyx and himself being decent, was becoming transparent.

"Your jolly tadgah is showing. Goodness me!" screeched Larxene before fainting onto the ground. Demyx tried to cover himself with his hands but that could only cover one side, and by doing so he also ended up dropping the towel.

"Well I say - Demyx! your reaaar end is staaaring myself in the face!" yelled Axel, who happened to have been behind Demyx prior to the incident. Axel then fainted too.

"Jolly hell! first the scissors in one's shampoohh and noh this? one did not plan ohn exposing one's humongous jolly tadgah and finely sculpted reaaar end to the entire organizatiohn todeay!" Demyx complained out loud before finding his way back to the bathroom.

The entire way back to the bathroom Demyx was muttering "One is terribly sorry but alderdash balderdash balderdash balderdash balderdash. dane't you, one's old bean,, one's old bean,, one's old bean,, one's old bean,, one's old bean, knoh? oh stopp it! you, one's old bean, tease! Don't you know?"

Larxene however ran much faster than Demyx, and before Demyx could get into the bathroom she closed and locked the door from the inside.

". Oh stop it! You tease!" declared Demyx. At which point Larxene heeded his advice. The door was opened and Demyx was allowed inside.

After the door was shut, the following could be heard coming from the bathroom

"I'm terribly sorry but oh Heay? Hay's for horses! you, one's old bean, aaare staaarkers. oh! oh! oh! Demyx! oh! Laaarxene! oh! ouch one got something in one's eye oh oh oh 'eaaars yes oh well I seay " Creepily enough, it was being said by both Demyx and Larxene simultaneously. Creating an eerie horror. Nobody in the castle slept that night.


	126. September 13th

September 13th (Disneytown is so pointless! Only Terra does anything more than a single minigame!)

"We have a recon mission together today." Said Roxas to Demyx. And it was certainly true, as Saix then said to Demyx

"You have a recon mission with Roxas today." without being prompted as Demyx walked by.

So it was clear that Demyx had a recon mission with Roxas, but it was supposed to happen night for sneakiness purposes, so Demyx got to spend most of the day at The Castle That Never Was. But you know what they say, "You don't remember something until it's been repeated to you at least 11 times" which is actually completely untrue and is just plain annoying, but that doesn't stop people from saying it. So 9 more times that day Demyx was reminded by various people that he had a recon mission with Roxas that day.

So that night Demyx and Roxas went to Olympus Colosseum and looked around for various things that might be of interest. The only thing Demyx noticed was all the super-muscley statues of men. And how finely sculpted Roxas' buttocks was.

Roxas however did not notice Demyx noticing anything and thus he let out some criticism.

"Why don't you pull some of your own weight in this reconnaissance mission Demyx?" asked Roxas, except it wasn't really asking at all since what the sentence really meant was "Pull some of your own weight in this reconnaissance mission you lazy ass!"

To which Demyx replied

"I'll show you reconnaissance!" and began to investigate Roxas' body for anything of interest, stripping pieces of clothing down until he had seen every spot.

"Okay fine! You pulled out your own weight in the reconnaissance mission!" Declared Roxas. To which Demyx replied.

"I'll show you pulling out!" And well... Let's not delve deeper into that.

A few hours later they were thoroughly in love, because that's how things work in slash land! Mutual consent be damned! And while they never discovered anything good about Olympus itself, it still played an important part in them discovering something even greater! Regardless of whether they actually fulfilled their job.

They returned to the castle and collected their pay _even though they completely ignored their job. _Although nobody really knew why, the only times when somebody would paid when they didn't complete their mission was if one of the nobodies on the mission was Demyx. Mysterious!

And so everything turned out fabulous!

(I've been having troubles with my internet today so if this gets uploaded late I apologize deeply, but I can't help it if my internet won't let me upload a .odt file to


	127. September 14th

September 14th (I completed Aqua's story tonight! What a lame ending, At least it had a better middle than Ventus's)

Demyx used to perceive Xion as nothing but a person in a cloak with no defining features. When he started to actually talk to Xion they became a bald man with lots of piercings, and a tattoo on his forehead that said "Totally not fake. Nope. No way." in Comics Sans font size 8.

So when he found out that Xion that was fake, that he was just a puppet! Demyx sure was shocked! He was so shocked he was motivated to actually read some files! And in these files he found a poorly hidden document titled "Secret Report about no. i AKA Xion AKA that puppet AKA Sora clone AKA Roxas 2.0" wherein he discovered the truth about Xion's appearance!

Immediately Demyx realized what the repercussions could be. Like how a dream becomes lucid when you discover you're in it, this knowledge could allow Demyx to see Xion as anything and whoever he wanted.

Demyx lounged around in the Gray Area fantasizing about all the things he could make Xion look like, he came up with a lot of weird stuff, and after coming up with a goldfish inside a fishbowl that had the secrets of the universe inscribed on it, he realized he could also make Xion look like things of a sexual nature!

But it became awkward when Xion entered the Gray Area, and Demyx could tell it was Xion because her appearance was constantly shifting to all the things Demyx had been thinking about, or was it his appearance. Nobody would be able to tell, to Demyx, Xion had pretty much become a visual representation of whatever he was thinking about at the time.

Fortunately, Demyx happened to be mildly narcissistic. And as Xion's appearance settled and became Demyx himself, Demyx fell in love with himself, and also Xion. Xion of course had no idea _what _was going on and found herself being assaulted with Demyx's tongue.

Xion panicked and waved her arms around like a raving raven. She tried to make screeching noises but it was a bit hard with Demyx's tongue in her mouth. Finally she managed to push Demyx away from her. She gasped for air and breathed heavily.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she exclaimed.

"It's just that... I love me you so much!" replied Demyx. Xion was so touched! Nobody had ever told her they loved her before! She had expected maybe 8 people to have fallen in love with her by then but her expectations were way too high. And thus, Demyx's excuse was enough for her, and she began to kiss Demyx back.

And so they kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed until they died from lack of oxygen.


	128. October 1st

October 1st (I'm having computer troubles so until I fix it all the chapters will be written from my iPod. Which means probably around 200 words shorter, Less wordy sentences, and really weird typos. Also bad formatting and chapters will probably he uploaded at really weird times. I'm very very sorry. )

He sat in the back of a pub and stared at his deck of cards. Who was he? He knew who he was before, But who was he now? The brand on the cards read 'Luxor' and the cards had been worn from shuffling. His memory of the events leading up to him being there were fuzzy. He remembered playing cards on the street for money, when suddenly there was just dark. Nothing but dark. Then he felt a ripping sensation in his chest, before falling and drifting through the darkness. Before finding himself in this pub, with nothing but his deck of cards. He wondered why he did not keep his clothes but still had the deck of cards. But he tried hold himself in the corner and hope nobody would enter the pub and realize there was a strange naked man it it.

He felt different. He had many emotions and feelings attached to that deck of cards but he could feel none of them. He felt like a different person than before, but he didn't know how.

Then he saw darkness appear in front of him. He heard the door of the pub open and he knew he had no other option but to enter the darkness.

Through the darkness he found himself in a white room. And before him stood a man in a black cloak.  
"What is your name. " the man said.  
After looking at the cards and deciding that his old name was no longer suitable "Luxord" was how Luxord replied.

And then the man in the cloak smirked, chuckled, then laughed. "Has that always been your name?" The man asked. "No." Luxord replied.  
"Would you like some clothes?" The man asked.  
"Yes." Luxord replied. Luxord did feel a little awkward being in a white room, naked, with a stranger. But the whole series of events left him feeling strange enough. Nakedness wasn't at the forefront of his mind.

The man in the cloak handed Luxord a similar black cloak. Luxord put it on. The leather felt strange against his naked body. But the heavy coat provided comfortable warmth.

"So tell me Luxord, How would you like to join our organization? You may have figured it out, but you no longer have a heart. Organization IX is composed of individuals such as yourself, Nobodies. And our goal is to someday restore our hearts and become whole again. Although if you join it will become Organization X."

Luxord really had nothing to lose, but he still didn't want to sign away his life to a shady organization. So he decided to solve it the way he solved all his problems.

"I'll join on one condition, you have to beat me at a game of cards." Said Luxord. You can figure out a lot about a person from playing cards with them, or more specifically, Luxord can tell a lot about a person by playing cards with them.

The man in the cloak seemed to find this quite amusing as well. And Luxord found that amusing. So it ended up being a situation with both men smirking at each other and chuckling lightly. Almost mirroring each other, if you could see it you might've been creeped out honestly.

Something that did impress Luxord was how the man in the cloak managed to create two white chairs and a small white table out of nothingness. Luxord sat down in one chair, the man in the other. The chair was cold and felt like it was hollow, which seemed fitting for the situation.

The game picked to play was Double Solitare. Luxord used his personal deck of cards and the man in the cloak used one he made out of the nothingness. The game went mostly in silence and Luxord was winning until he discovered something most frustrating.

He had lost 2 cards from his deck when he fell into darkness. The Ace of Hearts, and The 10 of Hearts. And this of course caused him to lose to the man in the cloak. It had been the first time Luxord had lost a game of cards for a very long time, but what hurt him more was that his deck that he attached so many emotions too, emotions he could no longer feel, had lost 2 cards.

The man in the cloak took off his hood, Luxord could see the man had white hair and a handsome face. "So I guess you'll be joining the organization then?" he said. Luxord stayed quiet and simply nodded his head. He sorted the decks to get his cards back in order and put them back in the deck box.

The man in the coat must have been quite wise as he managed to figure out the situation quite quickly.

"What cards are you missing?" he asked.

"The 10 and ace of hearts." Luxord replied.

"Here, I'll give you the ones from my deck." the man said. And so the man took the 10 of hearts and ace of hearts from his deck and gave them to Luxord.

"But the backs are different" said Luxord.

The man groaned and took the cards, then he used _magic _and made the card backs match Lurxord's Luxor cards.

"There, now will you join Organization X?" Said the man.

"Sure." Said Luxord.

The man put out his hand for a handshake, "Great, I am your superior, my name is Xemnas." said Xemnas.

"Well that's certainly an imposing way to introduce yourself." replied Luxord, before shaking Xemnas's hand anyways.

"Welcome to the organization." was what Xemnas said to that.


	129. October 2nd

October 2nd (Villain's Vendetta is so hard! My Ventus file is level 61 and I still can't beat it!)

Xigbar and Luxord had been playing poker for awhile. Everybody else in the poker club was busy that day so it was just Xigbar and Luxord, and they just happened to be the two best poker players in the Organization. Or at least, in the poker club. There were rumors that Xemnas was better than Xigbar but he didn't play with the poker club so they had no way of knowing

And it had gotten to the point that Luxord had all of Xigbar's munny. But Xigbar was not a man to step down, and he had already bet his eyepatch, organization coat, and now

"I'll meet your bet with my virginity." said Xigbar.

"What? You're still a virgin!" cried Luxord. To that Xigbar said nothing but

"Well are you gonna raise or not?" but still Luxord continued

"Are you sure you want to bet your virginity? Losing it because of a poker is a pretty crappy first time."

"I guess we're checking then!" said Xigbar.

And then there was an epic glare! They stared into each other's eyes and the intensity seemed to last forever! Who had the best hand? They were about to find out!

Luxord had a Royal Flush, 1 of each suite. And guess what Xigbar had! Royal Flush! 1 of each suite! A tie! And so they started the next round.

"Since you don't have anything else to bet, let's just do another hand to see who wins." proposed Luxord. Xigbar agreed, he didn't have much else of a choice.

Xigbar had junk, Luxord had a single pair of 2s. And then things got really awkward.

"So uh... I own everything you've ever owned and have a right you your virginity now?" Luxord said in that tone where things are so awkward you don't even know what the purpose of saying anything is.

"I uh... Guess so." replied Xigbar.

Awkward silence.

Awkward silence.

Awkward silence.

Awkward silence.

Luxord spent most of this awkward silence contemplating whether he should use his right to Xigbar's virginity or not. The awkwardness and dubious consent made it somewhat hard to get horny, but he hadn't 'gotten some' since he became a nobody. And he didn't get it very often before then either. People usually don't sleep with somebody that just swindled them in an alleyway. Although he was a master at seduction in bars, during the last two months before he became a nobody he had already swindled everybody in the bars at least once each.

""So uh... Xigbar, if I give you your coat and eyepatch back, will you go on a few dates with me?"" said Xigbar in a mimic-hey-why-don't-you-do-this sort of way.

"Sure." replied Luxord, before realizing that didn't make any sense as a reply.

"I mean uhh... So uhh... Xigbar if I give you your coat and eyepatch back will you go on a few dates with me?" Luxord reiterated.

"Definitely!" replied Xigbar.


	130. October 3rd

October 3rd (The Xaldin chapters are often the hardest.)

Something that may not be apparent is that everybody in Organization is younger than 3 years old. Or at least, nobody could've been a nobody for longer than 3 years. But because of this they didn't tend to talk about age much. But Luxord got curious, and so he decided to play a game where he tried to guess what ages members of the organization were before becoming nobodies.

He decided to go in numerical order, He was surprised to learn that Xemnas had only been 26 before becoming a nobody, He thought he would be older considering the gray hair. He was correct about Xigbar being 35. And now he was trying to guess Xaldin's age.

He knew about the whole 6 apprentices of Ansem thing, so he assumed Xaldin's age would be close to Xigbar and Xemnas. So he found Xaldin and told him the rules of the game.

"I'll guess a number and if it's too low you have to say whether the amount of years off is an odd number or an even number, If I go over or take more than 5 guesses I lose and you win. If I get the age right then you lose and I win. The winner gets to pick the prize." Luxord explained. Xaldin agreed and the game began.

"16" Luxord guessed

"Odd" said Xaldin.

"24"

"Odd"

"25"

"Even"

"29"

"Even"

"31" And then Xaldin paused for a brief moment. A brief moment that seemed to be an intense forever. It was oh so very gruelingly long.

Xaldin breathed in through his teeth and said "You got it right." A feeling of smugness swept over Luxord.

Luxord pinned Xaldin to the wall

"Wh-what are you doing?" Cried Xaldin.

"The winner gets to pick the prize." said Luxord as he moved his lips closer to Xaldin.

"RAPE! RAPE!" Xaldin began to cry.

"Oh shut up, You unknowingly consented before I guessed your age." said Luxord.

"Oh, I guess you're right." said Xaldin, he then stopped struggling. Because this is _clearly _what anybody in their right mind would do in this situation. And it totally isn't an unrealistic sort of thing that only happens in slash fiction.

Another thing that totally makes perfectly realistic sense is that afterward they ended up in a loving romantic relationship. Because everybody knows that this happens all the time, and would not be considered an abusive relationship, totally not, I swear.

It also isn't an excuse for getting out of having to try and come up with a proper reason why these two people would fall in love, despite them having absolutely no chemistry in any way.


	131. October 4th

October 4th (I just got the Ultima blade and completed the reports 100% with Ventus in BBS :D)

"WALT BLOODY FUCKING DAMNIT! I'M BLOODY LEVEL 80 AND I STILL CAN'T BEAT THIS BLOODY OPTIONAL BOSS!" Luxord cried out in pure unadulterated rage. He then in his fit of rage threw the DSP he was playing his on. And it happened to hit Vexen in the back of the head.

This action caused Vexen to become enraged as well.

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST THROW A HUNK OF FUCKING METAL AT ME!" Vexen shouted, Vexen had had anger issues for the past week after trying an experimental drug he designed. He "FUCKING VOWED TO NEVER FUCKING TEST" his "OWN FUCKING DRUGS AGAIN!" and that he'd "MAKE FUCKING SURE I FUCKING GET SOME FUCKING BODY ELSE TO FUCKING TEST THEM!" So you can imagine that he would be angry when a hunk of metal just hit his skull.

Luxord, who wasn't quite as enraged anymore, immediately got to apologizing.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. I'm so so so very sorry. You are the most wonderful person in the world and if I knew you were there I never would've thrown it I swear I'm so so very very sorry please please don't inject me with deadly venom that will rip my eyes out from the inside." apologized Luxord.

Well, I guess I should correct myself when I say Vexen had anger issues, it's more like he was just having ridiculous mood swings in general.

"_Reaaally? _You really think that about me?" asked Vexen.

"Y-yeah, sure, I uh... love you._ Pleasedonthurtme._" replied Luxord.

And that was how their wacky romance began!

Their first date had lots of slapstick humor, where Vexen got really made at the waiter then made out with the waiter then felt really really guilty for making out with the waiter and not Luxord. Luxord just felt awkward.

Their second date went better than Luxord was expecting and this was when Vexen started to grow on him.

Then finally after the effects of Vexen's experimental drugs wore off, Luxord told Vexen the truth.

"Those things I said before out first date, they weren't true. I was just afraid you would inject venom into my eyeballs." admitted Luxord.

"Oh, yeah, I thought so. I don't really care." said Vexen, before walking away apathetically.

And then that was when it hit Luxord! He really did love Vexen after all! And he cried out!

"WAIT! VEXEN! I LOVE YOU!" and Vexen replied with

"Really? I've- I've never had anybody say that to me who wasn't afraid I'd inject venom into their eyeballs!"

And they ran slowly towards each other, slow-motion perhaps, and embraced in a loving hug! Then a kiss! And the crowd cheered!

Flash-forward several years and we see their beautiful daughter that they're raising!

No, wait, they don't live that long. Nevermind.


	132. October 5th

October 5th (Aeleus talks a whole bunch in BBS, this sort of ruins my image of Lexaeus.)

Lexaeus had the best poker face in the whole organization. That didn't mean he was actually good at poker, it was just that nobody could tell based on his face whether or not he had a good hand.

Now this chapter isn't going to be _another _chapter of people playing poker, I just brought this up because while most people find things like confidence and a strong jaw as naturally attractive. Luxord found a good poker face as naturally attractive.

So Luxord had sort of a man-crush on Lexaeus. Now the difference between a crush and man-crush is that first of all, only men can have man-crushes. If a woman has a man-crush it's a woman-crush, although it would mean the same thing. Because around here we believe in gender equality! That also means that boyish and girlish mean the same thing.

But anyways, the second difference between man-crushes and regular crushes is that when you have a crush on somebody you usually have desires which would make you the "Uke"(For lack of a better term that would be understandable to the majority of people reading this **Damn right I just insulted ! Watcha gonna do about it! )** While when you have a man-crush you have desires which would make you the "Seme."

So yeah, whenever Luxord played poker with Lexaeus, seeing Luxord's poker face made him want to give Luxord hugs and stuff. Because nobody has actual sex in Yaoiland! Regardless of what yaoi actually means. And sometimes he just _really really _wanted to touch Lexaeus's face.

And then Luxord had his man-period, Now men don't actually have period's contrary to popular belief. But that year Vexen had accidentally slipped something into the organization's water supply that caused everybody to have a monthly man-period(including Larxene, which meant she had two periods a month, and PMSed twice as much as well.) So even though normally Luxord wouldn't have had a period, he did this for that year only.

So then in the middle of a poker match, Luxord lost control of most of his inhibitions(Okay, so maybe it was a bit more like man-ovulation, but men don't have ovaries so that would be ridiculous.) and began to reach towards Luxord with cries of "I just wanna touch your face! Just wanna touch yo' face! Face! Just wanna just wanna touch your face!" And of course he didn't think to go around the table instead of reaching across it hopelessly.

But fortunately Lexaeus was not on his man-period at the time and stood up and walk around to Luxord, blushed, and said

"Well I just want you to touch my face." to which Luxord replied

"How romantic!" And then they abandoned the poker match as Luxord attempted to carry Lexaeus off into a romantic sunset(He did not succeed)


	133. October 6th

October 6th (_nightlight _is the best vampire romance novel ever. I hope you don't mind this tribute. The timing is too perfect.)

Luxord had seen all the signs, coldness, paleness, above-average-looksness. All the signs that a certain somebody in the organization was a _vampire._

And even though Luxord has never seen Zexion show any sort of interest in drinking blood, everybody knew that wasn't really an important aspect of vampires. It's not like the entire basis for them being invented in mythology was based around the entire concept of drinking blood and nothing else.

Zexion's pallid limply pale skin glowed with utmost adorableness, it's agreeability really was alluring, beautiful even. It beckoned to Luxord, "Touch me! Hold me! Tell me I'm a vampire!" And Luxord was soon bewitched! Captivated by Zexion!

And so Luxord put on his most charming smile and tried to look comely as he worked his magic to try and enchant Zexion in an engagement.

"I know what you are!" Luxord declared.

"Huh?" Zexion replied in his enthralling enticing voice. Luxord just found Zexion's fair eyes even more fascinating. He knew he had to get closer to Zexion before he would admit to being a vampire.

"You know you look fetchingly glamorous today! Good-looking even!" Luxord said in his most gorgeously handsome voice. The more hunky Luxord made himself the more interesting he would seem to Zexion, and the more interesting he seemed the more inviting he would be.

"Errr... You're quite the looker yourself?" Zexion replied in his lovely voice. Luring Luxord in with his magnetic works. Words almost mesmeric when it came to how pleasantly pleasing they were. But Luxord knew he couldn't get distracted! Zexion's prepossessing features made it obvious that he was a vampire!

"You know, you're pretty provocative." said Luxord.

"Really? I'm wearing the same outfit as you." replied Zexion seductively.

"You know I find your fangs stunning, and you're inhumanly inhuman strength is taking." said Luxord.

"Wait, what?" replied Zexion, temping Luxord with his tantalizing voice.

Luxord decided he had enough teasing.

"You're a vampire!" Luxord declared. Even though he knew he was tempting Zexion to bite him by saying so.

"If this is a confusion contest then I think you're winning." said Zexion.

"You think I'm winsome? I'm so flattered!" replied Luxord.

Zexion then turned and walked away, just like he would if he was a vampire!

"Wait! Don't you want my blood?" cried Luxord.

"You've already won me over with your compliments! I don't need your taunting!" Zexion cried back blushing like mad, like, angry infuriated mad, except he wasn't mad.

Then the drugs Axel stole from Vexen and slipped into Luxord's drink wore off.

"CHOTTO MATE! I LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU AREN'T A VAMPIRE!" Declared Luxord.

"Did you just say Chotto Mate? What are you, a_ weaboo?_" replied Zexion.

"No! I'm not a weaboo! I've just been watching too many Asian dramas lately. It was an accident!"

"Weeaaabooo!" teased Zexion. Luxord realized it was teasing and took it to mean they were dating. Even if the drugs wore off the alcohol he took them in unknowingly still hadn't.


	134. October 7th

October 7th (I have fever 99.9F so sorry if this chapter sucks.)

Saix was one of the few nobodies in the organization that was not easily seduced through means involving gambling or card games. So obviously he was the one that Luxord wanted the most.

Conveniently, Saix caught a terrible fever of 102F. With a fever like that Saix couldn't read or think very logically. Luxord used this to his advantage.

"Luxorrd, can you loook up what I should do for flu?" Saix asked when Luxord entered the room.

"Sure." Luxord replied, he pretended to open a book about medicine.

"It says here that you should get rest, water, and Luxord." said Luxord.

"Really? Could you elaborate?" asked Saix.

"It says that being in the presence of, embracing, kissing, having sex with, and falling in love with Luxord are all surefire ways to recover from the flu super-fast. Especially when combined with water and rest." said Luxord.

"Well, if I kiss or have sex with you you'll ccatch my flu." said Saix.

Saix was thinking straighter than Luxord was expecting, although still not straight enough to realize that he wasn't making any sense.

"Well it says if you make yourself fall in love with Luxord then forget you had done it intentionally and that Luxord had been telling you all this to begin with that you'll recover from the flu even faster!" Luxord said, he actually had really no idea whether it was possible to make yourself fall in love with somebody then make yourself forget, but if it was possible then that would just be great.

"Okay, I'll try. Thanks Luxord." said Saix. And then Luxord left the room and the such.

And so soon Saix recovered from his flu, but then fell into a deep depression.

A depression that only Luxord could cure through the power of cuddling and ibuprofen. That's because Saix had caught a case of Feelinglikeyou'. Which is a virus that can only be caught by nobodies.

And so Luxord laid in bed with Saix and fed him ibuprofen.

"You know the only reason why it's cured by cuddling is so that the virus can spread to the person the other person is cuddling with." said Saix.

"That's just the Feelinglikeyou' talking." said Luxord.

"I guess it is" replied Saix.

"Damn right it is" said Luxord.

"You're so right!" said Saix..

"Damn right I'm right!" said Luxord.

"You're so cool and sexy." said Saix.

"I know, you are too." said Luxord.

"REALLY?" exclaimed Saix.

"Why of course my dear!" said Luxord.

And then they lived happily ever- no wait Sora kills them.


	135. October 8th

October 8th (I'm feeling a lot better today, hopefully this chapter will be a lot better than the last one.)

Luxord scored 86 points for playing _Yarrrrrr _on a triple word score.

"God dammit! Why are you so good at this!" cried Axel. In case you aren't cool enough and didn't figure out right away that they were playing pirate scrabble, they were playing pirate scrabble.

And if you're _really _uncool and don't even know what pirate scrabble _is, _then you should know that pirate scrabble is scrabble but the only letters in the bag are Y, G, H, R, A, and an exclamation point(which is worth 10 points). And that you can only play variations of _Yarrrgh! _Or _Har! _Or _Arr _or you get the picture.

If you are so incredibly uncool that you don't even know how to play _scrabble. _Then I'm sorry, there is nothing that can be done. Your lack of coolness and knowledge is fatal. You probably won't even be able to finish reading this chapter before you drop dead from uncoolness.

Axel hadn't played a single word in the game worth more than 33 points. And that word was _Yar _with the Y on a triple letter score(in pirate scrabble, A's are worth 2 points, and Y's are worth 10) Axel would've argued that he had a terrible hand and Luxord was inhumanly good. Luxord argued that Axel was just really really bad a pirate scrabble.

To add something, although what was added is debatable, to the situation, Axel was very very drunk. You would think that Luxord secretly being very very Irish would mean he was drinking too, but that's is extremely racist and completely untrue. Axel was drinking heavily, Luxord was not.

And so after Luxord got another high scoring word after Axel had only gotten 14 points the previous turn, Axel blurted out

"The only reason you're so good at pirate scrabble isth because you're a pirate yoursthelf. A butt pirate sthat is." Axel got a lisp when he was drunk.

"Wait, did you just call me a butt pirate?" said Luxord.

"Yesth." said Axel, while placing the word _yaar._

"You can't play that word in pirate scrabble, double As aren't accepted." said Luxord.

"What? Thsayths who?" said Axel.

"The rules of pirate scrabble! I challenge your move!" declared Luxord.

"How are you going to challenge that? I don't thsink thsereths a dictionary for pirate sthcrabble." not only did Axel get a lisp when he was drunk, the more drunk he got the more and more effeminate he sounded.

"I'm pretty sure that we don't need one, the rules for word playing criteria create a situation in which no more than one A can ever appear in any playable word!" said Luxord.

"Wow, you're stho sthmart Luxord, I couldn't understhtand anysthing you juthst sthaid." thsaid, err... said Axel.

"You know, I think you sound a lot more like a butt pirate than me right now." said Luxord.

"Whuht? Are _you are_ juthst thsaying sthat becausthe of my lispth!" despite how ridiculous the alcohol was making him sound, Axel still kept drinking and getting drunker. It has already been established previously by super-duper-scientific methods that nobodies have super-strong livers and kidneys.

"I think I have a lot more evidence than just that." said Luxord while playing some extra Rs a G and an H to extend one of Axel's _Yar_s into a _Yarrrrrrgh_. Which extended it onto a triple word score making Luxord so many points that at this point not even 3 Bingos in a row could help Axel catch up.

"Oh reallly. What osther evidenthcse do you have?" slurred Axel.

"Well, after your 4th pint of beer you've been staring at my crotch whenever it wasn't your turn to play a word." revealed Luxord in his best _defense lawyer_ voice. Or maybe his best _nueroscientist _voice. It can become hard to tell these days. The two professions have become so similar in what they do. You'd think neither profession would involve being very observant of crime scenes, but then you probably haven't played enough lawyer simulation games or watched enough Asian dramas starring Mizushima Hiro as a side character with curly hair.

Axel's reaction to this statement was a blank stare still aimed at Luxord's crotch, and this time it was Axel's turn too. Then after about 5 seconds he finally reacted in a fashion similar to somebody who has just lost at duel monsters.

"WOOOOAAAAHHHHHH!" However since he was sitting in a wooden chair rather than standing on a large pedestal, he fell backwards onto the floor. His head took most of the force too, and considering how drunk he was, this rendered him quite a bit unconscious and in a pretty bad way. If this doesn't actually make any medical sense then that's because you're thinking about human anatomy and not nobody anatomy which is different enough to magically wish away any illogical medical errors in any of these chapters.

Luxord didn't actually care too much about winning the easiest game of pirate scrabble he had ever played ever. So he instead decided to carry Axel to Vexen. Vexen wasn't actually the organization's official nurse or doctor in any way, especially since the first 6 members were all apprentices to the same scientist and the 7th and 8th were training to be apprentices to that same scientist. So really the only reason Vexen got stuck with all the doctoral work was because everybody at one point decided he should be the guy that has to do it.

Axel woke up in a hospital-esque bed. It was actually a bed from an insane asylum that Vexen used to conduct horrible horrible experiments on somebodies he kidnapped from other worlds. But it could serve a double purpose if necessary.

Luxord was standing above Axel holding a small cup containing some aspirin tablets dissolved in water. Axel amazingly quickly super-duper-fastly grabbed the cup and drank from it.

"This isn't what I thought it was at all!" declared Axel after finishing it. It would become one of the great mysteries of the universe what Axel was expecting the aspirin to be, also why Luxord was holding aspirin when Axel wasn't actually in need of it and according to Vexen just needed to lye down for a bit.

Axel did not sober up at all in the 10 minutes since he fell off his chair. And so he assumed that because he woke up somewhere else and Luxord was standing above him, Luxord must have saved his life.

"Luxord you sthaved my life omnomnomnom!" said Axel as he flung himself at Luxord.

Luxord rubbed his chin and laughed maniacally as he thought _all according to my master plan._ Before he turned his head towards Axel's face and kissed him.

A few hours later, Vexen was sanitizing the floors when he found Axel and Luxord sleeping naked on top of both of their cloaks. Luxord was chuckling evilly in his sleep. Vexen groaned, rolled his eyes, and used his dogmatically large broom to sweep the two sleeping beauties out of the room.


	136. October 9th

October 9th (It's funny, it's always on the 9th of each month that I always forget until the last minute to write the chapter. How appropriate.)

"DEMYX! TAKE YOUR TURN ALREADY!" shouted Axel with the utmost rage so flamingly angry it could light several thousand fires all of which would be directly on top of Demyx's head.

"Huh? Oh, right." muttered Demyx, who had actually fallen asleep with his eyes open, while playing a card which while playable was strategically the worst card he could have played. Luxord chuckled affectionately at Demyx, this was so he could inform the readers that there was some sort of chemistry maybe.

Luxord intentionally took 15 minutes longer than he needed to to play his turn, just so he could piss off Axel, and get him out of the room.

When it was finally Axel's turn again, he played/slammed his last card, shouted "FINALLY EXCLAMATION POINT EXCLAMATION POINT EXCLAMATION POINT EXCLAMATION POINT!" and got out of the room ASAP. Nobody was actually sure what the winning/losing criteria were for the extremely vague card game they were playing, but it was either understood or assumed that Axel playing every card in his hand meant he could leave. Either because he won or lost didn't matter.

So now it was just Luxord and Demyx, the way Luxord had planned. He barked at Axel when he tried to join the card game but somehow the message didn't get across. But now that he had gotten rid of Axel he could start seducing Demyx using his card seduction techniques.

Certain eye-twitches combined with playing certain moves in certain card games elicit certain reactions in certain people. It's always certain to work, especially when the word certain is used a certain amount of times.

After Demyx played another terrible move, Luxord played the 2 of Hearts and winked with his left eye. Demyx instantly blushed! Although he wasn't really paying attention so it wasn't necessarily because of Luxord playing the 2 of Hearts.

Demyx played the worst possible move again. It was almost as if he was trying to lose as terribly as possible. Luxord played the King of Hearts and winked with his right eye. Then he knocked the table over and started kissing Demyx. Then he stopped, set the table pack up, put the cards back where they were, and politely apolojized.

"Oh no it's fine." said Demyx. A surefire sign Luxord's ingenious strategies were working.

"No really, please let me make it up to you." said Luxord.

"How would you make it up to me?" asked Demyx.

"The best way to make it up to you would be to make _out _with you, in my bed." replied Luxord.

"That makes perfect sense!" declared Demyx.

Then they ran off to Luxord's bedroom, Luxord had won the game anyways.


	137. October 10th

October 10th (It's 10/10/10! 42 in Binary! Although it's just 10/10/10 if you're in the UK so that's not as special =/ If only there was a special date that would show up the same regardless of how you organize your dates. )

* * *

Luxord was playing Solitaire since by some fluke everybody except him was on a mission. "Klondike" style Solitaire actually originated with a way to predict your future, which makes sense since playing cards themselves came from Tarot cards.

Originally it was a Tarot spread, and each card had a meaning, if you could move a 2 onto a 3 it meant one thing, it meant another otherwise. But over time as playing cards were invented and it was made into a game, it slowly devolved into something as simple as "If you shuffle the deck and the round is winnable then you'll have good luck, the quicker you can win the better the luck. If you just keep on losing over and over again, you clearly have bad luck."

Nobody uses Solitaire to predict their fortune anymore though. But everybody certainly still plays it. And now Luxord was playing it.

Playing Solitaire wasn't something Luxord got to do much back in his days in Ireland, (as weird as it is that everybody is from a made-up fantasy world except Luxord who is canon Irish and has a named based on a real life card brand.)

Most would consider him a crook, he scammed people on the street out of their money and if he was lucky he could work in an illegal casino. Until the organized crime running it decided they didn't like him anymore and threw him out again.

Running around in the allies all the time didn't lend much room for 12 piles of cards. The memories came back to him so vividly! Yes, this one was from when he was very young

He felt the dirt beneath his feet,

"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE CON ARTIST!" shouted some guy Luxord didn't even know the name of. Although he did manage to win 2000 munny off of him. The man was incredibly stupid, he fell for the 'ole "Heads I win, Tails you lose." trick. Although it wasn't very old at the time. Luxord ran as fast as he could through the twisting alleyways. If he could escape from the man than he could keep the 2000 munny.

"I WON FAIR AND SQUARE! YOU AGREED TO IT!" shouted Luxord, his voice cracking halfway through. He reached a fork in the alleys, he intentionally knocked over a trash can on the right path then ran to the left. He didn't look back to see if the trick worked, if he did he would end up slowing down enough to get caught. So he kept running another 5-10 minutes or so until he checked to see if he was safe, he didn't have any sort of watch or anything so he didn't have much of a sense of time, there wasn't a clock tower in the area either.

Finally Luxord checked and knew he was safe, and as soon as he was done running from the poor sap he got money off of, he ran to the general store to use his newly acquired munny to purchase a pack of cards. He'd been saving up and he knew he could scam more than just idiots out of their munny if he had cards.

Luxord went through the draw pile several times and concluded he had lost this round of Solitaire. He could see how he would have bad luck in the future, that year half the organization had been taken out at Castle Oblivion, and just the other day Demyx had been killed off by the keyblade wielder. He felt like there was another member that died recently but he couldn't remember their name, X something, of course it was X something though, everybody in the organization was an X something. Or nothing as Xemnas would say it.

He had barely survived his last mission with all those pirates, he knew that the keyblade wielder was powerful. It didn't help that he had recently found out that they were manipulating him into collecting hearts for them.

After playing several more games of Solitaire he had lost each and every one of them. And then Xigbar arrived in the room.

"Sora's coming, he's almost killed all of us, it's just me, you, Saix and Xemnas now. He found the digital Twilight Town. He'll be here real soon, I'm gonna try and stop him at the front door." said Xigbar.

Luxord wanted to ask Xigbar to play one last card game, but he knew there wasn't time. He knew that even if he bogged down his fight with a whole bunch of time limits and obnoxious gimmicks he would still probably be killed that day.

He looked at his cards, the cards he bought with that 2000 munny he swindled off that man, the cards that made him a living on the streets, the cards he grew up and lived with, the cards he lost his heart with and the only thing he managed to hold on to when he fell into darkness. He fought with them and made a connection to them and if Sora killed him, or more likely, when Sora killed him, these cards too would cease to exist.

He gathered the cards from the table and packed them back into the box. The box labeled _Luxor_. He put them in his pocket and moved to the room where he was going to fight Sora. Prepared to die, he did not want to simply fade, deep down he wanted to end in a supernova. But he had never shown very brightly

and more likely he would fade away and Sora would smile. Sora would cheer with his friends about how he slaughtered 14, no wait, 13 individuals. And Luxord, a measly rank 10 in the organization who was probably not intended to have outlived so many who outranked him, who had never done anything important, would fade away as silently as he lived.


	138. October 11th

October 11th (My fever is gone but I'm still blowing my nose through my throat, it's ridiculous. Also you should all read "Immortality in Fickle Affection." It's a good idea, I swear.)

Luxord walked up to Marluxia and tipped his top hat

"'Ello 'ole chap! Are you voting for Margaret Thatcher or Gordon Brown on Tuesday?" said Luxord.

"What the fuck are you talking about Luxord." replied Marluxia.

"Oh you know! The good 'ole midterm elections for the parliament! They're sayin' it's gonna be a referendum for president Obama!" said Luxord.

"No really, what the fuck are you talking about. That doesn't make any sense." said Marluxia.

Then Luxord threw his top hat on the floor and started weeping.

"Oh you caught me! I'm not British at all! I have no idea what I'm talking about!" sobbed Luxord.

Marluxia chuckled darkly several times with chagrin,

"What the heck does _British _mean?" asked Marluxia, who was starting to laugh maliciously at Luxord.

Luxord then realized that nobody was suspecting him of being Irish and so he decided to start laughing hysterically.

"HAHAHAHA! THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE! YOU FELL FOR IT!" he shouted with a phony laugh, then he ran away as fast as possible.

Luxord sat hidden in a secret closet in one of the secret hallways of the castle which is supposed to be secret although all the heartless know about it and gossip about what nobodies are cheating on who.

Luxord realized while running away that he had just embarrassed himself in front of his true love! Would Marluxia ever love him when he had done such a thing?

He knew what must be done, he had to come out of the closet and admit that he was Irish! Only then would Marluxia love him!

And so he did, he left the closet admitted to himself that he was Irish, he didn't actually intend for anybody to hear but Marluxia was standing outside the closet and overheard it.

"What does Irish mean?" asked Marluxia.

"It uhh... Means that I'm in love with you- I MEAN it means I was form in Ireland." replied Luxord.

"That must have been a terrible childhood, Ire land must have lots of Ire for it to be named as such." said Marluxia with comforting eyes.

"Yes, you are correct about everything Marluxia." said Luxord.

"Oh you know just the right things to say!" swooned Marluxia who then fainted and then blushed after fainting which was actual implicate of blood piling in the head while unconscious but Luxord was one of the few organization members who wasn't a scientist and didn't know this.

And so I assume this meant they lived happily ever after, they weren't a very public couple and not even the heartless gossiped about them so maybe nothing actually came from their relationship. Marluxia did die pretty quickly afterward so the story can't really continue.


	139. October 12th

October 12th (In the novel trilogy I'm working on with some friends(It has 5 authors!) We decided today that a sheep named Beatrice will be a main character. It's not a humanoid or talking sheep or anything, it's just a normal sheep that follows one of the characters around.)

Luxord was the only straight man in the organization. And Larxene was the only straight woman. Now despite the only straight man in the organization seeming to cycle each month to be a different man, this month it was Luxord and he knew exactly what straight girls like Larxene were into and would seduce her the bestest.

The two things all straight women like the most is _The Red Sox _and _Boating. _He knew this because he read it on the internet! Now he had never heard of _The_ red sox. But he had heard of red socks! So his plan was to get Larxene a nice pair of red socks and give them to her on a boat!

_THIS PLAN COULD NOT FAIL!_ Though Luxord in all caps, which is how most organization members thought when they ended up being that months only straight member for the month.

So Luxord wrote an invitation to give Larxene

_Dear Larxene_

_I would like to invite you to a boat._

_It is within your best interests for you to come._

_Love_

_Luxord._

Then he slipped the letter into Larxene's bra while she was sleeping.

The next day he waited on the boat, and despite never mentioning a time or place in the letter, Larxene still showed up on time!

"So uh... Nice boat?" said Larxene.

"Thanks!" said Luxord, who then brought the boat deeper onto the lake.

"I bought a gift for you!" said Luxord smiling.

"Oh really? I surely wasn't expecting to receive a gift on the 12th day of a month!" said Larxene.

Then Luxord went up to Larxene and gave her the red socks. They were the nicest pair of red socks that Larxene had ever seen!

"Oh Luxord I love you!" she said

"I love you too Larxene!" said Luxord.

Then they made out on the boat and went back to the castle, the boat wasn't actually Luxords anyways so they didn't have any obligation to return it to the coast.

The next morning Luxord woke up next to a naked Larxene in bed.

"What? How did this happen?" he cried, then he ran out screaming, for it was the 13th of that month and he was no longer on _only straight in the organization _duty and forgot all the previous days events.

Larxene held a cigarette to her lips and chuckled menacingly as she watched him run off.

"So far, he has been my favorite." she said to herself quietly because she sometimes had trouble keeping her thoughts in her head. Then she got dressed and packed for Castle Oblivion.


	140. October 13th

October 13th (I've always seen Luxord as Roxas's uncle of sorts. Which makes today really troubling for me to write. I really _really _don't want to write this horrid pedophilia. I hate this challenge _sooo_ much.)

Luxord felt like the biggest creep in the world for being in love with Roxas, he wanted to apologize to Roxas every time he had any sort of romantic thought about Roxas, or worse, a sexual thought! But he knew that doing so would make him even more of a creep

Roxas felt something similar, he felt like a double-reverse creep for being in love with Luxord, he felt like like he was making Luxord into a creep or pedophile by being in love with him, and was thus a creep himself for making Luxord a creep when Luxord himself didn't do anything that Roxas himself didn't want.

Now keep in mind that no nobody is older then 3 years old, it's just that if you count their somebody age as well then Roxas and Luxord have a pretty gigantic age difference, enough of an age difference for Luxord to be Roxas' uncle!

_However! (_And if you don't want Birth By Sleep spoilers you may want to skip this chapter.) Depending on who you consider Roxas to be the nobody of then the age difference could be considerably different! For you see counting Ventus's age combined with Roxas's age brings the age difference between Luxord and Roxas to less than a decade! A huge improvement over the multiple decade gap not to mention one being over 18 and the other being under! However none of this actually mattered because Roxas did not remember that Ventus ever existed! Which brought us back to square 1.

But one day Luxord decided _Screw it! I'm already a creep! I might as well take the creeping to the next level! _And so he decided to hit on Roxas with probably the creepiest pick-up line he could use in this situation.

"Hey Roxas, did you know that the age difference between us is only 2 years?" said Luxord with an insinuative voice and a wink.

"Really? Just 2 years?" replied Roxas with so much interest it was almost interesting how interested he was.

"Well, you become a nobody like 100 or 200 days ago, and I became a nobody 2 ½ years ago! Do the age difference is roughly 2 years!" said Luxord.

"That's fantastic!" said Roxas.

Then Luxord and Roxas telepathically connected and realized each others desires and so they linked pinkies, then grabbed hands.

But then it turned out the real answer was that there was several decades of age difference and this was incredibly creepy! And so Luxord transformed into a creeper!

"OH NO! LOOK OUT!" cried Luxord, but it was too late! And all that came out of his mouth was "" but that didn't matter. Because the transformation was terrifying enough that Roxas began to run away as fast as possible.

_BOOM! _Luxord exploded! Fortunately for Xemnas the castle was reinforced with Obsidian so he didn't do too much damage. But he made sure to keep the place better lit to prevent creepers from spawning inside again.


	141. October 14th

October 14th (Unfortunately, Luxord month has come to a close. I actually think Luxord is an interesting character that did not get any of the screen time he deserved. Marluxia month is going to be _faaaabulous..._)

Luxord didn't have enough munny to afford his lunch that day, so he decided to win the munny off of Xion, since they were new enough not to know about Luxord and his mad card game skillzz.

"Hey! Hey Xion! Ya wanna play a caad game?" said Luxord.

"I thought you were supposed to be British." said Xion.

"Oh, yes, uh, sometimes I accidentally slip into a Boston accent. I sometimes mix up British and Boston." replied Luxord.

"Wait, did you just refer to your own accent as British? Wouldn't a real British person refer to their accent as Scottish, Welsh, or English? Or even more specifically Cokcney, London, Northern, et cetera et cetera? Using this logic I hereby deduce that your Britishness is all a facade!" declared Xion, holding her finger up in the air in an intelligent display of triumph. Although because she had a hood on she just looked rather silly.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Now we need to play a card game already!" said Luxord, his stomach rumbling.

"Alright, but you've seen my amazing wit, surely you know I will win this game of cards. And then all the munny shall be mine!" said Xion, still looking silly.

Xion sat down in the chair across from Luxord.

"Do you mind if I take my hood off?" asked Xion.

"Why would I mind?" asked Luxord. Then Xion took the hood off.

To Luxord, Xion's face was that of a man he once conned out of his munny. He was the most handsome man Luxord had ever seen, and he said so to lure him into playing a rigged card game. Luxord won all of the man's pocket munny and the man cried and ran away. Luxord felt so guilty over this particular case because it was one of the few times he really meant it with all the compliments he used.

But Luxord was clever, and he could tell it was an illusion. But it was distracting enough that Xion won.

But Luxord was _still clever! _Despite having lost all of the money that still wasn't enough to afford lunch, he knew how to murder two birds gruesomely with one swift action involving the throwing of a single stone in the direction of the birds, and if successful, knocking the birds out of the sky and killing them. He also knew how to solve two problems with one solution.

"Xion, how would you like to go out to lunch with me?" asked Luxord.

"A-are you asking me out on a date?" asked Xion.

"Sssure..." replied Luxord.

Then they went on a date! Which in true Kingdom Hearts fashion was trippy and confusing and can not be fully described with words. After the date though Luxord had a full stomach and relieved himself of long ago guilt. He also changed his facebook status from _single _to _in a relationship. _


	142. November 1st

November 1st (Nobody likes November 1st, everybody is tired and sick because they enjoyed Halloween too much and now they're sad/glad that it's over.)

Marluxia wanted more than anything to lead a _'rebellion' _against Xemnas. And he also wanted to be the _'leader_' of the Castle Oblivion operation. Unfortunately Marluia had never mastered the art of using airquotes when you don't actually want to lead a rebellion or be the leader of the Castle Oblivion operation.

You see, when he said he wanted to _infiltrate _the higher ranks he wasn't talking about leading a rebellion at all. And by _leader _he wasn't talking about the head of operations. But Xemnas was also spectacularly bad at picking up on changes in vocal inflection and sarcasm.

And so Marluxia ended up accidentally convincing Xemnas to make him the leader of the Castle Oblivion operations and ended up accidentally convincing Axel, Vexen, and Larxene that he wanted to plan a rebellion.

You see, without hearts they were all just pretty terrible at picking up on things like sarcasm and sexual innuendo. But they didn't realize it and kept trying anyways!

So Marluxia didn't really want to go to Castle Oblivion, he knew what oblivion meant and he didn't want anybody forgetting his most stupendous beauty! So he went to Xemnas's private office to have a little chat.

"So uh... Xemnas. When I said I wanted to be _leader _I wasn't talking about a mission." said Marluxia.

"Then what in bloody gazes were you referring to?" said Xemnas.

"Well, it's sort of like, _pitcher _and _catcher _and _top _and _bottom _and _leader _and _follower._" Marluxia attempted to explain.

"_Oooh! I see! _Sort of like _Quaterback _and _Goalkeeper. _Or _Flour _and _Eggs. _"replied Xemnas. Marluxia face palmed instinctively.

"Okay, so when a man and a woman, except in this case it's another man and both of them are nobodies, love each other very much, or in this case it's just simple biologically fueled lust, they engage-"

"_OOOHHH! _I get it! The_ leader._ " interrupted Xemnas.

"Yes! The _leader. _" said Marluxia.

Then Xemnas kissed Marluxia on the cheek and said

"You leave for Castle Oblivion tomorrow, you can be the _leader _when you get back." and winked at him.

Marluxia blushed, he felt an actual romantic emotion for just long enough to end up at Castle Oblivion. When Marluxia realized what happened he was furious! But if brainwashing the keyblade wielder was as easy as it sounded then soon he could return to the castle and Xemnas would be waiting for him!

Yes, as soon as Marluxia succeeded in his mission at Castle Oblivion...


	143. November 2nd

November 2nd (I am exhausted from Halloween. I always get the Suicide Tuesday effect after I do anything fun.)

* * *

Wearing the Organization coat on a workday was of course mandatory. But wearing it on a day off was seen as plusungood. To Marluxia, wearing something that isn't _fashionable _on a day off was seen as doubleplusungood, or as he would say it outside the short time when the Organization dabbled in Newspeak, _ATROUCIOUS!_

And Xigbar never wore _anything _fashionable! He looked hideous! And so Marluxia just _knew _he had to give him a makeover!

"_IT'S TIME FOR MARLUXIA'S EYE FOR THAT XIGBAR GUY!" _sang Marluxia as he burst into Xigbar's room.

"What the bastion blast are you talking about?" grumbled Xigbar.

"I'm giving _you _a makeover of the most fabulous degree!" replied Marluxia.

"A wha?" but before Xigbar could fully comprehend Marluxia's outright fabulous sentence, he was pulled away and taken to The Mall(the person that named it was a minimalist).

After arriving at _The Mall _Xigbar began to realize what was going on.

"What if I like my baggy jeans and brand T-shirts?" said Xigbar.

"Your consent doesn't matter! You are going to be fabulously raped by fashion and you will like it!" declared Marluxia while pulling him into _Ambercrombie & Dale _before remembering that only douche bags shop there and instead taking Xigbar into _PrinCinderella's _which was an "obscure little shop that only fashionable people know about."

"Your body build is quite slim and you just absolutely _ruin _it by wearing all that baggy clothing!" said Marluxia as he grabbed a pair of very very skinny jeans and held them up to Xigbar's legs, before deciding they were skinny enough and grabbing another much skinnier pair.

Marluxia then grabbed several shirts that were 2 sizes smaller than what Xigbar was used too, although they actually fit perfectly.

"Now you're going to need _more layers._" declared Marluxia as he grabbed all sorts of random coats and vests and V-necks with undershirts built in somehow. Xigbar was having a hard time keeping track of what was going on.

"Now you're going to need to put _something _on at least one of your wrists, and then we'll get you 1000 scarves to wear. Then maybe a hat." said Marluxia as he held color swatches up to Xigbar's skin.

After picking out exactly 1000 scarves for Xigbar, several kilograms of clothing were piled on top of Xigbar before he was locked in a changing room.

"You can't come out until you try on something fashionable! Then you will do it 5 more times!" Marluxia shouted into the changing room.

After 10 minutes of antici pation Xigbar finally emerged from the changing room.

The sight that Marluxia beheld was astounding! It was love-at-first-sight-in-which-they-are-actually-dressed-nice! Xigbar's figure was perfectly shown off by his new clothing! And it brought out his positive attribute perfectly! It may have been shallow but Marluxia was just so infatuated by Xigbar's appearance that he plated a large kiss on his lips!

After danubing away from Xigbar to better appreciate his fashion. Xigbar then danubed back over to Marluxia and gave him a kiss as well.

"_MUWAHAHAHA! THROUGH THE POWER OF FASHION I NOW CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS!" _laughed Marluxia maniacally.

"Yes, of course. That makes perfect sense." said Xigbar.

Then they danubed to the castle and danubed in bed then when they danubed in the morning they were sadly.

"I have to Castle Oblivion!" said Marluxia.

"I know. I will be missingly you." said Xigbar.

Then Marluxia danubed to Castle Oblivion and Xigbar cried fashionably.


	144. November 3rd

November 3rd (Because of yesterday's chapter, this is now the third google result for "Danubed")

Marluxia sure did love himself a man. And Xaldin was a manly manly man. Xaldin himself was a strange case. He was attracted to _feminine _qualities. A very very rare case indeed. Although actually while that may be a rare desire in fanfiction-land, apparently that's common in real life! Gasp! But since this _is _fanfiction-land, he was attracted to feminine qualities, but only in males.

And so Marluxia and Xaldin were the perfect match for each other apparently. And despite being the more feminine one in the relationship, Marluxia was definitely the more dominant one.

It was Marluxia who forced Xaldin to wear matching outfits with him and Marluxia that Marluxia Marluxia Marluxia.

And so Marluxia Marluxia they were in the Gray Area together eating strawberries.

"Mmmm, This strawberry is so delicious." said Marluxia while danubing eating a strawberry.

"Bah! I hate strawberries!" grumble grumbled Xaldin, who hated strawberries a lot more than he was letting on.

"_HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU POSSIBLY NOT LIKE STRAWBERRIES I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!" _said Marluxia in a calm collected voice while sipping some herbal tea out of his porcelain teacup.

Then Marluxia stomped out of the room angrily without spilling any of his tea. Xaldin was sadly sad, he looked at the container of strawberries Marluxia left behind. Just the sight of the strawberries made his stomach turn but he just felt the need, _the need, _to make himself go _Awww, these strawberries aren't so bad. _And they totally were that bad to him. Strawberries killed his parents.

Xaldin slowly reached towards a strawberry, his hand shaking and trembling, and he grabbed one by the stem. He slowly slowly slowly brought it towards his mouth and took a bite. It tasted fine. And he realized that eating the strawberries was kind of like getting sweet sweet revenge against them. Causing them terrible pain by digging his teeth into them and ripping it to shreds, then grinding it into a mush which is then dropped into acid. That is a very mean thing to do to a strawberry, which is how over the course of 10 minutes Xaldin taught himself to like eating strawberries.

By the time only 2 strawberries were left in the container, Marluxia returned to the room.

"You know Xaldin, I've been thinking about it. And it really doesn't matter to me if you like strawberries, I love you for you!" said Marluxia.

"That's great, so I made myself like strawberries for nothing then!" Exclaimed Xaldin.

"YOU MADE YOURSELF LIKE STRAWBERRIES FOR ME!" Marluxia was just super duper excited and embraced Xaldin thoroughly.

So then they took the remaining strawberries and fed them to each other.


	145. November 4th

November 4th (Today I spent 3 ½ hours in a meeting debating whether to expel a kid that brought marijuana _and _explosives to school. I might not end up writing the best chapter today. In case you couldn't tell I spent all of my day's maturity in the meeting.)

"YOU ARE SUCH A _FART! _A BORING OLD FARTITY FART FART FART!" shouted Marxluia to Vexen, who didn't react in any way.

"FART FART FART FART FART!1111111111111111111111111111" Marluxia then stormed out of the room in anger. Vexen didn't react in any way.

Vexen could hear Marluxia's cries of "_VEXEN IS A FAARRRRRTTT!" _off in the distance.

Several hours of nothing interesting happening later, Marluxia and Vexen were madly madly _madly _in love with each other.

Marluxia barged back into whatever unspecified room Vexen was in(probably some lab)

"VEXEN! EVEN THOUGHT YOU'RE A FART I STILL LOVE YOU!"

"I LOVE YOU TOO MARLUXIA!" Said Vexen who didn't react in any way.

Then they ran at each other in slooowwww motion. (Slooowwww motion is 3-4x slower than slow motion.)

Then they embraced each other and Marluxia whispered into Vexen's ear

"You're still toally a fart though."

"It's pronounced Toh-Tah-Lee, Not Toh-lee." said Vexen, who didn't react in any way.

Then to prevent Marluxia from saying fart anymore Vexen, who didn't react in any way, started to kiss Marluxia on the lips using his own lips to do the kissing on Marluxia's lips.

Marluxia however was the the one that had to be the the one in charge of the the kiss and he grabbed Vexen's cheeks in order to take control of the the kiss.

Now Vexen, who did not react in any way, did not have control over when he was and wasn't kiss Marluxia. His consent no longer matter and whether he liked it or not(he liked it) he would be kissing Marluxia forever so long as Marluxia kept wanting to kiss Vexen.

Then they both suffocated because they couldn't breathe.


	146. November 5th

November 5th (To the person that suggested Marluxia Rocky Horror Picture Show: That is an absolutely fabulous idea but I don't think I could do it justice without breaking the No-AUs rule.)

Marluxia was casually rubbing oil on Lexaeus's chest one day when he had a revelation.

"What purpose is life? What purpose is rubbing oil on your skin if we'll all just die in the end? This oil is nothing but oil and rubbing it on your skin has no effect on the greater course of the universe. The universe is empty and uncertain! The stars we see are other worlds but those world's stars are just us and they all are alone in an endless void! The heartless eat hearts for there is nothing else to them! And what of us? No hearts no emotions no meaning at all! We fight to create Kingdom Hearts and get our hearts back but what point is there to having hearts when even with a heart life is still meaningless!

This room is nothing but an undescribed set of 4 walls, a ceiling, and floor! And it's inside a castle which is in itself nothing more but cold walls and mechanisms sitting on a cold emotionless slab of stone floating in a space that isn't even a proper world!

Not to mention how pointless rubbing oil on your chest is! For what purpose? Arousal! Arousal is nothing but a set of hormones and chemicals released by the brain to make us reproduce! We are biologically broken! We are attracted to each other and will never reproduce! Why should we be aroused? The brain is broken and doesn't know we will not produce offspring from having sex and even if we could it would still be meaningless!

Why would we want children? Just to release them into this cold unforgiving pointless world? To make them match our pointless ideals? There is no purpose to it! We evolved from tiny bacteria just to reproduce for some asinine reason that doesn't even make sense! We'll die and for some reason knowing we've created somebody else to die will make us feel better?

And why would we even want to feel better? Happiness is nothing more than more chemicals! Dopamine is one of them. The brain releases these chemicals when we do things it thinks are good! Happiness isn't real! It's nothing but a training mechanism to condition us into doing things which should one day end in us reproducing and staying alive! Without modern inventions we wouldn't have any sense of happiness that wasn't connected to sex!

What separates us in this meaningless world from any of the other animals? Our thoughts? Why is thinking we should be rubbing oil on each other all the time something that makes us any better than the dogs for thinking that they should eat, drink, and run around for exercise!

Everything is random and we are all alone! No matter how close we are physically to each other we are still just all alone! Alone in this giant empty universe with no point to anything! Is this some game? Some horrible contraption to entertain beings from some other meaningless universe while they wait to die? Are we the protagonists or the villains? Does it matter! In the end the game will be over and it will just return to the title screen asking to do it again! And we will do it all again and again for no reason! Nothing but characters in a game!" cried Marluxia as he looked at his oil soaked hands in horror.

"Just shut up and keep rubbing oil on my chest." said Lexaeus.

"Okay." said Marluxia.

And they all lived happily ever after.


	147. November 6th

November 6th (Just FYI: "The Secret" and "The Field" are both dangerous loads of bullshit. **Do not live by them!** The Secret is just a form of blaming the victim "You got hit by a tsunami? You must've been thinking about tsunamis to much." And The Field is filled all sorts of dangerous things masquerading as science "I have a doctorate in English! So I can tell you that wishing away your head tumor will more better than going to a doctor! And if you can't telepathically calm your girlfriend down then you were never in love in the first place!" I know this is really out of place in the author's notes, but it's very important. It's dangerous thinking and it kills people.)

Marluxia wrote poetry sometimes. His poetry was typically the kind that went

_Beautiful lilacs covered in blue._

_Oh that blue is such a beautiful hue._

_But they are still not quite as beautiful as you._

And as you know, Zexion also wrote poetry. His poetry typically went:

_BLACK_

_DARK_

_You don't understand ME_

_DEAD_

_I HATE LIFE_

_MOPE_

_MOPE_

_WEEP_

_CRY_

_I AM SAD_

_AND DARK_

_CR_

_Y_

_._

As you could probably tell. Zexion and Marluxia had some disagreements about what poetry is.

"It's not poetry if it doesn't rhyme!" Marluxia would say.

"It's poetry so long as I define it as such!" Zexion would reply. Then Marluxia, who hated conflicts in which he didn't win immediately, would storm off in anger crying

"YOU'RE HOPELESS YOU'LL NEVER GET IT!"

But one thing both of their poetry's had in common was how short they were. Zexion's only appeared long because he put a paragraph after practically every single word. While Marluxia's tended to be full sentences, but only 3 sentences in total.

And since they both wrote such short poetry, the conflict resolved itself quickly too. Zexion and Marluxia one day both decided that poetry is what you make of it and this resolution made them fall in love. Because as they both thought was good poetical logic

_Love has no reasoning or logic._

_Love is just love. Regardless of whether it makes_

_absolutely_

_no_

_sense_

_whatsoever._


	148. November 7th

November 7th (Do Marluxia and Saix even say anything to each other ever in canon?)

Marluxia realized one day that his hair color went really well with Saix's hair color. And he decided this meant they were meant to be together!

Marluxia however was odsdnvofpu. Yes, he was very very odsdnvofpu(ODE-sihd-NN-Vof-poo). It's not a very common adjective but it descried Marluxia perfectly. I'm not going to tell you what it means of course. Odsdnvofpu is a very esoteric word that only the most pedantic of people are knowledgeable about.

So Marluxia did a thing, which was very attractive to Saix. And Saix did a thing which Marluxia in turn also thought was pretty cool.

The flirting took lots and lots of slow slow time but slowly the time built up and Marluxia had managed to coerce Saix into gathering the courage to ask Marluxia out on a date.

The date was at Cafe bw[ousf(Buh-Wuh-Bracket-Oh-suhf) which was a very cute cafe which only the hippest of hipsters knew about.

"I'll have the Triangle Fondu with the ODUFHAPSIDHUF(Pronounced "Strawberry") Latte as a drink." said Marluxia to the waiter that was so attractive Marluxia almost had second doubts(his first doubts were about whether he wore the right outfit.)

"I'll have the sandwich." said Saix.

"Good choice! You know the sandwich does not come with a choice of sides just as you have no choice as to what is in the sandwich. You trust that we will make a sandwich you like and give you sides which are fitting." said the waiter, who looked suspiciously like a banana.

The waiter left and then the romance began romancing things up all up in there.

"Noiced you didn't order a beverage." said Marluxia in a seductive voice with a wink punctuating the end.

"What the fuck does noiced mean?" asked Saix.

"It's another one of those esoteric words that only cool people know about." said Marluxia.

And then Saix flipped the table over.

"I'VE HAD IT WITH ALL THESE ESOTERIC THINGS AND WORDS AND STUFF!" he cried.

"Find then, I guess we'll just have to get married then!" said Marluxia, since that was the only reasonable course of action.

But on their wedding day Marluxia got shipped off to Castle Oblivion. And just before he left he gave Saix a kiss on the nose goodbye.


	149. November 8th

November 8th (I sometimes wonder how I've managed to not lose weight. I ate half a bagel for breakfast, the other half with a banana and a 90 calorie plain yogurt for lunch, and then for dinner I was like "You know, I had a very low calorie intake today. I should eat something high in calories!" And so I had chocolate chip pancakes for dinner. I then proceeded to throw up. My stomach couldn't handle something as unhealthy as chocolate chip pancakes and yet I'm still overweight. TIME TO GYM UP AND HIT THE LAWYER!)

Marluxia lead an ordinary life(err... An ordinary life for a nobody) but there was one thing that was always on his mind. Whether or not Axel's hips were lying to him.

He had always heard testimonials from people that "Axel's hips don't lie" but Marluxia had a hard time believing that. He couldn't think of many things incapable of lying. Afterall, he could think of very few occasions that something had called him something other than beautiful.

Any time Axel was in a room and not actively engaging in a conversation with Marluxia, Marluxia would just stare at Axel's ass hips the whole time trying to determine whether Axel's hips could be lying.

Finally, Marluxia decided the direct approach was the only true way to find out. And so he walked up to Axel's hips and asked

"Excuse me Hips, but are you lying to me?"

"No. I can't lie." said Axel's hips.

And so Marluxia was satisfied knowing that Axel's hips don't lie. But because he had been staring as Axel's ass hips all the time, Axel had taken to thinking that Marluxia was checking him out! An outrageous assumption!

The next day Marluxia was ambushed by Axel in the Gray Area with the confrontation!

"Hey uh... I noticed you were uh... checking me out a lot recently. Do you uh... find me sexy?" asked Axel _directly to Marluxia's face. _

After Axel's hips expressed such honesty to Marluxia, he felt he just had to do the right thing.

"Yes, you are the sexiest thing alive especially your hips." said Marluxia in a monotone voice as he pinned Axel to the wall whilst simultaneously singing _Star Spangled Banner _in four part harmony and juggling 2 balls with his other hand.

"Wow! You sure are talented!" screamed Axel.

"I know I'm talented! What else am I?" asked Marluxia.

"BEAUTILFUL AND SEXY! A SEXY SEXY BEAST!" declared Axel.

"Correct!" said Marluxia. He then stopped singing and juggling and began to make out with Axel.

"Om nom nom nom nom" said both Axel and Marluxia. For their love was pure.


	150. November 9th

November 9th (It's appropriate that I always feel like writing the least on Demyx days.)

Demyx was very very very very very very very lazy and his fashion reflected that more than anything else. He never wore anything but a t-shirt thrown together on jeans(that is, when they weren't required to wear the uniform.) and he was so lazy he didn't even pull his pants up. So he'd walk around with his pants sagging and his underwear clearly visible. He didn't mind, he just thought it made him look more _cool _and _gangsta'._

Marluxia spent some time in prison before he was Marluxia and he knew what Demyx's pants-habits really meant. And the thought never crossed his mind that Demyx looked cool or gangsta. So to Marluxia it seemed like every day that they weren't required to wear a uniform Demyx was just begging to take it up the ass and nobody was fulfilling his request.

So Marluxia did the courteous thing and decided he would be the one to fulfill Demyx's request.

"So uhh... Demyx, About your offer. How 'bout tonight at 784 6203 602 6?" Said Marluxia.

Now Demyx had no idea what was going on but he was too lazy to say so. So he just said

"uh... sure." and didn't think about it until Marluxia walked away. He was also too lazy to not show up at room 784 in castle subsection 6203 at 6:02 Timezone 6(Which just equated to showing up at Marluxia's bedroom at 9:00pm)

And so Demyx showed up and Marluxia had prepared a nice table with a candlelit dinner prepared and it was really just overall a very nice romantic evening. Marluxia wasn't one for one-night stands, butt-sex for the sake of butt-sex. He liked to romance someone first.

After they were both finished eating Marluxia locked the door out of habit and told Demyx to go take a dump and a shower. Demyx, who was still all romanced and dreamified, didn't think twice about this suggestion and was done with the suggested activities in about 30 minutes. Demyx was a super pooper.

To Demyx's surprise, Marluxia was stark naked and all lubed up with a condom when Demyx got out of the bathroom.

"HUHUHUOHIQPO;HIDFOQWHQBWHBWHAH?" said Demyx.

"What, isn't this what you wanted? You were wearing you pants all saggy! That means you want somebody to do you up the bum dontcha'know?" said Marluxia, who was quite baffled.

Demyx was in shock so Marluxia say him down at the table and they had the romantic evening all over again. After Demyx was thoroughly re-romanced the night proceeded as Marluxia planned.

That morning Marluxia found he couldn't get himself out of bed because Demyx was holding onto him in his sleep too tight. It was really adorable but because this has a deadline there really isn't time to describe just how adorable it was.

Eventually Marluxia got out of the bed but Demyx made these high pitched whimpering noises without a Marluxia to hold on to, so Marluxia got back in bed and let Demyx snuggle with him as long as it took him to be satisfied and get back into character.


	151. November 10th

November 10th (It's the 150th chapter! Hoopla/Hoo-rah! Only 18 Chapters left in the challenge!)

Marluxia was most certainly taking a chance taking Luxord. Awful puns in that sentence aside, you must wonder how else Marluxia was taking chances.

For one thing Luxord was unknowingly a sleep group bungee jumper. In that in his sleep he would take other people who are asleep with him while we went bungee jumping. So anybody dating him, and more importantly sleeping in the same bed as him, was taking the risk of waking up in the middle of bungee jumping! Terrifying! But nobody knew this yet so it's actually quite pointless and irrelevant to the plot.

So Marluxia had lost a bet with Luxord over whether or not Axel's hair color was natural(Shockingly! It is!) and since he was so sure that Axel's hair wasn't he jokingly bet the right to have sex and go out on dates with Marluxa anytime Luxord wanted. Luxord bet 20 munny. So Luxord kept his 20 munny and now also had the right to have sex with Marluxia on demand as well as fill Marluxia's schedule with as many dates as he could dream!

Marluxia did not plan on this, and did _not _like being somebody who didn't have every single last bit of power in a relationship. But he had to deal with it when Luxord told him they were going to Marluxia's favorite restaurant for dinner.

Absolutely nothing notable happened at the dinner. But after dinner Luxord decided it was time to use the other half of the deal!

And so Marluxia complied and they found themselves in Luxord's bedroom preparing for some hot lovin'.

BUT THEN THE CASTLE EXPLODED! A TERRORIST PLOT BY THE WICKED AL MICKAEDA TERRORIST GROUP! THE MOST TERRIFYING TERRORIST GROUP IN ALL THE LAND!

"!" SHOUTED MARLUXIA AS HE ATTEMPTED TO THE DODGE THE MANY FLAMES THAT ENGULFED THE ENTIRE FUCKING CASTLE!

"MARLUXIA! I CAN SAVE YOU!" SCREAMED LUXORD REACHING HIS HAND OUT TO MARLUXIA!

"NEEVVERRR!" CRIED MARLUXIA BUT AFTER A FEW MINUTES HE GAVE IN AND GRABBED LUXORD'S HAND!

LUXORD LEAD THEM OUT OF THE CASTLE AS THEY WATCHED IT BURN TO THE GROUND!

"**WOW! LUXORD! THAT WAS SO COOL AND ROMANTIC OF YOU!" SHOUTED MARLUXIA BEFORE **HE Realized that he didn't need to shout anymore because they were safe.

"It's what I do. Bitches love the things I do." said Luxord with a smug smug on his smug. Then Marluxia kissed him and his estrogen-laced lipstick turned Luxord into an uke. And so they lived happily ever after except also unemployed!s


	152. November 11th

November 11th (Marluxia/Marluxia is really the only canon KH pairing.)

Marluxia stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes almost seemed foreign sometimes. Like he wasn't looking at himself but another person looking back at him. It was times like these that his vanity got to him.

It was times like theses that he felt shallow and useless. After a while he couldn't bare to see his own reflection. He turned away sat on his bed. Nobody really liked him, who would? Who in their right mind would like somebody like Marluxia? Vain selfish obnoxious cruel Marluxia?

Marluxia then as usual decided that everybody loves beautiful glorious stupendous Marluxia so long as he isn't spending all his time moping around. And then he threw on his most fabulous outfit and went outside!

Of course the instant he stepped foot in public somebody dumped their Double Gulp on him and screamed "FAGGOT!" as if he had just done something to offend them besides having pink hair. The pink is natural so it's not like it was his fault. And the soda from the Double Gulp just ruined his hair. But he could live with it. He was _not _vain selfish obnoxious cruel Marluxia we was beautiful glortious stupendous Marluxia!

Marluxia dealt with this every time he was in public. Everybody either thought he was the most beautiful woman they ever met or wanted to kill him for having pink hair. His outfits having an ungodly amount of sequins sewed might also have something to do with it. But nonetheless Marluxia always continued to walk on with confidence and stride!

Now this whole chapter would be a lot more interesting if it was a musical. At this point Marluxia would probably sing some inspiring number about how he is who is he is and won't change because he's already the most beautiful person in the world and it's hard to improve much from there. But it's hard to write musical numbers in literary fiction.

Although that didn't stop Marluxia from trying! Be warned however, it may be very hard to comprehend what is going on from this point forward.

"_III AAAMMM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN the WhOle WALT DAMMED WORLDS! AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM BEING AWESSOME!" _sang Marluxia triumphantly. However this did not accomplish much and none of the people staring at his odd antics broke out into dance or sang along in an encouraging ensemble.

So Marluxia threw the musical idea out the window which was conveniently positioned next to the completely non-described location he was standing at.

Marluxia didn't really make any progress developmentally or physically that day. It was just a normal day off. He didn't learn any lessons and his life was improved or changed in the slightest.

A day in the life of Marluxia wasn't very interesting.


	153. November 12th

November 12th (So I was all "Man, I have to write Marluxia/Larxene today! What a weird pairing! And was surprised by how many people I knew that genuinely shipped Marluxia/Larxene!)

Marluxia had a blind date that date. The date was _so blind _he didn't even know who set him up on it! The diner he ended up at was very swanky. And he sat down in a chair and put the napkin on his lap before he realized that on the other side of the table for two his date was being Larxene! He gasped like a fish! It was surprising! And certainly worthy of exclamation points!

"M-M-M-M-M-Marluxia?" said Marluxia.

"No, I'm Larxene. You're Marluxia." said Larxene.

"Oh right." The night was fabulous none the less and the two really hit it off! Their personalities apparently had chemistry like crazy mad scandium! And by the end of the night Larxene was throughly in love with Marluxia. And Marluxia may have been sort of maybe in love with Larxene however...

"Larxene. I'm sorry. I really like you and all. But like all men in the organization I'm super duper gay. As evidenced by me using _super duper _with a straight face. A face much straighter than my sexual orientation. If only you were a man and not a woman! Then we could be in so much love! A love so beautiful it would wipe out all the cosmos! And then we'd have to send the prince of all cosmos to roll up random junk and make new stars just for out beautiful love! But you are a woman and not a man! So that will not happen!" said Marluxia. Larxene had a hard time understanding what most of that meant but she got the general idea of what he was trying to say to her.

She ran out of the diner crying, leaving Marluxia to pay the bill(_How rude!) _Anyways...

Larxene didn't know what to do! She was seduced by Marluxia's charm and beauty and she just couldn't handle that he would never love her back _so long as she was a woman!_

The next day everyone had quite the shocked expression on their face when Larxene walked in with her new man body! She was no longer a woman! He was a man! The previous night Larxene got a sex change operation performed by Vexen and since Vexen can do anything it was a perfect transition with no negative side effects!

Larxene decided to just hang out in the Gray Area for a while and waited for Marluxia to show up and see him in his new manly self! When Marluxia entered the room nobody seemed to notice anything different about Marluxia at first. But Marluxia sure was surprised to see Larxene as a man!

"LARXEEENNEE! OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIKE TOTALLY BECAME A MAN FOR MEEE!" said Marluxia.

"WHY R U TALKNG LIKE THT?" said Larxene. Neither of them were very used to speaking with the voice of the opposite gender.

But then Larxene placed his hands on Marluxia's chest like a creeper and figured it out.

"YOU BECAME A WOMAN? WHY?" asked Larxene, who was getting used to his new voice and was almost able to turn off caps lock.

"Well it's because all women are Lesbians! So I thought I would be attracted to you if you were a women and I was too! Then our love could be true!" said Marluxia.

After 5 awkward minutes without a reply and Larxene continuing to grope Marluxia's chest the two finally broke out into laughter.

"Well I guess we can be a couple after all then! EVEN WOMEN LIKE MEN **cough** sorry, right?" said Larxene.

And then the two had some sort of strange heterosexual intercourse like the organization had never seen before! And the two lived happily ever no wait Sora killed them.


	154. November 13th

November 13th (I have less time to write this today than other days but still more than those days where I only wrote 250 words. So expect maybe 400 words today.)

* * *

Marluxia fabulously approached Roxas one day.

"OH ROXAS YOU LOKO ABSOLUTELY FABULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL TODAY!" said Marluxia. It was the kindest bestest most fabulously awesome compliment Roxas had ever received.

" WOW REALLY? YOU MEAN IT?" said Roxas with super duper almighty excitement.

"Of course I mean it! You're just so beautiful today!" said Marluxia.

"Well you're like all beautiful and stuff too Marluxia!" said Roxas. Marluxia smiled because he was actually just fishing for compliments the whole time.

"Oh why thank you Roxas that's so nice of you too!" replied Marluxia, all flattered and the such.

"Why thank you for saying it was nice of me Marluxia!" said Roxas who was even more flattered.

The two ended up getting into a deadly swirling vortex of compliments!

A few dusks were sucked into the vortex and met their end in there. The poor things died feeling left out of the loop. When everybody knows the dusks gossip about the other nobodies like crazy.

"AND YOUOO'REE JUSTS SOS NICE AN DBAUUTIFFULLL!" shouted Marluxia over the sound of the vortex.

"WOOWW THANKKSSS! YOU''RE PRETTY BEAUTOFU; AND NICE TOOO!" cried Roxas in reply. Then the vortex ripped out a tear in the fabric of time and space! The vortex literally never ended because it was trapped in a time loop! Not to mention that it was also literally encompassing every single possible location and nowhere at all at the same time!

Eventually the compliment vortex took the natural course of events and became a literal circle-jerk, but that will not be detailed because it's incredibly creepy. But after they finished they just got right back to complimenting until they fell asleep. Eventually the crack in time and space was closed by Luxord and normality was restore. He left the naked sleeping Marluxia and Roxas lying in the middle of the floor because he thought it was funny.


	155. November 14th

November 14th (And it's the finale of Marluxia month! Boy it sure went by fast! Only Larxene month is left and then _it will finally be over! _Also this chapter is written really weirdly, I had to do it this way to circumvent my writer's block.)

Marluxia was so shocked when one day he saw another Marluxia walking around! It was incredibly creepy too when the second Marluxia walked up to him and said "Hi! I'm Xion" in a voice that was not Marluxia's voice.

"WUOHWIHUWWAHWHAHWAHWA?" screamed Marluxia, he then ran away.

Several decades passed. Then time began to flow backwards. Marluxia's last thought was "I guess Xion was right." then Marluxia was unkilled by Sora and then Sora walked backwards out of the castle while also unkilling Larxene and several other cool peeps. Marluxia then went back to the castle that never was.

He kissed Xion goodbye.

"I'll just have to prove that you're wrong when I get back." said Marluxia.

"I just feel like you're only in love me because to you I look like you. And that if I looked like someone else you would've even glance in my direction." said Xion.

"What's wrong Xion?" said Marluxia.

"I hope you have a good time at Castle Oblivion." said Xion, however her voice just wasn't matching up with the emotions in the sentence.

"Well, I'm off to Castle Oblivion Xion. I hope you don't miss me _too _much." said Marluxia.

Xion was waiting for Marluxia at the exit of the castle. Marluxia walked into the castle unpacked his things. Then he went to sleep and woke up the night before.

A few weeks passed backwards.

"It sucks that you have to go. But if you get back healthy I'll be fine." said Xion

"I hope you won't miss me too much." Marluxia continued.

"Xion, I've been given a mission to go to Castle Oblivion." said Marluxia

Marluxia walked out of the Gray Area and saw Xion in the Gray Area. Marluxia knew this was the best time to talk to Xion about what Xemnas had just told him. He hoped it wouldn't hurt her too much. He'd hate to see himself cry.

"I guess I have to then." said Marluxia.

"YOU MUST!" said Saix.

"But I have a girlfriend! I don't want to go!" said Marluxia.

"You're mission is to go manage Castle Oblivion and manipulate the key bearer." said Saix.

"What is it?" said Marluxia.

"Hey Marluxia I have to tell you something important." said Saix.

Marluxia walked into his room from out of the hallway. He talked to Saix in the hallway.

Then Marluxia went to sleep. And time began to flow forwards again.


	156. December 1st

December 1st (It's finally here! The last month of the calendar challenge! It's gonna be Larxene-tastic!)

Larxene, being the only woman in the organization not counting Marluxia, certainly had her pick of who she wanted to have sex with. And when you're that powerful then you might as well shoot for the top! Xemnas of course being at the top was who she decided to seduce. The best way to get perks'n'stuff was of course to sleep with your boss.

So night Larxene decided to hide out in Xemnas's bedroom for a night to spy on him and find out what kinds of things he liked. Hopefully it would be more useful than it was boring.

Those hopes however were in vain. Xemnas entered his room, and immediately went to sleep in his organization coat. Larxene learned nothing.

The next day she was eating breakfast or something. And then at precisely 71:32 AM sharp the stream of men began to hit on her.

"Are you from haven? Because you've been running through my mind all night." flirted Xigbar.

"No I'm not from heaven and I think I'd know if I was running through your mind." replied Larxene.

"Boy I'm exhausted. It must be because you're beautiful." flirted Xaldin.

"Logistically there is no reason why my beauty would correlate to your exhaustion." replied Larxene.

"Do you have a map?" flirted Vexen.

"Shut up Vexen no matter what line you use it won't work." replied Larxene.

"No... I'm genuinely asking if you have a map." said Vexen.

"Oh. No. I don't." replied Larxene.

Lexaeus just stared into Larxene's eyes, Larxene gave him an angry glare, he left silently.

"I have only 3 months to live." flirted Zexion.

"If you don't go away you'll have less." replied Larxene.

"Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg?" flirted Axel.

"Yes. One of them is actually desirable and the other one is your penis." replied Larxene.

"Actually it's-" Larxene punched Axel in the face before he could finished that sentence.

"Wow." flirted Demyx.

"Shut up." replied Larxene, who gave Demyx some noogies before he ran away.

"Are you a thief? Because you've got a nice set of buns." flirted Luxord.

"How dare you accuse me a of thievery!" replied Larxene, who then slapped Luxord.

"Your Dad must've been a baker because you stole my heart from across the room." flirted Roxas.

"No. Just no. " replied Larxene.

"You must be from Pearl Harbor because you sure are making me horny." flirt Xion.

"That doesn't even make sense go away." replied Larxene.

Unfortunately for Xion, the true object of her affections did not show up to the flirtathon that day. So she got her coffee and sad all depress idly at the breakfast table alone and at least 4 chairs away from any other member of the organization.

"Is this seat taken?" asked Xemnas as he approached Larxene.

"No! In fact! I love you! Let's fuck!" replied Larxene. She then whipped out her handcuffs and dragged Xemnas into her bedroom.

From that point forward Xigbar was organization member #12 and Larxene shared #1 with Xemnas. #2 was held as a backup in case they broke up.


	157. December 2nd

December 2nd (This is a very feminist heteronormative month. It's all Girl-dom heterosexual pairings. With the exception of the Grande Finalesbian.)

Larxene hated it when people had an even number of eyes. Which was one of the reasons she was so grumpy all the time. She would make it so she had an odd number of eyes herself but she was too scared to punch an eye out(just one of many things she hated about herself.)

So Xigbar was really really attractive to her because he had an odd number of eyes. Unfortunately for Larxene, Xigbar was also only attracted to people with an odd number of eyes.

And so Larxene had a choice to make. She could jab out one of her eyes and wear a kickin' cool eye-patch like Xigbar's. Or she could find a way to obtain a 3rd eye somewhere.

First she tried using a sharpie to draw an eye on her forehead. However this only elicited an extra long glance from Xigbar. And resulted in a very long shower attempting to wash it off.

Then she tried trickery. She stood with her back facing Xigbar and said

"Looking good there hot stuff"

"Sorry, I only only like women with an odd numbered amount of eyes." replied Xigbar.

"Oh, but I have a third eye on the back of my head! That's how I'm looking at you right now!" said Larxene.

"Then how many fingers am I holding up?" asked Xigbar, he didn't actually hold any fingers up though.

"Uhh... 4!" said Larxene. She turned around to see if she was right only to see Xigbar wildly shaking his head in shame and pity.

Larxene ran off to her room and wondered and wondered and thought and wondered about how she could get an odd number of eyes. There's no surgery for that sort of thing. The only thing she could think of was stabbing an eye out but it was just too painful sounding!

But her love for Xigbar was deep and she took a fork and removed her left eyeball. It was **EXTREMELY FUCKING PAINFUL **but she never regretted it. Because immediately after she did it Xigbar burst into her room and gave her proper medical attention before having so much sex with her. Like, you don't even know how much sex they had, the amount they had was such a large amount it's incomprehensible.

They got married and instead of circumcising their children they removed an eye each so they would be beautiful.

And they moved to a world where everyone had an odd number of eyes.

And they never gave two shits about Kingdom Hearts ever again because they were in so much love they couldn't care for hearts.


	158. December 3rd

December 3rd (Man, after I finish this challenge I'm gonna write so much(non-fanfiction)! I'll be able to take longer than 2 weeks to write something!)

"MAKE ME A SANDWICH BITCH!" shouted Xaldin loudly.

"MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN SANDWICH PIGSWINE!" Larxene shouted back.

"Okay." said Xaldin with a look of defeat. He then stood up, walking to the kitchen, and presumably made himself a sandwich. It was the beginning of Larxene and Xaldin's romance.

The next day it happened again, sorta.

"MAKE ME A SANDWICH BITCH!" shouted Larxene loudly.

"Okay." replied Xaldin with a look of defeat, he then went to the kitchen and returned 10 minutes later with a sandwich. Larxene was astounded! It was the most beautiful sandwich she had ever seen! And she didn't even have to make it herself! It was then that she decided she would make Xaldin her housewife. She started by giving Xaldin a kiss on the cheek and a thank you while taking her sandwich out of Xaldin's cold grubby hands. It was obvious that Xaldin wanted the sandwich himself but he had no choice in the matter, It was Larxene's sandwich, only she could eat it. For that is how the laws of sandwichlore work.

As soon as Larxene dismissed Xaldin he went to the kitchen again to make himself a sandwich of his own. And he made sure it was 2.56x more delicious than the one he made for Larxene. When he returned with his sandwich Larxene was a bit jealous. But the delicious taste of her sandwich distracted her enough not to care.

After Larxene finished her sandwich she decided to go take a bubble bath. They didn't have bubble bath soaps in the castle so she just used generic scent-free moisturizing body wash hoping it was going to have the same outcome but with just a little bit less bubbles. This sadly was not the case, for instead of make the bath bubbly the soap turned the bathwater an opaque white. And so Larxene's bubble bath became an opaque bath. It was quite strange as the water itself was so opaque that when Larxene lifted her arm out of the water she could see the white water still on her skin. But pretty soon the opaqueness began to dissolve into a normal bath but with soapy water. When Larxene emerged from her bath she didn't remember that there was soap in the water, and didn't bother trying to use clean water to the rinse the soap off. And so the soap dried onto her skin and became very very itchy.

And for some reason she blamed this on Xaldin.

"XALDIN! I'M VERY VERY ANGRY WITH YOU! YOUR SANDWICH HAS MADE ME ITCHY! IT'S VERY ANNOYING AND AGGRAVATING!" Larxene shouted. She was not however in the same room as Xaldin or even within earshot distance of him so she was really just pointlessly shouting at a wall.

Larxene then found Xaldin and shouted at him again.

"XALDIN! YOUR SANDWICH HAS MADE ME ITCH!" she shouted.

"OH FUCK. YOU MUST BE ALLERGIC TO BEAUTY! IT EXPLAINS WHY YOU'RE SO UGLY! AND WHY THE BEAUTY OF MY SANDWICH HAS MADE YOU ITCHY!" replied Xaldin, he wasted shouting in angry or anything but rather he was just sort of screaming like a parrot or some sort of thing. Just imagine a chicken with glassy eyes shouting swears and stuff about sandwiches. That's sort of what Xaldin looked like kinda.

"Oh my Merlin's beard depicting a perfect caricature of Walt Disney! That's the best reason anybody has ever given for me being so ugly! I love you!" said Larxene.

"I love you too." said Xaldin.

"Now make me a sandwich, this time less beautiful." ordered Larxene. And so Xaldin did. And so Larxene never had a sandwich as delicious as the one she had earlier that day ever again because she never realized the itchiness was from dried soap and not some sort of allergy to a vague concept.


	159. December 4th

December 4th (I'm fully aware you usually don't eat crescents with any sort of dipping sauce.)

Larxene had been assigned on a mission to a romantic cafe in Paris with Vexen.

"Apparently at the same time every day in that exact spot a gigantic heartless spawns. So just sit at a table with him, eat some lunch, and keep an eye out for Heartless." was how Saix described the mission. It just seemed very silly, she would rather run around the city killing random people than sit still somewhere as boring as a romantic cafe in Paris with someone as boring as Vexen.

The cafe was also very artsy and one of their things was that they didn't give you much choice over what you were eating. "To represent how in modern times we're slowly being stripped of our freedom. We have removed your freedom to choose what you eat for lunch." was how they phrased it. It was because of this that Vexen ended up with delicious crescents with some sort of dipping sauce made with pure dopamine, and Larxene got snails. Not even Escargot, just plain living snails were served on her plate. They also gave her a salt shaker and a "Vote for the conservative liberal party" pamphlet. Which was quite silly as she was not a registered voter in /France./

And so Larxene salted and salted and salted and salted her snails hoping the heartless would show up before she was expected to actually eat the snails. Vexen just ate his amazing delicious looking crescents without any sort of expression on his face. /How dare he eat such good food in front of me and not even enjoy it!/ thought Larxene.

THEN SUDDENLY THE HEARTLESS SHOWED UP! Larxene whipped out her knives and Vexen got his shield out or whatever his weapon is supposed to be. Then they had an epic battle with the heartless with dashes and dodges and suspense and stuff! Everyone else in the cafe ran away screaming and the heartless burned down every building within in a 10 meter radius!(Which wasn't very many buildings).

Finally Larxene stabbed a knife right through the Heartless's lack of heart and it was killed! Killed like Larxene's snails were after she doused them with a lethal dose of salt. Larxene was so happy and filled with adrenaline from the battle she French kissed Vexen suddenly on the spot ungentlemanly! Larxene could taste the food Vexen had eaten in his mouth and so she prolonged the kiss for a very long time. The sauce he had with his crescents did contain pure dopamine. Kissing Vexen had a similar effect as cocaine because of it. Vexen made a note to brush his teeth with the strongest toothpaste he could find, and then try to do research on the dipping sauce's effects on others.

Now, Larxene pretty much forced herself into a relationship with Vexen and he really had no way to get out of it. Psychology and is a strange unpredictable thing, especially in nobodies who tend to be emotionally unstable. And after the amazing kiss with Vexen Larxene pretty much associated good kisses with Vexen even if after he brushed his teeth super hard they didn't have the same effect.

Over time they grew to love each other more though and they were no longer just in a relationship because of some French dipping sauce combined with adrenaline. Vexen later developed the sauce into a dopamine based toothpaste which made brushing your tooth extremely pleasurable and addicting, as well as making you appear to be a very good kisser.


	160. December 5th

December 5th (I'm afraid I might've mixed up a few names a few times. Lexaarxnxionnstuff)

Lexaeus was Larxene's ideal man. Large, in shape, strong, and he didn't talk much. Larxene wanted Lexaeus to herself so badly but she had a very large problem. Lexaeus only ever wanted to spend time with Zexion. Larxene therefore needed a way to separate them and make Lexaeus fall for her so that he'd never even think about Zexion again. Larxene just couldn't think a of a way to pull it off.

You may think Larxene is shallow for finding Lexaeus to be her ideal man. And you would be correct. Larxene usually had a very easy time finding boyfriends, she was the only female in the organization! She'd dated most of the organization, 1 through 3, and 7 through 11, And all of them had the same problem. They talked too much. Larxene had to listen to them non stop blabbing on and on. She couldn't stand it! She usually just nodded her head and said yeah without paying attention because she got so bored. They all talked too much in different ways but it was still always too much.

That's why she wanted Lexaeus, the silent hero, oh so very perfect for her. If only she could get him away from Zexion. She began to make logs of Lexaeus's daily routine to find a time when he would be vulnerable. After a week of totally not creeping stalking. She found a point in Lexaeus's that did not involve Zexion. For you see, Lexaeus always woke up earlier than Zexion. And that was when Larxene would strike. While Lexaeus was still waking up and drinking his morning coffee.

And so that Wednesday morning Larxene waited by the for Lexaeus. He got there 5 minutes later than he did the previous day. And to Larxene's huge disapproval Zexion was there too.

"Wow Lexaeus, you're right. Getting up earlier in the day does make things slightly less depressing. I think I'll do this every morning from now on." said Zexion to Lexaeus. Lexaeus smiled at Zexion instead of replying.

Larxene was so angry she couldn't take it! This was the only time in Lexaeus's normal daily routine that didn't involve Zexion and now it did involve Zexion! She was so mad she whipped out her knives and murdered Zexion on the spot!

"Thank you! It's about time!" said Zexion with relief as his blood flowed out of the cavity where his heart would normally be, before collapsing onto the floor and dying. Lexaeus held Zexion in his hands and threw his head up into the air, as if to cry "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" except he didn't actually say anything. Then thing became awkward because Larxene realized killing Zexion wasn't exactly a way to make Lexaeus fall in love with her. She took her coffee and spent the rest of the day in mournful silence.

It would be 3 weeks until anybody had a proper prolonged informal interaction with Lexaeus or Larxene.

Larxene was sitting in the gray area staring at a gray wall wearing a gray T-shirt and gray sweatpants. Underneath she was wearing a gray sports bra and a gray G-string. Axel made a joke about her hair turning gray but when she didn't respond he left out of boredom.

Then to Larxene's surprise, Lexaeus approached her. And then he spoke!

"You know. I've thinking of what you did. And I think I should thank you. I think Zexion probably wanted you to do that for a long time. He was actually a very depressing person to hang out with and his world view was one of the reasons I didn't talk much. Now that he's gone everything is so much cheerier! I know we should be mourning the twicedead but I just sort of want to do something fun for once." said Lexaeus.

"I've been thinking too. For a long time I thought I didn't want a man that talks. But spending all this time in silence I realized I kind of missed the talking. If you're going to start talking you'd still be my ideal man." replied Larxene, turning her face towards Lexaeus's.

"Really? You think I'm your ideal man? I'm flattered." said Lexaeus.

"Wanna go out?" asked Larxene.

"Sure." replied Lexaeus.

And so they did.


	161. December 6th

December 6th (We go from a good match-up to an absolutely horrible one.)

Larxene was incredibly bored one day so she decided to sleep with Zexion. It was a one night stand. But while they were lying in bed after the fact. Zexion read her some poetry.

_"Flower_

_Lilac_

_is a_

_flower. Yes._

_Lilacs are flow_

_ers._

_The darkness moves_

_and deeep_

_and cold heart_

_I will never see_

_puppies the same away_

_again_

_after they killed my parents._

_I didn't care._

_i didnt luv my parentz neways_

_But they were still_

_dead_

_which was kinda sad_

_and stuff._

_My heart grows colder every single day._

_Like an icecube left out in the sun. It just gets colder and colder as the days go_

_on_

_The grilled cheese burns and sticks to the pan._

_The hair gets in my eyes._

_the solid egg whites solidify even further so that they are more solid than the most solid thing in existence._

_How am i supposed to make this cake without_

_eggwhites._

_I braid my hair._

_It's braided._

_whats the point?_

_Why did I braid my hair?_

_That was no point._

_Life has no_

_point. At all really._

_Why do I even bother with poetry._

_Why do I even bother with breathing._

_What is air?_

_What is breathing?_

_Why do we do it?_

_Why do we kill millions every day?_

_There is less point to killing them than there is for them to be living in the first place._

_The sun will eventually set_

_and then explode._

_The moon will eventually rise_

_and then implode._

_The world will continue to grow colder and colder._

_And the military industrial complex will continue to pointlessly kill pointlessly living lives with no point or worth._

_And there's no reason why they shouldn't._

_My socks haven't been washed in several days. There is no point in washing them. They will become dirty again in a matter of a day. To keep them clean is futile. More futile than voting for president in Agrabah._

_Why couldn't I go to that concert?_

_A mission?_

_How stupid_

_Xemnas is stupid._

_He's a poop face._

_I will continue to write this poetry because it is the closest approximation of the thoughts I feel in my heart that I do not_

_ha_

_ve._

_Perhaps that is what a heart truly is_

_poetry_

_in words_

_on paper_

_with paragraphs_

_lots_

_and_

_lots_

_of_

_paragraph_

_s_

_._

_For what is the meaning of life but to hit the enter key and create paragraphs? Any other reason you could think of would be worth nothing more than mine. It would have nothing more backing it and thus I do decry that paragraphs must be the true purpose of life. For if we were not alive we could not create paragraphs._

_But paragraphs were in themselves a manmade creation. Does that not mean man created the meaning of life? Does that not mean there was no meaning or purpose in the first place and that we simply created one because we wanted there to be one._

_Happiness is an illusion._

_It is nothing but dopamine and hydrochrloeans and sodium and agrophbium circualatoriumating in our central nervo crotuxortixes. Simulating the the concept that we might maybe perhaps someday once have never had anything called happiness and merely made it up just like the meaning of life._

_And that is why I had sex with you. There was no meaning. I was bored. You were bored. So we had sex for no reason. And it was pointless. And the feelings we felt were pointless and unreal. Not unreal in the slang term of unbelievably amazing. But unreal in that they simply were no real at all in the first place ever at all at all._

_I felt no joy._

_I never feel joy._

_I've never felt joy."_

Larxene was astounded. It was beautiful. She fell in love on the spot. Zexion was so, so, so, _deep!_ She couldn't even believe it!

And so from then on Larxene became Zexion's dominatrix that whipped him and made him call her Mistress while he wrote poetry about how beautiful and powerful she is.


	162. December 7th

December 7th (ONE WEEK LEFT! If you actually care about seeing a Roxas/Xion bonus chapter now would be the time to start petitioning.)

Larxene was in the Gray Area when Saix came up to her to deliver her mission for the day,

"Larxene your mission is to blah blah blah blah" is what Larxene heard come out of Saix's mouth. They say power is quite the aphrodisiac and regardless of attractiveness or personality people can easily find themselves attracted to their superiors. That would explain why when Saix asked

"Do you accept this mission?" Larxene replied

"How about instead my mission is to take you on a date and you can give me some sweet pleasure afterwards." This was of course beyond Organization protocol. While Larxene didn't know if beyond protocol was a proper use of the word, Saix did, and he also knew what the protocols were.

"Uhh... No, Larxene your mission is actually to blahblahblahblahblah" heard Larxene.

"Shut up and let me do the talking boy." said Larxene. Saix had quite a bit of strange power problems. He never asked to be second in command and didn't want to be a figure in a position of power. And so while it may have gone against his position he was actually very weak to a controlling person and was easily seduced into doing what others wanted. That was how he ended up climbing the corporate ladder in the first place. So when Larxene made that last command Saix found himself complying completely.

Larxene took Saix to her favorite bowling alley. Where they bowled. Every time Saix stood up to play his turn Larxene would grope him in some way or another. Which caused Saix to usually blush and not do very well when it came to knocking over all those pins. Larxene was 3 strikes away from a perfect game. Saix was 3 strikes away from have the absolute worst score you could ever get while bowling.

The bowling alley was Larxene's favorite because it also housed Larxene's favorite place to eat food. And one meal person off the menu with a drink is free with a game bowling. So after they returned the bowling balls, Larxene and Saix sat down, about 15 feet away from where they were bowling, at a nice little table with a checkerboard tablecloth. Menus were passed out and Larxene ordered her favorite food, _testostérone de poulet en charge_. And Saix ordered the _soumis à soupe spaghetti_. The food arrived rather quickly for a bowling alley restaurant and Larxene was loving every minute of the date.

After they finished eating(Larxene was making love to Saix with her eyes the whole time) they returned to the castle. Saix marked the mission as accomplished while Larxene dragged him to her room.

Then Larxene got in her favorite dominatrix outfit and handcuffed Saix to the bed. The next morning Saix was lying naked in bed next to Larxene, still handcuffed when he awoke. Larxene was still asleep but Saix had to get up earlier than she usually did. However he didn't want to wake her for fear of what sorts of punishments she could deal out while he was still handcuffed to the bed. Somewhat to Saix's surprise he was loving every minute of this and was finding Larxene's power over him very attractive. He had no choice but to stay quiet and wait for Larxene to awakened. Larxene who had both physical control over him, the handcuffs, and metaphorical control over him, the control she now had over his heart.


	163. December 8th

December 8th (I knit /and/ crochet.)

Larxene entered the Gray Area and saw Axel sitting on a couch playing with his zipper. Out of impulse Larxene decided to smack Axel on the back of the head.

"WHAT THE HELL YOU'D DO THAT FOR?" exclaimed Axel, swinging around to look at Larxene and rubbing a hand on the back of his head.

"I DID IT 'CAUSE YOOR STUPID!" replied Larxene, smacking him again.

"WELL YOU'RE STUPID TOO!" shouted Axel, standing up and walking around the couch to get to Larxene.

"WELL YOU'RE A WANKER!"

"WELL YOU'RE A PUSSYFOOT!"

"WELL YOU'RE A CINDY!"

"WELL YOU'RE POOFSTER!"

"WELL YOU'RE A WHORE!"

"YOU'RE MORE OF A WHORE THAN I AM!"

"IF I WAS A WHORE I'D BE A BETTER WHORE THAN YOU."

"NO I WOULD BE THE BETTER WHORE!" their back and forth arguing got to a point that nobody could tell who was saying which insult. But it was interrupted by Luxord and his calmly spoken

"Maybe you two should take up knitting or crocheting or something to calm down. Maybe then I could play solitaire without having to deal with your constant shouting." which bemused Axel and Larxene because neither had even thought of it. They both looked at each other and Larxene said

"I'll take up knitting if you take up crocheting." to which Axel agreed. They both took lessons during their free time outside the castle and had knit and crocheted various clothing items before they faced each other again.

And so, weeks later, Axel was sitting on the same couch he was before, except this time he was crocheting an amigurumi chick, with yellow acryllic yarn for the body and orange yarn for the beak and feet. He also had two black beads he was going to make into eyes. Larxene entered the room and instead of smacking Axel across the head she sat down next to him and got out her knitting needles and began to knit some fingerless gloves. she wanted to make fingered gloves but she didn't want to bother learning how to use double pointed needles and the pattern she found seemed pretty easy. The yarn she was using was a synthetic yarn with a mix of wool and various other types of fibers Larxene didn't know how to pronounce. It was supposed to be self striping yarn but since she wasn't using it for the pattern it came with it just ended up being crazy multicolored gloves instead of striped.

A about a quarter of an hour passed in complete silence. Luxord was amazed, his plan that he thought of on the spot and wasn't expecting to work, well, worked. He practically made the suggestion sarcastically since he didn't expect them to listen no matter what he said. But for once Axel and Larxene weren't fighting! Or at least, they weren't yet. Luxord's heart beat quickened a bit when they started to talk to each other.

"What're knitting?" asked Axel.

"Fingerless gloves. What're you crocheting?" asked Larxene

"A baby chick. I'm just starting though so it doesn't really look like it yet." replied Axel. A few more moments of silence passed.

"Knitting is better." said Larxene out of nowhere.

"Nu-uh, Crocheting is better." replied Axel.

"You can knit with anything!" said Larxene.

"You can fit a Crochet project in your pocket!" replied Axel.

"Knitting is simpler!" said Larxene.

"What are you talking about? Crochet is way simpler! And even if it wasn't it would still be better! It would just mean it's too complex for your feeble mind to handle!" replied Axel.

"YEAH, WELL I CAN STAB YOUR EYES OUT WITH MY KNITTING NEEDLES!" shouted Larxene.

"WELL I CAN YANK YOUR EYE OUT WITH MY CROCHET HOOK!" replied Axel.

"NO, YOUR CROCHET HOOK IS ANGLED IN SUCH A WAY IT WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO REMOVE MY EYE AT ALL!" shouted Larxene.

"WELL YOUR KNITTING NEEDLES ARE TOO DULL TO STAB A MARSHMALLOW!" replied Axel.

Luxord was very disappointed. He thought for moment that his plan had worked. But instead it just removed the swear words from the argument. And so he made another intended to be sarcastic interruption.

"WHY DON'T YOU TWO JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY AND GET A ROOM!" shouted Luxord, uncharacteristically loud for him. Axel and Larxene stopped arguing and looked at each other. Then they suddenly started kissing and ran off to Larxene's room(it was closer.)

Luxord sat in the Gray area in silence. He pondered over this strange power he seemed to have over Axel and Larxene. He wondered if he told them to give him munny if they would comply. But instead he was happy to finally have the Gray Area quiet again so he could play Solitaire in peace.


	164. December 9th

December 9th (It's funny how usually whenever I get an actual popular pairing I have no idea what to write. I think this is the last non-crack pairing of the entire challenge! :O)

Larxene sat down on a couch and realized that Demyx was next to her. She then stood up and walked over to a different couch and sat back down. Larxene did not want to sit next to Demyx. His laziness was contagious and it would be very unhealthy for Larxene to sit next to him. Larxene sure did hate Demyx sooooo much. She really really hated Demyx. This of course meant that secretly she was madly madly madly in love with him. Demyx of course was also in love with Larxene because unrequited love apparently doesn't exist.

But of course neither of them knew that they loved each other. So of course there wasn't much that could be done. Time went on and on and 10 weeks passed after the very important Larxene Not Sitting Next To Demyx incident happened.

Larxene was eating some breakfast cereal and Demyx was all "Oh, I want a sandwich." and Larxene was all "Make your own sandwich! Why is everybody always telling me to make them sandwiches? How is it that in everybody's minds I have become so deeply associated with sandwich making?" and then Demyx was like "Fine! I'll make it myself! Jeez!" and he then proceeded to not move at all.

"Larxeeene. Make me a sandwiiich! Pleeassee!" said Demyx.

"NO! FUCKING NO. I WILL NEVER MAKE A SANDWICH AGAIN UNLESS IT IS FOR ME TO EAT!" Larxene shouted back.

"Jeez, I was just asking." replied Demyx rather defensively. Larxene then proceeded to eat her breakfast cereal.

1673 weeks passed. Larxene was eating some breakfast cereal again.

"LARXENE! SANDWICH!" shouted Demyx.

"DID YOU NOT FORGET THE DECLARATION IT MADE 1673 WEEKS AGO?" replied Larxene.

"Oh, right. I forgot about that." said Demyx

Then finally, 37 more weeks passed before their magical romance flourished.

Larxene was eating some breakfast cereal.

"Larxene. Make me a sandwich or something I guess?" said Demyx. He was going through his overly self-aware phrase.

"You know what! If you suck my dick I'll make you as many sandwiches as I want!" replied Larxene.

"But... But..." said Demyx.

"Is something wrong?" asked Larxene.

"How am I... I don't..." Demyx was having a hard time wrapping his feeble mind around Larxene's demand.

"YOU HEARD ME! GET OVER HERE!" cried Larxene. Demyx slowly stumbled over to Larxene. Larxene put her hand on Demyx's head and pushed him down to his knees. Demyx opened his mouth and Larxene put her spoon in his mouth.

"Wow, you... wow." was all Larxene had to say. She then stood up and made Demyx a sandwich. Then she ate it instead of giving it to him. Then she kissraped him. Then she groped him a few times. Demyx thought for a moment that he should be saying "Stop! Don't touch me there! This is my private square!" but he realized he wanted too, even more than anybody else in the organization except maybe Larxene.

And so they had each other for breakfast. Then they fought and broke up the next week, then the week after that they got back together, but then Larxene got sent away to Castle Oblivion.


	165. December 10th

December 10th (FOUR DAYS LEFT! WOO!)

Larxene liked to take risks. And she really wanted to go sky diving! Unfortunately for her she couldn't find anyone that wanted to skydive with her! She asked Axel, she asked Marluxia, she asked Saix, she asked Demyx, she asked Xigbar, she even asked Zexion!(Who said he would only agree to go if he didn't have to wear a parachute.)

Finally when she asked Xaldin he replied with

"You should ask Luxord, he loves gambling." which was what Larxene immediately did. She found Luxord, as she expected, playing cards in the Gray Area.

"Luxord, do you want to go skydiving with me?" asked Larxene.

"On a scale of one to ten, how risky is it?" asked Luxord.

"Probably a 6 or an 8." said Larxene.

"It's a date." replied Luxord. And so Larxene finally had her skydiving buddy! They arranged to go on the 11th of Lardecenebemcember, which was the 153rd month of the Calendar that Never Was(Which most likely never was because everything about it was so incredibly stupid.)

Larxene arrived at the airstrip 5 minutes earlier than Luxord did. Both of them were dressed in tight-fitting clothing to maximize aerovelocityness, also to brag about how in shape they were to the professionals that were there for safety purposes. Luxord's tight abs and massively pectacular pecs were highlighted quite nicely by his form fitting suit. While Larxene hourglass figure and breastlike breasts were only made more obvious by her tight fitting suit. Luxord was caught quite off guard by Larxene's breasts, they were so breast-like he almost mistook them for chicken breasts! He thought then about how much he wanted to eat some roast chicken breasts after they were done sky diving.

A plane drove up to them and they entered with excitement! There were two men in tight fitting suits and parachute packs waiting for them in the plane. They explained that the less attractive man would be strapped to Larxene's back so he could activate the parachute at the safest moment, And that the incredibly sexy man was to strapped to Luxord's back for the same purpose. The pilot of the plan was eating a BLT sandwich, he finished eat it by the time all the rules and regulations were explained to Luxord and Larxene.

Finally the plane took off! It took quite some time before it got high enough for them to jump. And almost as soon as it got high enough the plane's engine exploded! Some of the lettuce from the pilot's BLT sandwich had gotten stuck in the engine!(The pilot was an extremely messy eater. He once ate some cereal in New York and found some milk and oats on the top of the Empire State building later that day. He had a very good eye for recognizing the difference between oats that where in his cereal bowl and oats from somebody else's cereal bowl.)

The plane was going to crash! Larxene and Luxord both knew from the list of the regulations that in this exact situation they should allow the two men with parachutes to jump since they actually have a chance of surviving. However what they did instead of steal the parachutes and jumped themselves, leaving everyone else to die, especially that pilot.

"Looks like we'll have to jump!" cried Larxene right before they did the actual jumping.

"Now_ this i_s a risk!" said Luxord right after Larxene took the plunge. And it was a true statement, without the guys that knew what the bastion they were doing, neither Larxene nor Luxord knew when to deploy the parachutes!

But they jumped anyways. The flight was terrifying and adrenaline filled! Larxene and Luxord held hands as they fell so they wouldn't end up 135245 miles away from each other precisely. It was the most romantic exciting fun enjoyable experience either of them had ever experienced.

By a stroke of luck they deployed their parachutes at just the right time and landed in a very nice tree. They sat on a strong branch together and Larxene held Luxord tight.

"That was amazing." she said, then she kissed him. The adrenaline had gotten to her head to the point that everything seemed like a good idea, everything seemed fun and exciting, and nothing seemed scary in comparison to what they ust did.

"It was so much better than high stakes poker! I'm surprised! not many things are better than high stakes poker!" said Luxord. Who allowed himself to be pulled close to Larxene.

Then they kissed in the tree. Then they fell out of the tree, but got caught by their parachutes. There was a few moments where it seemed like Luxord and Larxene would break out into laughter, but then the strings broke before they could, and they were falling again.

But Luxord managed to open a dark corridor below them and they ended up falling back into the Gray Area. Which startled everybody in the Gray Area tremendously. And from that point onwards Larxene and Luxord became the best daredevil couple ever. They even had sex off the edge of a cliff once! But that is for another time(a time which will never come.) and this story is now concluded.


	166. December 11th

December 11th (The end is nigh.)

Larxene was that most masculine person in the organization. And Marluxia was the most feminine person in the organization. So going by labels and stereotypes one would assume they would either date or have on interest in each other. And in this case it happened to be the former.

"Yo, baby, go out wit me." said Larxene to Marluxia.

"Oh.. uh.. sure!" replied Marluxia. And then they went to Denny's right away and stared at each other longingly for the entire date.

And from that point onwards they were forever a loving couple that displayed their affection publicly way more than they should've. They also had lots and lots of loud hardcord sex.

Throughout the castle you could hear Larxene shouting "YEAAHH! TAKE IT BABY! TAKE IT!" and Marluxia's screams of "UUHNH H UHHNH UNH! OH! ENTER ME!" every single god damned night.

One day while Larxene and Marluxia were off on a 'mission' together, everyone else in the organization gathered secretly in the Gray Area.

"We have to break them up, there is no other choice. I haven't slept in weeks! I can't get laid when I haven't slept! They're stealing all my sex away! A hot slender guy like me with red hair and tattoos and a masculine attitude. Everyone would want me if I just got enough to sleep to bone them!" said Roxas.

"I have the" Axel said before pausing for a moment "exact same problem, literally." he finished.

"All of my poetry has either been nonsensical or about sleep deprivation torture. I can't art if I don't sleep! My sentence structure is even starting to bad!" complained Zexion.

".aaaaaAAAaRghgbrlgrsaklanas" gargled Lexaeus.

"How exactly do you think we /could/ break them up? They're stuck together like magnets! Like really loud magnets that have sex every night and display their affection publicly! Magnets are so annoying!" said Demyx.

"Actually magnets can't show affection as they have no emotions to show. Nor can magnets have sex, such a concept is-" Vexen began but was interrupted by Axel putting his leather gloved hand over Vexen's month.

And after some more deliberation they decided on a plan. Larxene was going to take Marluxia to a concert, while she wasn't looking they replaced her tickets, instructions, ect so that they would end up going to Justin Bieber concert instead of the vaguely defines concert they were going too before.

The next day Marluxia and Larxene were singing Justin Bieber songs to each other all day.

"OH LARXENE! HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS A TRUE BELIEBER?" said Marluxia.

"Oh.. I uhh.. I had intuition about it?" replied Larxene.

The rest of the organization looked on in awe. All of their hopes and dreams were crushed. Marluxia and Larxene's love was strong enough to survive a Justin Bieber concert, they couldn't possible think of anything else they could do to break a love so true.

They decided instead to just soundproof all the walls and hope it was strong enough. Which they did. It was not strong enough. And forever more the nights of the castle were filled with cries of

"BABY! BABY! BABY OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"


	167. December 12th

December 12th (Man. I'm thinking of so many things I want to write when I'm finally done with this! And none of it will be fanfiction or crack!)

When Roxas started dating Axel that was it. Every single man in the organization was gay. Leaving nobody for Larxene. Funnily enough, Larxene had dated them all in the exact order that they came out of the closet. Although Roxas didn't come out of the closet he just started dating Axel so it could be assumed...

The point is, Larxene was lonely. So she turned to her favorite person in the world. Chocolate. Nutella to be exact. She went to the supermarket and purchased 400 pounds of Nutella. Then she sat in her room alone and bawled while eating the Nutella with a spoon.

"BAWAWWWWWW NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE MEEEE! THEY'RE ALL GAY! EVERY MAN I TOUCH TURNS GAY! I'M SOO LONELLYL! " literally cried Larxene. The Nutella tasted delicious, a mix of chocolate and hazelnut. Larxene thought that the 400 pounds would be too much at first. But it turned out not to be enough. When Larxene finished off the last of the Nutella she sat, sniffling with a brown stain around the rim of her mouth, on her bed with her hands on her knees, her back slightly bent forwards.

Now that she had finished her Nutella there was nothing to calm her pain. She was so sad. So miserable. She wanted love but she couldn't get it. She didn't know what to do. She cried and cried. Tears were running from her eyes down her cheek and landing on the backs of her hands.

It felt like someone was crushing her heart with their hand. Except she didn't even have a heart, so that was even more depressing. However she soon turned her misery into anger and rage and she decided to hit the pub. She found the straightest pub she could with the most straight men she knew of. She sat on a barstool and just sat there waiting for someone to order her a drink.

Nobody did, so she ordered one herself. She looked around to see what men there were there. She saw one holding a copy of Sports Illustrated and decided to approach him. The issue was the bathing suit issue so of course he must've been straight.

"Hey, how are you?" asked Larxene.

"Fine." he replied, his eyes moving directly to her chest. She put her hand on his shoulder and her finger brushed his neck slightly. He immediately stood up walked over to a trash can and threw out his copy of Sports Illustrated. Then he walked out of the bar. Larxene knew exactly what happened. She took off her gloves and decided to have some fun with it then. If she couldn't have a man neither would anyone else!

She looked around to find couples. Everytime she saw one she would go up to the man and touch him. And just as she expected, men turned gay to her touch. She broke up 5 couples in 5 minutes. She was on a roll! She put 25 munny into the jukebox and put on some music she liked and began to dance. She danced around touching men left and right, each one would immediately lose interest in the women in the bar and some of them even paired up before leaving.

By the time the song playing ended, the bar was completely devoid of men. They had all gone over to the gay bar across the street. The women in the bar were quite mad and left the bar as well, a few of them slapper Larxene on their way out.

She wanted to be higher up in the organization. With the power of Kingdom Hearts she could make a new world where she could get a man for herself. She could cure her gayifying hands and fall in love. The next day she was assigned to Castle Oblivion. And Marluxia approached her to talk about an idea he had. She agreed promptly and you know the rest.


	168. December 13th

December 13th (The penultimate chapter is creepy! How in spirit! Although it seems every Roxas chapter is creepy. I'm so happy there are only 12 months.)

Larxene was so happy when the cougar trend started. She had always liked younger men but she didn't want to be looked upon as a perverse old lady that wants to rape small children. But now she simply had to make jokes about being a cougar and she could date anybody she wanted whether they consented or not.

And she decided that her prey would be Roxas. Rawr. She found Roxas reading a graphic novel in the Gray Area. She snuck up behind him quietly as she could, then she pounced on him from behind and dug her claws into his skin.

"WHHAAA WHAT! WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON! AXEL! SOMEBODY! HELP!" cried Roxas, but his cries were in vain. Nobody wanted to fight a cougar.

"Rawr" rawred Larxene. She licked her lips and dragged Roxas's corpse to her bedroom to eat.

After she finished eating Roxas she became a bit sad. She realized that she took the whole cougar thing too far and that she wasn't supposed to actually rip her prey apart and eat them. And she realized that she loved Roxas and really really wished she hadn't killed him. She sat on her bed crying, because usually periods don't last for only a day.

She searched and searched the castle until she found what she was looking for, A Time Turner. She turned it and turned it until she went back in time to before she killed Roxas.

She didn't care about magic laws or paradoxes she wanted Roxas! So as soon as she found herself dragging Roxas to her room she pounced onto herself and ripped herself away.

"Larxene! You...saved...me?" said Roxas.

"Yes. I did. You're now in love with me because I saved your life." said Larxene, throwing her corpse into the giant garbage disposal the organization had around for this exact purpose.

"I'm confused." said Roxas.

"Yes, that's because uh... I casted confundus on you, yeah. And you're in love with me now." said Larxene.

"Okay." said Roxas. Then they ran towards each other in a slow motion loving embrace and then they went to Larxene's room.

Larxene was very proud of her achievements. Younger men really were the best and she sure did love her little Roxas type person(unperson whatever.)

They went on dates and had sex and had meals together and had sex and when Larxene had her period Roxas knew exactly what to say(AN: I personally have no idea what that is but Roxas apparently does.)

However because Larxene killed herself in the past she had created a paradox. Slowly and surely she had been dissolving and dying. For some reason this paradox decided to work slowly. She knew she couldn't stay with Roxas forever, she would soon die. So she spent every last moment with him. Every last mother fucking moment she had would be spent with Roxas. That was her plan. And it was working. And she could feel time eroding on her and her old age catching up to her and the paradox eating away at her existence. The fabric of the universe might break apart before it got to her but it didn't matter because she had Roxas.

Then she got assigned to Castle Oblivion. It was sad, but she had to go. Her departure was terribly depressing. It was so sad that if I included it then the word count would increase by a fortnight and the content rating would go up 17 levels!

But you know what happens in the end. Roxas's other half kills Larxene. Which she found appropriate.


	169. December 14th

December 14th (And now the Grande Finale, _LESBIANS!)_

"Your eyes are like the most beautiful lemons I've ever seen. Blue as the greenest lagoon! With a sworth of brown thrown in for flare!" flirted Xigbar.

"Shut up Xigbar, I don't like men. And Sworth isn't even a word." replied Larxene.

"Come on! You don't really dislike men, you just haven't found the right guy yet." said Xigbar.

"No, I just don't like men in general, there is nothing about the male body I find attractive." replied Larxene. This was typical every day conversation for Larxene. It was like nobody could understand the concept that she didn't find men attractive.

"Come on! Even if you don't find men sexually attractive you must be able to appreciate the aesthetic and beauty of the human figure!" said Xigbar, trying desperately to get his foot in the door of the only woman in the organization.

"I can appreciate the aesthetic and beauty of the female figure but honestly I'm a bit repulsed by the male figure. It's not anything I have against you, it's just a natural reaction. I understand why you might find the male figure attractive but I simple don't. And that's that." and with that, Larxene walked out of the room, tired of being hit on. Even if she did like men she certainly wouldn't have liked Xigbar.

Being the only woman in the organization was lonely and tiring enough, being a Lesbian just made it worse. Sometimes Larxene wished she was straight, if she was she could've had her pick of almost any of the men in the organization. But of course she didn't want any of them so she just had to wait and hope that some day she would meet a nice girl to spend her days with.

Larxene didn't have anywhere to go so she decided to go to the circular room. There was a meeting planned that day but it was hours away. But she knew nobody would try to hit on her in there so she decided to sit on her chair, the second lower chair in the room, and wait for the meeting to start.

Hours passed and the rest of the organization slowly filed into the room. With Roxas arriving last, exactly one minute late.

"My fellow nobodies, friends, comrades, Co-workers, associates, et cetera, et cetera. Today we welcome a new member to the organization. Their name is Xion and they will be essential to our success." announced Xemnas as a short hooded figure entered the room. When they reached the center of the room they removed their hood to reveal the most beautiful woman Larxene had ever seen. They were Larxene's ideal woman and she immediately felt the desire to ask her out on a date. But she knew that chances were that Xion was straight.

As the days went on Xion slowly became less zombielike and by the end of her first week she was having conversations with Roxas and laughing. It appeared to Larxene that Xion and Roxas were getting along quite well, perhaps too well.

"Roxas, can I talk to you for a moment in private?" asked Larxene.

"S-sure?" replied Roxas as Larxene lead him to an empty hallway.

"Do you like like Xion? Does she like like you? Are you dating?" asked Larxene three times quite quickly.

"Huh? Wha? No! We're just friends!" replied Roxas

"GOOD! Because she's mine! And if you touch her I'll kill you several times!" said Larxene, then she lead Roxas back to the Gray Area where he was talking to Xion.

"Nice talking to ya! Bye!" said Larxene with a smile, then she walked off, leaving Roxas confused and terrifying and Xion curious as to what they were talking about.

The next day Larxene woke up early and put a chair outside Roxas's door so he was effectively locked in. Then she intercepted Xion at breakfast and took her away to an empty hallway.

"Xion... I uh... I was wondering if... Would you go out with me?" asked Larxene, the most nervous and vulnerable anybody had ever seen her.

"Oh... uh.. hrmm. Yes, I will, on one condition." replied Xion.

"What's the condition?" asked Larxene

"Tell me what you were talking to Roxas about in private yesterday." said Xion.

"Oh...uh... I was asking him if you two were..." Larxene trailed off.

"Oh! I see. I see. That's adorable." said Xion.

"Meet in the Gray Area after work?" asked Larxene.

"Sure."

That day's mission seemed to last forever for Larxene. It was with Xigbar too which of course made it so much worse.

"Still single? I'm tell you, I think if you'd just give me a try I think you'd-" Xigbar was cut off by Larxene

"I'll have you know I have a date today after work." said Larxene.

"Oh? Whose the lucky man? Is it Demyx? Marluxia? I'm a bit offended you didn't pick me but I-" Xigbar was once again interrupted by Larxene.

"It's with Xion. She's beautiful and I think it will go quite well." said Larxene. Xigbar knew Xion's secrets and was tempted to tell, but decided he might as well wait for Xion to activate anyways. The mission was boring anyways.

And so after the mission ended Larxene waited for Xion in the Gray Area. It was only a 30 minutes difference before Xion got there but it felt like it was longer than the mission with Xigbar. It didn't help that time in the World that Never Was passed at an incredibly inconsistent rate.

A dark corridor opened up and Xion emerged with a the most alluring smile on her face.

"Have you been waiting long?" asked Xion.

"Oh. Not long at all. I in fact just got here." said Larxene.

"Do you know where we're going? For out date that is." asked Xion.

"I um..." Larxene began to stall, she was so worried about the date even happening she forgot to make a plan. "It's a surprise."

Larxene opened a dark corridor and lead Xion through it. She didn't really know where they were going but she had some ideas various places they could go.

They ended up at a park, to Larxene this park had some significance. It was where she awoke when she first became a nobody. To her this park's beauty was a subtle thing. It didn't seem to extraordinary at first glance but when it had time to settle in, to Larxene at least, it's beauty paled only to Xion's. The wintertime had covered large portions of the park with snow and many of the trees had lost their leaves. Their branches creating intricate silhouettes on the eternally setting sky. The bright bright and magenta light cast down onto the frozen pond where during prime hours of the day you could find many couples and families ice skating.

It wasn't the largest park, from anywhere in the park you could see the sidewalks on all sides. But the buildings around it weren't tall and didn't detract from the beauty. Larxene lead Xion over to bench and wiped off the snow with her gloved hand.

"It's a nice park." said Xion, she did think it was a nice park, she just didn't know what else she could say. A _skrrt_ing sound could be heard behind them. It was a college aged couple ice skating together. Their winter apparel matched the color of the snow. Their scarves flowed in the wind. Xion watched with interest.

"They look cute." she said.

"Yeah." said Larxene.

"It's fun, I wish I could ice skate." said Xion.

"D'you wanna' try?" asked Larxene. Larxene believe it or not had lots of experience ice skating. She hadn't done it since she became a nobody, and not much in the years leading up to her losing her heart. But she had old memories of ice skating often. She had stopped after all the boys teased her about being the _Ice Queen On Ice. _She liked skating but it was hard to focus on her balance when she was being tormented. She wasn't even a very cold person back then. They just called her that because she always turned down offers to go on dates with boys.

Larxene got out her knives.

"What are you doing?" asked Xion.

"Making ice skates." said Larxene. Her knives weren't really knives at all. She used them as such but originally they were blades from skates. She used some magic to combine her knives and boots into ice skates, and did the same for Xion.

"This way." said Larxene, she held Xion's hand and tried to maneuver them onto the ice. The pond's ice was thick and safe but it was still a pond, there were no bars or anything to assist with learning to skate. Larxene got the balance immediately but Xion wobbled back and forth make high pitched squeemish noises.

"I'mgonnafallI'mgonnafallI'mgonna-" Xion lost her balance but Larxene caught her.

"I'll hold onto you, you'll be fine." said Larxene. Over the period of the day Larxene taught Xion how to skate and by the end of the day Xion didn't have to worry too much about falling and was confident enough to skate around the pond with Larxene.

It was hard to tell when the day had ended when the sun never finished setting, but Larxene and Xion were both getting tired so they decided it must have been getting close to a proper night. Larxene magic'd their skates back into boots and put away her knives.

"That was great." said Xion as Larxene opened up a dark corridor.

"I had fun too." said Larxene, smiling a genuine smile, it was something she hadn't done since she lost her heart. Xion was surprised to see the smile, she found it cute.

The castle was so warm compared to the park. Everybody had already gone to bed by the time they got back.

"I guess this is goodnight." said Larxene.

"Goodnight." said Xion, she got up on her toes and gave Larxene a light peck on the cheek.

"Goodnight." said Larxene again, it was hard to tell if she was blushing or if her face was just red from the cold. Xion smiled at her again and they both went off to their rooms. Larxene fell asleep happier than she had ever been. She finally found the girl, the nice girl she wanted to spend all her time with. In her mind Xion just got more and more beautiful the more she realized how much she loved her. Xion fell asleep joyful as well. Her dreams were dreams of skating with Larxene, the blades making lines on the ice and the snow piling up on the ground. In her dreams there were lights strung where in reality there were no lights. And the sun had set into night and the string lights looked like giant stars in the trees. Outshining all the smaller stars in the sky. And they skated in a figure eight for infinity, or at least until the dream had come to an end.

**(That's it! The final chapter of the challenge! I'm going to make a bonus chapter that's Roxas/Xion but since it's a bonus chapter none of the challenge rules will apply. It might not be 500 words, and it won't be written in a single day. It might not be uploaded tomorrow either. After the bonus chapter is put up I'll make a preface for the story and it will be done _forever!)_**


	170. Bonus Chapter: Thirteenthurary 14th

Bonus Chapter (Don't expect this to be good.)

One time Roxas and Xion were making out like typical teenage couples typically do. The location was some sort of strange undefined void where they were somehow in a location where anybody could "barge into" and "Storm out of" the room at any time while at the same time "Feeling the breeze" and "appreciating the scenery."

It was in this location that while they were making out they were waiting for a video to load on youtube using the computer which is in no way described or previously mentioned but is rather presumed to be there somehow since it it's mentioned that they're doing _something _which could only be done with a computer.

However, during their manic make out session, Roxas accidentally kicked the laptop, yes, that is now what it was, off of the cliff, which is now where they are. And as the hot sun beat down over Roxas he stared up at the bright full moon and exclaimed his anger at knocking his desktop computer off the empire state building.

"Roxas honey it's just a cell phone!" said Xion in an almost housewife-esqueish voice which came out of her mouth as words typically do.

"It's not just a cell phone! It's my iPhone! I spent all night waiting for the latest build of Android to install and now it's smashed on the pavement below our feet!" said Roxas with quite the large amount of anger. While at the time Roxas was not aware exactly how much anger was in his voice, he later measured it and found that it contained 4 ½ cups of anger and a teaspoon of vanilla.

"I know your macbook pro was expensive but Linux is free so we can purchase a replacement at an affordable price since we only have to pay for hardware without paying for the operating system!" pleaded Xion in an attempt to calm Roxas down.

"Pshh, whatever, it was such an old model anyways, it ran Windows Mobile!" said Roxas as he threw the crushed remains that were suddenly in his hands off the cliff again and into the trash can, an epic maneuver which was worth at least 1500 points.

Xion nuzzled her right cheekbone into Roxas's right shoulder and used her right hand to reach around and stroke Roxas's left cheek. An observer that was suddenly in the room was unsure whether it was PDA or some amazing act of contortion that he should be filming. He decided to compromise by filming it while shouting "PDA NO WAY GET A ROOM YOU ADROABLE COUPLE YOU GO GIRL!"

"FINE! I GUESS WE WILL!" cried Xion, the two hopped down out of the tree and walked across the frozen pond to a motel by the side of the interstate highway. They then climbed a mountain before checking in to a room. The rates were quite cheap which was good since they weren't even going to stay the night.

Roxas got his computer out of his pocket and began to load a youtube video.

"Oh man! Xion! There's this great picture of cats you have to watch! I know it's a still picture but you really have to watch it it's possibly the best youtube video to ever appear on the games section of Newgrounds!" said Roxas while he waited for the Vimeo video to load.

"Newgrounds? What is this! 2003! Are we using a CRT monitor! Should I get the 5th installation floppy for Diablo? Are we gonna play so Xevil with our tactical numpad and write a program in BASIC+? Is Windows 98 going to get a BsoD? Will we complain about it on Slashdot? Hey! I know! Let's make a Geocities website! Because honestly that all sounds pretty fun and nostalgic." said Xion.

"Xion! How could you! You know Geocities passed away last year! How could you make fun of my dead mother like that?" said Roxas with tears running down his face. There was then a moment of silence as they mourned the loss of Geocities and waited for their subway stop to arrive in Atlantis.

"I wonder how many kangaroos we'll see?" asked Xion to the security guard at the exit of the airport terminal.

"I'm guessing $7.50 if you get a large shake instead of a small" replied the waitress.

"Hrmm... I guess I'll stick to a small then." replied Xion. "I don't want to ruin my absolutely positively perfect figure that man could ever deny is the epitome of beautiful." she continued.

"Xion don't be so self-conscious. You are a beautiful little lady who only has 5 pounds to lose. You don't need to do 30 reps of each machine when just 20 would suffice combined with a healthy diet." comforted Roxas.

It was then that Axel but into the conversation.

"I think I'd find you two here!" said Axel.

"Axel!" said Roxas

"Hey hey! What are you grinning about?" said Axel

"How was your mission?" said Roxas

"Oh, loads of fun... Would it kill the Heartless to hold still?

I fell right on my butt chasing the stupid thing." said Axel

"Nice. Didn't I hear you tell Saïx you were a big boy?" said Roxas, not realizing how weird that sentence was.

"Very funny. How'd your caper go?" asked Axel

Xion summoned her keyblade proudly.

"Ta-daaah!" said Xion with a look on her face that made her appear to have Down's Syndrome. Although she didn't. And Down's syndrome is nothing to make fun of and further references to it will not appear in this bonus chapter.

Xion's keyblade vanished and then she giggled, it was so creepy that it gave Axel nightmares for the next 12 weeks.

"I'd like to dedicate this Keyblade summoning to my good friends

Roxas and Axel." said Xion, winking when she said Roxas for some arbitrary reason.

"Pfft, me? I didn't do anything." said Axel, not realizing he was Xion's long lost birth mother and therefore responsible for everything Xion has ever done.

"Sure you did. If you hadn't spoken up for us this morning, me and

Roxas would've had to split up." replied Xion, also not realizing that Axel is her birth mother, not that she hadn't actually gone on the mission that morning and was not going to be split up from Roxas.

"And then Xion might never have remembered how to use the Keyblade." interjected Roxas, much to the annoyance of his pet dog Foofoo who he kicked off the clocktower as soon as he realized she was annoyed, Roxas had a zero-tolerance policy on his dogs feeling emotions.

"Thanks, Axel." said Xion. Just to make sure she'd driven in her point which was actually a rather stupid point to begin with.

"Ahem... How 'bout an ice cream, then?" said Axel, trying to change the subject since he was worried that if he didn't Roxas and Xion would get stuck in an infinite loop of thanking him and explaining why.

"Huh?" asked Xion, who had never heard of this 'Icky Cree-am'

"Buy me one, and we'll call it even." demanded Axel with a fierce look in his eyes.

"Heh, you got it. Wait here, I'll be right back!" replied Xion meekly, a false grin upon her face.

Xion ran off quickly and returned with some ice cream, almond flavor. She sat back down with Roxas and Axel and they watched the sunset. For some strange reason Roxas burst out laughing before taking a bite of his icecream, unaware of what the consistency of ice cream is supposed to be. Axel and Xion gave him an odd look wondering why he was laughing so hard.

"I hope we always have each other." said Roxas.

"Yeah..." said Xion awkwardly. Not sure how to respond to Roxas's unusual actions.

"What's gotten into you?" asked Axel with genuine concern.

"I just...want these days to last forever. Hanging out, the ice

cream, the sunsets..." said Roxas.

"Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies.

But you know, we'll still have each other...even if things change and

we can't do this anymore." said Axel, hoping that by saying something really depressing he could return Roxas to his normal moody self.

"Yeah?" said Roxas, ending in an unnecessary question mark as if he was some sort of cheerleader.

"As long as we remember each other, we'll never be apart. Got it

memorized?" said Axel, hoping to end the conversation.

"Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous." said Roxas in a patronizing voice.

"What? I thought it was pretty deep." said Axel, deeply offended.

Axel scratched his head and Roxas and Xion began to laugh maniacally at him, pointing fingers and throwing insults. Eventually caught up in their laughing and silly antics Roxas and Xion pushed Axel off the clock tower and continued to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh until they died of asphyxiation. And their limp corpses too fell off the clock tower to the bottom of the cliff and their bodies were left in the same grave as Axel and the same grave as Roxas's vague computer type device.


End file.
